I’ve failed my electricians exam 3 times. I’ve decided to try meditation to see if that helps.

Ohmmmmm

Failed Engines

There was a blonde sitting next to a man on an airplane. About an hour into the flight, the pilot comes on and says over the intercom, "One of our four engines is out, we will be about 15 minutes late arriving."

About 30 minutes later, the pilot comes on the intercom again and says, "There is...

Well, guys, I already failed NNN.

I ate some almonds today.

Guys, I've already failed No Nut November

I'm eating my reese's as we speak

A woman was out golfing and hit the ball deep into the woods.

When she went to look for it she found a frog in a trap.

The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."

The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.

Whatever ...

What message did the cyborg see upon his failed attempt to flirt with the waitress?

Error! Unable to establish a connection with server.

Teacher to politician: Your son has failed, still you're celebrating it by distributing sweets?

Politician: In a class of 30, sixteen failed. So majority is with my son....

Why did the failed assassin decide to become a cashier again?

Because he missed his Target

What’s a failed circumcision called

A Beheading

Mongols once launched a naval invasion on Java but failed....

They sucked at C

What do you call a failed political campaign?

An **elect**ile dysfunction.

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Cat parents are basically failed gold miners…

All they do is dig up shit….

Failed DIY project

I thought it would be cool to tar up my driveway, but it ended up looking hideous. Can’t even blame anyone, it’s my own stupid asphalt.

What do you call a failed gathering of crows?

Attempted murder

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A sex addict, an alcoholic and a pot head die and arrive at the gates of heaven.

Jesus is standing there looking at them sternly he says, " I stand at these gates to judge the souls that have passed on. If you do not deserve to enter heaven then you will be cast to the fire filled depths of hell where you will spend all eternity in agony."

The three sinners knowing the li...

Totally failed to make a Mickey Mouse pancake…

I could only get the two ears done. I think this one is a bust !

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A rural farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called and that on the few occasions, when it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang.

The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile lady.

He climbed a telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house. The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned and the telephone began to ring.

Climbing do...

A father, finally exasperated looking at his son's failed test scores, shouted: " Son, if you fail your exams one more time today, don't you EVER call me your father again!!"

"Yes, father.", the son replied meekly.

After the exams, the son came home.

"How were the exams, son? Do you think you managed to pass this time?"

"NO PROBLEMO, DUDE!"

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A man goes to the doctor and says, "I've got a tapeworm."

"I've been to so many specialists and no one can seem to get rid of it."

The doctor thinks for a few moments and says, "OK, come back next week with a banana and a cookie."

The man is confused but, having been failed by every conventional treatment, goes home and returns a week later w...

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A man obsessed with trains finally steals one and immediately crashes it, killing several people...

At the trial, the man is found guilty of multiple murders and sentenced to death.

Before he faces his sentence, he's offered a last meal, and asks for a single banana, which is given to him. The next day, he's led to the electric chair. They strap him in, pull the switch, and... nothing hap...

Bad news. Just found out that I’ve failed my English exam

That's the 3th time now...

I failed my Greek Mythology exam.

It has always been my Achilles' elbow

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My teacher failed me in SexEd because I didn't want to discuss the subject.

Worst part of homeschooling...

My upholstery business failed.

I'm still trying to recover.

I passed my Algebra test today but failed my Biology exam.

The aftermath was really difficult.

I failed math so many times in school

I can't even count.

I failed my course in Photography Lighting

Teacher said I wasn't bright enough.

medina spirit was disqualified for a second failed drug test

experts described the horse's urine sample as "funky, cold"

I made a dating app for marionettes, and it failed.

Everyone wanted No Strings Attached dating.

A plane crashes in the pacific ocean. The only survivors are five men and a gorgeous woman

After a few days they end up on a desert island. After several failed attempts to get in contact with the outside world, they give up and come to terms with the fact that they have to spend the rest of their lives on this island.

They quickly acquire the necessary skills to build houses and l...

TIL Steve Irwin had a failed "Crocodile Hunter" sunscreen brand.

Apparently it didn't protect you from harmful rays

If I had 50c every time I failed a maths test...

I'd have $6.30 right now

Yesterday I went for an eye test. I failed the test.

I didn't see that coming.

I held a committee against horses but it failed to pass through.

All of them were Neigh-sayers.

Mr. Johnson wanted to get rid of a redwood tree in his backyard, so he put an ad in the paper asking for a lumberjack to get rid of the tree. Many lumberjacks tried to cut down the tree, but they all failed.

One day, a very skinny man with a plastic spoon knocked on Mr. Johnson's door. "I would like to try to cut down your tree," he said.

"With just that plastic spoon?" gasped Mr. Johnson.

"Yes," said the skinny man. The two of them went to the backyard, and the skinny man tapped the redwo...

I failed my medical school entrance exam because of nerves.

The correct answer was blood vessels.

Upon Arriving Home, A Husband Was Met At The Door By His Sobbing Wife

Tearfully she explained, "It's the pharmacist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone."

Immediately the husband drove downtown to confront the phamacist and demand an apology. Before he could say more than a few words, the druggist told him,

"Now, just a minute, please list...

For the first time in his professional career Tiger Woods failed to make the cut at the Arnold Palmer invitational

People are saying he just rolled over.

Did you boys ever hear of the planet where the inhabitants were mobile flowers?

Remarkably similar to Earthly blossoms, but they had feet and human intelligence.

The whole planet was ruled by a king called Richard the Artichoke-Heart, and one day at a court orgy his eye was caught by Fuchsia, a pale-eyed perennial. Her beauty was so great it almost made up for her stupi...

My IT friend tried to flirt with a waitress and failed miserably

I guess it wasn’t the first time he couldn’t connect to the server

What do you call a failed abortion?

Survival of the fetus

Keith Flint failed his English at School. It was a really tough break because his final essay was excellent

He just ran out of space

I did a test today and completely failed.

Looks like I’ll never be an IQ.

I told my dad I couldn't believe I'd failed my biology exam.

He said , I'm your mum.

I've already failed No Nut November

I failed the first time at 1:37am, and the second time at 1:11am.

If I got 50¢ for every math test I've failed

I would have $7.20 by now

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I just failed a fire safety course when they asked what steps I would take in case of an explosion.

Apparently “Fucking large ones” wasn’t an acceptable answer.

2 scientists walk into a bar, the first one says “I’ll have H2O” the second one says “I’ll have water also” the first scientist walks off, furious that is assassination attempt had failed.

You have to be moderately smart to understand it...

America failed No Nut November,

This election featured the two biggest nuts in recent US history.

(A joke my physics teacher told) There was a Bulgarian man who drove trains for a living...

He loved his job. Driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child. He loved to make the train go as fast as possible. Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash. He made it out, but a single person died. Well, needless to say, he went to court over this incid...

I tried to find volunteers for a tug of war game during a party, but failed miserably

The good players just won't come forward.

My idea of holding a summer vacation school to help kids with severe ADHD failed.

Do you think it's because I called it a "Concentration Camp?"

After having failed his exam in Logic, a student goes and confronts his lecturer about it.

Student: "Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?"

Professor: "Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!"

Student: "Great, well then I would like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my grade as is and go. If you howev...

A failed marriage is like an Avengers movie.

First someone snaps, then half your stuff is gone.

Did you hear about that kid that failed his exams whilst underwater

All his grade were below C level

Just found out my friend failed her oceanography course

Apparently her grades were below C-level.

I failed my math exam because I couldn’t remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6, and 500 as Roman numerals

IM LIVID

Failed Pick-Up Lines:

I wish you were my big toe.

Then I would bang you on every piece of furniture at my house..

Ninety-Nine had been trying to defeat Hundred, but failed each time. Finally, he pushed the limit for one last time. And on his cake day...

Ninety-Nine defeated Hundred-And-One.

Looking at my score, I think I failed the math test but it's hard to tell

I'm pretty bad with numbers.

Captain America loses his voice...

Captain America loses his voice due to a scheme concocted by Doctor Doom.

He tries everything. Dr Strange can't help because he doesn't detect any magic causing the problem. Reed Richards can't help, because the problem isn't explainable with science. After a barrage of failed attempts, even ...

I just found out that I failed my Binary 101 exam.

I had no idea it was a Level 5 course.

I failed my calculus exam because I was seated between two identical twins.

I couldn’t differentiate between them.

This new software developer is so socially awkward …

… he failed the Turing Test.

Around 1900, in a school in Austria

The 11-12 year olds were quizzed on European capitals. Teacher asks boy:

What is the capital of Germany? "Berlin!"

What is the capital of France? "Berlin!"

What is the capital of Great Britain? "Berlin!"

Teacher: No son, you failed and were wrong on 2 out of the 3, what ...

My Australian friend failed his aboriginal music exam

So I asked him, "Did you redo it?"

What happens to a failed brain surgery?

The patient loses its mind.

I tried to throw an orgy the other day but failed.. [NSFW]

Nobody came.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Failed my biology test today...

They asked, "What is commonly found in cells?" Apparently "black people" wasn't the correct answer.

What did the redditor say when he made a bomb and failed?

Wow, this blew up.

Bill Gates: "Why don't you tell me why Bing failed"

Bill gates: So why don't you tell me why Bing failed.

Board: We feel there was a public nescience towards Bing.

Bill gates: Nescience? Let me Goog- Oh I see what you mean.

What's the one thing this pandemic can do for me that all my failed love interests never could?

Leave me breathless.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Karen goes to the doctor not feeling well.

Karen: Doctor, I’ve not been feeling well lately.

Doctor: I’ve looked at your lab reports and I’m afraid I have some bad news.

Karen: Don’t give me this lab nonsense. I believe in homeopathic medicine, faith-based approaches and healing crystals. All my life, they have never failed m...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Today, I failed at going to the restroom.

That shit didn't work out.

Told this joke every summer as a camp counselor; never failed

This cheerio works 9-5 at a factory doing the same mundane task every day of every year. One day, this smoking hot frosted cheerio walks in and the normal cheerio falls for her instantly. He walks up to her and says:

“Hey, want to grab something to eat later?” And she says:

“Actually,...

I failed my Shakespeare test because I forgot to study and I used the wrong pencil.

I couldn't tell whether it was 2B or not 2B.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy applies for their driving license

Before starting practicing, of course, they had to pass a theoretical test.

The teacher asks them: «You're on the road at night, and you see 2 lights. What is it?»

And the student answers: «It's a car».

The teacher says: «It narrows down too little. Is it a BMW? A Mercedes? A Fo...

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