I've been programming too much

I can barely cout of my eyes

What's a Pirate's favorite programming language?

Python.

It's really readable and flexible, and has great scientific packages, so most people are pretty fond of it.

Why was the programming language afraid when it entered the arena?

It had enumerable foes.

Programming joke

Roses are Red
Violets are Blue

Unexpected Indent

In line 22

My girlfriend told me I care more about my programming job than about her.

I told her she is the #1 thing I care about.

Java is the most misogynistic programming language in existence

It thinks women are objects

Don't anger a programming wizard.

They'll curse you, and every time you remove it, they'll just recurse.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hey girl, are you an object-oriented programming language?

Because you've got class.

I turned in my programming assignment

Which came out to say "Hello world!". I received a C+. I walked up to my professor and said, "Actually, this is C++".

What do you call a Russian that enjoys programming?

Computin.

Since MIT is giving free access to their courses online, I shall study Computer science web programming with Python and Java

as I thought it would be so cool to have a large snake round my neck as I drink coffee.

I was blind, so my friend suggested me to learn programming.

Now I csharp.

What language is most commonly used in programming?

Profanity.

99 programming bugs in the code

99 programming bugs in the code.

99 programming bugs.

Take one down, patch it all up.

111 programming bugs in the code.


EDIT: FRONT PAGE! HOLY COW! Thanks so much, reddit! Credit goes to my IT teacher.
EDIT 2: WE SURPASSED 1K UPVOTES!?!?! THANKS!

I'm so good at programming I don't even need to test before I ship code.

Sent my program last week and haven't heard of any problems since!

Signed,
Richard
Junior Helicopter Auto-Pilot Software Developer

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What was Hitler's favorite programming language?

Not C.

I am a member of an online community which appreciates & discusses the programming language C.

We call ourselves the 'C-Men'.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My teacher said people who study programming are better at "If-Then" logic

I've determined it's a bunch of booleshit.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy and a girl are in the same programming class..

Out of nowhere, the guy reaches over and grabs the girl's breast.

Disturbed, the girl looks at the guy and says "What are you doing!? Those are private!"

He only states "How is that? We're in the same class."

I asked the librarian for level 5 programming books.

Instead he gave me some programming 101 book. I don't why.

Q: What's the best IDE for a blind programmer?

A: Visual Studio

Q: And what's the best programming language for a blind programmer?
A: Not sure, maybe Visual Basic, but definitely not C#, C++ or even C

(Sorry for stealing from r/learnprograming)

***Attention please***: The train to hell is leaving in 10 minutes, for t...

If my wife thinks I'm obsessed with programming, she's crazy.

Endif

Programming jokes are fun...

... but only when executed properly.

I have a 79.82% grade in my programming class

I have a C++

I took a programming class in high school

I got a C++

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Programming is like sex.

One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

I watched so many programming tutorial videos in college

My inner monologue started developing an Indian accent

Teacher: "How would you describe your level of programming?"

Students: "Low"

Teacher: "Ok, fine, you can write programs in assembler then"

A plastic surgeon applies for a programming position

Because he heard they needed back end development.

What programming languages would we use if C didn't exist?

Ans: PASAL, OBOL and BASI

Im thinking about studying computer programming next year...

So i can C# in 2020

Do want to use semicolons when programming?

I indent not to.

Why are blind people so bad at programming?

They can't C.

Master/slave terminology was recently removed from the python programming language so as not to offend anyone.

Looks like PC’s finally won.

I know I did okay on today's programming test...

...because my teacher gave me a C++.

The two most difficult things in programming...

The two most difficult things in programming are memory management, naming things, and off by one errors.

What kind of programming do trans robots have?

Non-Binary

Once you stop doing functional programming...

You never return

Programming during the Cold War

In the 1960's the KGB was very interested in learning everything possible about the American space program, sending all sorts of spies to find every possible piece of information.

One afternoon, a breathless spy returned to headquarters with a page of paper in his hand, excitedly shouting to ...

I got my job at the secret government facility today.

The workplace is separated to three parts, part "C, X and V".


We were told the V section stored the most dangerous weapons on the planet, so we are not allowed to go near it.


I work at Section X, which is the robot studying section, a whole day of programming is hard, so I chat...

What programming language do they use in Star Wars?

JawaScript

The ending is massive.

A shoe factory specializing in intelligent shoes contacted me, and asked me whether I wanted to try their new smart shoes.

It was free of charge, so I accepted the offer.

First, I asked the shoes to take me to the best burger place in town. And indeed, the shoes walked me right into th...

A programming genius named Sewter

Built a limerick-writing computer

The metre was fine

And the rhymes quite divine

But for some reason it always got the last line wrong

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