Apple just announced the launch of new glasses!

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The iPatch

At work they gave us cookies to remember the Apollo 11 launch.

I can't wait for the Apollo 1 memorial BBQ!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Life Alert and Viagra launch a joint marketing campaign

"Help! I've fallen and I can't get it up!"

To celebrate the launch of the new website we are offering one lucky winner $50 in cash or a meal for 2 at an Elvis Presley tribute.

Just comment '1' for the money or '2' for the show.

Trump launch a military campaign against Syria

Operation Desert Stormy

North Korea's launch code

↑ ↑ ↓ ↓ ← → ← → B A

How do they launch a champagne factory?

They throw a boat at it.

After Peter Jackson’s successful launch of World War 1 documentary They Will Not Grow, George Lucas has announced he is making a documentary of World War 2 with remastered footage.

Spoiler: France invades first.

President Donald Trump is going to launch the "Space Force".

Surprising for a guy who hates aliens

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We don't have to worry about Trump having the nuclear launch codes.

His hands are too small to push the button.

Researchers recently unveiled a device will launch stinging insects at high speeds.

It has beegun.

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What's the name of NASA's launch button?

The "Space Bar"

To silence her critics who hail her as Satan, Hillary is set to launch a new post-apocalyptical video game after winning the election!

It's called President Evil.

Breaking News : Apple soon to launch their cars.

with no windows though.

What do astronauts put on their sandwiches?

Launch meat

Why are astrophysicists always nervous before they launch a new satellite?

It can be a very Hubble-ing experience.

These jokes may not be funny for you, but they are Fermi.

So I'm at the nuclear missile facility and my boyfriend texts me "Hey Anna, wanna come over? ;)"

The general asks me for target coordinates for a missile launch so I do a search.

Using satellite imaging, I find the perfect spot and fire straight away.

Me: "General, we've launched a nuclear strike at these coordinates."

He looks at me in extreme confusion.

General: "W...

I think I'm starting to see why it's a bad idea to give Trump access to nuclear launch codes...

He'll just fire them

How many Syrians does it take to launch a missle?

Two. One to launch it, and one to watch CNN to find out where it landed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The year: 2029. A brilliant scientist is constructing the first sentient artificial intelligence.

He's working out of his garage in San Francisco, living on charitable donations from his worried friends. He dropped out of college when he realized he could change the world — there's no going back; his life is dedicated to this project. At first, he is met with failure upon failure. But then, he r...

What’s an astronaut’s favorite meal?

Launch.

The president opens his curtains on a snowy morning when he sees that someone had urinated the words "The president sucks" on the lawn.

Furious, the president orders the FBI to launch an investigation.

Two hours later, the head of the FBI calls the president. "Sir, we have bad news, and we have even worse news. The urine was the Vice Presidents".

The President responds, "What? What could be worse than this?"

Th...

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One day, legendary fencing master Maximilian Lee is looking for a new challenger

After decades dedicating himself to his art, he finds there is no one worthy of fighting anymore. He travels to the farest corners of the world looking to reinvigorate his love of the blade.

He travels to France and challenges their most skilled and famous fighter, but to his disappointment,...

What does a bully say to SpaceX?

Gimme your launch money!

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Challenger Shuttle Teacher Christa McAuliffe Jokes - In bad taste

Q: What was the last thing Christa McAuliffe said right before the Challenger exploded??


A:What's this button do??




Q: What did Christa McAuliffe say to her husband just before launch??




A: Honey, you feed the dogs, and I'll feed the fish.

What happens when Taoiseach Leo Varadkar orders a probe be sent to Mars?

They launch the Irish Rovers.

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Dear Tech Support

Dear Tech Support, Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance -- particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable pro...

President Trump invited the Pope for lunch on his mega yacht

The Pope
accepted and during lunch, a puff of wind blew the Pontiff's
hat off, right into the water.

It floated off about 50 feet, then the wind died down and it just floated in place.

The crew and the secret service were scrambling to launch a boat to go get
it, when Trump wa...

John was an Astronaut...

John was an astronaut scheduled to fly on his first mission to the International Space Station. The media frenzy surrounding the launch was maddening. Everywhere John went, the media followed him.

He would part the curtains at his home in the morning, and the media was out there peering in, t...

Did you hear about the new pickle flavored bread?

So since Pickle flavor is in style now with sonics new pickle juice shake, I think I'm going to launch a line of pickle flavored pastry. I'm going to call it Dilldough.

Little Billy loved to visit at his uncle’s junkyard

Even though he ran a junkyard, uncle Stu was a very bright man who loved to teach and answer all of his beloved nephew Billy’s questions. Over one particular summer they restored a classic old car. Each step was a learning experience. When a part was rusted, uncle Stu would explain all about the pro...

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A Horse's Ass

Does the statement "We’ve always done it that way" ring any bells?

The US standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That’s an exceedingly odd number.

Why was that gauge used?

Because that’s the way they built them in England, and English expatri...

What's Elon Musk's favorite meal of the day?

Launch.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In the early days of aircraft, China was copying some American designs.

They bought one of the earliest gliders from the States and carefully took it apart. Measured dimensions of the wings and body, weighed every single part and even did some careful studies to determine the exact materials.

They put some of their best engineers on it to ensure all the maths che...

So the Germans were having a hard time against the entrenches Italians in WW1

Lt Rommel has an idea: "Hey, a lot of Italians are named Luigi. I say we try calling out 'hey, Luigi', and when they stick their head out to answer, we shoot them." It was decided that it was worth a try so early the next morning the Germans launch their new "offensive".

A German soldier call...

A staff member once said..

The intent is to provide players with a sense of pride and accomplishment for unlocking different heroes.

As for cost, we selected initial values based upon data from the Open Beta and other adjustments made to milestone rewards before launch. Among other things, we're looking at average p...

Trump administration is good

because its been more than 100 days and he still hasn't tweeted the nuclear launch codes

A retired astronaut and dabbling writer gets a call from NASA

NASA asks the astronaut to help with the international space station, as he is the only one who knows how to fix the system that needs repairs. The man, a fan of old fashioned writing, requires NASA to let him bring his typewriter on the mission as his one condition to come out of retirement.
...

A millihelen.

A face that could launch one ship...

Godspeed Elon Musk

I hope you successfully launch that heavy load into space.

When do astronauts eat?

At launch time.

(Joke provided by my 7 year old)

The US Navy is starting to worry about the North Korean military.

Since all the missles they launch at Washington end up hitting the ocean, the odds are they will eventually hit a ship.

The Malaysian Space Program

One day, the Malaysians decided to launch their first space program and to send a man in a rocket out into space. Since they recognised that this was a dangerous journey, they decided to ask their final three candidates, an Indian, a Malay and a Chinese man, how much of a bonus would they need to gi...

I was kicked out of NASA today.

Apparently; "To Bed Bath and Beyond!" is not an appropriate quote to say during launch.

What do North Korea and Matthew McConaughey have in common?

Failure to Launch

Trump and Putin sit down for a game

Putin offers Trump to play a game.
-Lets say something and guess if its true or false.I'll start.I have submarines in the chinese sea.Truth or False?

Trump replies-False!

-Nope,Truth!1-0.Your turn.

-Trump thinks and says-I have missiles aimed at Russia,ready to launch!Truth o...

NASA sends Blonde to space.

NASA sends a space shuttle up with two monkeys and a blonde on board. While the shuttle is taking off, the NASA command center calls the first monkey and asks, "Monkey #1, do you know your mission?"

The monkey replies, "ooah ooah!. Get the shuttle into orbit and launch the trillion dollar sat...

A man receives marriage-saving advice from his buddy on how to hide his drinking shenanigans, and here's how he uses it.

John comes home stumbling drunk with vomit on his jacket.

His wife is tired of this behavior, and gives him an ultimatum, "John, you're my husband and I love you. I don't even mind that you drink. But I swear to god if you come home this drunk again, I'm leaving you."

John nods his he...

At what time in the day do rockets eat and why?

At noon because they take LAUNCH.

Flying a kite

I was in my back yard trying to launch a kite. I threw the kite up in the air, the wind would catch it for a few seconds, then it would come crashing back down to earth. I tried this a few more times with no success.

All the while, my wife is watching from the kitchen window, muttering to her...

the fowled experiment

scientists at NASA have developed a gun built specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the wind...

So there's two astronauts on a rocket...

One says to the other, "Get Ready, it's almost time for launch." To which the other says "Launch?! I haven't even had breakfast yet!"

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