I used to laugh at the circus.

But then I realised I too have been cream-pied by clowns.

An elephant escapes from the circus

It wanders around and eventually ends uo in an old lady's garden eating the vegetables. The old lady came out and had never seen an elephant before nor did she know what it was. Panicked she ran inside and called the police

"Hello, what is your emergency" said the operator

"There is so...

At a circus there’s a calamity and two lions escape.

They manage to grab hold of a clown and start devouring him. One lion turns to the other and asks “does this taste funny to you?”

"Look Dad! The clowns are leaving the circus to go get food!"

"Son how many times do I have to tell you? Those are called *Senators* leaving the *Capitol*"

A husband and wife had a human cannonball act in the circus.

One day the wife ran off with the lion tamer. The husband was extremely dejected. The strong man asked him what he was going to do.

The husband answered, "This is a disaster. I don't know where I'm going to find another woman of her caliber."

A couple who work in the circus go to an adoption agency.

Social workers there raise doubts about their suitability.
The couple produce photos of their 50 ft motorhome, which is equipped with a beautiful nursery.
The social workers then are doubtful about the education that the child would get.
"We've arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach...

What's the difference between a circus and a brothel?

One has a cunning array of stunts...

The circus near my house started a competition to find the best contortionist

So I entered myself, and won.

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The circus is in town. Main act is a magician and his crocodile...

As he enters the stage, the crowd is silent of anticipation for the famous trick he is about to perform.

The great magician squeezes the eyes of the crocodile, which opens its mouth, he drops his pants and parades his mighty member in front of the applauding crowd. He stands before the animal...

Why should you never kill someone at the circus?

Because you'll be charged with murder within tent...

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Years ago I used to work at the circus and we had some wonderful acts I remember the fat tattooed lady..

Now they're fucking everywhere...

I feel sorry for my circus friend, the human cannonball

He just got fired

A circus owner walked into a bar.

Everyone was standing around one table. He checked what was happening. He saw a dancing duck on an upside-down bucket, and the people loved that little show.

The circus owner himself was impressed. He decided to buy the dancing duck. After a few minutes of dealing, they settled for $25,000 fo...

Circus

**Did you hear about the fire at the circus?**

It was in tents.

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An octopus is applying for a job at the circus

He says: "I can play multiple instruments".

They give him a violin, a sax, the drums and he plays them beautifully. Everyone is thoroughly impressed.

They ask him: "Well, can you play the bagpipes?".

He responds: "Well, I don't know what that is, but I think I could give it a go...

What do you call someone who eats circus workers?

A carny-vore

Covid is canceling out all of these fun events like Circus’s, rodeos, and concerts.

In about a month, it will really be no Fair.

When a human cannonball retires, how does the circus find a replacement?

It must be hard finding someone the right caliber

Following a particularly good year, the circus decided to spend their profits on a human cannonball exhibit

After the cannon was delivered, they realized that the manufacturer got the dimensions all wrong. The barrel was so narrow that only a child could fit inside, and a child would never be allowed to perform such a dangerous act.


Months went by and the cannon remained unused, until one day...

A man goes to an circus and he sees an elephant tamer and they start a conversation

The elephant tamer asks: "How do you think I can fit one of these elephants in a take away bag?"

The man asks: "How do you fit an elephant in a take away bag?"

The tamer replies: "You take the 't' from 'take' and the "f" in away."

The man replies: "There's no 'f' in way!"

Why is marriage like a three ringed circus ?

First you have the engagement ring then you have the wedding ring, finally you have the suffering.

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Little Johnny goes to the circus with his parents...

As soon as they get to their seats, Johnny’s Dad gets up and says, “I’m going to grab a beer, I’ll be right back.”

Right in front of Johnny is the biggest elephant he had ever seen. “Hey Mom, you see that big elephant right there?” She looks over, “Why yes Johnny, I sure do!” And Johnny says,...

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A 40 years old man goes to a circus show

He went there to remind himself of his most precious childhood memories, but mostly because the flyers advertised a pretty peculiar act.

The clowns, the animals, the magicians, all did their part but by the end of the show enters a little old man in his seventies, wearing a bathrobe. The old ...

A husband and wife who travel with the circus go to an adoption agency, but are met with skepticism.

"Do you really feel that a traveling circus is suitable evironment to raise a child?" the lady from the adoption agecy asks.

"Certainly," he couple reply. "We have a beautiful, fully equipped, state of the art nursery that we will be traveling with.

Still showing reservations, the woma...

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A circus is looking for new acts so they place an advert in the local paper

A few days later the circus' agent gets a phone call. "Hi I'm Jeff!" says the caller "I saw your advert and it sounds like my dream! I think I'm definitely talented enough to be in the circus!"

"Well ok Jeff, tell me about yourself, what's your skill?" says the agent

"I can skateboard!...

A man goes to the circus.

After the show he speaks to the manager and asks for a job.
"Alright, what can you do?", the manager asks.
\-"I can do great bird impressions", the man replies.
\-"Pssh, a lot of people can do that".
\-"Oh well", the man says and flies away.

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A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich...

A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich. The barman looks at him and says… “Hang on! You're a duck!”

"I see your eyes are working.” replies the duck.

"And you can talk!!” exclaims the barman.

"I see your ears are working, too.” says the duck. "Now if...

A lion tamer had quit without notice and the circus manager needed someone to replace him for the next night's show.

He out an ad in the local paper and the next morning two applicants showed up outside his office. One was a rather ordinary looking young man and the other was a rather ravishing red headed beauty. Neither one of them looked very much like a lion trainer, but the manager was desperate.

"All r...

What is most commonly associated with a circus?

Me.

Because I am a clown.

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What do you call a prostitute at the circus?

A sword swallower

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So I stumbled across a new genre of porn... Circus Porn...

Turns out it’s Fucking In-Tents

4 Husbands

The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation.

"He's a funeral director,"...

Covid Vaccine?

Just been up town and there’s a bloke near Oxford Circus with a suitcase selling COVID 19 vaccines. £2 each or three for a Pfizer.

The circus arrives in town with a novel act - make the bull elephant kneel down and win $1000.

After watching various people trying everything Jimmy steps up to the elephant and gives it a mighty kick in the balls. The elephant collapses and its owner, cursing Jimmy's foul methods, hands over the cash.

The circus moves on to the next town and Jimmy, recognising a good opportunity, foll...

There's a shiner circus today in town today,

Seems more like a fez-tival to me.

As a summer job I would work for the circus, my job was to circumcise the elephants...

The pay wasn’t that good, but the tips were HUGE

An Oklahoma State Trooper pulls over a circus clown for speeding

The trooper asks the clown "Why were you driving so fast?" The clown says "I'm headed to Tulsa for a circus show and I don't want to be late." The trooper asks the clown "What do you do in the show?" "I'm a juggler" says the clown.

"Alright" says the trooper, "If you juggle for me here, I won...

A salesman drove into a small town where a circus was playing.

A sign read: "Don't Miss "The Amazing Italian".
The salesman bought a ticket and sat down. There, Under The Big Top, in the Centre ring, was a table with three walnuts on it. Standing next to it was an old Italian.

Suddenly, the old man dropped his pants, whipped out his huge male member...

A dog walks into a bar and says, “a pint of beer, please.” The bartender says, “wow, you should be in the circus.”

The dog says, “why, do they need electricians?”

How do you kill an entire circus at once?

Go for the juggler.

A circus wants to change some things about one of it's acts to make it more modern, but they don't want to give up all of the originality

It's a balancing act.

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So a duck walks into a bar...

So a duck walks into a bar a says, "hey can I get a beer?". Bartender says "holy shit a talking duck"

Duck: look man I've been doing construction all day and I really just want a beer

Bartender: you should join the circus, you'd make a killing

Duck: what the fuck is the circus g...

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Boy with Phenomenal Memory

A host enters the circus and announces:

"Now a boy with a phenomenal memory will enter the arena."

A boy enters the stage, drinks a bucket of water and leaves.

The audience begins to scream and express their displeasure.

Then again the host comes out and says: "And no...

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It had been a great night at the circus, but the climax was yet to come...

For the grand finale, the crocodile tamer came to the center of the tent. He let the crocodile do some tricks before letting him jump on the table, preparing for the great climax.

The tamer asked the audience for absolute silence. He opened the jaws of the crocodile, pulled out his penis, and...

My friend is an unemployed circus clown. We nicknamed him Pennywise.

His career is in the gutter.

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Circus for adults...

In a circus, there’s an act with alligators. The trainer makes the alligator open it’s jaws. He then proceeds to drop his pants and sticks his dick between the alligators jaws. The alligator starts to slowly close it’s mouth. Just before it bites off the trainers dick, the trainer hits the alligator...

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A man goes to the circus

A young man named John was a huge fan of the circus all the way through childhood, he had a huge affection for the acrobatics, showmanship and the hilarious clowns.

Finally, one day, a circus came to his tiny village and he saved all his money to make the trip.

He had a great time, the...

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A couple take their son to the circus....

After a while the father gets up to get some popcorn. While he is away the little boy notices something hanging down between the elephants legs. "Mommy, what is that hanging down on the elephant?", the boy asks. The embarrassed mother says "Oh, that's nothing honey", and is relieved when the father ...

A duck walks into a bar and orders a beer and a sandwich

The bartender says "wow, you don't see that every day! Man, what's your story?"

Th duck says "I'm a welder at the construction site across the street. I'll be here for a few months while we finish the building," and picks up his newspaper and starts reading. The bartender obviously wants to c...

Stop me if you've heard this one . . .

Two country boys are determined to make their mark on the world as pugilists. They begin to train diligently - lots of running, jump rope, shadow boxing, and so on. Fall asleep at night listening to the theme song from "Rocky."

One day, they read in the local newspaper - *didn't I say they li...

Did you know that the human cannonball circus act has a mortality rate of about 50%?

The other half didn't fare much better. They were all fired

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What else could he say??

A young couple decided to take their 5 year old son to see the circus. After several amazing acts, the ringmaster led six bull elephants into the center ring, linked trunk to tail in the usual manner.

"What's that big thing hanging off the elephant, Mommy?" Little Johnny asked.

"That...

My uncle once killed in an entire circus troupe with one blow

When I asked him how he did it, he said:

“I went straight for the juggler”

My uncle was a circus clown . When he died everyone showed up.

In one car

A circus tamer was trying to arrange a trick where he'd have 50 bears marching in perfect lines, but they always ended up walking in circles, leading him to almost selling his bears...

Turns out he was the problem all along, he just had to get his bear-rings straight.

A circus acrobat asked me out on a date...

It didn't work out, he was too high strung. Due to not knowing the ropes, I couldn't meet him at his level.

I bought coffee at the circus once

It was the greatest Joe on Earth

My dad, grandad, great grandad and great great grandad were all circus clowns.

Not something I ever wanted to do. Their shoes were just too big to fill.

They had to close the circus

There was a freak accident

Why did the robber go to the circus?

“To steal the show.” This joke was brought to you by my 2nd grade daughter. ;)

How do you kill a circus?

Go for the juggler
Just heard that one and made me smile hope it does the same for you

Why do circuses rarely have human cannonballs anymore?

It's hard to find men of that caliber.

The Talking Horse.

A talking horse walks into a bar and approaches the manager. “Excuse me, good sir,” the horse says, “are you hiring?”

The manager looks the horse up and down and says, “Sorry, pal. Why don’t you try the circus?”

The horse nickers. “Why would the circus need a bartender?”

Circus in a third world country suburb can be a mess

So the lion tamer was doing his thing when suddenly the lion flips and starts attacking

People freak out, chaos ensues.. the two-week hungry lion runs around the arena. People run for their lives.

A disabled guy gets up on a pole in order to save his life, thinking it might be a good p...

The circus was in town and was taking applications from the local townspeople for wildly unique acts.

The interviewer was at the end of a long fruitless day of these local no-talents, when the last applicant, Jack, stepped up to the table.

“Ok”, said the interviewer, “what’s your special talent?”

“I do bird imitations!”, replied Jack.

The interviewer sighed and shook his head. ...

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The ultimate revenge ( long)

Melville was 10 years old and he loved clowns. When he heard that the circus was coming to town he did everything he could to convince his parents to take him so he could see the clowns. They eventually agreed and when the day arrived he was incredibly excited! He was on the edge of his seat with an...

A horse calls a circus asking for a job

Manager:"what are your talents?"

Horse:"i'm a horse"

Manager:"so?"

Horse:"I'm talking to you aren't i?"

The local circus has had the same show on for a long while now.

Less and less people are coming to see it, as they all know the routine by now.

One day the circus director is approached by a stranger. The strangers says: “Hey, I’ve got just what you need to save this circus!”

“And what is that?” asks the circus director.

“I’ve got a cat tha...

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A little boy goes to the circus for the first time with his mom and dad...

His dad gets up and goes for a piss. While he's gone, one of the elephants rises up and rests his feet on a giant red ball. The little boy sees the elephant's genitals flop down and is shocked.

"Mommy! What's that thing under the elephant, that long hanging thing?"

Embarrassed, the mot...

A man and his wife are looking for a job

The man, unable to find any employment in his field, decides to apply for anything he can find in the hopes of earning enough to feed his family.

A few days later, he comes home overjoyed. His wife enquires, and he happily said he found a job as a stuntman in a circus! The pay is good, he ha...

How did the circus owner get so rich?

He spent years paying his employees peanuts.

A circus owner was in need of a lion tamer.

A circus owner was in need of a lion tamer.
There was 2 people for the job: an old man, with 60 years old, and an amazing looking blonde, with 25 years old.
The circus owner said to the candidates:
- I'm gonna straight to the issue. My lion is very fierce. Or you're really good, or yo...

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A guy applies for a job at a circus

Manager:"What are your talents?"
Guy:"I can imitate a crow really well!!"
Manager:"Sorry i don't think you can be of use to us"
Guy:"Shit, i was sure i would get the job, well ok then, bye" proceedes to turn around and fly away

I was asked if I saw the presidential debate.

I told them "No. I was too busy watching the circus."

A man goes to the circus and sees a line of people.

A man goes to the circus and sees a line of people. It extends far into the distance. The man walks up to a person in the line and asks him,

"Sir, what is this line for?"

The person replies,

"Go to the front."

So the man walks up the line. and he keeps walking, and walkin...

A circus manager gets a call at 2 am...

This is how it goes:

Manager: hello?

Caller: hey, I would like to work at your circus...

For 10,000$ a show.

Manager: are you crazy?! What do you even do that you charge so much?!

Caller:I can speak German and English .

Manager: that is what you wake me up f...

A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two young people show up

One is a man in his mid-twenties and the other is a gorgeous blonde woman about the same age. The circus owner tells them, "I'm going to be honest with you, this is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you guys better be good or you're history. Here's your equipment: chair, whip and a gun. Wh...

Circus tonight

A man sits in a bar and his son arrives and asks him: "Daddy, will you come home?"

The dad replies: "Sure son and tell your mom that tonight there's a circus at home because the pole is already standing." The son goes home and tells the story to his mom.

The mom answers: "Tell dad that...

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Sharon & Tracey are walking home from the pub one night.

Sharon & Tracey are walking home from the pub one night.

As they turn the corner, they come across a circus in the field over the road that has closed up for the night. One of the main attractions, a huge 12 foot tall bull elephant with a 6 foot long penis could clearly be seen quietly ea...

Why did the "Ringling Bros." Circus finally go out of business?

They couldn't compete with the circus in Washington DC any longer.

My daughter walked out of her circus class with a unicycle over her shoulder - the instructor wants her to learn it.

I told her that's good because she won't get two tired.

(True story. My daughter does take circus class at the local gymnastics place, and she did walk out with a unicycle given by her instructor. I was obligated to respond with the proper level of dad-jokery.)

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