How do you tell the difference between an electrician and an electrical engineer?

Ask them to pronounce the word, ‟unionized”.

What did the electrical engineer have for breakfast?

An ohmelette.

My friend recently just graduated from college with a degree in Electrical Engineering.

He applied for a job and was immediately contacted by a wealthy man who was looking for someone to help incorporate electricity onto his fence. As my friend finished his job he was about to leave when he tripped and landed right onto the fence. I don't even know if he's even alive or if he still has...

My son kept chewing on electrical chords, so I grounded him...

He's doing better currently and conducting himself properly.

I caught my son biting the electrical cord

I was shocked and grounded him. He resisted but I told him to stay positive. It's been a week, he's currently doing better and conducting himself properly.

I asked an electrician to fix an electrical issue at my house

He refused

An electrical fault at the zoo saw the entire tortoise population electrocuted.

It was a turtle disaster.

What's the difference between Taxes and Texas?

Taxes can keep your electrical grid operational.

An electrical engineer, mechanical engineer, and software engineer are on their way to a trade show

when their car stalls and they are forced to pull over to the side of the road.

The mechanical engineer says, “It’s probably a mechanical problem. I’ll get my tool box out of the trunk and I can fix it.”

The electrical engineer says, “No, I’ll bet it’s an electrical problem. I have my ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you stick your testicles onto an electrical socket?

Nuts and volts.

So an electrical engineer built a house entirely out of resistors.

The welcome mat said Ohm Sweet Ohm.

An electrical engineer, a mechanical engineer, and a civil engineer are discussing the nature of God

"God is an electrical engineer" says the EE. "Look at the nervous system! It's all electrical impulses."

"Nonsense," says the ME. "God's a mechanical engineer. Look at the muscles and bones. That's mechnical engineering."

The civil engineer demurs.

"God is a civil engineer. Who ...

For Electrical Engineers Only !

What do they do with logic gates that behave erratically?

They call an XORcist.

A mobster kidnaps a biologist, an electrical engineer, and a physicist

He sits them down and tells them, "I need a way to win a horse race every time. You are each going to think up a plan for doing this... Or else. "

A week later, the biologist walks in, "It's simple. We drug the horses with this series of amphetamines and steroids that I've come up with. "
...

My girlfriend says I’m hopeless at fixing electrical appliances.

Welp she’s in for a shock.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So I found out I was sexually attracted to electrical currents

Yeah, shocking

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the cockney hobo who offered no resistance to electrical current?

He was ohm-less.

Depressing pickup lines.

Are you suicide?
Because I think about you every day.

Are you a toaster?
Because I really want to take a bath with you.

Are you a noose?
Because I really want to hang with you.

Are you a gravestone?
Because I really wish you were on top of me.

Are you anti-...

I been having these electrical impulse to be more reckless

I've been grounded so many times

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An electrical engineer is wrongly accused of a crime.

His name is Myto and he swears he did not kill anybody. However, all the evidence points to him. Of course, he gets 25 years in prison.

When he gets to prison, he meets his bunkmate, Big Joel. Now, contrary to what you may think, Big Joel was not a rapist. In fact, he was the nicest man Myto...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A male teacher is teaching physics in an all girls school. One day, he was teaching the topic of electricity.

"A net electrical charge means the resulting electrical charge on an object. It normally means if an object has a majority of positive or negative charge. Do you understand?"

To this, his students stared at him blankly, some shaking their heads cautiously.

The teacher sighed and tried...

What do they call the electrical engineering freak?

Wired

An electrical engineer, a mechanical engineer, and an IT admin are in a car that won't start.

Electrical Engineer: "It has to be the battery. Let's check that."

Mechanical Engineer: "No, I think it's the engine. Let's check that instead."

IT Admin: "How about this? Let's all get out of the car and get back in."

What do you call a seal with net electrical charge?

A sea lion

A guy goes into a store and asks if they sell Potato Clocks. The assistant says “Sorry sir, we don’t. We have battery clocks, electrical clocks, wind up clocks. In fact I’ve never heard of a potato clock.” The man says...

“Neither have I, but I start my new job at nine tomorrow and my wife said I should get a potato clock.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A dictator once asked a famous composer if he could write him a brilliant piece of music.

Naturally, the composer was extremely nervous, as the dictator had a habit of giving the death penalty to those who did not please him.

The composer spent weeks working on this piece, and from a musical standpoint it was quite good. So, he gathered his orchestra and performed his piece for th...

Who designed the human body?

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.

One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints!"

Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connectio...

A famous car designer...

A famous car designer was about to retire at the age of 64 due to health concerns. For all his life, he had strived for perfection in his craft of designing cars, specifically for Kia. In each of his 32 models, he was instrumental in some innovation or vastly improved function.

He called for ...

I saw that new Queen film at a drive in and there was a terrible electrical storm during the show...

Thunderbolts and lightning! Very, very frightening!

Why doesn't a coffee maker need that third prong on its electrical plug?

The beans are ground.

A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer, and a civil engineer were having a drink after work

As they drank, the conversation turned to God. Obviously, he was an engineer! But what sort of engineer?

The mechanical engineer brought up the perfection of the human joints and musculature. Surely that proved God was a mechanical engineer!

The electrical engineer responded that, wi...

Just saw A blonde running down the street.

She had an arm full of chicken tikka masala.

I think she got mixed up when her friend said,

today we are going to rob Curry's.

For Americans and other English Tongue out there.

( Curry's in England is an electrical store.)

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and ...

What would you call Steve Harris if he worked for an electrical company without pay?

A Powerslave

I take my wife goes to Hooters.

I found out my wife had never been to Hooters before so I thought I would take her there and let her see that it wasn’t all that it was made up to be. So one early afternoon we headed over to the Hooters restaurant to get a few wings. It was crowded like it always is and we were ushered to a table i...

Four engineers get into a car. The car won't start.

The Mechanical engineer says "It's a broken starter".

The Electrical engineer says "Dead battery".

The Chemical engineer says "Impurities in the gasoline".

The IT engineer says "Hey guys, I have an idea. How about we all get out of the car and get back in".

A mechanical engineer, electrical engineer, chemical engineer, and computer engineer

One day, a mechanical engineer, electrical engineer, chemical engineer, and computer engineer were driving down the street in the same car when it broke down.

The mechanical engineer said, I think a rod broke.

The chemical engineer said, The way it sputtered at the end, I think it's ...

What is black and smokes and is attached to electrical wires?

A bad electrician

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