Fig Jokes

A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while "the lights would turn off." Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers. However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room ... read more

Because he couldn’t find a date.

They are both soft and crumble under pressure.

They get confused and incorrectly assume it's a date.


(Edit)
Thank you for the awards.



As people have pointed out, this joke seems to have originated from a venn diagram, but seeing as I heard it a different way and we can't post venn diagrams on this sub, I don't ... read more

Until I show them the small fruit tree in my front yard.

A Fig Newton is Force sensitive.

must have been a figment of my imagination.

Two men are lost in the desert. They are both severely dehydrated and extremely hungry. While stumbling over a particularly large sand dune, one man spots a tin of fig-flavored altoids.
Desperate for any sustenance, he stumbles ahead and grabs the tin, but realizes it was only a mirage.

He... read more

He wore a hole in that fig leaf.

Next, I’m going to try a fig.

I remembered I have no wife and it was just a (fig)ment of my imagination.

I ate it and it tasted like a fig. Then I woke up. Guess it was just a fig mint of my imagination.

...So he phoned a costume hire shop and asked to rent a fig leaf. A few days later, the said fig leaf arrived, and he tried it on, but as he was fairly well endowed, it didn't quite cover things up, so he sent it back with a note explaining the situation. A day or so later another, larger, fig lea... read more

Fig Newton's law.

Adam bit the apple and feeling great shame, covered himself with a fig leaf. Eve too, felt shame and covered herself with a fig leaf. Then she went behind a bush to try on a maple leaf, a sycamore, and an oak.

I always have a problem with trees, it really grows on me and I can't get to the root of the problem, but i'll fig ure it out eventually, leaf me to it!

So my friend and I started this game 17 years ago where you have to come up with a jello (we altered the rules to allow *some* pastries) that fit a communist theme.

Everytime we come up with a new one we swear there are none left. I know he cheats, cos I cheat too. My sister came up with Ban... read more

were sitting under a tree when a fig leaf flew by. “Oh, look,” said Eve. “There goes the invisible man.”

A Nun was lost one day and had to use the restroom

The Only place she could find was a hooters, and the place was rowdy but the second she walked in everyone got quiet.

Suddenly the lights go off and everyone cheers ,they come back on and everyone goes back to they were .

The Nu... read more

Fig neutrons

I found out my wife had never been to Hooters before so I thought I would take her there and let her see that it wasn’t all that it was made up to be. So one early afternoon we headed over to the Hooters restaurant to get a few wings. It was crowded like it always is and we were ushered to a table i... read more

There was this male engineer, on a cruise ship in the Caribbean for the first time. It was wonderful, the experience of his life. He was being waited on hand and foot. But, it did not last. A Hurricane came up unexpectedly. The ship went down almost instantly.

The man found himself, he knew n... read more

The next day, a man arrives at the office. He has greasy hair and a five o'clock shadow, he's wearing a filthy jacket and torn jeans, he obviously hasn't had a shower since Christ was crucified, and he smells strongly of stale tobacco smoke and cheap beer. The vintner sees the man's obviously a ho... read more