Refuse Jokes - 119 Hilarious Refuse Jokes

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Why do people refuse to wear masks?

Because they can't stand the smell of the shit that comes out of their mouth.

I absolutely refuse to vaccinate my kids.

I'll have the doctor do it instead; he's trained for it.

What should we do with people who rely on government handouts, but refuse to work?

Kick them out of congress.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. But I refused.

If I’m going to have sex, it’s going to be on my own Accord.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

As a guy, I refuse to play as a female character in online games.

Not because I’m sexist, I just don’t think it’s right to perpetuate the stereotype that girls are bad at games.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In college, I was refused membership in all the fraternities because I was circumcised.

Apparently you need to be a complete dick.

Elon Musk has come up with a fool proof plan of destroying Apple because they refuse to advertise on Twitter.

He plans to buy it.

Roy Moore refuses to concede the Alabama Senate race.

He keeps insisting that the black votes should only count for 3/5ths.

A friend of mine, a mother of four, refused to have her children vaccinated.

Edit: mother of three...
Edit: mother of two...
Edit: mother of one...

*Thanks for the upvotes, never thought I'd make it to the front page!!

A time traveler walks into a bar, but the bartender refuses to serve him.

"Why the hell not?" he asks.

"We don't serve *any* time travelers here," the bartender explains, "not since one got stinking drunk and trashed the place four years ago."

"Four years ago, you say..."

Why did the shark refuse to eat a lawyer?

Professional courtesy.

Cardi B’s sister used to spy for the Russian government, but refuses to talk about it publicly

They call her ‘Cagey B’

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My wife refuses to have sex with me until I stop referring to my penis by different nicknames

I guess it’s time to take Matters into my own hands

Today I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.

My parents are the worst.

I refused to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker

But when I got home, all the signs were there.

Why did Trump refuse the debate with Bernie?

Because chickens tend to run from people with a last name of Sanders.

My kids want a dog but I've refused to get them a Labrador.

It's frightening how many Labrador owners you see that have gone blind

Why did Dolly Parton refuse to have tea with Kate Middleton?

Because high tea is always 4pm and she works 9 to 5.

Lame. But this was in the news the other week. Dolly actually did refuse to have tea with Kate.....there's a joke here, somewhere. Do you have it?

Why do the vowels refuse to acknowledge their sixth member?

They don't know why

Why did the wheel refuse to exercise?

Because it didn't want to tire itself out

"A Bone-Tickling Riddle: Why Skeletons Refuse to Battle?

**Why don't skeletons fight each other?**

**They don't have the guts!**

Why did the man refuse to honor his dead ancestors?

He didn't like people who looked down on him.

Why did the drill sergeant refuse to wear underwear under his uniform?

so he could have easy access to his privates while in commando.

Why does the Diabetic refuse to read Reddit on PC?

Because that would require accepting the cookies.

What do you call a spice vendor who refuses to wash his hands?

Someone with too much thyme on his hands.

Why did the alien refuse to attend the solar system's party?

He heard it had no atmosphere!

I refuse to accept non-binary

Quantum computers are expressly forbidden in this house.

(Everyone I know cringed, so I figured yall may like it.)

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Guy walks into a bar Sits at the bar and orders a drink. He pays with a $100 bill and refuses the change. Just when he's about to take a drink, this little guy - not even a foot tall - runs across the bar and knocks the drink out of his hand. The little guy jumps off the bar and disappears.

The bartender, really confused, pours him another drink. The guy pays him $100 and refuses the change again. Just as he's about to sip his drink, the little guy appears, knocks the drink to the floor and runs off again.

Now the bartender pours him another drink and asks him about the little g...

My wife was feeding the baby and complained that she just refused to latch and suck.

"Aww," I said. "More like her mother every day."

Why did the dyslexic refuse to wear a polo shirt?

Because he was Lacoste intolerant.

Some people refuse to admit their faults.

I would, if I had any.

My brother took going to jail really badly. He refused all offers of food and drink, spat and swore at anyone who came near him, and smeared the walls with his own feces.

After that, we never played Monopoly again.

I gave my daughter a piece of traditional Jewish bread for an afternoon meal, but she refused it.

She ain’t no challah snack girl.

If a child refuses a nap

are they resisting arrest?

I refuse to talk to anyone who has less than 10 toes.

I am lack toes intolerant.

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I hate myself so much, I refuse to masturbate

I'm not giving that prick the satisfaction.

What happened to the cow that refused to become steaks?

She was grounded.

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My girlfriend refused to have unprotected sex

I understand, she is deadly allergic to nuts.

When Simba refused to go back to his Pride, you could say he was just

*A whim away*

Although the World is more accepting, I refuse to accept some races.

Marathons are awful.

A Statistician Refuses to Fly

His friend asks him, "Why do you have this irrational fear of flying?"

"Irrational?" the statistician replies, "Not at all. I've merely calculated the odds of a bomb being placed on a plane and it's much too high for my comfort."

A few days later, the friend boarded a flight only to ...

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Why do Jews get Circumcised?

Because Jewish women refuse to touch anything that isn't at least 10% off

Why did the men in the barbershop quartet refuse to go fishing with their tone deaf friend?

He couldn't hold a tuna.

My local library refuses to stock how-to books about suicide.

They used to, but the decent ones were never returned.

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There was a very, very unlucky man with a single testicle.

One day, he went on a plane. Unfortunately, a malfunction occurred. The flight crew announced that the plane was going down and one of the passengers had to be thrown out to reduce weight.

To determine the victim, passengers drew lots, and the unlucky man was chosen. He refused furiously, say...

Why does Quentin Tarantino refuse to make movies with digital cinematography?

Because he's the reel deal.

For the longest time my wife refused to go spelunking with me...

But finally she caved.

Why did the vampire refuse to attend the interdepartmental meeting?

He didn’t want to face that many stakeholders.

Why did the fisherman refuse to share his catch ?

He was shell fish.

I refuse to go bungie jumping

I came into this world because or a broken rubber, I’m not leaving because of one.

How did the hipster refuse a romantic engagement?

He said he was bespoken for

My friend Ty came first in the Beijing marathon, but he wasn’t awarded the gold medal.

The Chinese refuse to acknowledge Ty won.

A vegan bitcoin investor who owns a Tesla, does CrossFit, and refused to vote in the last election walks into a bar

The real question is, what he’s going to bring up first?

I refuse to celebrate Thanksgiving this year!

I am going to stop cold Turkey!

What happens if you refuse to pay your exorcist?

You get repossessed.

Remember in Monopoly, when some insufferable kids couldn't agree who was banker, they'd refuse to play completely?

Welcome to the shutdown...

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I refused to have sex with my girlfriend because she was on her period

I found her in masturbating in the bathroom the next day. Caught her red handed

Why did the comedian refuse to go to the doctor?

He thought laughter was the best medicine.

I can't refuse a free drink

My friend goes to get a beer from his fridge and asks me if I'd like one

Me - "sure! I can't refuse a free drink, it's against my religion"
Friend - "what religion is that?"
Me - "Alcoholism"

I refuse to throw out the liquid on top of my yogurt.

That would be wheystful.

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a nun refused to have sex with me, on religious gounds.

So we went next door.

A Jewish shop owner in a largely Christian town hears a knock on the door.

He opens, and sees representatives of the local church.

\- Excuse us, Mr. Shainski, - they say. - Our church is in a bad state now, so we decided to build a new one. Seeing as you are known as a very wealthy and generous person, could you spare anything?

Shainski thinks. On the one han...

What ice cream can Ernie never refuse?

Sherbet.

*jazz hands*

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What did the doctor say when I refused to eat more fiber?

"Well, that's tough shit."

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This woman offers him a “threesome” that he simply couldn’t refuse

I met an older woman at a bar last night.

She looked pretty good for a lady who must have been in her 60s. In fact, she wasn’t bad at all!
I found myself thinking that she probably had a hot daughter.

We drank a couple of beers and then she asked me if I’d ever had a “Sportsman’s...

Why do the Jedi refuse to measure temperature using Kelvin?

Because only a Sith deals in absolutes

Did you hear about the masseuse who refused to treat women?

He was a massagenist

What band do Anti-vaxxers refuse to listen too?

The Cure.

What do you call the child of an electrical engineer who refuses to potty train?

A pull-up resister.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A dirty joke told by 85yo grandpa to the whole family by memory

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier.

He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at...

Tennis ace Novak Djokovic has refused to take the Coronavirus vaccines

He's now known as Novax Djokovic

100% of sinks get refused entry to bars....

Let that sink in.

Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?

They prefer Wight Castle.

Why did the Greek skydiver politely refuse to jump?

So as not to be condescending.

We did our company Christmas party online this year and my coworkers were surprised at my incredibly detailed tattoo. They refused to believe me when I told them it was done in Madrid, before the pandemic...

Nobody expected the Spanish ink precision...

My Himalayan friend has a cow that refuses to stand up

I always see Himalayan there.

Johnny Depp refuses to get another dose of the vaccine

He says he now has Heard immunity

I initially refused my vaccine

however it ended up being in vein.

I refuse to use a pencil and a ruler on anything but paper...

that's where I draw the line.

Why did the farmer refuse to get his cattle off the top of the mountain?

The steaks were too high.

My parents refuse to let my younger siblings to get shots

What's so wrong with underage drinking anyways

My partner refuses to go to Karaoke with me.

Guess I have to duet alone.

Why did the tailor refuse service to nuns?

Because it's habit forming.

What do you call it when your friends offer you weed but refuse to share their alcohol?

being left high and dry

Why did the hipster refuse to undergo surgery?

The anesthesia wasn't local.

Why did the Buddhist refuse Novocaine?

He wanted to transcend dental medication.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I once dated a girl named Rachel, but she turned out to be a nasty bitch. As a result, I now refuse to associate with women named Rachel

Then again, I could just be Rachel profiling

Why did the police officer refuse to try and catch the invisible thief?

Because he didn't think he could see it through.

Why did Logan Paul refuse to shake Ricegums hand?

Because he always leaves asians hanging

Everybody seems to have read Pride and Prejudice, but I refuse to do it.

I’m too good for it, and I have a feeling that the book is going to lecture me.

On a bus one day.....

.....a man was sitting next to a woman who was trying to breast-feed her child. The child however refuses to suck on the breast.

Being frustrated, the mother threatens the child, "If you don't suck on, I will give it to the man next to us!" The child still refuses to oblige. After about 10 m...

Why do aliens refuse to destroy churches in movies?

Because the Davis Entertainment Company still owns the right to Alien vs Predator

Aliens refuse to visit Earth because they've looked up our solar system...

and it has a 1-star rating.

Why did the fish refuse to play basketball?

He was afraid of the net.

Why does Nick Cannon refuse to celebrate Christmas?

Because he is a terrible wrapper.

Today I read that there are people who refuse to set up sanitary installations for basic hand hygene in their bath rooms.

When the realiziation hit me, I was like: Let that sink in!

Why did the garment factory owner refuse to make wallets?

He was too clothes-minded.

A girl refused to blow me because I was uncircumcised.

Guess I wasn't cut out for the job.

My boyfriend told me he refuses to date girls named Rachel....

....I accused him of Rachel discrimination.

My girlfriend broke up with me because I refused to share my feelings.

I can’t say I’m surprised.

A high-society debutant is engaged to a low-born Greek guy...

Before the wedding, her mother takes her aside and says, "I've tried to talk you out of marrying this man, but you seem determined to go through with it, so just promise me one thing"

"Greeks have unnatural desires in the bedroom that are perverse, nasty, and disgusting. Just promise me now, ...

My Daughter woke me up.

My daughter woke me around 11:50 last night.
"Daddy," she whispered, tugging my shirt sleeve.
"Guess how old I'm going to be next month.
"I don't know," I said as I slipped on my
glasses. "How old?"
She smiled and held up four fingers.
It is 7:30 now. My wife and I have been up wit...

After the priest performed a successful exorcism, Brenda refused to pay the fee.

The priest had her repossessed.

What do you call someone who refuses to "open up and say ah?"

Noah.

I finally understand why Americans refuse to switched from pounds to kilograms

They want to avoid mass confusion.

Why do women from Alabama refuse to do reverse cowgirl?

They don’t believe in turning their back on family.

Why did Princess Leia refuse a threesome ?

Because she preferred Han SOLO.

Why was the Minstrel refused entry to the tavern?

He was BARD for life.

Heard about the insurance that refused to pay for the lightning damage of the church?

It was judged to be an Act of God, and thus deliberate damage by owner.

Why does Mike Tyson refuse to buy playstation ?

Because he is an x-boxer

I refuse to give money to homeless people. They are just going to spend it on drugs and alcohol.

Also, I need it for drugs and alcohol.

I refuse to associate with people who are missing foot digits.

Sorry, but I'm lack-toes intolerant.

People refuses to wear a mask is actually making the humankind smarter

By nature selection

Kermit the Frog is in an interrogation room and refuses to say anything.

Two interrogators are discussing what to do. One of the men excitedly turns to the other and says, "shove your hand up his ass, that'll make him talk!"

Why did the astronaut refuse to return home to see his girlfriend?

He needed more space.

(In case you're running low on dad jokes!)

Why did the bear refuse the magicians offer to make him human?

Being someone else would've been unbearable.

My doctor refuses to post my diagnosis to social media...

He says my disease is untweetable...

My daughter refused to wear her contacts

I told her, "No daughter of mine is going out looking like that!"

Why did the hotel refuse to give out the advertised “continental breakfast?”

The continent was Africa.

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