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In 1985 Viagra began marketing it's own soda beverage

They called it Mount and Do.

Further more in 1986 the FDA decided it could no longer be called a *soft* drink.
Instead they labeled it a cock tail.

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Marketing explained

* You're a woman and you see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, "I'm fantastic in bed."

That's Direct Marketing.

______________________________

* You're a woman and you’re at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One of your friends goes up to...

What’s the most offensive marketing campaign post-Thanos Snap?

50% off.

"Bro, do you want this marketing pamphlet?"

"...brochure."

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A young man, named Jeff, recently joined a marketing company

And he was doing kind of well. His ads were always slightly overperforming in contrast to many others who had "hit or miss" situations, but his good work were completely by John Avoh, who knocked it out of the park constantly, receiving praise, companies asking for him personally and so on and so fo...

Two marketing executives were discussing what to call the new advertising signs that were being installed along the highway.

VP Phil: Let's call them Philboards

CEO Bill: I've just had a great idea!

isis is marketing their version of kitkat

they're calling it allahu snackbar

How many marketing people does it take to change a light bulb?

I'll have to get back to you on that.

Lysol's marketing department are trying out some new angles to generate sales. They claim that one bottle can clean an entire family of dolphins!

It's the best multi-porpoise cleaner on the market!

Marketing Explained...

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I'm fantastic in bed". That's Direct Marketing.

You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, "He's fantastic in bed". That's Advertising.

You'r...

Marketing 101

A professor explained about marketing to MBA students.
1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party, you go to her and say I am rich, marry me. That's direct marketing.
2. You attend a party and your friend goes to the girl to tell her, he's rich, marry him. That's advertising.
3. The same g...

The United CEO, the Pepsi head of marketing, and Sean Spicer walk into a bar.

The bar bursts into flames.

Vladimir Putin to begin marketing Kremlin brand jeans

Each pair comes with a complimentary Donald Trump in the back pocket.

The NHL's Florida Panthers have apologized to their fans for using Kevin Spacey in a marketing campaign

it's probably for the best. He's a better fit with the Nashville Predators

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married 10 times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 ...

Marketing at it's best

A CEO for the *Helix* nail-gun company decides to seek for a new add campaign for their new product. He struts in to a marketing company and tells the AD to "make it awesome".

The art director nods to a designer who then proceeds to start drawing. An hour passes and the concept is ready. He h...

A marketing executive walks into a bar

I guess it was set too low.

They're marketing headphones specifically for gorillas now

Rumor has it they'll be called Harambeats.

I'm so sorry.

This is how marketing works.

I was in a job interview today when the manager handed me his laptop and said, "I want you to try and sell this to me." So I put it under my arm, walked out of the building and went home. Eventually he called my mobile and said, "Bring it back here right now!" I said, "£100 and it's yours."

A banker died. When he arrived at the junction between heaven and hell, God gave him a choice between the two. The banker decided to take a tour.

He toured heaven. It was calm, serene and comfortable. Then he toured hell. There were nightclubs, endless bars, girls all around and loud music. He obviously chose the hell.

When he entered hell, there were fireballs, demons spitting java and not a pickle to eat. He turned to God and asked ...

Samsung should focus their marketing toward criminals

They could completely monopolize the burner phone industry.

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Why are gametes used in big marketing campaigns?

Because sex cells

Altoids has begun marketing to the LGBT community.

Their new mints are bi-curiously strong.

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What would you call a social media marketing genius?

Masterbaiter

I just read the "7 ways to avoid marketing tricks"

(I really love the #4)

How does the anti-vax movement keep attracting new members?

Viral marketing.

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Husband and his wife were celebrating 50 years together. Their three kids, all very successful, agreed to a Sunday dinner in their honor.

“Happy anniversary Mom and Dad,” gushed son number one, a surgeon, “Sorry I'm late. I had an emergency at the hospital with a patient, you know how it is, and didn't have time to get you a gift.”

“Not to worry,” said the father, “the important thing is that we're all together today.”

...

It's All About Marketing...;)

A substitute teacher walks into the classroom on the blackboard she sees a message. It says, "Little Johhny, has got the biggest tool, in the whole damn school!"

She yells, "Whose Little Johhny?"

A kid in the back stands up and says, "I'm Little Johhny."

"Well, Johhny, your s...

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One day, the teacher enters the classroom...

As she walks in, she spots a message written on the board: “Johnny has a huge penis”, she erases the board, and proceeds with class.

In the next day as she walk in, the message is written again in the board: “Johnny has a huge penis”, she them looks at the class and asks who wrote that, but...

There was a very religious man that bought a nail factory

When the factory was about to open he hired a marketing guy to make a TV commercial, his only instruction was that it had to have a catholic theme. A few days go past and the guy returns with the video to show the factory owner. The video starts: there's a Roman soldier nailing Jesus, who is all blo...

Why wouldn't a "Fight Club" video game sell well?

The marketing would be nonexistent.

Two beggars are sitting side by side on the street in Rome

Two beggars are sitting side by side on the street in Rome. One has a cross in front of him, the other a Star of David. Many people go by, but only put money into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the cross.

A priest comes by, stops and watches throngs of people giving money to the beggar ...

Hiring Process

HR staff: " Sir, we found 3 candidates that meet our general requirements, now how do you want their placements sir?"

HR Director : "Put about 100 bricks in a closed room. Then send the candidates into the room & close the door, leave them alone & come back after a few hours and analy...

A student at a management school came up to a pretty girl and hugged her without any warning. The surprised girl said, “What was that?”

The guy smiled at her, “Direct marketing!”

The girl slapped him soundly.

“What was that?!” said the boy, holding his cheek.

“Customer feedback.”

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11 Reasons To Go To Work Naked

1. Your boss is always yelling, "I wanna see your ass in here by 8:00!"
2. Can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.
3. Inventive way to finally meet that hunk in Human Resources.
4. "I'd love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants."
5. To stop tho...

Me and my friends conducted a satanic ritual at school.

Nothing happened. It's almost as if demons and the underworld don't exist and are just a marketing ploy for movies and religions... regardless of that we're kinda stumped on what to do with the dead body we sacrificed.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Apple woke up their lead designer in the middle of the night

To ask him about ideas for the new iPhone.
The disgruntled designer told them "Jack off".
The marketing department found the idea fantastic.

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Drinking with Coworkers

John stumbles into the office Friday morning after a night of heavy drinking with his coworkers. Everyone in his department looks worse for the wear, but he is the most visibly affected. After an hour or so of unproductive work, they meet up at the water cooler to discuss the antics of the night b...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Wilson runs a nail factory and decides his business needs a bit of advertising.

He has a chat with a friend who works in marketing and he offers to make a TV ad for Wilson's Nails.
"Give me a week," says the friend, "and I'll be back with a tape."
A week goes by and the marketing executive comes to see Wilson. He puts a cassette in the video and presses play. A Roman sold...

A Chinese dairy company offered an American couple a tour of China...

A Chinese dairy company offered an American couple a tour of China. The conditions were quite simple: the couple had to wear and use merchandise from the dairy company and that they had to stay with the company's marketing team throughout the tour. Of course, the couple accepted the offer.

Up...

A man called Andrew moved from Cork to Dublin to open a flower shop.

He was quite successful and through great marketing, quality product, and reasonable prices, Andrew's Flowers became the top garden shop in all Dublin. Some monks that had a stall set up nearby took notice and, since attendance at the local parish (and the accompanying tithing revenue) was way down,...

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The Pope is walking through the streets of Vatican City...

... and he sees two beggars holding up cans for money. One of them is holding up a Christian cross, and the other a Star of David. The Pope sees that the one with the cross is, of course, getting much more money than the one with the Star of David, with some people only giving money to the Christian...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man drives to a gas station with the sign "Free sex with every full tank".

The man fills up, goes inside and asks the guy inside for his free sex. The attendant says "Tell me a number between 1 and 10", "7", "That was close, it was 8, better luck next time."

Next week he tries again, and he chooses 2 and close but no free sex. Keep on trying is the attendant advice....

Our two new mods, ElderCunningham and iBleeedorange

Hey guys,

Not too long ago we started advertising new moderator positions for /r/jokes, and after receiving a bunch of submissions, we found our two candidates.

I've asked them to write up a brief introduction for themselves.

First up is /u/iBleeedorange, who also mods /r/diablo...

Two beggars are sitting in the Vatican...

There were two beggars sitting next to each other on the street in Vatican city, one had a large cross around his neck, the other had the star of David.It was a lovely day, the sun was shinning, there were thousands of people walking past the two beggars, but everyone was giving the man with the cro...

Two beggars are sitting on the pavement in Ireland

One is holding a large cross and the other a large star of david. Both are holding hats to collect contributions. As people walk by, they lift their noses at the guy holding the star of david but drop money in the other guy's hat. Soon one hat is nearly full whilst the other hat is empty.
A pries...

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The $25 peach.

Two commuters are hurrying down Madison Ave on the way to Grand Central to catch the 5:21 to Scarborough.

Ahead of them is a street vendor with a basket of peaches and a sign in the basket proclaiming "Best peaches you'll ever eat - $25 apiece."

Well one of the commuters is in marketin...

Four people, each of them being from different professions define a kiss.

Mathematician: 2 divided by nothing.
Physicist: Expansion of the heart and contraction of the lips.
Marketing specialist: A thing which is profitable when returned back.
Economist: A thing which is high in demand but low in supply.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

How Datsun (now Nissan) got its original name

The burgeoning Japanese car company wanted a really good name so they asked the Germans who are known for naming their car companies really well. The president asked a rep from a German marketing company for help. The asked when they needed the final product and the president said, "One week." To wh...

Business joke

Two sons want to take over their dad's business. One's studied marketing and the other accounting, so they think they're ready to finally take the torch. They ask their father about it and he says "You guys don't know *nothing* from business, both of you've got egos bigger than your business ambitio...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

office merger

Mike's startup company wasn't doing that well. He had a great idea for a tech startup, he got funding from venture capitalists, hired programmers, accountants, marketing analysts, everything. But sadly Super Tech Enterprises was failing. For months his former roommate's company was offering to bu...

Why is it so hard to contact comedians?

Because their marketing is a joke.

WalMart's own brand of wine

WalMart announced that sometime in 2013 it will begin offering customers a new discount item: WalMart's own brand of wine. The world's largest retail chain is teaming up with Ernest & Julio Gallo Winery of California to produce the wines at affordable prices in the $2 to $5 range.

Wine...

Victorinox, the makers of Swiss Army knives, recently branched out into the medical supply business after developing a universal tool fit for every hospital ICU.

Their marketing slogan: "For all intensive purposes."

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