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I won gold at a weather forecasting event yesterday,

I beat the raining champion.

On a weather forecast in Russia reporter said it was -50C in Yakutsk.

On a weather forecast in Russia reporter said it was -50C in Yakutsk.

A guy from Moscow says to his wife:
Guy:- They are overreacting, I'll call my cousin who lives there, and he'll tell me the truth.

He calls his cousin and asks,
Guy:- What's the weather like where you are?...

Todays weather forecast…

S
O
e

S

H
W R

Scattered showers

Did you hear that people in Minnesota are very excited this year?

Summer is forecasted to be on a weekend!

The devil asked his resident weatherman what the forecast was for the week ahead...

"Hail, Satan"

Lesson in History The king wanted to go fishing and he asked the royal weather forecaster the forecast for the next few hours. The palace meteorologist assured him that there was no chance of rain.

So the king and the queen went fishing. On the way they met a man with a fishing pole riding on a donkey, and the king asked the man if the fish were biting.

The fisherman said, "Your Majesty, you should return to the palace! In just a short time I expect a huge rain storm."

The king r...

Tomorrow's forecast is a high of 98 Degrees.

I hate boy bands.

I think my wife is a weather forecaster...

A guy called up asking if the coast was clear.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Indian weather forecast.

It was autumn, and the Indians on the remote reservation
asked their new Chief if the winter was going to be cold
or mild. Since he was an Indian Chief in a modern
society, he had never been taught the old secrets.

When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the weather
was g...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does your wives sex life and tomorrows snow forecast have in common?

Both expecting 8 to 10 inches but only going to get 1 to 2...





Made this joke up and tel it off and on, how was it?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do weather forecasters have in common with Nazis?

They often lie about showers.

Did you hear the weather forecast for the hiphop festival?

...They're calling for a Lil Wayne

Hey, Roy Moore; what's the weather forecast?

Tonight, we'll be dipping into the teens.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call an overweight penis doctor that can also tell you the weather forecast?

A meaty-urologist.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My sex life is like a weather forecast in the winter.

I predict they will get 5-7 inches but they usually only get 2-3 inches.

Snow in the forecast...

...and the TV weather gal said she was expecting 8 inches tonight. I thought to myself, "Fat chance, with a face like that!"

Apparently the government has several models to forecast how the pandemic will play out

They should use scientists instead - they're not as pretty but they know a lot more.

Why are most weather forecasters men?

Because when they promise a foot, you know you're only getting three inches.

What wasthe white supremacist weatherman's forecast?

Heavy reign, with a chance of heil.

My wife and I sometimes roleplay in the bedroom with me as a weatherman

I forecast 6+ inches lasting for a couple of hours. It ends up being less then 4” and is over in 2 minutes.

Uh Oh! Look at the forecast!

It's an Irmagency!

Musings on Weather Forecasts

If a male meteorologist tells you there'll be 8 inches of snow that means one thing.

But if a female meteorologist tells you there'll be 8 inches of snow that means another.

A very cold winter indeed!

A young First Nations chief in Canada has just taken over leadership of his tribe, and wants to do the very best for his people. Since it is autumn, he tells them they should gather firewood for the coming winter, so they start to do that. But the young chief still has doubts - what if they don't ...

What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa when he asked what the weather forecast for Christmas was?

It looks like rain, dear.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the skeleton know it was going to rain?

He read the weather forecast you fucking idiot, what do you think?

The weather forecaster this morning said that vision might be impaired by fog.

I agree with him, but that's a weird way to spell "Whiskey".

Russian man is watching weather forecast on TV and they say that it's -50°C in Siberia today...

In disbelief he calls his Siberian friend:

\- Hey, I've heard is super cold in Siberia these days?

\- Nah, it's nothing special, about -25°.

\- Yeah? On TV they've said it's -50° C!

\- Ah, this must be outside.

What do you call a male pig with no legs and delusions of being a weather forecaster?

Groundhog

Two old women are sitting on a porch smoking cigarettes.

Ask they are smoking, it begins to rain. The first woman's cigarette gets wet and goes out. As she looks at her friend, she sees something fascinating unfold.


Her friend has brought out a condom and a pair of small sewing scissors. She unrolls the condom, cuts off the end of it, and sl...

I was watching the weather on TV tonight and the forecaster said, "And because of the cold front coming in from North-East, we can expect about 5 inches of snow." She then glared off camera and continued...

"Or as my colleague Bill would say, 8 inches."

On my visit to Chicago, the weather forecast said it was muggy.

The forecaster was right. I went outside and someone stole my shoes.

Meteorologists have forecast snow throughout the US for the entire year of 2018

Flake news

This weather forecast extinguished my hope for a good day. They predicted 20% showers...

and 80% bathtubs.

What did the ancient Roman weatherman say when his emperor asked for a forecast?

"Hail, Caesar"

Weatherman forecasted the worst storm in over a hundred years, but it didn't hit us.

It was very anticlimatic

Today's forecast is going to be....

Partially sunny......

I'm thinking of visiting Saudi Arabia based on the upcoming week's forecast

It's mostly Sunni

A guy was watching TV in Moscow, and the weather forecaster says that it's -35C (-31F) in Irkutsk, Siberia.

The guy is impressed, and he remembers that he had a classmate who moved to Irkutsk. So he finds his number and calls him. "Hey, how are you doing? I heard you have really terrible temperature in Irkutsk, right?" "No, why, we have, like, -5C (23F) here", replies his friend. "Oh, and the weather ...

What's the hottest and coolest news program?

The weather forecast

I was once a weatherman

But all my forecasts were cold days in hell

The Indian Chief thought that it was going to be a bad winter

so he sent all the braves out to collect wood. As he watched them return laden with timber from the forest he suddenly felt that he ought to check his forecast so he phoned the local met office.

"Tell me, is it going to be a bad winter?"

"Yes" said the forecaster " it will be a bad one...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How cold will it get tonight, I asked my wife

She said that it was going to get to 28 degrees or colder and we should cover up all the plants and get ready for the growing season to be done. I said the forecast was wrong and it wasn't going to get that cold. Right after I said that, though, the door crashed open and a white-haired old man charg...

James was walking down the road one morning when he met his friend Danny.

"Morning, Danny. Er ... Danny, you're wearing a glove on one hand and none on the other. Did you know?"

"Yes, well I heard the weather forecast this morning, you see."

"The Weather forecast?"

"Yes, the weather forecast. the forecaster said on the one hand it might be fine but on...

Hey baby are you a winter storm

Because 1 to 3 inches is in your forecast.

An Indian tribal chief

decided to call his local National Weather Service office to see what kind of winter was expected. The forecaster replied, "Well, it looks like it will be cold." So the chief gathered his tribe together and warned them that the winter would be cold, so they needed to start collecting fire wood.
<...

How do you get Donald Trump to visit a memorial in the rain?

Tell him the forecasts predict golden showers.

A native american man lived in the big city all his life.

Then one day his father dies. When he goes home to the reserve for the funeral, the people all nominate him to be the new chief, since he was a successful businessman and his father was a good chief. He accepts.

But then that autumn, they people come to him and ask him if it will be a cold w...

Kylie Jenner just named her newborn baby daughter Stormi

I think the Kardashian family is trying to have a weather forecast for her kids, because it's going to be Stormi in North West Chicago with a chance of Reign.

The CIA lost track of its operative in Ireland “Murphy. ”

The CIA boss says, “All I can tell you is that his name is Murphy and that he’s somewhere in Ireland. If you think you’ve located him, tell him the code words, “The weather forecast calls for mist in the morning. ” If it’s really him, he’ll answer, “Yes, and for mist at noon as well. ”

So the...

Two English Muslims go on holiday in Spain...

Two English Muslims go on a long holiday in Spain, and they're having a wonderful time until one day the weather turns and it rains for three days straight. On the fourth day, one of them looks out of the window in the morning.

"Ahmed, I think we can visit some of the local buildings today. W...

an Amazon native can predict the weather

Engineers were preparing to build a highway in the middle of the Amazon forest when a native rocked up and told them to seek shelter because there would be heavy rain in 2 hours. The engineers looked up at the clear sky, didn't heed the man's prediction and continued with their work. In exactly 2 ho...

No-sense Sensor

A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind shifts.

“Do you know where the sensor is located?” my coworker asked.

“Of course,” he responded. “It’s where we park the helicopters.”

Farmer meets with Banker annually

The Farmer has to meet with the banker, talk about the crops for the year, talk about grain prices, and try to forecast the year's output to plan out expenses for the year.

When the banker arrives at the farm he notices a very tame and friendly pig, running around as if nothing's wrong, had ...

My favorite bad Christmas joke

Dolf is the weatherman at KTVY, the local CBS affiliate in Kansas City. He's also a closet communist, and has a bit of an anger management problem. During their Christmas Eve broadcast Dolf forecasts a cold and rainy Christmas day, then turns it over to Erin, the anchor he's been dating for the past...

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