I caught my son chewing on electrical cords.

So I had to ground him.
He's doing better currently.
And conducting himself properly ...

I found my son eating electrical cord

So I grounded him,
Until he could conduct himself properly

An electrical engineer, mechanical engineer, and civil engineer are sitting in a bar

when the civil engineer wonders, "If god were an engineer, what type would he be?"

The electrical engineer says, "Oh, that's easy. Think of the human body: impulses in the brain, signals sent through muscles and nerves...god is an electrical engineer."

The mechanical engineer counters,...

I told my wife that I think all our electrical items are spying on us.

“Nonsense” she said.

I laughed. She laughed. Siri laughed. Alexa laughed. The toaster laughed.

I caught my son biting the electrical cord

I was shocked and grounded him. He resisted but I told him to stay positive. It's been a week, he's currently doing better and conducting himself properly.

Today I was learning about electrical safety.

I was shocked.

US electrical outlets are a lot like politics.

They both have inherit design flaws that can be dangerous in the hands of idiots.

How did the protestors win electrical conductance?

How did the protestors win electrical conductance?


They one by resistance.

An electrical engineer goes into a bar..

..and CLOSES it.

My friend recently just graduated from college with a degree in Electrical Engineering.

He applied for a job and was immediately contacted by a wealthy man who was looking for someone to help incorporate electricity onto his fence. As my friend finished his job he was about to leave when he tripped and landed right onto the fence. I don't even know if he's even alive or if he still has...

An electrical fault at the zoo saw the entire tortoise population electrocuted.

It was a turtle disaster.

An electrical engineer, mechanical engineer, and software engineer are on their way to a trade show

when their car stalls and they are forced to pull over to the side of the road.

The mechanical engineer says, “It’s probably a mechanical problem. I’ll get my tool box out of the trunk and I can fix it.”

The electrical engineer says, “No, I’ll bet it’s an electrical problem. I have my ...

How do you tell the difference between an electrician and an electrical engineer?

Ask them to pronounce the word, ‟unionized”.

An electrical engineer, a mechanical engineer, and a civil engineer are discussing the nature of God

"God is an electrical engineer" says the EE. "Look at the nervous system! It's all electrical impulses."

"Nonsense," says the ME. "God's a mechanical engineer. Look at the muscles and bones. That's mechnical engineering."

The civil engineer demurs.

"God is a civil engineer. Who ...

An electrical current joins the air force

He was too afraid to fly over enemy ohmland because he was worried he'd be grounded.

I asked an electrician to fix an electrical issue at my house

He refused

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you stick your testicles onto an electrical socket?

Nuts and volts.

So an electrical engineer built a house entirely out of resistors.

The welcome mat said Ohm Sweet Ohm.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So I found out I was sexually attracted to electrical currents

Yeah, shocking

For Electrical Engineers Only !

What do they do with logic gates that behave erratically?

They call an XORcist.

My girlfriend says I’m hopeless at fixing electrical appliances.

Welp she’s in for a shock.

A mobster kidnaps a biologist, an electrical engineer, and a physicist

He sits them down and tells them, "I need a way to win a horse race every time. You are each going to think up a plan for doing this... Or else. "

A week later, the biologist walks in, "It's simple. We drug the horses with this series of amphetamines and steroids that I've come up with. "
...

Four students are in the car that breaks down

First student, engineering student, says "This is mechanical problem, there's nothing we can do."

Second student, chemistry student, says "You're wrong, this is clearly reason of faulty gasoline. There's nothing we can do."

Third student, electrical engineering student, says "No, there...

I been having these electrical impulse to be more reckless

I've been grounded so many times

An electrical engineer, a mechanical engineer, and an IT admin are in a car that won't start.

Electrical Engineer: "It has to be the battery. Let's check that."

Mechanical Engineer: "No, I think it's the engine. Let's check that instead."

IT Admin: "How about this? Let's all get out of the car and get back in."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An electrical engineer is wrongly accused of a crime.

His name is Myto and he swears he did not kill anybody. However, all the evidence points to him. Of course, he gets 25 years in prison.

When he gets to prison, he meets his bunkmate, Big Joel. Now, contrary to what you may think, Big Joel was not a rapist. In fact, he was the nicest man Myto...

What's the difference between Taxes and Texas?

Taxes can keep your electrical grid operational.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the cockney hobo who offered no resistance to electrical current?

He was ohm-less.

What do they call the electrical engineering freak?

Wired

Depressing pickup lines.

Are you suicide?
Because I think about you every day.

Are you a toaster?
Because I really want to take a bath with you.

Are you a noose?
Because I really want to hang with you.

Are you a gravestone?
Because I really wish you were on top of me.

Are you anti-...

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and ...

A guy goes into a store and asks if they sell Potato Clocks. The assistant says “Sorry sir, we don’t. We have battery clocks, electrical clocks, wind up clocks. In fact I’ve never heard of a potato clock.” The man says...

“Neither have I, but I start my new job at nine tomorrow and my wife said I should get a potato clock.”

3 engineering students

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The ...

What do you call a seal with net electrical charge?

A sea lion

When I was growing up I loved watching my dad at work whenever I got the chance to go with him.

He used to work in New York City and him and the people he worked for was this big electrical company. There were all electricians. Some of the funniest people I've ever met on the planet.

The one thing about all their jokes though is that they're a little too vulgar for not exactly the most...

A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer, and a civil engineer were having a drink after work

As they drank, the conversation turned to God. Obviously, he was an engineer! But what sort of engineer?

The mechanical engineer brought up the perfection of the human joints and musculature. Surely that proved God was a mechanical engineer!

The electrical engineer responded that, wi...

A mechanical engineer, electrical engineer, chemical engineer, and computer engineer

One day, a mechanical engineer, electrical engineer, chemical engineer, and computer engineer were driving down the street in the same car when it broke down.

The mechanical engineer said, I think a rod broke.

The chemical engineer said, The way it sputtered at the end, I think it's ...

I saw that new Queen film at a drive in and there was a terrible electrical storm during the show...

Thunderbolts and lightning! Very, very frightening!

Dark pickup lines

Are you suicide?
Because I think about you every day.

Are you the suicide hotline?
Because I need to get your number.

Are you a noose?
Because I’d love to hang with you.

Are you a coffin?
Because I wish I was inside you.

Are you a death certificate?
Bec...

"You're a unit of electrical energy, Harry."

"I'm a watt?"

What would you call Steve Harris if he worked for an electrical company without pay?

A Powerslave

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