I can count on one hand how many times I have been to Chernobyl.
It's 14.
upvote downvote report
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
Redneck vasectomy
After the birth of their 9th child, a redneck couple decided they'd had enough because they couldn’t afford a larger bed. The husband went to the veterinarian and asked to be snipped. "Me'n my cousin don't want no more kids"
The vet told him he could get a vasectomy, but it was expensive. "Th...
upvote downvote report
There was a little boy who had just learned to count on his fingers.
One day his uncle came to visit and the boy was anxious to show off his newly acquired skill. He told the uncle to ask him an addition question. So the uncle asked, "What is three plus four?" The little boy counts it out on his fingers and said, "Seven." The uncle said, "Listen kid, you can't count ...
upvote downvote report
If there's one thing i can count on...
It's my inability to count.
upvote downvote report
What are 10 things you can always count on?
Your fingers! Bu dum tssss
upvote downvote report
Why can’t you count on the horse senators support?
He always votes neigh
upvote downvote report
I can count on two hands the number of fingers I have.
Eleven.
upvote downvote report
We can always count on /r/jokes on April 1st...
for not making jokes like the rest of the subreddits.
upvote downvote report
I got a new tattoo because I wanted my friends to be able to count on me. It read:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9
upvote downvote report
God and Satan arranged a basketball game between Heaven and Hell.
"I know for a fact we are gonna win," said God. "We have all the best players up here...Wilt Chamberlain, Moses Malone, Kobe Bryant, and so on."
"I wouldn't count on that, God," said Satan. "You see, down here, *we* have all the referees."
upvote downvote report
After watching the first episodes of HBO's Chernobyl, as a resident of Pripyat, I can count on one hand all of the inconsistencies I have noticed.
So far, there are 27.
upvote downvote report
My friend thought I was lazy because I could count on one hand how much I moved today...
They didn't know I was wearing a FitBit
upvote downvote report
My boss said that for this new contract need someone someone he can trust, someone reliable. I replied "You can count on me, my second name is reliable."
My first name is Un.
upvote downvote report
Throughout my entire life, there have always been two things I can count on
My hands
upvote downvote report
I'd like to thank my legs for supporting me
My arms for always being by my side and my fingers... I could always count on them.
upvote downvote report
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.