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Count On Jokes

I can count on one hand how many times I have been to Chernobyl.

It's 14.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Redneck vasectomy

After the birth of their 9th child, a redneck couple decided they'd had enough because they couldn’t afford a larger bed. The husband went to the veterinarian and asked to be snipped. "Me'n my cousin don't want no more kids"

The vet told him he could get a vasectomy, but it was expensive. "Th...

There was a little boy who had just learned to count on his fingers.

One day his uncle came to visit and the boy was anxious to show off his newly acquired skill. He told the uncle to ask him an addition question. So the uncle asked, "What is three plus four?" The little boy counts it out on his fingers and said, "Seven." The uncle said, "Listen kid, you can't count ...

If there's one thing i can count on...

It's my inability to count.

What are 10 things you can always count on?

Your fingers! Bu dum tssss

Why can’t you count on the horse senators support?

He always votes neigh

I can count on two hands the number of fingers I have.

Eleven.

We can always count on /r/jokes on April 1st...

for not making jokes like the rest of the subreddits.

I got a new tattoo because I wanted my friends to be able to count on me. It read:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

God and Satan arranged a basketball game between Heaven and Hell.

"I know for a fact we are gonna win," said God. "We have all the best players up here...Wilt Chamberlain, Moses Malone, Kobe Bryant, and so on."

"I wouldn't count on that, God," said Satan. "You see, down here, *we* have all the referees."

After watching the first episodes of HBO's Chernobyl, as a resident of Pripyat, I can count on one hand all of the inconsistencies I have noticed.

So far, there are 27.

My friend thought I was lazy because I could count on one hand how much I moved today...

They didn't know I was wearing a FitBit

My boss said that for this new contract need someone someone he can trust, someone reliable. I replied "You can count on me, my second name is reliable."

My first name is Un.

Throughout my entire life, there have always been two things I can count on

My hands

I'd like to thank my legs for supporting me

My arms for always being by my side and my fingers... I could always count on them.

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