Forecast Jokes

I beat the raining champion.

On a weather forecast in Russia reporter said it was -50C in Yakutsk.

A guy from Moscow says to his wife:
Guy:- They are overreacting, I'll call my cousin who lives there, and he'll tell me the truth.

He calls his cousin and asks,
Guy:- What's the weather like where you are?... read more

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Scattered showers

Summer is forecasted to be on a weekend!

"Hail, Satan"

So the king and the queen went fishing. On the way they met a man with a fishing pole riding on a donkey, and the king asked the man if the fish were biting.

The fisherman said, "Your Majesty, you should return to the palace! In just a short time I expect a huge rain storm."

The king r... read more

I hate boy bands.

A guy called up asking if the coast was clear.

...They're calling for a Lil Wayne

Tonight, we'll be dipping into the teens.

...and the TV weather gal said she was expecting 8 inches tonight. I thought to myself, "Fat chance, with a face like that!"

They should use scientists instead - they're not as pretty but they know a lot more.

Because when they promise a foot, you know you're only getting three inches.

Heavy reign, with a chance of heil.

I forecast 6+ inches lasting for a couple of hours. It ends up being less then 4” and is over in 2 minutes.

It's an Irmagency!

If a male meteorologist tells you there'll be 8 inches of snow that means one thing.

But if a female meteorologist tells you there'll be 8 inches of snow that means another.

A young First Nations chief in Canada has just taken over leadership of his tribe, and wants to do the very best for his people. Since it is autumn, he tells them they should gather firewood for the coming winter, so they start to do that. But the young chief still has doubts - what if they don't ... read more

It looks like rain, dear.

and 80% bathtubs.

I agree with him, but that's a weird way to spell "Whiskey".

In disbelief he calls his Siberian friend:

\- Hey, I've heard is super cold in Siberia these days?

\- Nah, it's nothing special, about -25°.

\- Yeah? On TV they've said it's -50° C!

\- Ah, this must be outside.

Groundhog

Ask they are smoking, it begins to rain. The first woman's cigarette gets wet and goes out. As she looks at her friend, she sees something fascinating unfold.


Her friend has brought out a condom and a pair of small sewing scissors. She unrolls the condom, cuts off the end of it, and sl... read more

"Or as my colleague Bill would say, 8 inches."

The forecaster was right. I went outside and someone stole my shoes.

Flake news

"Hail, Caesar"

It was very anticlimatic

The guy is impressed, and he remembers that he had a classmate who moved to Irkutsk. So he finds his number and calls him. "Hey, how are you doing? I heard you have really terrible temperature in Irkutsk, right?" "No, why, we have, like, -5C (23F) here", replies his friend. "Oh, and the weather ... read more

Partially sunny......

It's mostly Sunni

The weather forecast

But all my forecasts were cold days in hell

so he sent all the braves out to collect wood. As he watched them return laden with timber from the forest he suddenly felt that he ought to check his forecast so he phoned the local met office.

"Tell me, is it going to be a bad winter?"

"Yes" said the forecaster " it will be a bad one... read more

"Morning, Danny. Er ... Danny, you're wearing a glove on one hand and none on the other. Did you know?"

"Yes, well I heard the weather forecast this morning, you see."

"The Weather forecast?"

"Yes, the weather forecast. the forecaster said on the one hand it might be fine but on... read more

Because 1 to 3 inches is in your forecast.

decided to call his local National Weather Service office to see what kind of winter was expected. The forecaster replied, "Well, it looks like it will be cold." So the chief gathered his tribe together and warned them that the winter would be cold, so they needed to start collecting fire wood.
<... read more

Tell him the forecasts predict golden showers.

Then one day his father dies. When he goes home to the reserve for the funeral, the people all nominate him to be the new chief, since he was a successful businessman and his father was a good chief. He accepts.

But then that autumn, they people come to him and ask him if it will be a cold w... read more

I think the Kardashian family is trying to have a weather forecast for her kids, because it's going to be Stormi in North West Chicago with a chance of Reign.

The CIA boss says, “All I can tell you is that his name is Murphy and that he’s somewhere in Ireland. If you think you’ve located him, tell him the code words, “The weather forecast calls for mist in the morning. ” If it’s really him, he’ll answer, “Yes, and for mist at noon as well. ”

So the... read more

Two English Muslims go on a long holiday in Spain, and they're having a wonderful time until one day the weather turns and it rains for three days straight. On the fourth day, one of them looks out of the window in the morning.

"Ahmed, I think we can visit some of the local buildings today. W... read more

Engineers were preparing to build a highway in the middle of the Amazon forest when a native rocked up and told them to seek shelter because there would be heavy rain in 2 hours. The engineers looked up at the clear sky, didn't heed the man's prediction and continued with their work. In exactly 2 ho... read more

A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind shifts.

“Do you know where the sensor is located?” my coworker asked.

“Of course,” he responded. “It’s where we park the helicopters.”

Dolf is the weatherman at KTVY, the local CBS affiliate in Kansas City. He's also a closet communist, and has a bit of an anger management problem. During their Christmas Eve broadcast Dolf forecasts a cold and rainy Christmas day, then turns it over to Erin, the anchor he's been dating for the past... read more

The Farmer has to meet with the banker, talk about the crops for the year, talk about grain prices, and try to forecast the year's output to plan out expenses for the year.

When the banker arrives at the farm he notices a very tame and friendly pig, running around as if nothing's wrong, had ... read more