This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I never enjoyed the term "anal bleaching".

I prefer to call it "changing my ringtone".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An 18 year old Italian girl gets pregnant...

She tells her Mother that she has missed her period for two months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!" The girl p...

My son asked me if I enjoyed reading Fahrenheit 451.

I said, “It’s pretty lit.”

There was a young lady named Sally Who enjoyed the occasional dally. She sat on the lap of a well-endowed chap

and said, "Sir, you're right up my alley!"

Why I'm Divorced.

I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, 'Happy Birthday,' and possibly have a small present for me.
As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone 'Happy Birthday.’
I thought …. well, that's marriage for you, but the kids .... they will rememb...

People always tell blondes blonde jokes but I enjoyed this one

A blonde was speeding in a school zone when a local police officer pulled her over and walked up to the car. The officer also happened to be a blonde and she asked for the blonde's driver's license. The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the blonde policewoman, ...

Nobody enjoyed the in-flight movie.

It caused 17 walkouts.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A blind man goes to his local Subway everyday for lunch

One Monday, he went up to his subway and ordered his usual BLT. He enjoyed BLT’s, and they were easy to order since he couldn’t point at the ingredients he wanted due to his blindness. The worker gave the man his sub, and the man ate his sub only to find it tasted sweet and juicy. He went up to the ...

Jack and John decided to go skiing.

They loaded up their mini van and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they were caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door,if they could spend the night.

"I realize its terrible weather out there and I have thi...

The Pope decides to take a cross-country tour across America, beginning in California and ending in New York.

Somewhere in the Mid-West, the Popemobile breaks down, and while it’s repaired, the Pope continued his journey with a limousine rental.

After a few hours, the limousine driver rolled down the glass partition, and spoke: “I know I’m not supposed to talk to you, your holiness, or highness - I’m...

What's brown and regular and enjoyed by millions of Americans each morning?

A regular coffee.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A frustrated wife goes to the doctor (long)

"Doctor, you have to help me. I've been married 30 years to my husband and I feel he's lost all interest in me. You know, phisically speaking. He barely looks at me, let alone have sex with me. Oh, I really miss the good old times where we had wonderful sex multiple times a week, there must be somet...

The British anthropologist enjoyed rare tribesmen.

But after seeing his article published in the prestigious Journal of Anthropological Research, he kept the poor man on the coals a little longer, thinking, "Well done, old chap."

My wife was surprised to hear that I actually enjoyed her punishment of making me sleeping on the sofa. I said that it made me feel manly, like I was camping.

…with a really angry bear somewhere close by.

Joe still enjoyed chasing girls when he got to be 70

When his wife was asked if she minded, she answered, "Why should I be upset? Dogs chase cars, but they can't drive."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Nursing Home Sex

An old man and old woman met after both became residents at a retirement home. They began to get pretty friendly, and really enjoyed each other’s company. After about 3 weeks of getting to know each other, the old man said to the woman, "I know we are both old and can't do much sexually anymore, but...

I enjoyed a game of quiet tennis today...

It’s just like regular tennis, but without the racket...

A joke that nobody at my band camp enjoyed.

Why did the courier have to quit the band?

Because he couldn't CARRY a tune.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My kidnappers enjoyed torturing me

It was days before one of them allowed me to finally drink any water. When he gave me the jug of discolored water, the grin on his face had me terrified to drink it, and I instantly imagined it was full of poison. But I couldn't help myself; I was too thirsty. I drank it all.

Still I couldn't...

A retired man purchased a home near a high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace, then the new school year began...

...One afternoon early into the first semester, three loud young boys came down his street, beating merrily on every bin they came across. They then did so the following day and the day after that, until finally the retiree decided it was time to take some action.

The next afternoon, he walke...

The star football player was missing his academic requirements

He was the best player they'd seen in years, but unfortunately, shared an IQ with his helmet. Regulations required that the player be benched until he brought his grades back up.

The coach, wanting to win their first season in decades, pled to allow the player to finish the season. It was fin...

Birds of no Feathers....

A man from Los Angeles took a job in San Francisco, leaving his 70 yr old, widowed mother of 6 mos to fend for herself. As her birthday was approaching, he went around asking his co-workers for ideas to get his mom a bday gift.

None of their ideas appealed to him, until someone suggested a p...

A man walks into an eye doctor…..

……..he says hello to the doctor, and the doctor says the same. The doctor asks the man if he’d like to hear a joke. The man says yes. “Why does the phone wears glasses?” The doctor asked. The man shakes his head in confusion. The doctor continues, “because he doesn’t have any contacts”. The man frus...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] A nun and a priest are crossing the Sahara desert on a camel.

On the third day out the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning. After dusting themselves off, the nun and the priest surveyed their situation. After a long period of silence, the priest spoke.

"Well sister, this looks pretty grim."

"I know, father." "In fact, I don't think it l...

Three (slightly drunk) men stumble upon a slide in the park.

After reading a plaque on the slide, the men figure out that whatever you say on the slide is what you slide into.

the first man slides down and yells “GOLD!” and falls into a chest full of gold coins.

the second man slides down and yells “BEER!” and falls into a box full of beer bottl...

What do your mom and yo mama jokes have in common?

They're both getting old but are still enjoyed by many.

Famished and in the mood to try a new restaurant, a man goes to a new French restaueanr and orders the soup.

After a few mins, the waiter arrives with the man's soup, and places it in front of him. The man notices that the waiter's thumb was in his soup, but was too hungry to say anything. The man arte the soup, and returned with friends the following night.
Having enjoyed the soup so much, the man orde...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.