Today I saw an ad that said "radio for sale, $1, volume stuck on full."

I thought, "I can't turn that down."

A guy walks into a radio store.

He then says, "god, there are so many stereo-types."

"Un, deux, trois, quatre", radioed the French ship...

...before it cinq.

"Eins, zwei, drei", radioed the German ship vierlessly, but then silence.

"Uno, dos", radioed the Spanish ship, and then disappeared without a tres.

"One," radioed the British ship before it went two.

"Won," radioed the American sub.

I had a friend win a brand new Tesla at a radio promotion

It was free of charge...

As we were driving down the road, "Sweet Caroline" came on the radio. I said to my son, "Little known fact, Neil Diamond used to be called Neil Coal."

"Until the pressure got to him."

With all of this Joker controversy, I heard that the Joker from The Dark Knight is preparing to launch a radio station in downtown Gotham City...

...but you can only listen to it if you have Why-So-Sirius XM.

From Radio Yerevan (Old Soviet Joke): Q."We are told that the communism is already seen at the horizon. What then is a horizon?"

A." Horizon is an imaginary line which moves away each time you approach it."

After our radio station's accountant died in a parachuting accident, the program director told me to play some Tom Petty in rememberance after the obituary, as the accountant liked his music. However, when I did exactly that, he ended up putting my show off air. Dunno why.

Though maybe I shouldn't have played *Free Fallin'*...

Turned on the radio to hear "Shallow". I'm not a fan so switched stations and got "Bad Romance". I also don't like that so tried a third station and got "Poker Face".

It seems that, all I hear is radio Gaga.

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I was at a yard sale and I saw a radio, with a broken volume knob, for sale.

I couldn’t turn it down.

A ship radios the German coast guard

Ship: Help we are sinking!

German coast guard: wot are you sinking about?

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I called in a psychic radio show while I was taking a ride in a hot air balloon.

Psychic: Go ahead caller, you’re on the air.

Me: Holy shit, how did you know??

The mining industry wants to put out a radio advert to help with recruitment. They hire a jingle writer, and he asks them what key he should write it in.

They said: "B minor".

A man was driving down highway 407 when a radio announcer said: “be warned of a car driving the wrong way along the highway”

The man, peeking out the window, scoffs to himself as he thinks “just one? All these idiots are going the wrong way!”

Why is radio news never specific?

It’s a broadcast.

Yesterday, I called a local radio station to request "I'm Free" by The Rolling Stones. However, they played a song of the same title by The Who.

You can't always get what you want.

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A fighter pilot and a cargo pilot are flying around, talking shit to each other on the radio. The fighter pilot goes on about how much cooler he is than the cargo pilot and says, "Watch this, brah!" hits the afterburner, does a barrel roll and then a loop.

"Top that!" he shouts to the cargo pilot.

"Ok, well watch this." says the cargo pilot.

The plane just goes straight for a while.

"How'd you like that?" asks the cargo pilot.

The fighter pilot is confused and asks, "What did you do?"

The cargo pilot replies, "I went...

What's a pirate's favorite radio station?

NPRRR! (nautical pirate rrradio)

One day a DJ for a local radio station wanted to change things up.

He wanted to start playing more up beat music, so he went to the manager of the station and told him his idea. The manager said he would look into it.

A few days go by and the manager comes back to the DJ and tells him there is a problem with one of the songs he wants to play from The Beach B...

The following is announced on the radio:

All drivers on route 66, pay attention! Stay to the far right as much as possible. There have been reports off a driver driving in the wrong lane. A man looks at his radio and says: 1 driving in the wrong lane? There are thousands of them!

A music composer told me he cant listen to the radio anymore because popular music was much of the same recycled musical ideas. Said learning too much about a certain topic can ruin the fun of that topic.

And that's why I didn't become a gynecologist

I put scaffolding on my Hi-fi and steel girders on my digital radio.

Then my mom told me to stop reinforcing stereo types.

Heard this on the radio, yesterday morning.

Why did the Coffee call the police?

It got Mugged.

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Every time a good song comes on the radio I love to close my eyes and really feel the music.

Inconsiderate assholes on my bus keep ruining the moment though....

A young boy is listening to the radio in the car with his father. “Dad, what music did you like growing up?”

“I was a huge fan of Led Zeppelin,” the father replies.



“Who?” the son asks.



“Yeah,” the dad responds, “I liked them too.”

Wife Missing?

The first thing a grieving husband should do is CALL THE COPS!

Husband: "My wife of 15 years is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home!"
Sheriff: "Height?"
Husband: "I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall."
Sheriff: "Weight?"
Husband: "Don't kn...

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In 1941, Hans, a young German boy, was listening to the radio.

Over the radio, Hitler announced that Germany was now going to war with the United States.

“Father, where is the United States,” Hans asked.

His father pointed at a map towards North America.

“Aren’t we currently at war with Russia? Where might that be,” he questioned his fath...

I was scanning radio stations and landed on a religious show where the host made mention of Jesus’s will.

I thought “wow, someone should read that. It would probably solve a lot of arguments.”

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A radio station in Ireland is taking calls to find a word that is commonly used but isn't in the dictionary yet...

The first caller get's through,

"Hello! What word do you think should be in the dictionary?"

"Goan!"

"Goan? Can you use it in a sentence?"

"Yeah, go'an fuck yerself!" The caller then begins laughing until the station can cut off his call.

After several more calls t...

I used to tell a joke about radios

But it’s reception was always poor

Exactly 22 years ago Princess Diana was on the radio...

...She was also on the windshield, dashboard, and glovebox.

They’re taking “Baby It’s Cold Outside” off off of the radio for being offensive?

But I can’t help to think about all those poor children that lost their grandmothers in tragic reindeer accidents.

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While driving a blonde woman was listening to the radio...

The hosts were telling blonde jokes, so while frustrated because of how blondes are perceived she sees another blonde in a boat rowing in the middle of a wheat field.

She gets off of her car red with anger and starts yelling at the other woman:
-You dumb bitch, women like you are the reaso...

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Astronomers detected radio signals from the same source 1.5 billion light years away.

And I can't get the fucking WiFi connection in my room.

Guy calls in on radio show

**Guy**: Hey! I found this wallet with $2k, an Amazon gift card, and it says it belongs to someone named 'Ryan'

**Host**: Oh how nice of you. Do you want me to ask Ryan to reclaim it?

**Guy**: No, I want to request a sad song for Ryan

I'm thinking about getting a job in radio.

All my friends say I've got the voice for radio.

And all my exes say I've got the face for it.

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Heard this one on the radio this morning.

An 80 year old man sees a hot young lady in the store. He approaches her and says "I don't mean this to sound like a pickup line, but you look familiar. Are you a doctor?" The young lady says "yes sir I am, I'm a urologist". The old man says "oh yeah I went to you 10 years ago because me and the wif...

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A Radio talkshow have a competition for a new word....

As the show goes on there’s a few entries but nothing decent until a man called John dials in with his suggestion
Presenter : Hi John let’s hear what your suggestion is
John : My word is Goan
Presenter : Okay John can you use it in a sentence
John : Goan fuck your self
- Presenter cu...

Princess Diana was all over the radio the night she died,

And on the dashboard, the seats and the steering wheel...

A man is listening to the radio in his car when the broadcast is interrupted:

“Attention! Attention! A driver is heading down the highway in the wrong direction!”

The man scans the road, clogged with oncoming traffic. He mutters to himself, “what do you mean a driver? I see hundreds of them!”

There is a conspiracy theory that claims Princess Diana was on the radio after her reported death.

I'd like to confirm this was completely true, she WAS on the radio, and the dashboard, the steering wheel, the back of the seats and the windscreen.

What's the first thing you should do when Nicki Minaj dies?

Turn the radio back on

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A local radio station was running a competition

A local radio station was running a competition - words that weren't in the dictionary yet could still be used in sentence that would make logical sense. The prize was a trip to Bali.

DJ: "96FM here, what's your name?"

Caller: "Hi, my name's Dave."

DJ: "Dave, what's your word?"<...

A radio host was taking a break during his podcast when he realized that someone stole his motorcycle from the station's parking lot.

The radio host took the mic and started yelling:

"To the people who stole my motorcycle this morning, you have 4 hours to bring it back to me or I'll do to you the same thing my dad did in 1999 when someone stole his car!"

Only 30 minutes had passed when 2 guys showed up to the radio s...

I used to think that all radios had an antenna

But now I realise that was just a stereo type

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The Radio Contest

A radio station is doing a contest, if a caller can name a word that isn’t in the dictionary and can use it in a sentence they will win tickets to a concert. People start calling in and naming words but either they’re in the dictionary or the DJs don’t agree with the usage.

Finally someone c...

XM Radio is looking for feedback on Reddit about how to improve customer service

They're taking Sirius replies only.

I turned on the radio and forgot I had the volume maxed out.

Now my left and right ear hertz a lot.

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A radio station is having a contest

Any caller who can come up with a word the DJ can't find in the dictionary wins the prize. They have to spell it and use it in a sentence. After many calls and many failed attempts, someone finally has one. "Thanks for calling 105.3! What's your word caller?". "Goan, spelled G-O-A-N." After sco...

Taylor Swift sounds better on Azerbaijani radios

Because she never gets played

When I was drinking my coffee, I heard on the radio that caffeine causes memory loss.

Yeah, right. Next time, they're probably gonna say that caffeine causes memory loss.

What do you get when you cross an avocado with a two way radio?

A Guackie-talkie

What do you call good suggestions given over the radio?

Sound advice.

Reddit jokes are like a CB radio..

*copy* that

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Sitting at home I heard on the radio there was a car travelling the wrong way down the road my Wife comes home on so I quickly phoned her to warn her..

'Honey please be careful, there's a car driving the wrong way on the road you come home on'

'One car? There's fucking hundreds of them!'

Did you hear about Paul Walker on the radio?

And the dashboard and pretty much the rest of the interior

A man is riding through the highway listening to the radio...

Suddenly the radio starts booming: “Traffic alert. There is a car driving on the wrong side of the road in Route 54. Please avoid entering the highway until further notice.”

The man, staring at the radio with a confused expression thinks to himself “One? There are hundreds of them!”

What’s the difference between Chris Brown and a radio station?

Radio stations only have 90 minutes of nonstop hits.

Did you hear about the two radio antennae that got married?

I went to the wedding, it was terrible...

...but the reception was great.

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An Irish radio station

An Irish radio station is having a contest: the first person to call in with an English word the DJ has never heard of will win €1000.

So this guy calls in and when asked for the word, he says, "Goan...G-O-A-N…Goan."

The DJ thinks for a moment and says, "That’s not even a real word!"...

The policemen were talking over the radio:

Mr. Sargeant, we arrived at the crime location

*What's the situation over there?*, asked the sargeant over the radio

A woman just killed its husband. He was stabbed 35 times, shot twice, asphixiated, decapitated and then burned.

*And what was the reason for such an atrocious cr...

Radio conversation in between a US Navy ship off the coast of England, and the British authorities.

BRITS: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South, to avoid a collision.
AMERICANS: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North, to avoid a collision.
BRITS: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
AMERICANS: This...

I'm 75 and someone assumed that I listen to AM radio...

How dare they stereotype me like that

Husband: My wife is missing. She went to rescue people from the flood yesterday and has not come home ...

Sergeant at Police Station:
What is her height?

Husband:
Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

Sergeant:
Weight?

Husband:
Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sergeant:
Color of eyes?

Husband:
Sort of brown I think. Never really ...

FM radio is the future! Just think about it, a trillion songs to listen to.

Nevermind, it's only playing the same 20 songs everyday.

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So I was listening to the radio the other day and an ad came on: “Do you suffer from premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction?”

And I thought to myself, “No but my girlfriend probably does.”

A drunk guy walks into a bar...

He says: "Bartender, Pour everyone here a drink, pour one for yourself and give me the bill."

The bartender does just that and hands him the bill. The drunk goes: "Oh I don't have enough money"

The bartender slaps him a few times and tosses him out.

The next day the same guy wal...

My grandmother recently called in to a contest on the radio.

The contest was giving away free skydiving lessons to the first caller.
My grandmother called in, and she was the first caller, so they gave her the papers for the free lessons.
She started the lessons a few days later. When the instructor opened the plane door and told her to jump off, my gra...

A new conspiracy theory states Priness Diana was actually on the radio shortly after the supposed accident that killed her.

And the windshield, and the dashboard...

^^^^I ^^^^made ^^^^myself ^^^^sad

The handsome radio host

Had a call in contest and the first person to call would get anything they asked for within reason. The phones explode with callers and he answers the first caller. It's an old crippled woman who happens to be in a wheelchair. She said she never had a date in her whole life and would like a date wit...

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The Marine Corp and the radio

One month into Marine Corps training in San Diego, we were preparing for a ten-mile march in 100-degree weather when a jeep drove up with a big - sophisticated looking radio in the back.

"Who knows anything about radios?" our drill instructor asked.

Several hands went up, and anticipat...

As a man drives on the hiwhway he hears some emergency news on the radio

"There is a maniac on the highway driving on the opposite direction. Be very careful" the radio says.

To which the man responds

"Just one? Don't they see?? All them are driving in the wrong direction".

Blonde Co-Pilot

This is a true story of a poor ditzy blond flying in a two-seater airplane with just the pilot.

The pilot has a heart attack and dies. She, frantic,calls out a May Day.

"May Day! May Day! Help Me! Help Me! My pilot had a heart attack and is dead and I don't know how to fly. Help Me! Pl...

This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “Is it possible to build socialism in Sahara desert?”

We are answering: “Possible, but you will end up with a shortage of sand.”

Just because someone found out how to connect a keyboard and a portable radio together doesn't make them a nerd

That would be stereotyping.

An old Ukrainian is cleaning his hunting rifle one day when his grandson runs in. "Grandfather, the radio says that the Russians have gone into space!"

"All of them?" he asks, putting down his rifle.
"No, only one."
He starts cleaning the rifle again.

What version of the Rolling Stones' "Hey You, Get Off of My Cloud" is played on Scottish Radio?

Hey, McCloud! Get off of my ewe!

Two men were washed ashore during World War I.

Their ship, an aging minesweeping model, had wrecked off the coast. As they sought shelter in a makeshift camp, one of them managed to salvage a radio and quickly telegraphed an SOS with their coordinates.

To their surprise, a ship responded within the hour, saying it could be at their locat...

Stephen Fry broke a world record when he read the entire Harry Potter series live on BBC Radio 4.

Listeners were disappointed that he didn't read it out loud...

An elderly radio engineer showed up at the house instead of a plumber.

"You said you needed some valves replaced."

Wife: We're not talking over the radio. This relationship is over.

Husband: This relationship is what? Over.

I swear if I hear Uptown Funk one more time...

I will smash my radio. Don't believe me? Just watch

Why can't a fish be a radio host?

Because if he goes on air, he'll die.

I was injured by my radio.

It Hertz.

My wife's favorite song is "Ain't No Sunshine" by Bill Withers. She says so every time it's on the radio.

I reply "I know, I know, I know, I know, I know..."

Did you heard about the mariage of the two radios ?

It seems like they got a good reception.

A drunk guy calls a radio station...

...and tells the RJ,"I found this purse outside Raven's club. It has 1500 dollars in cash, a credit card, an iPhone 6s, and a driving license with Rebecca's name on it."
The RJ asks in an impressed tone,"It was good of you to call us. Do you need my help contacting her so that you can return th...

German ocean rescue radio headquarter

*A call comes to the radio*

"German Ocean Rescue, what is your problem?"
"Help, we are sinking, we are sinking!"
"What are you sinking about?"

A blond girl turns on the radio and hears that 2 Brazilian men were killed

As she starts to cry she asks "How many is a Brazilian?"

I ap-p-p-p-lied for a j-job as a r-r-r-radio an-n-nouncer.

Sh-sh-shame on them, rej-jecting me because I'm b-b-b-black.

Someone calls the radio station and goes live on air

-Hey, I found a wallet on the Paloma street with 5000 US$ in it. It has an ID card too with the name Conrad Nalini.

-Yeah, and how may I help you, sir?

-Ah, no help needed. I just wanted to request a song for the guy.

I can’t get my satellite radio to work

I’m having sirius issues

While driving home I heard on the radio that convicts had escaped a prisoner transport after colliding with a concrete truck.

Authorities say to be on the lookout for hardened criminals.

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