Stevie Wonder went to play a concert in China, and he began by asking if the audience had any requests. They shouted: "Play a jazz chord! Play a jazz chord!"...

Stevie was a little puzzled, but he responded by playing an E minor scale, and then continued with a complex jazz melody that went on for over fifteen minutes.

He finished, but instead of applause, he heard the audience shout again: "No, no! Play a jazz chord! Play a jazz chord!"

A lit...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

At a U2 concert in Belfast,Ireland

Bono asked the audience for total silence.

Then in the silence he started to clap his hands. Once every few seconds.

Keeping the audience in silence he said into the microphone, “every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies.”

From the front of the crowd a broad Irish acc...

I like to pick girls up at cover band concerts

Since I already know they're willing to settle

In a concert hall, the concertmaster walks onto the stage to announce the performance

"Piano Concerto no. 1, by Frederic Chopin", - he says, followed by the musician sitting down at the piano.

The pianist starts playing, and is close to a virtuoso. The performance is flawless, the audience applauds in awe, when a large figured man in a really expensive suit emerges from the f...

I keep having flashbacks to the time I saw a K-Pop band in concert.

I think I have BTSD.

I went to a BTS concert a while back. It was absolutely horrible.

Now every time I hear their songs I get BTSD.

Why did everyone have Covid-19 at the KPop concert?

Because a symptom of Coronavirus is lack of taste.

Few years ago I saw Slim Shady in concert and instead of rapping he just kept pulling his pants down and mooning the crowd.

Honestly the whole thing was just Em bare assing.

I took my friend to a concert. He said to me “Hey, you said there would be dragons here.”

So, I responded “No, man. I said you’d have to imagine them.”

What's the cheapest concert you could attend?

50 Cent featuring Nickleback.

Only $153.45 after taxes and Ticketmaster fees.

I take LSD every time I go to a dubstep concert, but it always wears off.

I think it’s because the bass neutralizes the acid

What happened to the conductor when half the cello section called in sick before a concert?

He had to resort to excessive violins.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A band is practicing before the concert

The vocalist stops the rehearsal and says:
\-Tell the bass player that the bass is too quiet
The band continues to pratice and suddenly the vocalist stops the rehearsal again:
\-Tell the bass player that I can't hear him
The band continues practice once more, but the vocalist rea...

A concert promoter walks into a bar

A concert promoter walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Now that they are easing the Covid restrictions have you been able to plan any big events?" the bartender asks. "Well, we're planning a Foreigner reunion concert for later this summer. But we're still going to require mandatory temperature ...

What does Santa the Rapper say at the beginning of his concerts?

"Where my ho ho ho's at?"

Hear about the screen printer who misspelled the order of concert posters?

Must have had an extra stencil crisis.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Hamster and the Frog

A shabby-looking man walks into an upscale bar full of businessmen and orders a Scotch. The bartender looks him over and says, "Sir, I don't believe you can afford the drinks at this establishment. May I ask that you go somewhere else?"
The man shrugs his shoulders and says, "You're right. I do...

The date I took to the AC/DC concert had buck teeth, giving her a cute beaver smile

She was the best dam woman I had even seen

A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out...

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."

Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so ...

What do you call a Concert Hall full of Belle Delphine fans?

A Simphony.

Mandatory temperature checks will be required for attending the Foreigner reunion concert

If you’re hot blooded, they’ll check it and see

At a Beethoven concert --

Beethoven: You guys ready for some music?

Crowd: YES!

Beethoven: I can't hear you...

I found a Justin Bieber concert ticket nailed to a tree, so I took it.

You never know when you might need a nail.

I went to a Coldplay concert once.

It was paradise.

What does Beethoven say after a concert ?

I can't hear you

What has 100 legs and 8 teeth?

The front row of a Cliff Richard concert.

Watch out for a scam phone call.

The caller says, You have won $1.000.000 dollars


or Tickets to an Elvis Presley tribute Concert.


Just press 1 for the money or 2 for the show.

How do you get a bunch of avocados into an Aerosmith concert?

You tell them to GUAC This Way!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Blowjob Class

Chantelle and her man are happily married, but their adventurous days in bed are long gone. To boost their sex life, Chantelle decides to participate in a blowjob class.

In the first lesson, the instructor introduced herself: "My name is Monica and I am a blowjob expert. What you will learn i...

Covid is canceling out all of these fun events like Circus’s, rodeos, and concerts.

In about a month, it will really be no Fair.

A singer dies on the day of his concert

He really left his fans hanging.

What rock group doesn't sing, play instruments or do concerts?

Mt. Rushmore

What concert costs 45 cents?

50 Cent feat. Nickelback


Go ahead, down vote me to oblivion

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

During a U2 concert in Glasgow, Scotland, Bono asked the audience for total quiet.

Then in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands. Once every few seconds. Holding the audience in total silence, he said into the microphone "Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."

From the front of the crowd, a broad Scottish accent pierced the quiet: "Well fuckin...

I was supposed to go to a Salt N Pepa concert next week.

But because of the coronavirus they decided to push it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man with a lisp went on a blind date to a heavy metal concert

Paul had been ridiculed all his life for having a lisp. As a kid, he was bullied in school. As an adult, he caught coworkers making fun of him when they thought he couldn't hear. He would even notice cashiers trying to stifle their laughter. No woman would ever go out with him, and he felt resigned ...

Given social distancing regulations, a ton of condiment companies are being forced to cancel July 4th campaigns like sponsored concerts, where they planned to hand out signature color sunglasses to attendees.

Bad idea, Heinz-Sight 2020.

Why do they open many doors when a reggae concert ends?

To achieve a high fan-out.

After a concert at an old auditorium, the microphones started picking up whispers that weren't there...

"W-w-what was that??" asked one of the staff.


"Relax," said the manager, "it's just phantom power."

I was at my favourite singers concert, but it got delayed

Postponed Malone

Vaccines are a gateway drug.

To concerts and air travel.

Social distancing for an introvert is like winning a free ticket to a Coldplay concert for an extrovert

I feel right at home

What’s 50 feet long and has 37 teeth?

The front row of a Willie Nelson concert

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

U2 are holding a concert in Scotland.

Halfway through the show, as the other band members take a break, Bono takes to the stage and begins clapping his hands. A steady, rythmic clap. He leans into the microphone and addresses the crowd:

"Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies".

From somewhere in the crowd, a v...

I saw a poster today for a free concert for those working in public health. It said 'Frontline Only'.

Weird. I would've thought they'd fill the whole venue.

Having an argument in a relationship is like going to a rock concert

It starts with the new stuff but ends with the old hits

Why did the heavy metal group rent a wrecking ball for their upcoming concert?

They wanted to bring the house down

Why didn't Bach attend Vivaldi's concert?

He was baroque.

I went to a concert to feel better today

I thought it was The Cure, but it turned out to be just Placebo.

During this period of the pandemic, a group of extraordinarily thin people came together to form a band.

It was a massive success. They were the best in their fields. The violin, oh so melodious! The synth on point everytime. The acoustics, superb.

One time they were offered to perform a virtual concert. All the tickets sold out.

But when the time came for them to perform, they couldn't c...

I once paid $20 to go see Prince in concert.

But I partied like it was $19.99

PSA: IF YOU RECEIVE AN EMAIL SAYING, "You've won two free tickets to a Justin Bieber concert!" DO NOT OPEN IT.

It contains two tickets to a Justin Bieber concert.

Ticketholder: Have fun at your concert!

Me: Y-you too.

Ticketholder: Yeah, I know who you're going to watch.

Before Chris Brown did a concert with them, they were just known as "The Peas".

And now they are The ......... Peas

What does a bear eat at a concert?

Beats.

I misplaced Dwayne Johnson’s cutting tool for the origami concert

I can’t believe I lost the Rock’s Paper Scissors.

I saw barenaked ladies at a concert back in the 90's

I don't remember the band I went to go see though.

In light of the recent video surfacing, Drake has set the cutoff age for his concerts at 16.

Anyone over that is just too old.

I bought a couple of concert tickets from some scalpers.

Sorry, that's not politically correct,...some Native Americans.

What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent, featuring nickelback

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My band is hosting a benefit concert for women with no legs.

The place will be crawling with pussy.

LPT: Always wear hearing protection when you go to concerts

This is sound advice.

I am a huge fan of R.E.M did you see the photo I got with them backstage after their concert,

that’s me in the corner...

When I refused to buy her concert tickets for the weekend, my 15 year old daughter broke down and threatened to cry a river.

I told her to go ahead, but remember that she's so self absorbed the tears won't even make it to her cheeks.

I regret going to that B-52's concert.

They bombed.

A new emerging rock band is having its first concert

To be sure that everything goes perfectly the group's manager decides to invite a well known concert critic: If he decided to come and the concert went well, that would've been their occasion to take off in the world of music

Incredibly the critic accepts their offering and is present in his ...

I went to a concert for deaf people

They were singing like no one was listening

When my wife and I argue, we’re like a band in concert

we start with some new stuff, and then we roll out our greatest hits

My friend almost died coming back from a Disturbed concert

He came down with the sickness

I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to go the Be and Eleven concert

She responds “Oh? I’ve never heard of them before!”
So I say “she’s on the radio all the time, maybe you would know them by their Spanish name “Be Y Once”

I brought my sister to an Oasis concert once

When they came on stage I shouted "Go Oasis!"

When I turned around, she was gone.

What kind of security do they hire for metal concerts?

Coppers

In 1982 Elton John attended one of Queen's concerts, but was shortly hospitalized afterwards.

Turns out they found traces of Mercury in him.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A singer is holding a concert indoors.

While doing so, he feels the urge to defecate. As soon as he finishised the piece, he excuses himself upstairs.

He notices the WC has the hole continue indefinitely instead of curving, but doesn't worry too much. He does his buisness and goes downstairs.

There, everybody is running awa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After an orchestra concert, the host asks if there are any musicians in the audience.

Many audience members raise their hands, and the host randomly selects three of them, and invites them on the stage for a quick quiz. The first one turns out to be a pianist, the second one is a singer, and the last one is a drummer.

The host says: "Let's have a quick quiz, shall we? Our pian...

My wife said she'd love for us to go and see the Monkees reunion concert in Switzerland.

I thought she was joking.

Then I saw her face ........ Now I'm in Geneva..

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I heard that the Sting concert in downtown Chicago didn't sell many tickets

I guess black people don't like The Police

What does a brewery and a Nickelback concert have in common?

They are both responsible for a lot of boos.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A group of five park wardens decided to start a band together...

... They all agreed on playing music of a rock subgerne kind, mixed in with symphonic elements, fantasy based subject matter and strong choruses. However they could not agree on a specific aesthetic, as each one of them turned up for their first practice session with a different color scheme.
...

I went to a Foo Fighters concert the other day...

It was great to see My Hero, but man was it Everlong

I went to see a concert performance by the Royal Bermuda Philharmonic orchestra...

Half way through the first symphony, the triangle player vanished...

Imagine Dragons is doing a concert in Washington DC

They start singing Believer... "First things first I'ma say all the words inside my head"

"Challenge accepted" Donald Trump replies

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why was the Japanese man sad after the Journey concert?

He couldn't stop bereaving.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A musical group of 5 boys rented an apartment to practice for a concert.

As they start to practice an old man that lived in the floor below walks up and knocks on the door. He asks for the boys to keep it down because he is an old man he cant stand all the noise. The boys say ‘today practice tomorrow concert but we will try and keep it down’ . An hour later they go at it...

I was going to 50 cent's concert.

Father: Where are you going?
Me: 50 cent's concert.
Father: Here, take a dollar and take your sister too.

A concert pianist makes mistakes during a performance

Over and over the renowned musician kept making little blunders here and there, and critics in the audience were very aware. After the recital, one commentator said, "no disrespect, but you played everything from memory and had quite a few slip-ups. Just having a bad night?"


Looking a lit...

To the person who found a pot of marmalade at a Foo Fighters concert last year

That's my jam

Neymar was found at a Celine Dion concert, screaming from pain and rolling around.

He was touched by the music.

Subscribe (Verb) - to obtain or have a subscription to a publication, concert series, service, etc.

Subscribe (Noun) - a very obedient writer

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just saw the rapper Shaggy perform at the Super Bowl pre-game concert. In case you're wondering who invited him...

It wasn't me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Beethoven's concert

Beethoven: "Are you ready for for my greatest piece?!"

Audience: "Yeah!"

Beethoven: "I can't hear you!"

Audience: "YEAH!"

Beethoven: "I can't hear you!"

Audience: "YE- oh fuck, that's right..."

What big cat shouldn't you take to a rock concert?

A Def Leppard

My wife dragged me to a classical concert.

Me: I hope this concert has a lot of ado.

Her: Huh?

MC: Ladies and Gentlemen, without further ado....

Me: F*ck.

Mogadishu, Somalia is holding a concert today

to raise money to get kids vaccinated against measles in the US

I tried buying tickets to a rap concert to see if the bank had processed the loan I requested on my account

They did not Post Malone.

Why do women throw underwear at guitarists at concerts?

Just in case their G-string breaks.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm hosting a charity concert for people who struggle to reach orgasm.

If you can't come, let me know.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.