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Fails Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The best joke I’ve ever heard which never fails to make me smile whenever I remember it.(NSFW)

Three explorers get lost in a huge jungle. After wandering around for days, they are found and captured by a jungle tribe. The tribesmen take the explorers to their leader and drop them at his feet. The chieftain looks at them for a moment and says, “ The three of you will die unless you manage to d...

It’s very rare that a defibrillator fails.

But when it happens no one is shocked.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guy has a tapeworm in his intestine and tries many doctors but everybody fails to remove.Finally he tries an alternative doctor whom everybody recommended heavily and visits him.

The doctor says: Come back tomorrow with two bananas and a Snickers bar. The patient is confused but does as he’s told.

The next day he shows up with two bananas and a Snickers bar. The doctor proceeds to insert both bananas and the Snickers bar up the man’s ass.

The doctor then says ...

President Trump attempts suicide, fails because of broken rope.

Fake noose.

The FBI never fails...

The phone rings at the FBI headquarters:

\- “Hello? I’m calling to report my neighbor, Clifford. He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood!”

\- “Thank you very much for the call, sir.”

The next day, FBI agents descend on the neighbor’s house.

They search the shed where t...

What do you call it when a russians wifi fails?

Internyet

If you're ever skydiving and your parachute fails to open don't panic

You will have the rest of your life to try and fix it

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two young engineers failed their thermodynamics class

Since it's their last exam before graduation, they beg their professor for a second chance. The professor agrees and set a special oral examination for the following week.

When they get there the professor asks them to enter the classroom for the test one at a time. The first enters and the t...

A guys parachute fails to open.

While he is still falling and awaiting his death, he looks down and sees another person coming from down there right in his direction.

As they both meet, the man says: "Hey, can you repair my parachute?" The other answers: "No sorry, I usually only repair gas leaks.."

What happens when a computer engineer fails flirting with a waitress?

Error in connecting to the server

An Brit, a Frenchman, a Mexican, and a Texan are in a flight when one of the plane's engines fails.

The crew throw all the luggage on the plane off to lighten the load, but they are still too heavy. The pilot goes on the intercom and says that 3 people need to jump off the plane to save everyone else. The Brit stands up and says, "God save the king!" before jumping to his death. Next, the Frenchma...

What do you say when hydroelectric power fails?

"Dam, I guess that didn't work!"

What gets four As and a B but still fails in schooling?

ALABAMA

What do you get when a veterinarian fails to heal your sick cow?

Uncured Meat.

Guys, if your marriage fails don't just blame her. It takes 2 people to make a toxic relationship.

Blame her and her mother.

A teenager fails his math test

As a father was passing by his son's bedroom, he was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed, ‘Dad.’

With trembling hands he opened the envelope and read the letter.

“D...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If a man fails to blow up a building, but gives good sex advice, what will people say about him?

This Guy Fawkes.

a german kid fails his art class

and his dad changes his last name

An old joke I once heard from a friend, never fails to crack me up

A homeless man finds a shiny lamp by the road while trying to find a place to pass the night.

Picking it up, the man was just about to shove it in his bag when a genie appeared out of it.

"I can grant you one wish." Said the genie.

Not wanting to waste the wish, the man spent mu...

i came up with this one and i think its a little silly. what do you call it when a missile fails to reach it’s destination?

projectile dysfunction

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This is an old joke my cousin told me. It never fails to make me smile :-)

One day Bill complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts, I guess I should see a doctor."

His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Just put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagno...

A surgeon fails an eye surgery

No one bats an eye.
A surgeon fails a brain surgery
and everybody loses their minds

Nation's attempt to impound water fails as barrier breaks loose

Citizens: Dam!

Catholics fail trigonometry because they're afraid of sin

Irish people fail trigonometry because they can't tan.

Everyone else fails trigonometry just cos.

What does Batman say when he fails his mission?

Gotham it.

A Mobster's son fails his exam

Mobster asks him what happened. "They questioned me for three hours," says the kid, "but I told them nothing."

If something doesn't exist, it isn't. if someone fails to do something, they didn't. if liquor isnt the solution to anything, what does that make it?

A solven't.

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