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Concert Jokes

How many concert sound guys does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two.

Two. Two.

Two Two. Two. Two.

Two.

Two.

Two. Two.

What does a Travis Scott concert and the Titanic have in common?

The music doesn’t stop when people start dying.

I thought my wife was joking when she said she wanted to go to a Monkees tribute concert in Switzerland. Then I saw her face.

Now I'm in Geneva.

I went to see The Cure in concert last weekend.

Halfway through the show, a cover band called Placebo took their place on stage. I enjoyed both performances equally.

50 Cent Concert

Guy: Dad Give me some money, I want to go to the 50 cent concert.

Dad: Here is a dollar, take your sister along

Why is it so hot at the Grateful Dead concert?

Because their fans don't work.

I'm really getting sick of turning up early to concerts

They always promise The Doors will be opening for every band, but they never show up.

I take LSD every time I go to a dubstep concert, but it always wears off.

I think it’s because the bass neutralizes the acid

I found a Justin Bieber concert ticket nailed to a tree, so I took it...

...You never know when you might need a nail.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

At a U2 concert in Belfast,Ireland

Bono asked the audience for total silence.

Then in the silence he started to clap his hands. Once every few seconds.

Keeping the audience in silence he said into the microphone, “every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies.”

From the front of the crowd a broad Irish acc...

Before Chris Brown did a concert with them, they were just known as "The Peas".

And now they are The ......... Peas

There was a concert in Joe's farm

The horse, the cat and the dog were really impressed by their performance.

The next day, the horse asks the cat and the dog if they would like to create their own band and go to Europe to perform live.
"Are you stupid, we are animals" said the dog.
"Don't worry, I saw an announcement...

I like to pick girls up at cover band concerts

Since I already know they're willing to settle

Why didn't Bach attend Vivaldi's concert?

He was baroque.

After an undersea concert, a group of clam musicians go out for a night on the town

They all left their instruments at the concert hall, except for Connie, who always insists on bringing her harp wherever she goes. They started out at a hip dance club called "Sam's". After a few drinks, they moved on to a few other clubs. As they were leaving the last one, Connie cries out, "Oh ...

Stevie Wonder was doing a concert, and towards the end decided to play some requests.

A man called out, "Play a jazz chord." So Stevie played a short riff, but the man insisted: "No, no, play a jazz chord."

So Stevie played a longer riff: "No, no," said the man, "play a jazz chord."

Stevie tried again and again, until he was playing chords he'd never played in his life,...

Two concerts

In my whole life I’ve only ever been to two concerts. I’ve seen Placebo, and I’ve seen The Cure.

They were just as good as each other

What has 132 legs and 8 teeth?

The front row of a Toby Keith concert.

A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out.

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time." Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?" ...

Went to a rock concert awhile ago…

Pre-COVID of course, and it was absolutely jam-packed, people standing shoulder to shoulder, just enjoying the music. My friend standing next to me turned his head slightly
and said : totally awesome concert but I’m needing to go toilet and it’s so busy what am I gonna do?

I replied: pee ...

How do you resuscitate someone at a rock concert?

You perform CCR!

At a Beethoven concert --

Beethoven: You guys ready for some music?

Crowd: YES!

Beethoven: I can't hear you...

Did you hear that the band U2 gave away a free concert?

Apparently, the crowd was very Pro Bono.

What concert costs 45 cents?

50 Cent feat. Nickelback


Go ahead, down vote me to oblivion

What is 500ft wide and has no pubic hair?

What is 500 ft wide and has no pubic hair?


The first row of a Justin Bieber concert.

Whats the saddest thing about the Astroworld concert?

The last thing they would ever hear is Travis Scott.

I went to a concert hosted by the Dyslexics Support Group.

Queef Latina was the headliner and they put on a hell of a show.

Mandatory temperature checks will be required for attending the Foreigner reunion concert

If you’re hot blooded, they’ll check it and see

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Beethoven's concert

Beethoven: "Are you ready for for my greatest piece?!"

Audience: "Yeah!"

Beethoven: "I can't hear you!"

Audience: "YEAH!"

Beethoven: "I can't hear you!"

Audience: "YE- oh fuck, that's right..."

What's the cheapest concert you could attend?

50 Cent featuring Nickleback.

Only $153.45 after taxes and Ticketmaster fees.

Took my kid to a classical music concert. It was a disaster

Way too much sax and violins

PSA: IF YOU RECEIVE AN EMAIL SAYING, "You've won two free tickets to a Justin Bieber concert!" DO NOT OPEN IT.

It contains two tickets to a Justin Bieber concert.

(thought of this during science class) A DJ conducts a science experiment with acids during his concert

Unfortunately, it all went wrong when he dropped the base

Why did everyone have Covid-19 at the KPop concert?

Because a symptom of Coronavirus is lack of taste.

What do you call a Concert Hall full of Belle Delphine fans?

A Simphony.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A band is practicing before the concert

The vocalist stops the rehearsal and says:
\-Tell the bass player that the bass is too quiet
The band continues to pratice and suddenly the vocalist stops the rehearsal again:
\-Tell the bass player that I can't hear him
The band continues practice once more, but the vocalist rea...

Two little old ladies were enjoying the concert by the community orchestra in the high school gymnasium.

One asked the other if she knew the name of the piece they were playing. Her friend answered "That sign over there says it's the Refrain From Spitting."

The Vienna Boys Choir is having a special New Year’s Eve concert. At midnight there will be a ball drop and…

…all the Sopranos will become Altos.

Two sound guys are getting the stage ready for a concert...

First sound guy: *Taps on mic:* "Testing, testing one two..."

Other sound guy: *Taps on mic:* "Testing, testing one too..."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

U2 are holding a concert in Scotland.

Halfway through the show, as the other band members take a break, Bono takes to the stage and begins clapping his hands. A steady, rythmic clap. He leans into the microphone and addresses the crowd:

"Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies".

From somewhere in the crowd, a v...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

U2 has a concert...

and at the end of one of the songs, Bono takes off his guitar, places it on the ground and slowly walks up to the mic. He asks the crowd to be silent for a moment, the crowd immediately quiets down. After a few seconds, Bono claps. Another couple of seconds pass and Bono claps again. He does this fo...

In a concert hall, the concertmaster walks onto the stage to announce the performance

"Piano Concerto no. 1, by Frederic Chopin", - he says, followed by the musician sitting down at the piano.

The pianist starts playing, and is close to a virtuoso. The performance is flawless, the audience applauds in awe, when a large figured man in a really expensive suit emerges from the f...

I went to a BTS concert a while back. It was absolutely horrible.

Now every time I hear their songs I get BTSD.

What rock group doesn't sing, play instruments or do concerts?

Mt. Rushmore

A singer dies on the day of his concert

He really left his fans hanging.

What happened to the conductor when half the cello section called in sick before a concert?

He had to resort to excessive violins.

I was recently attacked at a K-pop concert.

I now have BTSD.

I regret going to that B-52's concert.

They bombed.

A concert promoter walks into a bar

A concert promoter walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Now that they are easing the Covid restrictions have you been able to plan any big events?" the bartender asks. "Well, we're planning a Foreigner reunion concert for later this summer. But we're still going to require mandatory temperature ...

Ticketholder: Have fun at your concert!

Me: Y-you too.

Ticketholder: Yeah, I know who you're going to watch.

What if there were a worldwide concert where the rich had to donate their billions or be eaten on stage?

I'd call it LiveAte.

What does Santa the Rapper say at the beginning of his concerts?

"Where my ho ho ho's at?"

Hear about the screen printer who misspelled the order of concert posters?

Must have had an extra stencil crisis.

What does a bear eat at a concert?

Beats.

Few years ago I saw Slim Shady in concert and instead of rapping he just kept pulling his pants down and mooning the crowd.

Honestly the whole thing was just Em bare assing.

How do you get a bunch of avocados into an Aerosmith concert?

You tell them to GUAC This Way!

I once paid $20 to go see Prince in concert.

But I partied like it was $19.99

I went to a concert to feel better today

I thought it was The Cure, but it turned out to be just Placebo.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The New York Philharmonic was conducting a rendition of Beethoven's Ninth Symphony

If you are not familiar with Beethoven's 9th Symphony it's a tremendous piece of work, but the bass line is atrocious. Not because it is complicated, but because it goes like this:

**"bbbaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"**



And then approximately an hour an a half later it goes li...

I once went to an open air Queen concert.

It was good, but there was a terrible electrical storm during the set

Thunderbolts and lightning, very very frightening...

Family scandals are like a music concert.

Always starts with the new stuff and ends with the old hits.

A musician was late to his concert...

He drove over something sharp and got a flat tire.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man with a lisp went on a blind date to a heavy metal concert

Paul had been ridiculed all his life for having a lisp. As a kid, he was bullied in school. As an adult, he caught coworkers making fun of him when they thought he couldn't hear. He would even notice cashiers trying to stifle their laughter. No woman would ever go out with him, and he felt resigned ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A singer is holding a concert indoors.

While doing so, he feels the urge to defecate. As soon as he finishised the piece, he excuses himself upstairs.

He notices the WC has the hole continue indefinitely instead of curving, but doesn't worry too much. He does his buisness and goes downstairs.

There, everybody is running awa...

I was supposed to go to a Salt N Pepa concert next week.

But because of the coronavirus they decided to push it.

A man parks his car on the street and goes into a shop....

...When he comes out, the car is not where he left it and apparently was stolen. So he calls the police and hopelessly goes back home. Two days later, he finds his car at his front door, with a note left in:

“I am very sorry but I had to borrow your car, because my wife was in labor and about...

A concert pianist makes mistakes during a performance

Over and over the renowned musician kept making little blunders here and there, and critics in the audience were very aware. After the recital, one commentator said, "no disrespect, but you played everything from memory and had quite a few slip-ups. Just having a bad night?"


Looking a lit...

A new emerging rock band is having its first concert

To be sure that everything goes perfectly the group's manager decides to invite a well known concert critic: If he decided to come and the concert went well, that would've been their occasion to take off in the world of music

Incredibly the critic accepts their offering and is present in his ...

My friend almost died coming back from a Disturbed concert

He came down with the sickness

Imagine Dragons is doing a concert in Washington DC

They start singing Believer... "First things first I'ma say all the words inside my head"

"Challenge accepted" Donald Trump replies

I saw a little boy at the bus stop eating a giant chocolate Easter bunny. I said, "Hey kid, eating that much chocolate at one time is bad for you." He looked me in the eye and said, "Well, my grandpa lived to 103."

"Oh, really? Did *he* eat a lot of chocolate?"

"No, he minded his own damn business."

**Edit:** Credit where due -- [/u/samvet21 informs me](/r/Jokes/comments/8cnjvk/i_saw_a_little_boy_at_the_bus_stop_eating_a_giant/dxhf9ku/) that the original joke was by Philadelphia comedian [Todd Gl...

My wife dragged me to a classical concert.

Me: I hope this concert has a lot of ado.

Her: Huh?

MC: Ladies and Gentlemen, without further ado....

Me: F*ck.

I misplaced Dwayne Johnson’s cutting tool for the origami concert

I can’t believe I lost the Rock’s Paper Scissors.

LPT: Always wear hearing protection when you go to concerts

This is sound advice.

Stevie Wonder is in China for a concert...

Stevie Wonder is playing his 1st gig in China and the place is packed to the rafters.
In a bid to break the ice he asks if anyone has a request.
One chap jumps out of his seat in the 1st row and shouts at the top of his voice "Play a jazz chord ! Play a jazz chord!"
Amazed that this guy kno...

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