Why did everyone have Covid-19 at the KPop concert?

Because a symptom of Coronavirus is lack of taste.

What concert costs 45¢?

50 cent feat. Nickelback

I take LSD every time I go to a dubstep concert, but it always wears off.

I think it’s because the bass neutralizes the acid

Hear about the screen printer who misspelled the order of concert posters?

Must have had an extra stencil crisis.

What does Santa the Rapper say at the beginning of his concerts?

"Where my ho ho ho's at?"

A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out...

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."

Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so ...

What does Beethoven say after a concert ?

I can't hear you

What do you call a Concert Hall full of Belle Delphine fans?

A Simphony.

Mandatory temperature checks will be required for attending the Foreigner reunion concert

If you’re hot blooded, they’ll check it and see

I went to a Coldplay concert once.

It was paradise.

How do you get a bunch of avocados into an Aerosmith concert?

You tell them to GUAC This Way!

At a Beethoven concert --

Beethoven: You guys ready for some music?

Crowd: YES!

Beethoven: I can't hear you...

The date I took to the AC/DC concert had buck teeth, giving her a cute beaver smile

She was the best dam woman I had even seen

What rock group doesn't sing, play instruments or do concerts?

Mt. Rushmore

A singer dies on the day of his concert

He really left his fans hanging.

I found a Justin Bieber concert ticket nailed to a tree, so I took it.

You never know when you might need a nail.

Covid is canceling out all of these fun events like Circus’s, rodeos, and concerts.

In about a month, it will really be no Fair.

I was supposed to go to a Salt N Pepa concert next week.

But because of the coronavirus they decided to push it.

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A group of five park wardens decided to start a band together...

... They all agreed on playing music of a rock subgerne kind, mixed in with symphonic elements, fantasy based subject matter and strong choruses. However they could not agree on a specific aesthetic, as each one of them turned up for their first practice session with a different color scheme.
...

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A woman is talking to her husband about how his day at work was.

He told her “Nothing out of the ordinary, I just made sure all the audio jacks were in place during the concerts”

The next day the women is chatting with her friends. One asks her what her husband does for a living. Not quite remembering the details, she replies “jack shit”.

Why do they open many doors when a reggae concert ends?

To achieve a high fan-out.

After a concert at an old auditorium, the microphones started picking up whispers that weren't there...

"W-w-what was that??" asked one of the staff.


"Relax," said the manager, "it's just phantom power."

Given social distancing regulations, a ton of condiment companies are being forced to cancel July 4th campaigns like sponsored concerts, where they planned to hand out signature color sunglasses to attendees.

Bad idea, Heinz-Sight 2020.

I like to pick up women at Cover Band concerts.

Since I already know they are willing to settle.

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During a U2 concert in Glasgow, Scotland, Bono asked the audience for total quiet.

Then in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands. Once every few seconds. Holding the audience in total silence, he said into the microphone "Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."

From the front of the crowd, a broad Scottish accent pierced the quiet: "Well fuckin...

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A man with a lisp went on a blind date to a heavy metal concert

Paul had been ridiculed all his life for having a lisp. As a kid, he was bullied in school. As an adult, he caught coworkers making fun of him when they thought he couldn't hear. He would even notice cashiers trying to stifle their laughter. No woman would ever go out with him, and he felt resigned ...

I was at my favourite singers concert, but it got delayed

Postponed Malone

Got a call today and they told me I had won £250 or free tickets to an Elvis concert.

Press 1 for the money or 2 for the show.

Social distancing for an introvert is like winning a free ticket to a Coldplay concert for an extrovert

I feel right at home

I saw a poster today for a free concert for those working in public health. It said 'Frontline Only'.

Weird. I would've thought they'd fill the whole venue.

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U2 are holding a concert in Scotland.

Halfway through the show, as the other band members take a break, Bono takes to the stage and begins clapping his hands. A steady, rythmic clap. He leans into the microphone and addresses the crowd:

"Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies".

From somewhere in the crowd, a v...

What do you call a musical concert that uses cutlery?

A forkestra

Why did the heavy metal group rent a wrecking ball for their upcoming concert?

They wanted to bring the house down

Having an argument in a relationship is like going to a rock concert

It starts with the new stuff but ends with the old hits

A man holding a violin asks a stranger how to get to the concert hall.

Practise, practise, practise

I went to a concert to feel better today

I thought it was The Cure, but it turned out to be just Placebo.

Jazz club

A demon walks into a jazz club and someone walks up to him and asks, “why aren’t you at a black metal concert?” To which the demon answers, “why would I? No one likes religious music”

I was recently attacked at a K-pop concert.

I now have BTSD.

What does a bear eat at a concert?

Beats.

So a cow is watching someone play guitar on TV

He says "I wanna learn to play like that." and he goes to a music teacher, and asks him to teach him the guitar. "Well, it might be difficult, but I think I can teach a cow to play guitar."

A month goes by and the cow has mastered the guitar. A chicken walks by and hears the cow playing, and ...

I once paid $20 to go see Prince in concert.

But I partied like it was $19.99

Ticketholder: Have fun at your concert!

Me: Y-you too.

Ticketholder: Yeah, I know who you're going to watch.

I went to a concert for deaf people

They were singing like no one was listening

I misplaced Dwayne Johnson’s cutting tool for the origami concert

I can’t believe I lost the Rock’s Paper Scissors.

I saw barenaked ladies at a concert back in the 90's

I don't remember the band I went to go see though.

I want people’s opinions to help me decide something...

I’ve just received an automated phone call saying I’ve won either £250 cash or 2 tickets for an Elvis Presley tribute concert. Should I press 1 for the money or 2 for the show?

When you want a picture taken with a celebrity at a concert or event

just make sure you shave your head and wear a hospital gown, works for me every time.

Why didn't Bach attend Vivaldi's concert?

He was baroque.

A new emerging rock band is having its first concert

To be sure that everything goes perfectly the group's manager decides to invite a well known concert critic: If he decided to come and the concert went well, that would've been their occasion to take off in the world of music

Incredibly the critic accepts their offering and is present in his ...

In light of the recent video surfacing, Drake has set the cutoff age for his concerts at 16.

Anyone over that is just too old.

I am a huge fan of R.E.M did you see the photo I got with them backstage after their concert,

that’s me in the corner...

When I refused to buy her concert tickets for the weekend, my 15 year old daughter broke down and threatened to cry a river.

I told her to go ahead, but remember that she's so self absorbed the tears won't even make it to her cheeks.

Anyone hear about the guy who missed the Weezer concert?

Heard he had a bad case of Rivers FOMO

I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to go the Be and Eleven concert

She responds “Oh? I’ve never heard of them before!”
So I say “she’s on the radio all the time, maybe you would know them by their Spanish name “Be Y Once”

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My band is hosting a benefit concert for women with no legs.

The place will be crawling with pussy.

LPT: Always wear hearing protection when you go to concerts

This is sound advice.

I brought my sister to an Oasis concert once

When they came on stage I shouted "Go Oasis!"

When I turned around, she was gone.

What kind of security do they hire for metal concerts?

Coppers

Kenny G at a concert performance last night. "I've had this sax since high school."

It's the one I started learning Jazz on.

Which goes to show that if you blow something for 40 years, it'll always stay by your side.

When my wife and I argue, we’re like a band in concert

we start with some new stuff, and then we roll out our greatest hits

A symphony was performing Beethoven's Ninth

In the piece there’s a long passage that’s about 20 minutes during which the double bassists have nothing to do. Rather than sit around the whole time, some bassists decided to sneak offstage and go to the bar next door for a quick one. After drinking many beers one of them looked at his watch and s...

I regret going to that B-52's concert.

They bombed.

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A singer is holding a concert indoors.

While doing so, he feels the urge to defecate. As soon as he finishised the piece, he excuses himself upstairs.

He notices the WC has the hole continue indefinitely instead of curving, but doesn't worry too much. He does his buisness and goes downstairs.

There, everybody is running awa...

PSA: IF YOU RECEIVE AN EMAIL SAYING, "You've won two free tickets to a Justin Bieber concert!" DO NOT OPEN IT.

It contains two tickets to a Justin Bieber concert.

My friend almost died coming back from a Disturbed concert

He came down with the sickness

What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent, featuring nickelback

Before Chris Brown did a concert with them, they were just known as "The Peas".

And now they are The ......... Peas

What has sixty feet, three teeth & seventeen dollars?

The front row at a Insane Clown Posse concert

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After an orchestra concert, the host asks if there are any musicians in the audience.

Many audience members raise their hands, and the host randomly selects three of them, and invites them on the stage for a quick quiz. The first one turns out to be a pianist, the second one is a singer, and the last one is a drummer.

The host says: "Let's have a quick quiz, shall we? Our pian...

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Why was the Japanese man sad after the Journey concert?

He couldn't stop bereaving.

In 1982 Elton John attended one of Queen's concerts, but was shortly hospitalized afterwards.

Turns out they found traces of Mercury in him.

My wife said she'd love for us to go and see the Monkees reunion concert in Switzerland.

I thought she was joking.

Then I saw her face ........ Now I'm in Geneva..

The Beatles are sitting around a table in a diner...

And all of them are happily sat there with their arms around their wives, all except for poor old Ringo.

“Guys? I’m really getting the blues being all lonely here. How do you suggest going about getting a woman?” He asks, drumming his fingers on the table.

John is the first to speak up...

A concert pianist makes mistakes during a performance

Over and over the renowned musician kept making little blunders here and there, and critics in the audience were very aware. After the recital, one commentator said, "no disrespect, but you played everything from memory and had quite a few slip-ups. Just having a bad night?"


Looking a lit...

What does a brewery and a Nickelback concert have in common?

They are both responsible for a lot of boos.

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Patient: I keep having flashbacks to that one K-Pop concert.

Therapist: I see, I diagnose you with BTSD.

I went to see a concert performance by the Royal Bermuda Philharmonic orchestra...

Half way through the first symphony, the triangle player vanished...

Imagine Dragons is doing a concert in Washington DC

They start singing Believer... "First things first I'ma say all the words inside my head"

"Challenge accepted" Donald Trump replies

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I'm organising a fundraiser concert for those who are unable to reach full orgasm

If you can't come, let me know.

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A musical group of 5 boys rented an apartment to practice for a concert.

As they start to practice an old man that lived in the floor below walks up and knocks on the door. He asks for the boys to keep it down because he is an old man he cant stand all the noise. The boys say ‘today practice tomorrow concert but we will try and keep it down’ . An hour later they go at it...

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The horse, the cow, and the chicken[LONG]

So a horse, a cow, and a chicken live on a farm. One day their owner goes on vacation but accidentally leaves the TV on. The animals peek in the window and witness a rock concert on the TV, theyre inspired.

So the horse calls up guitar center, and asks “hey I want to learn the guitar, but the...

Neymar was found at a Celine Dion concert, screaming from pain and rolling around.

He was touched by the music.

To the person who found a pot of marmalade at a Foo Fighters concert last year

That's my jam

Mogadishu, Somalia is holding a concert today

to raise money to get kids vaccinated against measles in the US

Subscribe (Verb) - to obtain or have a subscription to a publication, concert series, service, etc.

Subscribe (Noun) - a very obedient writer

What big cat shouldn't you take to a rock concert?

A Def Leppard

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A struggling rock band...

A struggling indies band from Brooklyn, The Spoonerists, was in the process of recording their debut album. The artistic sentiment of the group led them to use ambient sounds from nature in their arrangements. One of the members of the band took it upon himself to go out in to the field and make rec...

What did the conductor do when half of the cello section called in sick a week before a major concert?

He was forced to resort to excessive violins.

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I just saw the rapper Shaggy perform at the Super Bowl pre-game concert. In case you're wondering who invited him...

It wasn't me.

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Borrowed the Car

After shopping for most of the day, a couple returns to find their car has been stolen. They go to the police station to make a full report. Then, a detective drives them back to the parking lot to see if any evidence can be found at the scene of the crime. To their amazement, the car has been retur...

I went to a concert in Asia but I didn't enjoy it.

The band was good but the singer poor.

My wife dragged me to a classical concert.

Me: I hope this concert has a lot of ado.

Her: Huh?

MC: Ladies and Gentlemen, without further ado....

Me: F*ck.

A musician was late to his concert...

He drove over something sharp and got a flat tire.

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