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Media Jokes

I hate it when people confuse one social media for another

Edit: Thanks for the likes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If aliens are monitoring our media and 98% of the internet is porn...

They're not giving us anal probes. They're just trying to speak our language

My 4 yr Old son said "Daddy, why do people make up things that their children have said for social media?

Isn't it just inherently dishonest and indicative of inability to construct a compelling narrative themselves? "




Ps: This sub in a nutshell

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When social media bans female boobs, but not men's, it shows a real intolerance...

lactose intolerance.

With all this media coverage about the clowns...

I'll be so glad when the election is over.

What's the difference between a social media influencer and a philosophy major?

The philosophy major needed a degree to be useless.

Breaking News: In a press media briefing, United Airlines CEO Oscar Munoz has stated...

"Since we cannot beat our competitors, we have resorted to beating our customers".

Damn Social media

Facebook wants to know "What's on my mind?"
Twitter wants to know "What's happening?"
Google wants to know "Where I am?"
Siri/Alexa wants me to "Say something"!
Damn, the internet is turning into an online wife!

What do pimples and social media influencers have in common?

They both start off small, randomly grow huge, explode, then leave a nasty scar until one day we forget they were ever there.

That's all guys, bye.

What social media platform do fetuses use?

discord

Scientist: "My findings are meaningless if taken out of context."

Media: Scientist claims "Findings are meaningless."

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Cockroaches And Media

Cockroaches can survive a nuclear holocaust, but can't survive a slap from newspaper

That's how toxic our media is.

North Koreans believe they live in the best country in the world because they’re brainwashed by their government and the media.

But I know that can't possibly be true. Because every American knows that America is the best country in the world.

Obvious media bias

Michelle Obama gives a speech when her husband is being nominated, and the media is generally positive. Melania Trump gives the exact same speech, and the media pretends it's some kind of scandal.

My friend decided to quit almost all social media, but suddenly got addicted to the latest one by Meta.

He is hanging on…by a Thread.

It's crazy how many people are talking about the Oscars across all my social media feeds

Everything is popping up everywhere, all at once

I was going to make a social media joke.

But I'm pretty sure you have already Reddit.

A blonde fills a stadium with 90,000 people to prove blondes are smart

She fills up the stadium with 90,000 blondes, TV crew, News crews all of the media.

She calls up one volunteer from the crowd.

The host says: "Lets start with some simple maths questions"

Blonde: "Sure"

The host asks, "What's 3 times 8?"

After 20 seconds the blond...

I was going to make a social media platform called "Please Try Again Later",

but I figured Reddit would sue me for copyright violation.

Russian media reports: 250 people protested today in Moscow

... out of which 1700 were arrested.

Scientists have determined the optimal age at which humans are able to safely start using social media:

123 years old.

I hate it when people outright copy and paste somebody's joke on Twitter and post it on a different social media platform.

Retweet if you agree.

What's Pinocchio's favorite social media app?

BeReal

What is Thanos favourite social media?

Obviously Snapchat

What do you call a large reptile who likes to stir up petty fights on social media?

An Insta-gator.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Jewish man on the subway is reading an Arab newspaper

A friend of his, who happened to be riding in the same subway car, noticed this strange phenomenon. Very upset, he approached him. "Moshe, have you lost your mind? Why are you reading an Arab newspaper?" Moshe replied, "I used to read the Jewish newspaper, but what did I find? Jews being persecuted,...

What’s thanos’s favorite social media platform?

Snapchat

According to state media, one of the Chinese Olympic torchbearers is part Uighur.

I believe they gave him a spleen or a kidney.

Which social media platform vegans hate the most?

Google meet

What is Captain Hook's least favorite social media?

Tick tock.

My doctor refuses to post my diagnosis to social media...

He says my disease is untweetable...

If social media were a thing in 1937

would people on the Hindenburg say:

"Here before this blows up."

What did the media say about Kim Kardashian swimming

There's too much plastic in our oceans.

Trump claims if he could walk on water, the fake news media would report:

"Trump can't swim"

When a Jewish deli got robbed, the local media ignored the story.

But you try reporting on a bagelry burglary.

How many media outlets does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Outrage! as light socket forced into pairing with light bulb. "I just couldn't imagine this would be happening to me". Light socket is quoted as saying after the incident.


Pressure mounts on controversial home owner who refuses to rule out further forced bulb screw ins.


Associ...

How come the media never says anything positive about trump?

Until today there was nothing to report.

whats the difference between a social media influencer and a bench??

one can support a family.

I'm starting a social media website for religious people with a lisp

Faithbook

One of my joints is an giant international media conglomerate.

Which one?

Dis knee.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Every time I see someone posting lyrics of inspirational songs on social media, I get really pissed off.

But I will survive.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Being on social media is like having sex

It's fun until you know your parents do it too

Trump has more impeachments than he does social media accounts.

This joke will never get old, ever.

What happens when a plant tries to add you on social media?

You get a fern request.

I had to take the batteries out of the carbon monoxide detector last night.

The loud beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick and dizzy.

[FRONT PAGE!](https://media2.giphy.com/media/FGmbEOTVWQHzW/200_s.gif)

There's a new social media platform where people can take pictures of how they've been conned by their coke dealer.

Isntagram.

Peng Shuai was asked in the interview how is her life in China after this media debacle ?

She said "can't complain"

Why shouldn’t you recommend a book to a social media user?

Because they have probably already Reddit

What's Forrest Gump's social media password?

1forrest1

What does mainstream media and viral video have in common?

It's all staged.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do farmers and the media have in common?

They both spend a lot of time spreading shit.

Antivaxxers should create social media accounts for their children

They'll go viral in no time.

My girlfriend is a social media expert.

She sent me a long message last month on why Twitter and Instagram are hands down the best Social Media apps.

But I only reddit now.

What did the French army general do on social media?

Retweet!

North Korea has a new war game

The North Korean state media just announced today that in the event of possible war all citizens are ordered to follow Donald Trump on Twitter, as there’s no way in hell he would risk losing 42 million followers

Social Media IRL

I’ve given up social media for the New Year and am trying to make friends outside Facebook while applying the same principles. Every day, I walk down the street and tell passersby what I’ve eaten, how I feel, what I did the night before, and what I will do tomorrow. Then I give them pictures of my f...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sociologists say that social media is creating the laziest generation ever.

I expressed my opinion in great detail by hitting the “Like” button.

A lot of new social media sites are like some of the jokes on this sub:

Smaller, more condensed and ultimately worse than the original they ripped off

going on social media these days is like going to church

after 5mins, I feel guilty af

What do you call a highly cited epidemiology researcher with a social media presence?

An influenzer.

The amount of advertising on social media is super surprising.

What’s not surprising? How much money you can save with GEICO Renters Insurance.

I tried making an anti social media platform.

But it never went anywhere.

Social media in a nutshell

Instagram: "I'm so pretty"
LinkedIn: "I'm so good at my job"
Twitter: "I'm so funny"
Snapchat: "I'm a dog"

What’s it called when you are shadow banned by all social media and no one sees your posts?

A diary.

I’m thinking of starting a social media network for chickens.

Not as a full time job just a way to make hens meet.

Seeing as how Mount St Helen's been all over social media...

I vote we change her name to Mount St Karen..as a warning for future generations

A new study revealed that fencing experts are very popular on social media

It turns out the secret to success is just mastering the repostie.

Why does Trump go bananas on the media?

Because they are trying to orange his impeachment.

North Korea's state media is very truthful

They accurately portray United States as a country where half of it is burning and half of it is drowning.

Three social media news article writers walk into a bar

You won't believe what happens next.

What do you call an anti-vaxxer who’s big in social media?

An influenzar

What do social media Influencers and perverts have in common?

They both think people want their exposure.

You gotta be careful on social media these days.

I mean, just today I accepted a friend request from Xerox. Turns out it was a scan.

Me: Doctor, you've gotta help me! I'm addicted to Social Media.

Doctor: I don't follow you.

What did the virus name it's social media account?

Influenceza

Have you heard about the social media stars who are coughing and sick?

They're Instagram Influenzas

What do you get when you cross a social media site with a Chinese investor?

[redacted]

A Chinese-owned social media platform has been poisoning breath mints to accomplish their goals.

It's the TikTok tic tac tactic.

What's the worst kind of media?

chlamydia

I tried to start a religious social media page called Faithbook...

...but it was deemed offensive by the American Lisp Association.

The media that got everything wrong ....

will now tell you what will happen now that what they said wouldn't happen happened. Think about that for a minute...

How can you spot the losers in a social media War?

They're the ones yelling, "Retweet! Retweet!!"

At first, I thought my idea for a social media platform had failed

But then I made a 4chan.

What do you call an inventory list of to-be-shredded media?

A shredsheet

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why doesn't Trump like the media?

Because he likes to be pissed on, not shit on

A new social media site is sweeping over college campuses.

Mysafespace.

80,000 blondes meet in a football stadium for a "Blondes Are Not Stupid" convention.

The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?"

A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.

The leader asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?"

After 15 or 20 seconds she says, "Eighteen!...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The clitoris has over 8000 nerve endings

But it's still not as sensitive as a vegan on social media

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