UPJOKE
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Apart from humans, the only animal that enjoys having sex is a dolphin.

I had to shag a LOT of animals to find that out.

What do you call a Russian that enjoys programming?

Computin.

My gf enjoys neck kisses.

But for some reason, she hates it when I call myself a neck romancer.

Never trust someone that enjoys a Soviet Parade

There are a lot of red flags.

What do you call a lady who enjoys mushrooms?

A fungal.

Everyone enjoys the Fourth of July.

Except fire. Fire works on the Fourth of July.

What do you call a boxer who enjoys landscape gardening in his spare time?

Manny Patio

A dog enjoys a cinema

A man follows a woman with a dog out of a cinema.

He stops her and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I noticed that your dog really seemed to be enjoying the movie.

"He cried when it was sad, he barked at the bad guy, and he laughed at the funny parts."

I didn't understand wh...

What do you call a Parisian who enjoys canning cucumbers?

A French Pickler.

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My girlfriend told me she enjoys sex on vacation so much more #NSFW

It was the worst postcard I’ve ever gotten

My tailor really enjoys fixing my clothes

Or sew it seams.

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What do you call a large bearded homosexual man with no teeth, who enjoys giving blowjobs?

A gummy bear.

Doctors say 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea.

That means one person enjoys it

My friend really enjoys stealing trainers.

That's what he does for kicks.

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GOD ENJOYS A GOOD LAUGH!

There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:
1. He called everyone brother.
2. He liked Gospel.
3. He didn't get a fair trial.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:
1. He went into His Father's business.
2. He lived at home until he was ...

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What do you call someone who really enjoys parting ways?

Byesexual

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How do you call someone that really enjoys pleasuring their partner’s asshole?

A crack addict.

A panda walks into a bar.

The bartender asks, "Would you like anything to drink?"

The panda replies, "No thanks, I'm only here to eat."

"So what would you like to eat?"

"I'll just take the fries."

The bartender serves the panda, who enjoys the meal. He asks, "Now, will your payment be cash or card...

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One day a blind man goes to a restaurant

One day a blind man goes to a restaurant

The server asked him if he’d like to see the menu

The blind man says: “no, I am blind, just bring me a dirty fork and I will smell it and order”.

The server, confused, goes to the kitchen, and brings back a dirty fork.

The blind...

bill the bartender has a regular who enjoys his drink made a certain way

he's a doctor and every day he comes to bill's bar at 18:30 on the dot to order his daiquiri with crushed walnuts. bill keeps a bag of walnuts under the bar ready for him. one day as bill sees the doctor enter his bar he reaches for a walnut but the bag is empty. he grabs some hickory nuts in stead ...

What would you call a web developer who enjoys finding bugs?

Spider

What do you call a psychic that enjoys exercising moderation?

A happy medium.

(Came up with this in the shower this morning and chuckled.)

A small part of me really enjoys picking my nose...

Can always rely on that trusty pinky finger.

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A married couple enjoys S&M

One friend tells another, "My wife and I are into S&M now and the sex is better than it's ever been."

"Really," his long time friend asked. You're into that?”

"Yeah. She snores and I masturbate.”

What do you call a wizard who enjoys eating people?

A Vorelock

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My girlfriend says she enjoys sex more whilst on holiday.

That was an awkward SMS to receive.

I hope my girlfriend enjoys long, romantic walks...

...because I don't have a car.

Everyone enjoys blonde jokes.

Except blondes, they don't get it.

I recently started learning to play the violin, and I think my neighbor enjoys it.

I assume he's throwing bricks through my windows to hear me better.

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who enjoys sex more - man or woman?

A man and woman got into an argument over who enjoyed sex more.

The man argued,"Of course men enjoy sex more than women, no doubt about it!".

The woman replied,"Oh yeah? Well tell me this if your ears itch and you put in your finger inside and wiggle a bit and remove it, which feels b...

My wife told me she enjoys sleeping on the neighbor's bed.

Still can't believe she stole it from their front lawn.

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If you're a necrophiliac sadomasochist who enjoys beastiality...

You may as well give it up, you're flogging a dead horse.

What foreplay does the praying mantis girlfriend enjoys ?

Being given head.

What do you call a cow if he enjoys burgers?

A cannibull

A penguin decides to take a road trip and drive across the country to see the world.

A penguin decides to take a road trip and drive across the country to see the world. So, he hops into his car and starts driving. He's cruising down the highway when suddenly, his car starts making strange noises, and smoke starts pouring out from under the hood.
Panicked, the penguin manages t...

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Three men are strolling along the Seafront…

Three men are walking along the seafront when they encounter a mermaid lazing about in the surf below them. The mermaid seems friendly, and the men are amazed at seeing this beautiful woman, so they strike up a conversation with her and make their way down to the beach.

Eventually, the first...

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