This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A fighter pilot and a cargo pilot are flying around, talking shit to each other on the radio. The fighter pilot goes on about how much cooler he is than the cargo pilot and says, "Watch this, brah!" hits the afterburner, does a barrel roll and then a loop.

"Top that!" he shouts to the cargo pilot.

"Ok, well watch this." says the cargo pilot.

The plane just goes straight for a while.

"How'd you like that?" asks the cargo pilot.

The fighter pilot is confused and asks, "What did you do?"

The cargo pilot replies, "I went...

Today I saw an ad that said "radio for sale, $1, volume stuck on full."

I thought, "I can't turn that down."

In 1941, Hans, a young German boy, was listening to the radio.

Over the radio, Hitler announced that Germany was now going to war with the United States.

“Father, where is the United States,” Hans asked.

His father pointed at a map towards North America.

“Aren’t we currently at war with Russia? Where might that be,” he questioned his fath...

A young boy is listening to the radio in the car with his father. “Dad, what music did you like growing up?”

“I was a huge fan of Led Zeppelin,” the father replies.

​

“Who?” the son asks.

​

“Yeah,” the dad responds, “I liked them too.”

I put scaffolding on my Hi-fi and steel girders on my digital radio.

Then my mom told me to stop reinforcing stereo types.

There is a conspiracy theory that claims Princess Diana was on the radio after her reported death.

I'd like to confirm this was completely true, she WAS on the radio, and the dashboard, the steering wheel, the back of the seats and the windscreen.

Princess Diana was all over the radio the night she died,

And on the dashboard, the seats and the steering wheel...

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Voice activated radio.

I just bought a voice activated stereo for my car. Whatever genre of music you say, it will play the most popular artist from that genre of all time.


I told my radio "Rap"

2 Pac started playing on the stereo.

I then told my stereo "Heavy Metal"

It blared Metallica...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Heard this one on the radio this morning.

An 80 year old man sees a hot young lady in the store. He approaches her and says "I don't mean this to sound like a pickup line, but you look familiar. Are you a doctor?" The young lady says "yes sir I am, I'm a urologist". The old man says "oh yeah I went to you 10 years ago because me and the wif...

A man is listening to the radio in his car when the broadcast is interrupted:

“Attention! Attention! A driver is heading down the highway in the wrong direction!”

The man scans the road, clogged with oncoming traffic. He mutters to himself, “what do you mean a driver? I see hundreds of them!”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Astronomers detected radio signals from the same source 1.5 billion light years away.

And I can't get the fucking WiFi connection in my room.

I used to tell a joke about radios

But it’s reception was always poor

I was scanning radio stations and landed on a religious show where the host made mention of Jesus’s will.

I thought “wow, someone should read that. It would probably solve a lot of arguments.”

I'm thinking about getting a job in radio.

All my friends say I've got the voice for radio.

And all my exes say I've got the face for it.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A radio station in Ireland is taking calls to find a word that is commonly used but isn't in the dictionary yet...

The first caller get's through,

"Hello! What word do you think should be in the dictionary?"

"Goan!"

"Goan? Can you use it in a sentence?"

"Yeah, go'an fuck yerself!" The caller then begins laughing until the station can cut off his call.

After several more calls t...

Wife Missing?

The first thing a grieving husband should do is CALL THE COPS!

Husband: "My wife of 15 years is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home!"
Sheriff: "Height?"
Husband: "I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall."
Sheriff: "Weight?"
Husband: "Don't kn...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Radio talkshow have a competition for a new word....

As the show goes on there’s a few entries but nothing decent until a man called John dials in with his suggestion
Presenter : Hi John let’s hear what your suggestion is
John : My word is Goan
Presenter : Okay John can you use it in a sentence
John : Goan fuck your self
- Presenter cu...

They’re taking “Baby It’s Cold Outside” off off of the radio for being offensive?

But I can’t help to think about all those poor children that lost their grandmothers in tragic reindeer accidents.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

While driving a blonde woman was listening to the radio...

The hosts were telling blonde jokes, so while frustrated because of how blondes are perceived she sees another blonde in a boat rowing in the middle of a wheat field.

She gets off of her car red with anger and starts yelling at the other woman:
-You dumb bitch, women like you are the reaso...

A man was driving through the highway with the radio cranked up

when suddenly, it started booming: "TRAFFIC ALERT: THERE APPEARS TO BE A CAR DRIVING IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION IN HIGHWAY 72."

The man, scratching his head, thought to himself "One? There are hundreds of them!"

A radio host was taking a break during his podcast when he realized that someone stole his motorcycle from the station's parking lot.

The radio host took the mic and started yelling:

"To the people who stole my motorcycle this morning, you have 4 hours to bring it back to me or I'll do to you the same thing my dad did in 1999 when someone stole his car!"

Only 30 minutes had passed when 2 guys showed up to the radio s...

What do you call good suggestions given over the radio?

Sound advice.

Taylor Swift sounds better on Azerbaijani radios

Because she never gets played

XM Radio is looking for feedback on Reddit about how to improve customer service

They're taking Sirius replies only.

Guy calls in on radio show

**Guy**: Hey! I found this wallet with $2k, an Amazon gift card, and it says it belongs to someone named 'Ryan'

**Host**: Oh how nice of you. Do you want me to ask Ryan to reclaim it?

**Guy**: No, I want to request a sad song for Ryan

The local radio station was asking listeners to call on with their favorite Stars in Horror Movie

I was the first caller and said "Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman"! Apparently enunciation is EVERYTHING.

What's the first thing you should do when Nicki Minaj dies?

Turn the radio back on

Reddit jokes are like a CB radio..

*copy* that

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Sitting at home I heard on the radio there was a car travelling the wrong way down the road my Wife comes home on so I quickly phoned her to warn her..

'Honey please be careful, there's a car driving the wrong way on the road you come home on'

'One car? There's fucking hundreds of them!'

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A local radio station was running a competition

A local radio station was running a competition - words that weren't in the dictionary yet could still be used in sentence that would make logical sense. The prize was a trip to Bali.

DJ: "96FM here, what's your name?"

Caller: "Hi, my name's Dave."

DJ: "Dave, what's your word?"<...

When I was drinking my coffee, I heard on the radio that caffeine causes memory loss.

Yeah, right. Next time, they're probably gonna say that caffeine causes memory loss.

I used to think that all radios had an antenna

But now I realise that was just a stereo type

Did you hear about the two radio antennae that got married?

I went to the wedding, it was terrible...

...but the reception was great.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Radio Contest

A radio station is doing a contest, if a caller can name a word that isn’t in the dictionary and can use it in a sentence they will win tickets to a concert. People start calling in and naming words but either they’re in the dictionary or the DJs don’t agree with the usage.

Finally someone c...

I turned on the radio and forgot I had the volume maxed out.

Now my left and right ear hertz a lot.

A man is riding through the highway listening to the radio...

Suddenly the radio starts booming: “Traffic alert. There is a car driving on the wrong side of the road in Route 54. Please avoid entering the highway until further notice.”

The man, staring at the radio with a confused expression thinks to himself “One? There are hundreds of them!”

Did you hear about Paul Walker on the radio?

And the dashboard and pretty much the rest of the interior

FM radio is the future! Just think about it, a trillion songs to listen to.

Nevermind, it's only playing the same 20 songs everyday.

A new conspiracy theory states Priness Diana was actually on the radio shortly after the supposed accident that killed her.

And the windshield, and the dashboard...

^^^^I ^^^^made ^^^^myself ^^^^sad

What’s the difference between Chris Brown and a radio station?

Radio stations only have 90 minutes of nonstop hits.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A radio station is having a contest

Any caller who can come up with a word the DJ can't find in the dictionary wins the prize. They have to spell it and use it in a sentence. After many calls and many failed attempts, someone finally has one. "Thanks for calling 105.3! What's your word caller?". "Goan, spelled G-O-A-N." After sco...

The handsome radio host

Had a call in contest and the first person to call would get anything they asked for within reason. The phones explode with callers and he answers the first caller. It's an old crippled woman who happens to be in a wheelchair. She said she never had a date in her whole life and would like a date wit...

What do you get when you cross an avocado with a two way radio?

A Guackie-talkie

This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “Is it possible to build socialism in Sahara desert?”

We are answering: “Possible, but you will end up with a shortage of sand.”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Muslim Extremist orders an Uber.

His uber driver arrives so he gets in the car to proceed to his destination, the extremist then asks the driver a question.

Extremist: in the time of Muhammad did they have radio?

Driver: no.

Extremist: so why do you have the radio on?

Driver: *turns off radio*

The...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An Irish radio station

An Irish radio station is having a contest: the first person to call in with an English word the DJ has never heard of will win €1000.

So this guy calls in and when asked for the word, he says, "Goan...G-O-A-N…Goan."

The DJ thinks for a moment and says, "That’s not even a real word!"...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A taxi driver, new on the job, picks up his first customer.

The driver then started to head to the location designated by the passenger. A few minutes had passed and the whole trip had been quiet ever since. The radio wasn't even turned on.

The passenger is very interpersonal so he started to strike a conversation to break the silence.

"Hey, ma...

Radio conversation in between a US Navy ship off the coast of England, and the British authorities.

BRITS: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South, to avoid a collision.
AMERICANS: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North, to avoid a collision.
BRITS: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
AMERICANS: This...

I'm 75 and someone assumed that I listen to AM radio...

How dare they stereotype me like that

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Marine Corp and the radio

One month into Marine Corps training in San Diego, we were preparing for a ten-mile march in 100-degree weather when a jeep drove up with a big - sophisticated looking radio in the back.

"Who knows anything about radios?" our drill instructor asked.

Several hands went up, and anticipat...

The policemen were talking over the radio:

Mr. Sargeant, we arrived at the crime location

*What's the situation over there?*, asked the sargeant over the radio

A woman just killed its husband. He was stabbed 35 times, shot twice, asphixiated, decapitated and then burned.

*And what was the reason for such an atrocious cr...

My grandmother recently called in to a contest on the radio.

The contest was giving away free skydiving lessons to the first caller.
My grandmother called in, and she was the first caller, so they gave her the papers for the free lessons.
She started the lessons a few days later. When the instructor opened the plane door and told her to jump off, my gra...

As a man drives on the hiwhway he hears some emergency news on the radio

"There is a maniac on the highway driving on the opposite direction. Be very careful" the radio says.

To which the man responds

"Just one? Don't they see?? All them are driving in the wrong direction".

Did you hear about the radio personality who murdered his only son while broadcasting because he didn't want him to receive any inheritance?

There was a lot of Dead heir on that show.

An old Ukrainian is cleaning his hunting rifle one day when his grandson runs in. "Grandfather, the radio says that the Russians have gone into space!"

"All of them?" he asks, putting down his rifle.
"No, only one."
He starts cleaning the rifle again.

Stephen Fry broke a world record when he read the entire Harry Potter series live on BBC Radio 4.

Listeners were disappointed that he didn't read it out loud...

Blonde Co-Pilot

This is a true story of a poor ditzy blond flying in a two-seater airplane with just the pilot.

The pilot has a heart attack and dies. She, frantic,calls out a May Day.

"May Day! May Day! Help Me! Help Me! My pilot had a heart attack and is dead and I don't know how to fly. Help Me! Pl...

Did I tell you about the time Bilbo Baggins woke up to "Don't Stop Believing" on the radio?

It was an unexpected Journey.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

So I was listening to the radio the other day and an ad came on: “Do you suffer from premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction?”

And I thought to myself, “No but my girlfriend probably does.”

Just because someone found out how to connect a keyboard and a portable radio together doesn't make them a nerd

That would be stereotyping.

Did you heard about the mariage of the two radios ?

It seems like they got a good reception.

Girl: We are not talking on the radio, you idiot! This relationship is over.

Guy: This relationship is what? Over.

My wife's favorite song is "Ain't No Sunshine" by Bill Withers. She says so every time it's on the radio.

I reply "I know, I know, I know, I know, I know..."

Twenty thousand years into the future...

The astrobiology intern suddenly perks up at his station.
Intern: "Professor, we're receiving a periodic transmission from the direction of the Fr36 planetoids. I've converted the transmission into base 10 numerals and it keeps saying 14-5-22-5-18 7-15-14-14-1 7-9-22-5 25-15-21 21-16"
Professo...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An irish radio station holds a contest to find words that are common but not in the dictionary

the first caller calls in and says "go'an"
"can you use it in a sentence?" replies the radio host
"yeah go'an fuck yer self" and the host cuts him off the 14 caller calls in "smee"
"use it in a sentence" the host replies
"its smee go'an fuck yer self" the host cuts him off the last call...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A guy was recruited for the first settlement on another planet....

The Settlement Chief met him on the landing site.

"This place is going to take some getting used to. It's like a mirror version of Earth. The elements which are rare on Earth are the most abundant here while the common elements are extremely rare."

"So why are we here then," the guy a...

What version of the Rolling Stones' "Hey You, Get Off of My Cloud" is played on Scottish Radio?

Hey, McCloud! Get off of my ewe!

While driving home I heard on the radio that convicts had escaped a prisoner transport after colliding with a concrete truck.

Authorities say to be on the lookout for hardened criminals.

German ocean rescue radio headquarter

*A call comes to the radio*

"German Ocean Rescue, what is your problem?"
"Help, we are sinking, we are sinking!"
"What are you sinking about?"

I can’t get my satellite radio to work

I’m having sirius issues

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Expensive cars and their radios.

A lady bought a new $130,000 Mercedes-AMG GT car and proudly drove it off the showroom floor to take home. Halfway home, she attempted to change radio stations and saw that there appeared to be only one station. She immediately turned around and headed back to the dealer.
Once at the dealer, she ...

So the Pope is SUPER early for his flight.

He asks his driver on his way to the airport if he could drive around for a while because they have time to kill and he hasn't driven a car since becoming the pope.

Naturally, he's a bit rusty, so he's driving poorly, when suddenly he sees police lights behind him. He pulls over and when the ...

A blond girl turns on the radio and hears that 2 Brazilian men were killed

As she starts to cry she asks "How many is a Brazilian?"

Why can't a fish be a radio host?

Because if he goes on air, he'll die.

I ap-p-p-p-lied for a j-job as a r-r-r-radio an-n-nouncer.

Sh-sh-shame on them, rej-jecting me because I'm b-b-b-black.

How does a Ham Radio buff send a break-up message?

Remorse Code

A drunk guy calls a radio station...

...and tells the RJ,"I found this purse outside Raven's club. It has 1500 dollars in cash, a credit card, an iPhone 6s, and a driving license with Rebecca's name on it."
The RJ asks in an impressed tone,"It was good of you to call us. Do you need my help contacting her so that you can return th...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An Australian radio station was having a word competition...

An Australian radio station was having a word competition sponsored by a dictionary company. If you called in and you had a word that wasn't in their dictionary, you'd win $1000.

Lots of people tried with obscure words, but every time it turned out that it was in that dictionary.

One d...

What is Harry Potter's favorite radio station?

Sirius XM

A blonde is driving in her car and turns on the radio..

It says that two Brazilian men were killed. She stats crying and says, "How many is a brazilian?"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A woman is listening to the radio hears a news report. A man is driving down the freeway the wrong way...

...causing chaos for drivers. She anxiously rings her husband. "Honey are you on the freeway??" He replies angrily "yes!!! Why??!!"
"Be careful," she says "there's some moron driving the wrong way down the freeway!!".
Her husband replies angrily, "one moron??!! There's fucking hundreds of them...

I swear if I hear Uptown Funk one more time...

I will smash my radio. Don't believe me? Just watch

Stellar objects and radio waves?

I always wondered, when hearing stellar bodies like pulsars, quasars and black holes emit radio waves, the following:

1) Are these waves akin to AM/FM/VHF/UHF type signals in that they transmit signals and sound?
2) If not, are these "waves" just variations in the redshift of hydrogen?
...

An elderly woman wins the lottery

Edith, 95 years old, a holocaust servivor, one day scoops big on a $250m jackpot.
She is asked on to her local radio station for an interview. She brings along her best friend Betty who was with her in a concentration camp.

When asked by the host what she is going to do with her winnings. ...

I won $100 on a radio competition this morning.

The DJ called me and said, “We are going live in a few seconds, I’m going to ask you what you’re going to spend your money on and I want you to tell the listeners on air.”
“Okay” I replied.
He said, “3…2….1….. Congratulations to Lefty, our competition winner, what are you going to spend the ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Radio call-in show, Cork, Ireland

True story...

The host asked for people to call in with a four-letter word that isn't in the English language, but should be, and to use it in a sentence.
A caller says, "G-O-A-N, pronounced go-an. I can use it in a sentence. Goan fuck yourself!" The host stumbles for words as the call goe...

A collection of Radio Yerevan jokes

Radio Yerevan jokes were basically a pre-internet meme here in the former Eastern Bloc, which follow a simple QnA format and were often political, and here's a few of my favorites:

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Radio Yerevan was asked: Is it true that there is freedom of speech in the Soviet Union in the same w...

A police officer called the station on his radio

"Uh... Sir, we got a interesting case in here. An old lady shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped"



"Have you arrested the women?"



"No... the floor's still wet"