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Disappoint Jokes

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As a Muslim redditor, I feel disappointed...

That my posts never blows up.

Edit 1: Everyone says that my jokes are the bomb, but still this shit didn't explode.

Edit 2: KA-BOOOM!

Edit 3: For those wondering, I am a Muslim for real and I find this shit funny af so chill out guys, no need to hate on religions, we're at /r/jo...

How do you disappoint a Redditor?

[removed]

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife was very disappointed when I told her that I got "I love you" tattooed on my penis.

She just shook her head and said, "There you go again, always trying to put words in my mouth."

I just finished the book “101 mating positions”, and I was really disappointed.

Turns out—-it’s a book about chess.

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“I can’t believe that you’ve been visiting prostitutes for sex,” my wife screamed at me. “I’m really disappointed.”

“You can hardly blame me,” I answered. “It’s not like I was getting any from you.”


“Well, that’s your own fault,” she replied. “You never told me you were willing to pay for it.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My mother said she was disappointed when I came out.

I said, "I'm not gay, mum."

"I was referring to your birth," she replied.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man scores a hot date Not wanting to disappoint his date in the bedroom, he goes to the doctor to get his penis enlarged.

The doctor says, "we happen to have a new experimental procedure that uses muscle cells from an elephant trunk that should do the trick." To which the man accepts.

Later on, the man and his date are having dinner. The man is in love with her, but is experiencing an increasingly uncomfortable ...

What did the melon farmer say to disappoint their forbidden lover?

Cantaloupe.

Larry is having his performance evaluation and his boss is showing his disappointment.

He said, “Larry, you used to be a great worker, but for the past few months I never seem to see you working when I come by your office. What happened?”

Larry looks at the boss and said, “Well, in August they carpeted the hallway…”

Is my girlfriend disappointed in my body?

A tiny part of me says 'yes'.

I don't get the point of threesomes.

If I want to disappoint two people at once, I take my parents out for dinner.

Why was the rabbit disappointed when she saw the gold?

Those weren’t the carats she expected!

My girlfriend asked me if I wanted to do a threesome...

I told her, if I wanted to disappoint two people at once I'll go have dinner with my parents.

I was disappointed in high school when I couldn’t even jump one hurdle.

But I got over it.

Have you guys seen that clown that hides from disappointing people?

Nah, me neither

I called my son a bloody disappointment and my girlfriend burst out into tears

Appartently, she's sensitive about her miscarriage

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last night a girl asked me for sex and i had to disappoint her

we had sex

Last week we took the kids to see "Disney On Ice" but it was very disappointing.

It was just some old dead guy in a freezer.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I read that 30% of the internet is pornography and that really makes me disappointed in humanity...

...70% of the internet is being completely wasted.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The teacher looked disappointed, as she handed back my F-marked exam sheet.

"That is possibly the worst English paper I have ever tried to read." She scolded. "Have you anything to say for yourself?"


"Just two words, miss," I replied. "Go fuck yourself."


I'm shit at maths, too.

What did the disappointed Nigerian horse say to his breakfast?

“Why are you HAY?”

Camilla was really disappointed after the coronation.

She thought all rulers were 30 centimetres (12 inches)

I was disappointed to find out a vasectomy doesn’t prevent you from getting your wife pregnant.

It just changes the color of the baby. :(

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm disappointed with all this sex on TV nowadays.

They're way too thin, I always fall off.

What do you call a disappointed cat?

*sigh*amise

It was a sad and disappointing day

when I discovered my universal remote control did not in fact control the universe.
Not even remotely.

I was disappointed when my son got a job as a scarecrow

But he's outstanding in his field!

My wife was disappointed to find out why my nickname in college was "The Love Machine."

I sucked at tennis.

A small town lawyer called his first witness to the stand in a trial, a 80 year old woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Singh, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Kulkarni. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned. Not kn...

This sub is really disappointing me lately.

I'm going to try the meatballs next time.

The funny thing about teen pregnancy is that before it happens all you hear is "Don't do it! You'll regret it! You'll lose your freedom! Make the responsible choice!" Then after it happens, they say "We're a still disappointed, but we can still make the best of this. It’s not the end of the world."

Stupid auto-correct: I meant "Trump's presidency" not "teen pregnancy".

How do you disappoint a redditor?

Come back when this post is 10 hours old for the results!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It was a sad and disappointing day when I discovered my Universal Remote Control did not, in fact, control the Universe.

Not even remotely.

(I stole this joke from fb and it made my drunk ass laugh out loud so I wanted to share but I'm sorry if it's a repost)

A disappointed salesman of Coca Cola returns from his Middle East assignment.

A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the Arabs?"
The salesman explained, "When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident that I will makes a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem I didn't know to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the...

The prisoner pleaded, "I'm sorry I tried to escape!" The guard shrugged and sighed, "I'm not mad, just disappointed." Remember kids...

...never let your guard down.

Dad my girlfriends pregnant

"Dad, my girlfriend's pregnant."

"I'm not mad, just disappointed."

"Hi disappointed, I'm dad."

"Did you jus..."

"Yes."

"You're ready."

"I'm not ready, I just told you that I'm dad."

After a disappointing summer,

Humpty Dumpty ended up having a great fall.

A comedian didn't want to disappoint his fans

A comedian didn't want to disappoint his fans, so when a couple asked if he wanted to smoke a joint with them after the show, he said sure.On the drive home, he noticed flashing lights behind him and pulled over.The officer came to the window and asked if he'd been drinking. The comedian said he had...

I thought about attending an orgy

But if I wanted to disappoint many people at once, I could just repost this joke on Reddit...

It turns out, 'Fox News' has no actual coverage of foxes.

I was also disappointed by BBC news.

I am disappointed.

I cracked a chemistry joke but there was no reaction.

I just watched a movie about graphs, and it was really disappointing.

The plot was predictable, and the special f(x) was terrible.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The true meaning of disappointment is

Running into a wall with a boner and breaking you nose first.

What did the disappointed smoker get for Christmas?

Clothes but no cigar...

I’m so disappointed.

I found out my pillow case is nothing but a sham.

A blonde fills a stadium with 90,000 people to prove blondes are smart

She fills up the stadium with 90,000 blondes, TV crew, News crews all of the media.

She calls up one volunteer from the crowd.

The host says: "Lets start with some simple maths questions"

Blonde: "Sure"

The host asks, "What's 3 times 8?"

After 20 seconds the blond...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A sweet old lady is making lunch for her husband one day...

She had been making him the same lunch for the past 40 years. His favorite: a sandwich on italian bread, made with turkey, american cheese, pickles, onions, mustard, and mayo. The husband walks into the kitchen, sits down, and takes a bite. His wife asks the same thing she always asks, “Hows the san...

Disappointed by my family tree

Turns out it is a cactus, there's a prick on every branch.

Do you ever wake up disappointed because you were eating something tasty in your dreams?

Stacey. Her name was Stacey.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you ask me for sex I’m going to have to disappoint you.

I mean yes we can have sex just it will be disappointing.

What do you call a disappointing bondage session?

BDSMH

You’ll be disappointed.

Wanna hear a bad time travel joke?

As a good deed, I leaned over and hugged someone who looked disappointed.

The guy at the urinal didn't seem to appreciate it, though.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I told my Asian parents that I am Asexual.

They were disappointed that I wasn't A+sexual

Two men, both new to the town, was discussing their new home.

"What a strange place," said one of them. "I went to check out the stock exchange yesterday, and it turned out to be all about soups and sauces. Very disappointing."

"You think that's disappointing?" replied the other. "I went to check out the brothel!"

I got home with my one night stand. She pulled down my pants and looked disappointed!

She said you told me it was 12 inches!
"No" I replied "you mis-heard me. I said it smells like a foot".

How do you disappoint a Redditor?

Repost the same exact joke over and over and/or upvote it to the front page.

I told my doctor that I was a bit disappointed that my Viagara prescription wasn't working

He said "don't worry mate, just hold your head up and you'll be fine!"

Why did the mechanic have a disappointing fashion show?

There was no time to change attire.

Why was the blonde disappointed with her trip to London?

She found out Big Ben was only a clock.

NSFW Disappointment

When you run at a wall with an erection and break your nose...

Why did the chick disappoint his mother?

Because he wasn't all he was *cracked up* to be.

What's four inches long, two inches wide and always disappoints women?

An empty toilet roll

I walked into a shop called Foot Locker but left very disappointed.

They didn't have anywhere for me to store a foot.

Why did a customer leave the blockbuster store disappointed?

They were never going to give him Up.

You can’t spell disappointment without...

...dis pp

3 steps to disappointing everyone

1. Over promise
2. Under deliver

Halloween is about to be so disappointing.

Might end up just dressing as a handyman and getting some stuff done around the house.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm so disappointed in baby boomers...

My cum sock developed a better culture than them.

I'm very disappointed.

You see, my mom can't tolerate the sound of apples crunching.



Too bad she's not a doctor.

Disappointment

Parents: We are disappointed in you.

Son: Why?

Parents: Even the map from dora is better than you

Son: How?

Parents: Because he knows where he is going in life.

Why was Leia disappointed on her wedding night?

Han shot first.

Gravity is such a disappointment.

It always lets me down.

My dad use to call me a disappointment.

Now I just wish he’d call.

I just learned that "Space Rock" is a genre, and is slightly disappointing,

that no one just called it "Asteroid"

Disappointed that the purchased LSD has no effect,

Ivan sat on his dragon and flew away.

I bought a DVD on dealing with disappointment.

When I opened it, the box was empty.

I have this habit of disappointing my parents

I have this habit of always disappointing my parents, last week I told them I was doing the bar exam, I was actually doing a pub quiz but it’s the same difference.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The farmer sells his horse for $2000 to a buyer at the market.

The farmer initially promises to deliver the horse to the man in a week, but halfway through that week, the horse dies.

The farmer offers to return the money, but the man decides to proceed with the purchase. In the following week, the farmer encounters the man and inquires about the fate of...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A powerful Emperor advertised for a new Chief Samurai. Only three applied for the job: a Japanese, a Chinese and a Jewish Samurai,

Number One Samurai, "Demonstrate your skills!" commanded the Emperor.

The Japanese samurai stepped forward, opened a tiny box, and released a fly. He drew his samurai sword and "swish"; the fly fell to the floor, neatly divided in two!

"What a feat!" said the Emperor. "Number Two Sam...

What can you say that’s reassuring for a child getting a vaccine, but disappointing for your wife?

“You’re just going to feel a tiny prick; it’ll be over in a few seconds.”

What’s the most disappointing thing for a man on Christmas morning?

When he gets a sweater, but he’s hoping for a screamer or a moaner.

My car was disappointed...

It found out what a car pool really was.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A vegan is at the entrance of a university campus trying to get others to become vegan

He sees an angry and disappointed kid walking out of the campus, and takes the opportunity to ask if they want to become vegan.

“You know who else was vegan?” the angry kid responds. “Adolf Hitler. And I just got kicked out of art school right now, so I’m not taking any risks.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The 6th-grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, “Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?”

No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, “You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I’m going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!”

Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, “Which body part increases to...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just took my sausage dog back to the pet shop. Really disappointed with it.

The sausages it made were fucking disgusting.

Why was Santa disappointed that he got a sweater for Christmas?

Because he wanted a squirter, or at least screamer.

A father takes his son to the casino.

A father takes his son to the casino and they lose $1,000 in one hour.
Dad tells his disappointed son “don’t worry son we’ll come back tomorrow and do better”
The next day they come back to the casino and the dad grabs $1,000 and throws it in the garbage and heads for the exit.
The son asks...

Why is Mrs. Claus disappointed?

because Santa came early!



I'll let myself out.

A Vietnamese farmer was working in the rice paddy field when he sees his son running to him

'Father, father look' , the kid points to a newspaper and says excitedly ' The Americans have gone to the moon '.

The farmer drops his plough and asks excitedly ;

'All of them'

'No just 3', replies the kid

'Damn it'

The father shakes his head in disappointment an...

What would a gun type if they're disappointed?

SMG

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was dating a girl who was known to have had a lot of guys in the past [NSFW]

Things were heating up in the bedroom when she asked me to put a finger inside her.
"Now try two" she said. I obliged. "Now three" again not wanting to disappoint, I did as she asked.
"Now your whole hand!" she demanded. This went on until I had both hands inside her!
"Now clap" she asked.<...

Melania is very disappointed of Donald in couples therapy

All he does is build walls.

What is both a relief and a disappointment?

When you are done and she says: "Don't expect anything more"

My dad always wanted me to be a millionaire and thankfully I didn't disappoint him.

He died before he got a chance to see how poor I am.

What is more disappointing than a funeral?

Maroon 5 dancing on the money they made through Stephen Hillenburg's death.

What do you call a disappointing blue?

*sigh*-an

A man goes to a zoo and is disappointed to find it has only one animal, a dog

It's a Shih Tzu.

I was disappointed when it didn’t snow on my wedding day...

But I did get 8 inches on my honeymoon.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get if you cross a bunch porn addicts and living disappointments?

The reddit community.

This father has always been disappointed by his son...

One day he sees his son watching tv and asks him

"Son, how old are you?"

"I'm 5 Dad!" says his son, joyful

To which the father angrily replies "Me, at your age, I was 6!"

A teenage boy had just passed his driving test ...

... and asked his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car.

His father said he'd make a deal with his son, "You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little and get your hair cut. Then we'll talk about the car" The boy thought about that for a moment,...

I watched a documentary on mathematical functions last night, but was really disappointed.

The plot line was predictable. The special f(x) was awful too.

Why was the toilet disappointed in his new TV?

It was only 720pee.

My son came out to me yesterday. I'm so disappointed.

I love my son, but this is tearing me up inside. I always thought I would be able to handle something like this, but this really is tough. It impacts so much of our relationship and family time. I mean, I had planned this big family dinner Sunday evening. (I smoked an awesome roast pork, I was so ex...

I'm disappointed BIC company doesn't make gardening equipment

Who wouldn't want to have a Dig Bic Plow

Hey baby are you my GPA?

Because you look like you'd disappoint my parents.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Really disappointed with the new Beatles album

It's all drum & bass

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When it comes to sex I've never seen a disappointed look on any woman's face.

That's the advantage of doggie style.

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