UPJOKE
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North Koreans believe they live in the best country in the world because they’re brainwashed by their government and the media.

But I know that can't possibly be true. Because every American knows that America is the best country in the world.

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A Jewish man on the subway is reading an Arab newspaper

A friend of his, who happened to be riding in the same subway car, noticed this strange phenomenon. Very upset, he approached him. "Moshe, have you lost your mind? Why are you reading an Arab newspaper?" Moshe replied, "I used to read the Jewish newspaper, but what did I find? Jews being persecuted,...

I was going to make a social media joke.

But I'm pretty sure you have already Reddit.

What social media platform do fetuses use?

discord

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Aliens are probably monitoring our media.

98% of the internet is porn. Maybe they're not giving us anal probes. They're just trying to speak our language.

Russian media reports: 250 people protested today in Moscow

... out of which 1700 were arrested.

According to state media, one of the Chinese Olympic torchbearers is part Uighur.

I believe they gave him a spleen or a kidney.

Peng Shuai was asked in the interview how is her life in China after this media debacle ?

She said "can't complain"

What’s it called when you are shadow banned by all social media and no one sees your posts?

A diary.

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A cop sees an old woman carrying two large sacks. One of the sacks has a hole and is leaking 20 dollar bills.

The cop asks the woman, “Where did an old lady like you get all of that money?”

She replies, “Well, there’s a golf course behind my house and when golfers need to go to the bathroom, they stick their penis through a hole in my fence and pee into my yard. It became a problem because it kills t...

My 4 yr Old son said "Daddy, why do people make up things that their children have said for social media?

Isn't it just inherently dishonest and indicative of inability to construct a compelling narrative themselves? "




Ps: This sub in a nutshell

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Jack was from a poor family with many siblings [OC]

As the eldest child, he took up the responsibility of helping his parents financially by doing odd jobs, be it collecting recyclable scraps, cleaning, babysitting, dog walking or simple repair work. He had no choice but to drop out of high school at the age of 14 to work full time in order for his o...

How many media outlets does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Outrage! as light socket forced into pairing with light bulb. "I just couldn't imagine this would be happening to me". Light socket is quoted as saying after the incident.


Pressure mounts on controversial home owner who refuses to rule out further forced bulb screw ins.


Associ...

I hate it when people outright copy and paste somebody's joke on Twitter and post it on a different social media platform.

Retweet if you agree.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When social media bans female boobs, but not men's, it shows a real intolerance...

lactose intolerance.

What social media does Captain hook hate?

Tik-tok

How can you tell the difference between a cop and a social media influencer?

The influencer HAS TO tell you their job.

I hate it when people confuse one social media for another

Edit: Thanks for the likes

A lot of new social media sites are like some of the jokes on this sub:

Smaller, more condensed and ultimately worse than the original they ripped off

Which social media platform vegans hate the most?

Google meet

whats the difference between a social media influencer and a bench??

one can support a family.

I'm starting a social media website for religious people with a lisp

Faithbook

I don't care what the liberal media says about the election. Come January, my national leader isn't going to change, and his name starts with T, R, and U.

It's Justin Trudeau. I'm Canadian.

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Every time I see someone posting lyrics of inspirational songs on social media, I get really pissed off.

But I will survive.

Trump claims if he could walk on water, the fake news media would report:

"Trump can't swim"

What is Captain Hook's least favorite social media?

Tick tock.

So this guy goes to his pharmacist to pick up his medicines.

At the pharmacist he starts having a breakdown. A little concerned about the man, the pharmacist asks him what's the matter? The man cries out that no one has ever liked any of his social media posts. The pharmacist takes a look at all his gloomy pics and suggests that he should smile more and look ...

What happens when a plant tries to add you on social media?

You get a fern request.

My doctor refuses to post my diagnosis to social media...

He says my disease is untweetable...

Trump has more impeachments than he does social media accounts.

This joke will never get old, ever.

How come the media never says anything positive about trump?

Until today there was nothing to report.

Women are happier in February

A social media researcher walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Have you ever noticed that women complain less in the month of February?" he asks the bartender. "Really?" the bartender asks. "I hadn't noticed. Is it because of Valentine's Day?" "No," the researcher replies. "Near as we can tell we've...

What do you call a person who has flu but does not isolate themselves and is very active on social media?

Influen(zer)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was once photographed out partying whilst drunk, drugged up and looking very much worse for wear. The news media got hold of it and my picture was splashed across the tabloid papers with the headline "The Terrifying Effects of Substance Abuse".

When I first saw it, I went home and had a long hard look at myself in The Mirror.

And then in The Sun, The Daily Star and The Tribune. I thought to myself "Now that's fucking Rock 'n' Roll"

Why shouldn’t you recommend a book to a social media user?

Because they have probably already Reddit

I see a lot of social media bios that say “retired athlete”...

...which basically means “never went pro”.

A joke translated from Vietnamese.

In a conference, USA repesentatives complained that the Vietnamese were so uncivilized, they often pee illegally in public and in plain sight. The Vietnam side denied and say that wasn’t true. The US responsed that tonight, they will carry m4, patrol around Ho Guom lake and execute all those who pee...

I’ve given up social media for the New Year and am trying to make friends outside Facebook while applying the same principles.

Every day, I walk down the street and tell passersby what I’ve eaten, how I feel, what I did the night before, and what I will do tomorrow. Then I give them pictures of my family, my dog, and me gardening. I also listen to their conversations and tell them I love them.

And it works. I already...

What did the media say about Kim Kardashian swimming

There's too much plastic in our oceans.

The media was quick to attack Trump's claim that "wind energy was killing all the birds", countering that cats kill way more birds than windmills...

I can't remember the last time I heard about a cat killing a windmill...

If social media were a thing in 1937

would people on the Hindenburg say:

"Here before this blows up."

I told my Dad I am going to delete all of my social media accounts, throw away my electronics and go live in the woods.

He told me I can't just Thoreau my life away.

There's a new social media platform where people can take pictures of how they've been conned by their coke dealer.

Isntagram

The governor of Florida had enough

The governor of Florida had enough of the Florida jokes. It was affecting their tourism and he was always made fun of at the annual governor softball tournament. He sat in his office all day and thought of ways how to change this.

One day, the governor of Alabama called. It was a social call...

I asked my friend, “Hey, did you read that article about a social media platform that has some very toxic people, very questionable virtual communities, and people that come together to do amazing things?”

He replies: “Yeah, I Reddit.”

What does mainstream media and viral video have in common?

It's all staged.

What do you call a highly cited epidemiology researcher with a social media presence?

An influenzer.

I have a joke on media

but it won't cover anything important

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Cockroaches And Media

Cockroaches can survive a nuclear holocaust, but can't survive a slap from newspaper

That's how toxic our media is.

Breaking News: In a press media briefing, United Airlines CEO Oscar Munoz has stated...

"Since we cannot beat our competitors, we have resorted to beating our customers".

Obvious media bias

Michelle Obama gives a speech when her husband is being nominated, and the media is generally positive. Melania Trump gives the exact same speech, and the media pretends it's some kind of scandal.

A Chinese-owned social media platform has been poisoning breath mints to accomplish their goals.

It's the TikTok tic tac tactic.

With all this media coverage about the clowns...

I'll be so glad when the election is over.

going on social media these days is like going to church

after 5mins, I feel guilty af

So I see now the papers are having a go at the guy who marketed Jenga. Typical of the media.

They build them up and then they knock them down.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An elderly Jewish man is sitting on a park bench reading the Tehran Times

A friend sees him and says, "Oy, Moishe! How can you read that rag? Don't you know the things they say about us?"

To which the man replies, "Well, I used to read to read the Jewish papers, but they're so depressing. Every headline is 'Jews Being Persecuted!' 'Jews Living in Poverty!' 'Jews Be...

What do you get when you cross a social media site with a Chinese investor?

[redacted]

What did the French army general do on social media?

Retweet!

A new study revealed that fencing experts are very popular on social media

It turns out the secret to success is just mastering the repostie.

What do you call an anti-vaxxer who’s big in social media?

An influenzar

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Being on social media is like having sex

It's fun until you know your parents do it too

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What do farmers and the media have in common?

They both spend a lot of time spreading shit.

Me - "Arab countries are so backward, there most of married girls can't even vote on Soacial Media polls without asking their husbands."

Friend - "That's not the truth, there is no such law Arab countries"
Me - "But you need to have a guardian permission to sign up into Social Media if you are less than 13 years old"

For a while now, I always wondered how my parents passed the time in the 80’s and 90’s without social media

I asked my 32 other siblings and they’ve got no idea either.

Covid-19 is just like the flu, don't believe in all social media that are fear mongering.

Spread the word and be positive

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mr. Johnson was sitting on a plane, waiting for it to take off, when one last person boarded the plane and sat down next to him. Mr. Johnson realized, much to his surprise and delight, that it was social media fitness star Michelle Lewin.

"This is amazing!" he said. "How lucky is it that I sit right next to one of the hottest women on social media?"

"I'm on my way to a fitness conference," said Michelle. "I'm going to tell my fellow women some of my best-kept secrets on getting and staying fit like me."

"Wow!" said Mr. ...

Scientist: "My findings are meaningless if taken out of context."

Media: Scientist claims "Findings are meaningless."

Seeing as how Mount St Helen's been all over social media...

I vote we change her name to Mount St Karen..as a warning for future generations

I’m thinking of starting a social media network for chickens.

Not as a full time job just a way to make hens meet.

Have you heard about the social media stars who are coughing and sick?

They're Instagram Influenzas

Antivaxxers should create social media accounts for their children

They'll go viral in no time.

It's appalling that despite advances in Science, the constant media circus has made us insensitive to the fact that every minute...

Sixty seconds pass away

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Elizabeth Taylor goes in to get her vagina reconditioned.

Elizabeth : Dr. I want to have the vagina of an 18 year old.

Dr. : Ok that can be done.

Elizabeth: Ok but please, ABSOLUTELY NO PAPARAZZI or MEDIA involvement!

Dr. : Of course, it will be completely confidential.


The surgery occurs with no complications. in f...

Stop writing hateful things about Alabama and the abortion laws all over social media.

They likely can't read, we will need to tell them in person.

My girlfriend is a social media expert.

She sent me a long message last month on why Twitter and Instagram are hands down the best Social Media apps.

But I only reddit now.

A 19-year-old teen had to be admitted after he became addicted to social media.

He’s currently being tweeted in hospital.

I hate how Shark Week tries to playoff Sharks as "gentle caring creatures that are misrepresented by the media".

It doesn't matter what they say, I'm still not voting to re-elect the president.

I'm not sure where all the racists are going to go when social media platforms kick them off

They can't all go to Congress

Hacker sent me an email that he has hacked into my computer.

I said "prove it" and he sent me the username and password of my email, bank and social media accounts.

I replied "Thank you, that was the easiest Forgot Password process I have ever come across".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife treats me like a president

It mostly means she hides her tax money from me and talks shit about me on social media.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sociologists say that social media is creating the laziest generation ever.

I expressed my opinion in great detail by hitting the “Like” button.

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