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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy and a girl are in the same programming class..

Out of nowhere, the guy reaches over and grabs the girl's breast.

Disturbed, the girl looks at the guy and says "What are you doing!? Those are private!"

He only states "How is that? We're in the same class."

What is the most commonly used computer programming language?

Profanity.

99 programming bugs in the code

99 programming bugs in the code.

99 programming bugs.

Take one down, patch it all up.

111 programming bugs in the code.


EDIT: FRONT PAGE! HOLY COW! Thanks so much, reddit! Credit goes to my IT teacher.
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Programming joke

Roses are Red
Violets are Blue

Unexpected Indent

In line 22

I watched so many programming tutorial videos in college

My inner monologue started developing an Indian accent

What do you call a Russian that enjoys programming?

Computin.

Don't anger a programming wizard.

They'll curse you, and every time you remove it, they'll just recurse.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Programming is like sex.

One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

If my wife thinks I'm obsessed with programming, she's crazy.

Endif

Programming logic

The programmer's spouse asks the programmer to go to the store

The spouse says, "Get a loaf of bread, if they have eggs, get a dozen."

The programmer comes home with a dozen loaves of bread and says, "They had eggs."

My girl friend was complaining that I care more about programming than her.

I told her,

"Trust me baby, in the array of my interests you are [1]."

She was satisfied.

After replacing their old C++ code with Google's new programming language, Tinder can now automatically detect its users' age

This is because it's a Carbon dating app.

As a stats major I'm ashamed to say I've never done any programming

But I still excel in my field!

I'm so good at programming I don't even need to test before I ship code.

Sent my program last week and haven't heard of any problems since!

Signed,
Richard
Junior Helicopter Auto-Pilot Software Developer

I once appeared in a theatre production about a very popular web programming language

JavaScript?

No, it was entirely improvised.

What's a pirate's favourite programming language?

R

What's an optometrist's favourite programming language?

C#

What's IKEA's favourite programming language?

Assembly

What's a herpetologist's favourite programming language?

Python

Have you ever heard of Roko's Basilisk? (contains a small amount of existential dread)

It's a thought experiment provided by a user named "Roko" on a philosophy forum-based website.

Suppose a machine is invented that can simulate the whole world from the past to the future, becoming practically omniscient. The scientists who made this obviously want this to help the world, so ...

An intern recently started working for an IT programming firm.

Everyday he went into work he was always harassed by his peers, they kept saying he was never being true always being false.
#
So I had to step in, I couldn’t let them
keep Boolean him.

There are 11 types of errors when programming directly in binary...

Syntax errors,

Memory management errors,

Math errors, and

Off-by-one errors.

.
.

So I took a programming elective in school

My final grade was C+

Got a B in my computer programming class

Call that a C++

I was blind, so my friend suggested me to learn programming.

Now I csharp.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hey girl, are you an object-oriented programming language?

Because you've got class.

Once you stop doing functional programming...

You never return

I turned in my programming assignment

Which came out to say "Hello world!". I received a C+. I walked up to my professor and said, "Actually, this is C++".

Programming jokes are fun...

... but only when executed properly.

Java is the most misogynistic programming language in existence

It thinks women are objects

What programming languages would we use if C didn't exist?

Ans: PASAL, OBOL and BASI

Since MIT is giving free access to their courses online, I shall study Computer science web programming with Python and Java

as I thought it would be so cool to have a large snake round my neck as I drink coffee.

At a programming job interview, I was surprised to see the interviewing manager was a snake...

Nevertheless, I decided to roll with it, presenting myself as any other interviewee would. However, at the end, I couldn't help but ask:

"So, how did a snake end up working here?"

The snake smirked and replied "Ith really quith thimple. I goth my thart in the IT department and worked m...

Did you hear about the computer nerd who was eaten alive by a giant snake?

Now he's programming in python.

Why was the programming language afraid when it entered the arena?

It had enumerable foes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What was Hitler's favorite programming language?

Not C.

What programming language do they use in Star Wars?

JawaScript

Teacher: "How would you describe your level of programming?"

Students: "Low"

Teacher: "Ok, fine, you can write programs in assembler then"

God judges Satan vs Jesus in computer programming war.

God tells Satan and Jesus they are supposed to create the perfect computer program.

Satan starts off strong and within the first fifteen minutes has the rough architecture of his program figured out and designed.

30 minutes in and Satan is cruising along. Satan is getting all the laye...

What's a Pirate's favorite programming language?

Python.

It's really readable and flexible, and has great scientific packages, so most people are pretty fond of it.

I asked the librarian for level 5 programming books.

Instead he gave me some programming 101 book. I don't why.

I am a member of an online community which appreciates & discusses the programming language C.

We call ourselves the 'C-Men'.

The two most difficult things in programming...

The two most difficult things in programming are memory management, naming things, and off by one errors.

Why are blind people bad at programming?

Because they can't C

A plastic surgeon applies for a programming position

Because he heard they needed back end development.

Master/slave terminology was recently removed from the python programming language so as not to offend anyone.

Looks like PC’s finally won.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My teacher said people who study programming are better at "If-Then" logic

I've determined it's a bunch of booleshit.

Why did Johnny fail his programming class?

His mom kept telling him to do his homework, "No ifs, ands, or buts!"

I know I did okay on today's programming test...

...because my teacher gave me a C++.

A programming genius named Sewter

Built a limerick-writing computer

The metre was fine

And the rhymes quite divine

But for some reason it always got the last line wrong

Here's a short programming joke: !false

It's funny because it's **true**. I hope that makes you laugh a *bit*.

What do you call a programming language designed for women?

An object oriented programming language.

A buddy and I are in the same programming class

My friend starts writing down a note

I look at it

He says "Hay! That note is private"

I respond "But we are in the same class"

Im thinking about studying computer programming next year...

So i can C# in 2020

How do you convert Spanish programming into English?

Yes++

What kind of programming do trans robots have?

Non-Binary

A husband and wife who own a circus walk into an adoption agency looking to adopt a child.

"Are you sure the circus is the best place for a child?" asks the social worker. "I mean, all those dangerous animals, the constant traveling..."

"The animals are trained," says the wife. "And we have a state-of-the-art 55-foot motorhome equipped with a large nursery."

"How will you ed...

A programming joke

There are three hard problems in computer concurrency. science. Cache invalidation, naming things, off-by-one errors, and

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