Programming Jokes - 59 Hilarious Programming Jokes

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A guy and a girl are in the same programming class..

Out of nowhere, the guy reaches over and grabs the girl's breast.

Disturbed, the girl looks at the guy and says "What are you doing!? Those are private!"

He only states "How is that? We're in the same class."

My girlfriend told me I care more about my programming job than about her.

I told her she is the #1 thing I care about.

Programming joke

Roses are Red
Violets are Blue

Unexpected Indent

In line 22

99 programming bugs in the code

99 programming bugs in the code.

99 programming bugs.

Take one down, patch it all up.

111 programming bugs in the code.

EDIT: FRONT PAGE! HOLY COW! Thanks so much, reddit! Credit goes to my IT teacher.
EDIT 2: WE SURPASSED 1K UPVOTES!?!?! THANKS!

I watched so many programming tutorial videos in college

My inner monologue started developing an Indian accent

Once you stop doing functional programming...

You never return

Programming logic

The programmer's spouse asks the programmer to go to the store

The spouse says, "Get a loaf of bread, if they have eggs, get a dozen."

The programmer comes home with a dozen loaves of bread and says, "They had eggs."

Don't anger a programming wizard.

They'll curse you, and every time you remove it, they'll just recurse.

What do you call a Russian that enjoys programming?

Computin.

What language is most commonly used in programming?

Profanity.

If my wife thinks I'm obsessed with programming, she's crazy.

Endif

Programming jokes are fun...

... but only when executed properly.

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Programming is like sex:

one mistake and you’re providing support for a lifetime.

What's a pirate's favourite programming language?

R

What's an optometrist's favourite programming language?

C#

What's IKEA's favourite programming language?

Assembly

What's a herpetologist's favourite programming language?

Python

What's the difference between Ocean and my Programming Code Repository?

They are putting some efforts for cleaning Garbage from the ocean.

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An unpublished manuscript of Hemingway’s last novel has been discovered. It’s about a man in his seventies trying to learn programming.

The Old Man and the C.

An intern recently started working for an IT programming firm.

Everyday he went into work he was always harassed by his peers, they kept saying he was never being true always being false.
#
So I had to step in, I couldn’t let them
keep Boolean him.

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Hey girl, are you an object-oriented programming language?

Because you've got class.

What programming languages would we use if C didn't exist?

Ans: PASAL, OBOL and BASI

I'm so good at programming I don't even need to test before I ship code.

Sent my program last week and haven't heard of any problems since!

Signed,
Richard
Junior Helicopter Auto-Pilot Software Developer

Why are blind people bad at programming?

Because they can't C

I was blind, so my friend suggested me to learn programming.

Now I csharp.

Got a B in my computer programming class

Call that a C++

I turned in my programming assignment

Which came out to say "Hello world!". I received a C+. I walked up to my professor and said, "Actually, this is C++".

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What was Hitler's favorite programming language?

Not C.

As a stats major I'm ashamed to say I've never done any programming

But I still excel in my field!

There are 11 types of errors when programming directly in binary...

Syntax errors,

Memory management errors,

Math errors, and

Off-by-one errors.

.
.

I once appeared in a theatre production about a very popular web programming language

JavaScript?

No, it was entirely improvised.

After replacing their old C++ code with Google's new programming language, Tinder can now automatically detect its users' age

This is because it's a Carbon dating app.

Java is the most misogynistic programming language in existence

It thinks women are objects

What programming language do they use in Star Wars?

JawaScript

What's a Pirate's favorite programming language?

Python.

It's really readable and flexible, and has great scientific packages, so most people are pretty fond of it.

A programming genius named Sewter

Built a limerick-writing computer

The metre was fine

And the rhymes quite divine

But for some reason it always got the last line wrong

Here's a short programming joke: !false

It's funny because it's **true**. I hope that makes you laugh a *bit*.

Teacher: "How would you describe your level of programming?"

Students: "Low"

Teacher: "Ok, fine, you can write programs in assembler then"

God judges Satan vs Jesus in computer programming war.

God tells Satan and Jesus they are supposed to create the perfect computer program.

Satan starts off strong and within the first fifteen minutes has the rough architecture of his program figured out and designed.

30 minutes in and Satan is cruising along. Satan is getting all the laye...

Why did Johnny fail his programming class?

His mom kept telling him to do his homework, "No ifs, ands, or buts!"

The two most difficult things in programming...

The two most difficult things in programming are memory management, naming things, and off by one errors.

What did the big programming number say to the small programming number?

UShort.

Programming Job

I wanted to give you some C++ pointers but I wanted to make sure you got this reference.

Why was the programming language afraid when it entered the arena?

It had enumerable foes.

A plastic surgeon applies for a programming position

Because he heard they needed back end development.

I asked the librarian for level 5 programming books.

Instead he gave me some programming 101 book. I don't why.

A programming joke

There are three hard problems in computer concurrency. science. Cache invalidation, naming things, off-by-one errors, and

Programming takes time. Just remember...

Chrome wasn't built in a day

I know I did okay on today's programming test...

...because my teacher gave me a C++.

Im thinking about studying computer programming next year...

So i can C# in 2020

They said this new programming language was so easy even a mafia enforcer can learn it in a month.

I thought mafiosi was just a random example but then I saw the way it combines the operators "or" and "else".

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Before art school, Adolf Hitler tried programming,

but he always got stuck on race conditions.

How do you convert Spanish programming into English?

Yes++

Procedural programming is like school in the summer.

It has no classes!

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My teacher said people who study programming are better at "If-Then" logic

I've determined it's a bunch of booleshit.

What do you call a programming language designed for women?

An object oriented programming language.

At a programming job interview, I was surprised to see the interviewing manager was a snake...

Nevertheless, I decided to roll with it, presenting myself as any other interviewee would. However, at the end, I couldn't help but ask:

"So, how did a snake end up working here?"

The snake smirked and replied "Ith really quith thimple. I goth my thart in the IT department and worked m...

A buddy and I are in the same programming class

My friend starts writing down a note

I look at it

He says "Hay! That note is private"

I respond "But we are in the same class"

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The Programming Language Competition (OC)

The programming languages are in a competition to see who's the best.

Java makes the brackets. In the major bracket, C++ is against C#. Binary is against assembly. C is against Java. Visual Basic is against PHP. Perl is against JavaScript.

And Python is in the lowest bracket, with al...

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Based on a true story (programming, walks into a bar)

Two programmers walk into a bar. The Python programmer orders an orange juice. The C programmer gets a look of disgust and says "You're in a bar! You should order an alcoholic drink!" The Python programmer gets his juice, pulls out his wallet, and pays for his drink. The C programmer tells the barte...

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You've Been Programming Too Long When...

When you are counting objects, you go "0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D...".

When asked about a bus schedule, you wonder if it is 16 or 32 bits.

When your wife says "If you don't turn off that darn machine and come to bed,then I am going to divorce you!", and you chastise her for for omit...

What kind of programming do trans robots have?

Non-Binary

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