What is the most commonly used computer programming language?

Profanity.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy and a girl are in the same programming class..

Out of nowhere, the guy reaches over and grabs the girl's breast.

Disturbed, the girl looks at the guy and says "What are you doing!? Those are private!"

He only states "How is that? We're in the same class."

Got a B in my computer programming class

Call that a C++

Don't anger a programming wizard.

They'll curse you, and every time you remove it, they'll just recurse.

My girlfriend told me I care more about my programming job than about her.

I told her she is the #1 thing I care about.

As a stats major I'm ashamed to say I've never done any programming

But I still excel in my field!

99 programming bugs in the code

99 programming bugs in the code.

99 programming bugs.

Take one down, patch it all up.

111 programming bugs in the code.


EDIT: FRONT PAGE! HOLY COW! Thanks so much, reddit! Credit goes to my IT teacher.
EDIT 2: WE SURPASSED 1K UPVOTES!?!?! THANKS!

Programming joke

Roses are Red
Violets are Blue

Unexpected Indent

In line 22

I've been programming too much

I can barely cout of my eyes

Why was the programming language afraid when it entered the arena?

It had enumerable foes.

Java is the most misogynistic programming language in existence

It thinks women are objects

At a programming job interview, I was surprised to see the interviewing manager was a snake...

Nevertheless, I decided to roll with it, presenting myself as any other interviewee would. However, at the end, I couldn't help but ask:

"So, how did a snake end up working here?"

The snake smirked and replied "Ith really quith thimple. I goth my thart in the IT department and worked m...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hey girl, are you an object-oriented programming language?

Because you've got class.

I turned in my programming assignment

Which came out to say "Hello world!". I received a C+. I walked up to my professor and said, "Actually, this is C++".

What do you call a Russian that enjoys programming?

Computin.

Since MIT is giving free access to their courses online, I shall study Computer science web programming with Python and Java

as I thought it would be so cool to have a large snake round my neck as I drink coffee.

If my wife thinks I'm obsessed with programming, she's crazy.

Endif

I'm so good at programming I don't even need to test before I ship code.

Sent my program last week and haven't heard of any problems since!

Signed,
Richard
Junior Helicopter Auto-Pilot Software Developer

What's a Pirate's favorite programming language?

Python.

It's really readable and flexible, and has great scientific packages, so most people are pretty fond of it.

I was blind, so my friend suggested me to learn programming.

Now I csharp.

Announcing the new Built-in Orderly Organized Knowledge device, otherwise known as the BOOK.

It's a revolutionary breakthrough in technology: no wires, no electric circuits, no batteries, nothing to be connected or switched on. It's so easy to use even a child can operate it. Just lift its cover. Compact and portable, it can be used anywhere -- even sitting in an armchair by the fire -- yet...

I am a member of an online community which appreciates & discusses the programming language C.

We call ourselves the 'C-Men'.

Programming jokes are fun...

... but only when executed properly.

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Programming is like sex.

One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

Teacher: "How would you describe your level of programming?"

Students: "Low"

Teacher: "Ok, fine, you can write programs in assembler then"

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What was Hitler's favorite programming language?

Not C.

What programming language do they use in Israel?

Jewva

I asked the librarian for level 5 programming books.

Instead he gave me some programming 101 book. I don't why.

I watched so many programming tutorial videos in college

My inner monologue started developing an Indian accent

Attorney at law

Saying you're an attorney at law is like saying you're a software developer at programming or that you're a policeman at racism

What programming languages would we use if C didn't exist?

Ans: PASAL, OBOL and BASI

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My teacher said people who study programming are better at "If-Then" logic

I've determined it's a bunch of booleshit.

Once you stop doing functional programming...

You never return

The two most difficult things in programming...

The two most difficult things in programming are memory management, naming things, and off by one errors.

Master/slave terminology was recently removed from the python programming language so as not to offend anyone.

Looks like PC’s finally won.

A plastic surgeon applies for a programming position

Because he heard they needed back end development.

I know I did okay on today's programming test...

...because my teacher gave me a C++.

Here's a short programming joke: !false

It's funny because it's **true**. I hope that makes you laugh a *bit*.

Why are blind people so bad at programming?

They can't C.

Im thinking about studying computer programming next year...

So i can C# in 2020

What kind of programming do trans robots have?

Non-Binary

A programming genius named Sewter

Built a limerick-writing computer

The metre was fine

And the rhymes quite divine

But for some reason it always got the last line wrong

Why did Johnny fail his programming class?

His mom kept telling him to do his homework, "No ifs, ands, or buts!"

God judges Satan vs Jesus in computer programming war.

God tells Satan and Jesus they are supposed to create the perfect computer program.

Satan starts off strong and within the first fifteen minutes has the rough architecture of his program figured out and designed.

30 minutes in and Satan is cruising along. Satan is getting all the laye...

A buddy and I are in the same programming class

My friend starts writing down a note

I look at it

He says "Hay! That note is private"

I respond "But we are in the same class"

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