Can radio be an addiction?

Depends on the frequency.

One day, a blonde woman was driving her car through the countryside when she decided to listen to the radio.

The only available station was a comedy station that kept telling blonde joke after blonde joke, which made the blonde very annoyed.

She turned off the radio and decided to look at the scenery to calm herself down, but then she saw something even more infuriating. Another blonde woman was sit...

What do you call an average radio?

Stereo typical

My thirteen-year-old came up with this and I promised to post it to Reddit.

Two windmills stood on a hill with a radio.

One turned to his friend and asked, “What’s your favourite music?”

The other windmill said, “I’m a big metal fan.”

[Long] This is the transcript of the ACTUAL radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. It was released by the Canadian Chief of Naval Operations on 10-10-95

Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid collision

Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision

Canadians: Negative. Divert your course 15 degrees to the South

Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy sh...

A young boy is listening to the radio in the car with his father.

"Dad, what music did you like growing up?"
"I was a huge fan of Led Zeppelin," the father replies.
"Who?" the son asks.
"Yeah," the dad responds, "I liked them too."

Recently the police were called to the residence of an elderly couple. The Chief radios the station that the wife has shot the husband.

The Sgt. at the station stammers "What? Why?" The Chief calls back "Well, apparently she warned him about walking on her freshly mopped floors one more time..." Sarge is in utter disbelief "Did you go and arrest her??" Chief said not yet. Sarge asked what the hell he's waiting for. Chief radios back...

"Un, deux, trois, quatre", radioed the French ship...

...before it cinq.

"Eins, zwei, drei", radioed the German ship vierlessly, but then silence.

"Uno, dos", radioed the Spanish ship, and then disappeared without a tres.

"One," radioed the British ship before it went two.

"Oh," radioed the American sub. "I guess we won"

I was listening to the orchestra but I had to turn off the radio...

There was too much sax and violins.

Why did the conspiracy theorist tell the radio repairman to take his time?

Because there was no rush

Babe why did you get these new radios? Our relationship is over.

Our relationship is what? Over.

A radio station said to call their hotline to win a prize

All I got was a burnt hand

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Today I saw an ad that said "radio for sale, $1, volume knob stuck on full."

I thought, "I can't turn that down."

An elderly man is out driving when a man on his radio suddenly announces:

*Beware of a dangerous car driving against the general direction of travel*

Annoyed, the man, alone in his car, mumbles to himself:
*One? There are several hundred of them!*

Somewhere over Belarus a pilot just had a radio call

Pilot to crew: We are requested to land immediately.

Please prepare the cabin.

Crew: Why, what is happening?

Pilot: Threat of an explosive.

Cew: What? What explosive?!

Pilot: The one they will fire at us if we don't.

The Pope decides to take a cross-country tour across America, beginning in California and ending in New York.

Somewhere in the Mid-West, the Popemobile breaks down, and while it’s repaired, the Pope continued his journey with a limousine rental.

After a few hours, the limousine driver rolled down the glass partition, and spoke: “I know I’m not supposed to talk to you, your holiness, or highness - I’m...

The other day I was travelling down one of those spiral type car parks. As I set off, on the top floor, I spotted someone smashing a car window and attempting to steal the radio. On the 2nd floor I saw a youth key right down the side of another car.

On the bottom floor, I saw a couple throw a load of rubbish out of their car window....I couldn't believe my eyes.


It was just wrong on so many levels!

During a radio interview the host brings up his Swedish guest's past achievements as an air force commander...

"So Commander, I understand you were an ace fighter pilot during World War II"

The Commander replies, "Ya sure, dis is true, I shot down nine of those Fokkers"

The host says, "at this point I think we should inform our listening audience that a "Fokker" is a type of German airplane use...

My dad hit me with his Radio

It hertz

My dad always says not to crank the car radio too high or I'll go deaf. Imagine if that happened.

I would never hear the end of it.

GF: “ why do we need radios, our relationship is over “

Dude: “ our relationship is what? “

Did you hear that Jayne Mansfield is on the radio?

And the dashboard, and the steering wheel....

An innocent joke I remember from a radio show or CD from about 20 years ago.

A little boy answered the phone one day. The caller, surprised to hear the young voice says, "Hi, is your mommy or daddy home?".

"Mommy is busy."

"Okay, is your daddy home?" The caller asks.

"No, daddy is busy."

"Okay," says the caller. "Is anyone else there?"

"The...

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The case of the missing condoms

A girl I was friends with in high school called me crying today. She had a question she needed to ask a guy friend. She said her boyfriend had just bought a box of a dozen condoms and now there are only six left, but they only had sex three times. When confronted her boyfriend said that sometimes...

My brother got a new pet hamster.

He wanted to think of a perfect name for him so he pondered for a while. Finally he came up with Cuba Gooding Jr. because he absolutely loved most of his movies.

One day Cuba got out of his cage and we couldn’t find him for hours. We looked everywhere, even into the garage and finally the at...

My dad gave up his job of being a late night radio DJ.

He took up a new job as a railway construction worker. Talk about a career change, but I guess he just couldn’t give up his love for laying tracks.

Flying over the Atlantic

An Airbus 380 is on it's way across the Atlantic. It flies consistently at 800 km/h at 30,000 feet, when suddenly a Eurofighter with Tempo Mach 2 appears.

The pilot of the fighter jet slows down, flies alongside the Airbus and greets the pilot of the passenger plane by radio: "Airbus, boring ...

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A radio host asks his listeners for song requests.

A 90 year old woman calls in and says:

"Can you play 2 lips and 7 kisses?"

To mess with the old women he replies:

"I'm sorry I don't have that, but I do have 2 balls and 7 inches"

Confused, the woman asks back:

"Is that a record?"

To which the man replies:...

A walkie talkie invited a lump of coal to dinner and a movie.

Radio-carbon dating

My grandpa loves to listen to music on the radio.

His favorite genre is Hip-pop.

Why radio lovers love to play hide and seek?

Because **RADIO OR NOT** here i come!



(Okay, that wasn't quite good)

Someone called me on the phone and asked me if I wanted satellite radio.

I said, “ are you Serius “?

A traffic cop pulls over a guy for speeding.

As he approaches the car dorr he asks the driver for his license and the cars papers. The driver awnsers: i dont got a license and the car is stolen.
The cop was baffled and uttered: are you serious?! The driver awnsers: i'm always serious after a few lines of blow up my nose dude...
The cop:...

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If General Motors Built Cars like Microsoft...



This is an old joke and sadly some of this has come to pass.



If General Motors Built Cars like Microsoft...

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with technology li...

Have you ever realised that when you are listening to music, somewhere in the world there is someone who is listening the same song, the same lyrics, the same syllable as you are.

Then you are aware of FM radio

DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself.

MOM: Oh my! Who!?


DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something?


MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????


DAD: No, it was with a knife...

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So these three friends went to a park to enjoy their Sunday.

Jim, Tim and Maximilian found a place near a tree to settle down and lay out their stuff. They'd been through a hectic week and they deserved this break, particularly Tim, who had been through the most. So they pulled out their drinks and lay it on the mat, and set up their radio to play some relaxi...

Two men were washed ashore during World War I.

Their ship, an aging minesweeping model, had wrecked off the coast of an uninhabited island. As the older veteran worked to build a makeshift camp, the younger soldier managed to salvage a radio, and quickly telegraphed an SOS with their coordinates.

To their surprise, a ship responded withi...

Did you hear the one about the Ham Radio Operator's kids?

They di-dit and di-dit 'cuz their dah-dah di-dit!

The doctor on the radio said to treat your face mask like you do your underwear

So I turn in inside out every day

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A radio station

ran a contest for listeners to pick English words that are no longer in use but should be brought back. A caller called...


Hi, my name is Dave


Hi Dave. What's your word?


Goan, spelt G O A N


Ok it's not in the dictionary. How do we use this?


Goan...

I called into a Russian radio station to request that they play some U2...

They shot me down :(

Radio Yerevan was asked: "Can I use aspirin as birth control pill?"

Radio Yerevan answered: "Yes, if you hold it between your knees."

The metal strip in paper currency is sensitive to microwave and radio waves.

Because it apparently tends to burn a hole in the pocket.

What do you call portable, two-way radio transceivers that hate racism and like to smoke pot?

Wokey-Tokies

I forgot how much I hated Nickelback until you blasted their song on the radio...

And this is how you remind me?!!!

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Truck driver Mike and the alien

I'm from Germany, so I hope it doesn't get lost in translation.
Mike the truck driver is on the highway at night when the radio station he's listening to sends a special report about UFO's and aliens been spotted only a bit in front of him. "... they're about 4 feet tall with arms reaching...

Ending it all

Brad was sick of the World, of Covid-19, those who hate China, global warming, species extinction, racial tension and all the rest of the disturbing stories that occupy the media headlines.

Brad drove his car into his garage at home, carefully sealed up around the windows and doorways of his ...

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In 1941, Hans, a young German boy, was listening to the radio

In 1941, Hans, a young German boy, was listening to the radio.

Over the radio, Hitler announced that Germany was now going to war with the United States.

“Father, where is the United States,” Hans asked.

His father pointed at a map towards North America.

“Aren’t we cur...

My dad loves to boast about he can get Mexico on his ham radio set up.

That's nothing I'd say, I can open my window and get Chili.

A radio DJ is on air and comes up with a competition

The winner will get £1000 if they can come up with a word, not in the dictionary without checking.

Several listeners call in but unfortunately their responses were already in the dictionary.

Hamish, a Scottish listener, phones in and says "Goan"

The DJ checks the dictionary an...

I used to be an 80s DJ on a farmer's radio station. However, I've just quit.

I got sick of hauling oats.

As we were driving down the road, "Sweet Caroline" came on the radio. I said to my son, "Little known fact, Neil Diamond used to be called Neil Coal."

"Until the pressure got to him."

A Scottish Canadian man called me on my radio talk show. He started insulting me and repeating what I said in a weird voice

It was call-in mockery

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A local radio station was running a competition

A local radio station was running a competition - words that weren't in the dictionary yet could still be used in sentence that would make logical sense. The prize was a trip to Bali.

DJ: "96FM here, what's your name?"

Caller: "Hi, my name's Dave."

DJ: "Dave, what's your word?"<...

What do you call a radio that only plays music from the 1950s and 1960s?

A boomerbox

A guy walks into a radio store.

He then says, "god, there are so many stereo-types."

What do you call Bruce Lee pulling a Radio Flyer?

Enter the wagon.

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A radio station in Ireland is taking calls to find a word that is commonly used but isn't in the dictionary yet...

The first caller get's through,

"Hello! What word do you think should be in the dictionary?"

"Goan!"

"Goan? Can you use it in a sentence?"

"Yeah, go'an fuck yerself!" The caller then begins laughing until the station can cut off his call.

After several more calls t...

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All-Female Crew As the aircraft was taxiing towards the runway to take off, the voice on the speaker welcomed passengers on board and introduced them to the pilot.

"Your captain is Miss Mary Joystick...."

"You mean to tell me this plane is being piloted by a woman?"asked an alarmed passenger to a stewardess."

"Yes, sir," replied the stewardess. "So is the co-pilot, Miss Jane Understudy. So also are the radio operator and the navigator, they are a...

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Husband goes to a police station, says ‘My wife is missing!’

Husband goes to a police station...
“My wife is missing! She went out yesterday and has not come home...”

Sergeant at Police Station:
“What is her height?”

Husband:
“Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall

Sergeant:
“Weight?”

Husband:
“Don't know. N...

If turning down the radio while driving improves eye sight...

Then blind people shouldnt drive with the radio on.

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A fighter pilot and a cargo pilot are flying around, talking shit to each other on the radio. The fighter pilot goes on about how much cooler he is than the cargo pilot and says, "Watch this, brah!" hits the afterburner, does a barrel roll and then a loop...

"Top that!" he shouts to the cargo pilot.

"Ok, well watch this." says the cargo pilot.

The plane just goes straight for a while.

"How'd you like that?" asks the cargo pilot.

The fighter pilot is confused and asks, "What did you do?"

The cargo pilot replies, "I went...

I think my ham radio equipment may have fallen in love with me.

It hasn't said anything but I've been picking up a lot of signals.

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Ask the Doc

The famous sex therapist was on the radio taking questions when a caller asked, ‘Doctor, why do men always want to marry a virgin?’

To which the doctor responded, ‘To avoid criticism.’

What do you see when you look at encrypted radio communications?

A signed wave.

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A couple lived near the ocean and walked the beach a lot ...

A couple lived near the ocean and walked the beach a lot.

One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach pretty much every day. She wasn’t unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing. She would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around, then speak...

I heard over the radio there was a maniac on the loose!

I got so scared I almost missed the pedestrians!

The Pope and the Police

Once, while travelling, the pope was bored.
He turned to the chauffeur and said "Why don't you let me have a go? I've never driven before, it looks fun!"

The chauffeur was not overly enthusiastic but he reluctantly swapped places.
The pope started enjoying himself, and decided to find o...

Today I saw a car parked with a bumper sticker that said "I miss New york"

So I smashed his window in and stole his radio.

I’ve always been told that I have a face for radio

And a singing voice for silent movies.

A biologist and a radio operator are stranded on an island

None of them had anything except the biologist's phone, and a radio.

The radio operator started to tune the radio to send morse code to send rescue.

The biologist simply made a phone call.

Within a few hours, the both of them were saved.

Amazed, the radio operator asked "...

What font does alphabet soup use?

Times New Ramen.



*Credit for this goes to Kim Komando. I heard it on the radio earlier today.*

I heard about a double entendre contest on the radio

So I entered my sister

There was an old woman listening to the radio when she heard a song called “Two Lips and Seven Kisses.” She decided to call the radio station to get the name of the record company. In dialing, she erroneously called up a gas station, and she asks, “Do you have “Two Lips and Seven Kisses?”

The gas station attendant who answered the phone said, “No, but I have two nuts and seven inches!”

So the woman asked, “Is that a record?”

To which the man replied, “No, its average!”

I was just outside Kiel when my boat hit a rock.

I radio the German Coastguard to inform them, "Mayday, mayday, mayday, we are sinking."

It was less than 3 seconds before the reply came through. "Ok, vat are you zinking about zat is so important to declare a mayday?"

A German Coast Guard was working his first shift as a radio dispatcher when a boat got into trouble.

Sailor: Mayday, Mayday! Can anybody hear me?

Operator: Ah hallo. Zis is ze German Coast Guard. I can hear you.

Sailor: This is Mayday! We are sinking! I repeat. We are sinking!!

Operator: Ah, Okay. So... vot are you sinking about?

Guy calls in on radio show

**Guy**: Hey! I found this wallet with $2k, an Amazon gift card, and it says it belongs to someone named 'Ryan'

**Host**: Oh how nice of you. Do you want me to ask Ryan to reclaim it?

**Guy**: No, I want to request a sad song for Ryan

One of life's most soul crushing moments occurs every time that a song comes on the radio .....

And you think you are about to hear Under Pressure by Queen only to find out it's Ice Ice Baby by Vanilla Ice.

I heard this on the radio earlier today

Dr Fauci allegedly said that after the pandemic is over and done with we will have to wear masks for 2 months on the back of our heads so our ears will return to normal

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A teenage girl came across an old man sitting next to his radio, tapping his cane in time to a Lil Wayne song.

"Holy crap! I didn't know you'd like rap music?!"
"I didn't, either," the old man replied. "It all started after my hip op".

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Singles on a deserted island

A luxury cruise ship offered a cruise for young singles only. But halfway through the voyage, the ship crashed. The Captain had been having a affair and didn't see the giant rock formation. The cruise ship went down in record time (as did the Captain). Most people on board were too drunk to act fast...

A Morning Radio Show in the USSR

"Good morining fellow comrades and welcome to Radio Yerevan's daily Morning show! "

"Today we are waking up with Comrade Stalin and you may not see it but the whole nation is waking up with him!"

"Right now Comrade Stalin is doing his morning excersise and the whole nation is doing mo...

A C.O. noticed something on patrol. He called his shift lead to tell him a subject was climbing down a makeshift rope, from a hole in Q4 dorm's outer wall. The subject was male, aprox. 3' 8" in height, wearing orange. The shift lead laughed over the radio, asking if he was sure of the sighting.

The C.O. later stated, it was definitely a little con descending.

There is a senior citizen driving on the highway.

His wife calls him on his cell phone and in a worried voice says, Herman, be careful! I just heard on the radio that there is a madman driving the wrong way on Route 280! Herman says, I know, but there isnt just one, there are hundreds!

An engineer accidentally gave a medical school exam. See his answers:

1. Antibody - One who hates his body .

2. Artery - Study of Fine Paintings or military, not sure.

3. Bacteria - Back door of a Cafeteria .

4. Coma - Punctuation Mark .

5. Gall Bladder - Bladder of a Girl .

6. Genes - Blue Denim.

7. Labour Pain - Hurt at Work...

A man was listening to the radio while driving home.

There was a report warning about someone who was going the wrong way on the highway.

The man said to himself, swerving: “There isn’t just one!”

My wife's favorite song is "Ain't No Sunshine" by Bill Withers and she reminds of this every single time it's on the radio...

I reply, "I know, I know, I know, I know, I know..."

A brittish boat is nearby a port in Germany and calls for help on the radio:

-WE ARE SINKING! WE ARE SINKING!
The german replies:
-Wat are you sinking about?

A man was driving down highway 407 when a radio announcer said: “be warned of a car driving the wrong way along the highway”

The man, peeking out the window, scoffs to himself as he thinks “just one? All these idiots are going the wrong way!”

Radio Yerevan was asked: Is it correct that Grigori Grigorievich Grigoriev won a luxury car at the All-Union Championship in Moscow?

Radio Yerevan answered:In principle, yes. But first of all it was not Grigori Grigorievich Grigoriev, but Vassili Vassilievich Vassiliev; second, it was not at the All-Union Championship in Moscow, but at a Collective Farm Sports Festival in Smolensk; third, it was not a car, but a bicycle; and four...

A police officer radioed the station for backup

Officer: Looks like that domestic disturbance is a homicide, old lady murdered her husband for tracking dirt on a floor she just mopped.

Dispatch: have you arrested her?

Officer: Not yet. The floor isn't dry.

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An Australian radio host is running a competition to great a new word and ask callers to suggest one

Caller one : garn

Host : can you use it in a sentence?

Caller one : garn get fucked (hangs up)

Host : ok, let's try again again, what's your word?

Caller 2 : smee

Host : and can you use it in a sentence?

Caller two : smee again, garn get fucked

I made a post about radio head being rubbish and I was downvoted into oblivion.

The karma police came for me

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The Radio Contest

A radio station is doing a contest, if a caller can name a word that isn’t in the dictionary and can use it in a sentence they will win tickets to a concert. People start calling in and naming words but either they’re in the dictionary or the DJs don’t agree with the usage.

Finally someone c...

Reddit jokes are like a CB radio..

*copy that*

Why did Elton John go to Radio City Music Hall?

He wanted to be a Rockette Man

Cops are getting brutal out there. I got pulled over for changing my radio while driving!

And I had JUST gotten the old one taken out when he pulled me over.

There is an elephant and a giraffe in the bathroom

The giraffe says "pass the soap, please"

And the elephant says "no soap, radio!"

The mining industry wants to put out a radio advert to help with recruitment. They hire a jingle writer, and he asks them what key he should write it in.

They said: "B minor".

A blonde is on a 2 seater aeroplane when the pilot suddenly passes out.

Not knowing how to fly the plane she grabs the radio and says: "Mayday, mayday, my pilot just died!"

Ground control received her call for help and replies: "Don't worry maam I'll talk you down, just do as I say.”

First I need you to give me your height and position? Blonde: "I'm 5'2 an...

Did you hear about Paul Walker on the radio?

And the dashboard and pretty much the rest of the interior

A ship radios the German coast guard

Ship: Help we are sinking!

German coast guard: wot are you sinking about?

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Saturday morning I got up early, [long]

Saturday morning I got up early, put on my long johns, dressed quietly, made my lunch. grabbed the dog. slipped quietly into the garage to hook the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. There was snow mixed with the rain and the wind was blowing 50 mph. I pulled...

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An Irish radio station

An Irish radio station is having a contest: the first person to call in with an English word the DJ has never heard of will win €1000.

So this guy calls in and when asked for the word, he says, "Goan...G-O-A-N…Goan."

The DJ thinks for a moment and says, "That’s not even a real word!"...

Weather Journalist

A film crew was on a location deep in the Arizona desert. One day an old Red Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow rain".

The next day it rained. A week later, the red Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow storm".

The next day there was a hailstorm.

"Th...

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Little Johnny comes home from Sunday school.

His father asks him what they were talking about. "Exodus" he answers. "Oh, and what did you learn?" inquires father. "Well, you see Moses was leading his people out of Egypt and they came to the Red Sea. To get across Moses picks up his radio and calls for engineers. They quickly build pontoon brid...

My housemate keeps playing the same Queen song over and over again

All we hear is Radio Ga Ga!

A British ship is sinking.

The radio operator is sending out a distress call saying "Mayday, mayday we are sinking. Please help."

A few kilometers away, a German ship hears the call, and the radio operator, who doesn't speak English very well and is new on the job, answers

"uh hello, we hear you. Um, what are y...

We found out the guy who plays rock music on his radio at work has ED

We call him Limp Bizkit

Just because someone found out how to connect a keyboard and a portable radio together doesn't make them a nerd

That would be stereotyping.

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A radio station is having a contest

Any caller who can come up with a word the DJ can't find in the dictionary wins the prize. They have to spell it and use it in a sentence. After many calls and many failed attempts, someone finally has one. "Thanks for calling 105.3! What's your word caller?". "Goan, spelled G-O-A-N." After sco...

I used to tell a joke about radios

But it’s reception was always poor

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A well-renown, high-powered lawyer was just in a horrific car accident.

He was side-swiped, ripping the driver's side door completely off.

A police officer, who happened to be there, ran straight to the man. He found the him sitting on the ground against the wreck angrily swearing and yelling.

Officer: (Relieved the man is well enough to be yelling): "You...

Yesterday, I called a local radio station to request "I'm Free" by The Rolling Stones. However, they played a song of the same title by The Who.

You can't always get what you want.

Exactly 22 years ago Princess Diana was on the radio...

...She was also on the windshield, dashboard, and glovebox.

There is a conspiracy theory that claims Princess Diana was on the radio after her reported death.

I'd like to confirm this was completely true, she WAS on the radio, and the dashboard, the steering wheel, the back of the seats and the windscreen.

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