Botch Jokes - 22 Hilarious Botch Jokes

My buddy got arrested on drug charges and because it was his first offense, he thought he would get off lightly, but it turned out his lawyer was one of the worst in the state and ended up botching his case, so instead of getting a short term, he ended up getting 40 years without parole!!

Man, that sentence was way too long!

upvote

downvote

report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a way overpriced, botched Beverly Hills boob job?

A Nordstrom Rack

The Botched Executions

Obligatory first time posting so I'm hoping I follow all the guidelines and you all like the joke!

A Priest, Lawyer and Engineer are traveling together in a foreign country and unfortunately get arrested. They are all three set to be executed by guillotine.

The Priest is all set up, a ...

upvote

downvote

report

Botched suicide

A very old woman realizes that she's seen and done everything and the time has come to depart from this world. After considering various methods of doing away with herself, she decides to shoot herself through the heart. Not wanting to make a mistake, she phones her doctor and asks him the exact lo...

upvote

downvote

report

My doctor apologized for the botched circumcision that left me impotent.

I told him no hard feelings.

upvote

downvote

report

A surgeon was fired after a botched vasectomy.

Still got a severance package.

upvote

downvote

report

Did you hear about the doctor who botched a vasectomy?

He missed and got the sack

upvote

downvote

report

Did you hear about the Rabbi who got fired after a botched circumcision?

He got the sac.

upvote

downvote

report

Did you hear about the surgeon who botched Kim Jong Un surgery?

Yeah, me neither.

upvote

downvote

report

I once tried to make a joke about a botched lethal injection...

...but the execution failed.

upvote

downvote

report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the son and apprentice of a Japanese barber go bald after botching a very important client's hair?

To shave face!

What did the Finnish surgeon say after he botched a surgery?

Please don’t Soumi.

upvote

downvote

report

It's mayhem in the kitchen, and two chefs are at each other's throats over a botched order....

"I told you the manager wanted cod seasoned with parsley!" yelled the first chef, brandisihing a butcher's knife.

"Well I told you that he wanted mackerel seasoned with paprika!" yelled the other, grabbing a pan of hot oil.

At that point the manager walked in holding a plate, just as b...

upvote

downvote

report

What do you call a Karen that works as a Plastic Surgeon?

A Botch

upvote

downvote

report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Lock & Stock were a famous pro wrestling tag team. They had a long, successful career, won many titles, had a wonderful retirement match and were inducted into the Hall of Fame of every company they wrestled in.

One day, chilling on the porch and reflecting on the many blessings of their career, Lock asked Stock "You know, I've always wondered; is there pro wrestling in heaven?"

"I've always wondered that myself," Stock replied.

So the two agreed, "Whichever of us gets there first needs to fin...

I wish I were good at telling pizza jokes

But I always botch the DiGiorno

upvote

downvote

report

Library of Congress bomber…

Yesterday’s attempted bomber said there are 4 more bombs planted in DC. After botching bombing Congress by showing up at the Library of Congress, the FBI has ordered the immediate evacuation of :

-the Richmond Mall’s Supreme Food Court

-The Hexagon Building on Connecticut Ave

-...

upvote

downvote

report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What am I in for? Well, I used to be a zookeeper, you see...

One day, my boss calls me into her office, and she tells me she's trying to breed dolphins, and she wants my help. And I hear that, and I'm all in, great way to move up in my industry.

So she tells me she's trying to mate these two dolphins, but they're not feeling frisky. She tells me she ha...

A man DIES

He died tragically and unexpectedly in a botched robbery. Devastated, his wife Cindy mourned four several months, leaving the house only to pick up groceries that her doting mother leaves on her doorstep.

The only comfort to her grief was his cat, who is similarly distraught. After several mo...

upvote

downvote

report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A baby was born with no eyes lids...

So the doctors decided to circumcise him and use the skin to craft new eyes lids.

They botched it though and he came out looking a bit cock-eyed.

This joke gets told EVERY Thanksgiving... Might as well (re)post it here. "How to cook a turkey"

"How to cook a turkey"

Step 1: Go buy a turkey

Turkey Dinner Step 2: Take a drink of whiskey, scotch, or JD

Step 3: Put turkey in the oven

Step 4: Take another 2 drinks of whiskey

Step 5: Set the degree at 375 ovens

Cup of Beer Step 6: Take 3 more whiske...

upvote

downvote

report

The swindler was headed upstairs to visit his friend, the forger...

The swindler was headed upstairs to visit his friend, the forger. The bird he passed along the way was the forger's homing vulture, which was en route to the forger's publisher to make a delivery. Unfortunately, the poor bird had to fly down the stairwell to ground level and out the open terrace sin...

upvote

downvote

report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.