My wife said she would leave me if I don't stop comparing everything to Bruce Willis movies, but you know what they say about old habits...

They Pulp Fiction.

What is the truck drivers favorite part of the movies?

The trailers

Does anyone know what the movies Titanic and The Sixth Sense have in common?

Icy dead people

Why do Brits always look wealthier on T.V. and in movies?

Because the camera puts on 10 pounds.

While discussing horror movies, my friend asked me who my favorite monster from film is.

Me: "Hmmm that's a tough one. I think I'd have to go with the vampire from Sesame Street."

Friend: "What!? He doesn't count."

Me: "Oh I assure you, he does."

Why don't pirates ever take their kids to see movies?

Because they are all rated ARRRRR

Where do mermaids go to watch movies?

The dive in.

Disney just tweeted that they wont be making new Marvel Universe movies, but the Tweet was cut short

Looks like they ran out of characters.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The problem with sex in the movies is,

that the popcorn usually spills.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife hates it when I quote old movies incorrectly

But frankly, my dear, I don't give a shit!

What do you call a man screwing up his eyes in the sun while making violent movies?

Squintin' Tarintino

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call those black and white movies where nobody speaks?

Interracial porn

A teenage boy takes a quadriplegic girl on a date to dinner and the movies. At the end of the night out, he drives her back home and they start making out in his car.

He tells the girl he feels uncomfortable doing this where her parents could come outside and catch them in the act. She says not to worry because she has a place they can go.

So he helps her in her chair and she tells him to wheel her into the backyard. When they get in the back, she shows hi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

At the movies

2 old women, Martha and Ethel, go to the theater. After watching the movie for a while, Martha nudges Ethel and whispers," Ethel, the man next to me is masturbating". Ethel whispers back,"Just ignore him Martha".

Martha replies," I can't ignore him. He's using my hand".

I love Rock's acting in all his movies, I wonder where he got his acting skills from...

Oh he was in WWE.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Daughter asks her mother: "Mom, can I go to the movies with my friend?"

"And what kind of movie are you going to watch?" said the mother.

"A Horror movie," the daughter replied

"Well, you can't," said the mother...

"To be all scared and get closer to him in the cinema."

"Well, what about an romantic movie then?" the daughter asked.

"Oh...

A list of things that helicopters do in movies

1. explode
2.

I tried watching LGBT movies to celebrate Pride month

but I need to pay extra for LGBT Plus

What’s a pirate’s least favorite letter?

Dear Sir or Madam,

Your IP address has been flagged for illegally downloading movies. We will have to suspend your account, pending further investigation.

Sincerely,

Your Internet Provider

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One of my favourite jokes from one of my favourite movies, Desperado. Originally delivered by my favourite director, Quentin Tarantino

This guy comes into a bar, walks up to the bartender. Says, "Bartender, I got me a bet for you. I'm gonna bet you $300 that I can piss into that glass over there and not spill a single, solitary drop." The bartender looks. I mean, we're talking, like, this glass is like a good ten feet away. He says...

My friend asked me if the next Star Wars movies were going to be in 3D

"Yes" I replied "...but they R2D2."

Every Satutday night my wife and I watch 3 movies back to back.

This week is my turn to face the screen.

A blonde and her boyfriend went to the movies

In the film, the main character is running through the storm so she says, "I bet you £20, that they don't get struck by lightning."
And her boyfriend agrees.

20 seconds later the main character is stuck by lightning and the blonde looks confused and gets £20 to give.

...

Why did the Star Wars movies come out in the order 4 5 6 1 2 3?

In charge of the sequence, Yoda was.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Watching movies on illegal websites are probably the hottest thing you can do.

I mean, why else would all these horny singles in my area be ready to chat.

Mom wouldn't let me see the orchestra movie

She said there was too much sax and violins

What do you call a place to buy bootleg horror movies?

A Spookeasy

Last night my wife and I watched some movies back to back.

Good thing I was the one facing the tv.

My wife keeps asking why I need tissues at the end of joyful movies

I told her I always need them after a happy ending.

I think my Asian wife is cheating on me.

We've been together for about a year now and we've never even had the typical petty arguments. Even with the language barrier, we understand each other for the most part and if we don't, we use google to translate or just use a different word to substitute. We actually get along really really great ...

A researcher is startled to find that 90% of the internet is bots

When confronted that this was realistically impossible, he exclaimed “But all they do is quote movies, books, and shows, and EACH OTHER! No human could possibly be this unoriginal!”

Did you know the ancient Egyptians watched monster movies?

Moth-Ra was their favorite. (Yes, I am a dad)

I just got done watching 3 movies about tiny crustaceans.

It was a krillogy.

Some actors are famous for playing the same role in multiple movies, but none so much as Lee Navarre.

Lee Navarre had starred in a couple of low budget films like Greta's Gallery and Fisherman Flanagan, but no one really took note of him till he was seen in the first movie of the mystery series "When Midnight Chimes". As we all know, it was an instant hit and Navarre gained a lot of critical acclaim...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Woman meets the Italian

One day, a woman has a date with a French guy at his hotel room, floor 10. The french guy makes the balcony in a romantic mood, wine, food so the woman can enjoy the time with him.

After some time, woman asks the french guy:

Woman: If I would be your girlfriend, how would you treat me?...

My wife screamed at me, "You're obsessed with those Star Wars movies. I'm leaving you."

"May divorce be with you!!" I replied.

What has 27 actors, three settings, two writers, and one plot?

671 Hallmark movies.

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