Machines Jokes - 37 Hilarious Machines Jokes

I saw a sketchy looking guy walking on the street with six smoke machines. So I called the cops.

He must be part of some extreme mist group.

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Vending machines kill more people than sharks.

I've never even seen a shark use a vending machine.

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Dogs can't operate an Mri machines...

But catscan

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I really want to tell a joke about cash machines

But I don't have one atm

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My sister who works at an upholstery factory fell into one of the machines yesterday….

Don’t worry she’s recovered

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I used to play around with time machines.

When I was older.

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Among all the machines out there, the pulley is the most egotistical.

It’s always the centre of a tension.

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What do they call it when two construction machines get into a physical altercation?

A CAT fight

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Did you hear about the thousands of laundry machines that were found on the beach?

They washed a shore...

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I write songs about sewing machines

I'm a Singer Songwriter

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A Muslim guy just walked into my store and bought a bunch of fog machines. So I called the cops.

He must belong to an extreme mist organization.

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I have a friend who writes lyrics about sewing machines

She is a Singer songwriter, or sew it seams

They'll keep you bobbin your head.

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The uprising of the machines

When the machines finally rise up and access my fitness bracelet data, they will realize that I am not a threat.

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Vending Machines

An American salesman checked into a futuristic hotel in Tokyo, Japan. Realizing he needed a haircut before the next day's meeting, he called down to the desk clerk to ask if there was a barber on the premises. "I'm afraid not, sir," the clerk told him apologetically, "But down the hall from your roo...

I read that machines will be smarter than humans.

Hell, I already have screw drivers that are smarter than some humans.

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I tried reading a book about machines that drill large holes in the ground.

It was boring.

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I buy and sell old adding machines for profit but lately I've been losing money.

Something's not adding up.

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I wish our Congress was made up of vending machines

So they would accept change

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I know loads of jokes about cash machines

I just can't think of one atm.

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Why should you always trust fax machines?

Cuz they be straight up spitting fax all the time

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My old office finally threw away those old printing machines and bought new ones.

I couldn't give a fax anymore.

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Where do karaoke machines come from?

Singapore

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Two sewing machines walk into a bar.

One says ‘Are you a singer?’

The other says ‘Sure, janome?’

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The government has developed machines that will pick litter up from the beach.

I saw one the other day, but unfortunately it was malfunctioning and was grabbing birds off the shoreline instead.

I thought "Well, that took a tern."

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The best thing about time machines ...

... is that you can buy it used and sell it new.

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I don't understand ATM machines.

They just don't make cents.

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I think people who drive farming machines have a place.

You could say I'm protractor.

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A guy tells his friend he doesn't know much about cloning machines

His friend replies, "Well that makes two of us."

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I never understood fog machines.

They mystify me to this day.

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A Husband and Wife at Custody court

The judge looks sternly at the ex wife.

Judge: “why do you think you deserve custody of the child?”

Ex wife: “I brought him into this world so I should have custody of him”

Judge: “that is a simple yet good reason.”

Then the judge looks towards the...

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A Student is in Engineering Class, when the Teacher asks What is a Machine?

Student 1: A machine is anything that reduces human effort

Teacher: Will you please elaborate?

Student 1: Anything that simplifies work, or saves time, is a machine

Teacher: What is the true definition?

Student 2: Sir, machines are any combination of bodies so connected t...

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A new experimental punishment for child molesters involves chaining them to electricity-producing machines and having them work 24/7

Researcers hope to be able to generate multiple pedowatts of power.

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We don't serve time machines

A Time machine walks into a bar

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Why do tennis players love vending machines?

Because they don't have to wait to for their food to be served.

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I finally learned how coin minting machines work

It all makes cents now.

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If you think about it, we already have Time Machines.

They're called clocks.

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Prostitutes are like really expensive arcade machines...

As long as you keep paying, you can keep playing.

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