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Enjoyed Jokes

My wife was surprised to hear that I actually enjoyed her punishment of making me sleeping on the sofa. I said that it made me feel manly, like I was camping.

…with a really angry bear somewhere close by.

People always tell blondes blonde jokes but I enjoyed this one

A blonde was speeding in a school zone when a local police officer pulled her over and walked up to the car. The officer also happened to be a blonde and she asked for the blonde's driver's license. The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the blonde policewoman, ...

A bipolar man was asked why he enjoyed his job working as an elevator operator.

“Because it has its ups and downs”

Bumble asked me if I enjoyed using their app today.

I said no without hesitation, then continued swiping.

I really enjoyed that Weather show on Netflix

All 4 seasons of it

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I never enjoyed the term "anal bleaching".

I prefer to call it "changing my ringtone".

A raw chicken strip dreams of being cooked and enjoyed one day

Until then, it's just a pre-tender.

Nobody enjoyed the in-flight movie.

It caused 17 walkouts.

The British anthropologist enjoyed rare tribesmen.

But after seeing his article published in the prestigious Journal of Anthropological Research, he kept the poor man on the coals a little longer, thinking, "Well done, old chap."

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My kidnappers enjoyed torturing me

It was days before one of them allowed me to finally drink any water. When he gave me the jug of discolored water, the grin on his face had me terrified to drink it, and I instantly imagined it was full of poison. But I couldn't help myself; I was too thirsty. I drank it all.

Still I couldn't...

In exactly 3030 years, there's a chance things could be really good, and theres a chance things could be really bad

I guess it will be 5050



I enjoyed a game of quiet tennis today...

It’s just like regular tennis, but without the racket...

A joke that nobody at my band camp enjoyed.

Why did the courier have to quit the band?

Because he couldn't CARRY a tune.

Yesterday was National Girlfriend day and my girl friend really enjoyed it ..

... my wife .. not so much.

Joe still enjoyed chasing girls when he got to be 70

When his wife was asked if she minded, she answered, "Why should I be upset? Dogs chase cars, but they can't drive."

The Pope decides to take a cross-country tour across America, beginning in California and ending in New York.

Somewhere in the Mid-West, the Popemobile breaks down, and while it’s repaired, the Pope continued his journey with a limousine rental.

After a few hours, the limousine driver rolled down the glass partition, and spoke: “I know I’m not supposed to talk to you, your holiness, or highness - I’m...

Even with Alzheimer's, I've enjoyed spending time by myself.

Whoever that is.

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When I was younger I really enjoyed looking at women’s rears

Not much has changed except now I’m a grown ass-man

Grocery bagger at the store earlier told me that they're not gonna make bananas any longer.

I replied, oh really? He responded, "Yeah, they're already long enough."

He got me good. I really enjoyed that today.

I've really enjoyed the benefits of wife swapping recently...

Got a brand new motorbike for her yesterday

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A friend once told me he enjoyed masturbating in front of other people. When I told him I couldn't relate, he made a real effort to help me understand...



...and now I can see where he's coming from.

I really enjoyed this year's halftime performance.

I had enough time to take my dog for a decent walk.

There was once a skeleton who enjoyed comedy...

Jokes and humorous anecdotes were his life. He watched every big comedian on TV, devoted many hours after work to finding new comedy clubs with new comedians. There was nothing else to his life but comedy.

One day, the skeleton is going through the back alley to a small, unknown comedy club, ...

There was a young lady named Sally Who enjoyed the occasional dally. She sat on the lap of a well-endowed chap

and said, "Sir, you're right up my alley!"

If Trump were captain of the RMs Titanic

Captain Trump of the RMS Titanic:

There isn't any iceberg.
There was an iceberg but it's in a totally different ocean.
The iceberg is in this ocean but it will melt very soon.
There is an iceberg but we didn't hit the iceberg.
We hit the iceberg, but the damage will be ...

If you enjoyed the film Mean Girls...

You'd love Standard Deviation Girls!

Waiter: I'm glad you enjoyed your dinner. How did you find the steak?

Person: Super easy, it was right next to the potatoes!

I saw a video on the news the other night of the former president with his hand shoved up under his arm making musical farting noises... I really enjoyed it!

I love a good Trump-pit solo!

'Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl.'

The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano?' 'Yes, Father, it is.' 'And who was the girl you were with?' 'I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation.' "Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?" 'I cannot ...

Autumn is best enjoyed in all her glory.

Unfortunately, the police officers who arrested me outside her window didn't agree.

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For all baseball fans enjoying the 2022 Fall Classic....

Two friends have loved each other, and attended countless ballgames located all over the world, and enjoyed excellent baseball moments together

Decades passed, and one of the two buddies became terribly ill. It was time for one of the two friends to sleep peacefully for eternity.

The ...

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Two physicians boarded a flight out of Seattle. One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat. Just before takeoff, an attorney got on and took the aisle seat next to the two physicians.

The attorney kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the physician in the window seat said," I think I'll get up and get a coke."

"No problem," said the attorney, "I'll get it for you."

While he was gone, one of the physicians picked up the attorney's shoe and s...

A guy sits down in a movie theater and notices that the man in front of him has brought his dog with him.

A guy sits down in a movie theater and notices that the man in front of him has brought his dog and it's sitting in the seat next to him.

He thinks it's unusual, but he likes dogs so he decides that as long as it's not a distraction he won't mention it.

The movie starts and pretty soo...

I don't think Connor McGregor enjoyed the fight last night.

He seemed like he was feeling a bit under the weather.

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The Pope enjoyed a walk around the Vatican every afternoon.

One afternoon as he is walking in a quiet area, he pulls up his robe and begins to masturbate. Just as he is reaching climax, he hears a click, and turns to see a Japanese tourist snapping pictures. Walking over, the pontiff says "Boy that's a nice camera. Would you consider selling it to me?" The t...

I went to a Chinese restaurant and the waiter asked me if I enjoyed my meal.

I told him the chicken was rubbery and he said "thank you".

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I can almost guarantee this has been posted before but I enjoyed it ...

So I'm sitting here in an internet cafe, with the biggest, ugliest and angriest bastard I've ever seen standing right behind me reading every word I ty

John decided to go skiing with his buddy, Keith, so they loaded up John's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard, so they pulled into a nearby farm...

...and asked the attractive lady who answered the door, if they could spend the night.

"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed." she explained. "And I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."

...

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[NSFW] A nun and a priest are crossing the Sahara desert on a camel.

On the third day out the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning. After dusting themselves off, the nun and the priest surveyed their situation. After a long period of silence, the priest spoke.

"Well sister, this looks pretty grim."

"I know, father." "In fact, I don't think it l...

[NSFW] At breakfast, a husband says to his wife, "I want to try doggy tonight."

Surprisingly enough, the wife agrees.

So that night, both quite excited, the husband cooks his wife a lovely dinner. After enjoying the meal they head upstairs and get into bed. The husband leans over to his wife, kisses her on the cheek and says, "night night sweet heart"

The wife t...

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An artist's wife starts having sex with him daily.

While a bit unusual, he didn't question it and just enjoyed the ride. One day, his wife approached him.

"Honey? Can you sketch a picture for me?"

"Of course!" he replied. "What would you like me to draw?"

"What you think our baby will look like."

He stared back at her, ey...

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There was a little old man who was in very good shape but noticed one morning that he was suntanned over his entire body with the exception of his penis…

So he went to the beach, completely undressed and buried himself in the sand except for his penis.

Just then, two old ladies were strolling along the sand one walking with a cane. Upon seeing this thing sticking out of the sand she began to move it about with her cane, remarking to the other ...

I watched the movie San Andreas today and I really enjoyed it

Despite its faults.

When people ask Frankie Muniz if he enjoyed his time on malcom in the middle i bet he responds with..

"yes, no, maybe, I don't know, can you repeat the question?"

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A Girl was towelling her wet pussy. She enjoyed it so much that she began to rub it vigorously until

the pussy cried "Meow" and ran away.

Moral Lessons

1. Be kind to Animals

2. Always keep your thoughts clean...

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An 18 year old Italian girl gets pregnant...

She tells her Mother that she has missed her period for two months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!" The girl p...

I went to see The Cure in concert last weekend.

Halfway through the show, a cover band called Placebo took their place on stage. I enjoyed both performances equally.

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Salman Rushdie enjoyed the response to his book The Satanic Verses so much that he has written a sequel.

It will be called "Buddha, You Fat Fuck"

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The postman’s last day before retirement.

It was the letter carrier’s last day on the job after 35 years. Along his entire route, his customers were on hand toggle him well wishes and small gifts. He came to the last house on the route. As he approached the door, a beautiful woman in a negligee opened the door, took him inside and made craz...

As someone who didn't win a lot of awards, I enjoyed going to the dentist

it was one of the few times I was recognized by plaque

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For a wedding gift a guy decides to tattoo his wife's name on his penis.

When erect it proudly reads "Wendy" on the side of his shaft, but when soft it only shows "Wy". While on his honeymoon in the Caribbean, he is using the bathroom and notices the guy in the urinal next to him also has a "Wy" on his penis. He then asks the guy if his wife is named Wendy. The guy re...

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