LPT: Always read product reviews before buying electronics

Like a lot of people, I’ve been drawn in by Amazon to check out their prime day deals. I was browsing through the electronics earlier, looking for a new flash drive for transferring documents between my home and work computers. The primary one I use currently is only USB 2.0 and I figured it might ...

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When are your electronics in the mood for sex?

When you turn them on!

Healthy Marriage reminds me of Cheap Electronics

Battery’s not included

A Blonde walked into a electronics store...

She came in the shop and asked for a Tv. The man asked her which one. She pointed to the one she thought was cheapest. Instantly the guard said "No blondes allowed".

The next day she came in wearing a red wig. She did the exact same thing and the guard kicked her out again.

The 3rd d...

What makes electronics work?

Smoke.
If you let the smoke out, the electronic component stops working.

How do you get rich from electronics?

Tell janet from homeware that he's been cheating on her.

I'm at a Mexican electronics store and the clerk asked me what kind of cables I was looking for.

I told him, "Audios."

He left and hasn't come back since.

Did you hear about the new electronics store that caters to boats, jet skis and other watercraft?

It's called Best Buoy.

None of my European electronics worked properly in the US, until I prayed to God.

Turns out they just needed a higher power.

Where do dogs go to get their electronics?

Best Boy

A blonde enters an electronics store...

She goes to the store owner and asks him to sell her the TV she picked.

He refuses, telling her that he can't sell the TV to a Blonde.

She comes back the next day, after dyeing her hair black, and asks him the same question. He again tells her that he can't sell the tv to a Blonde.
...

A mechanical engineer, an electronics engineer and a software engineer where testing a new automobile..

Going down a hill the brakes started to fail. They careened down the hill at speed, screeching round the corners, narrowly missing cliff faces and sheer drops, and finally coming to a halt by steering up a grassy bank.



"Phew, that was close", said the electronics engineer, "I've got a...

If your phone gets wet, try placing it in a bag of rice...

... at night, the rice will attract Asians who will fix your electronics for you.

A blonde walks into an electronics store...

and asks the manager, "How much is this TV?"

The manager says to her, "We don't sell to blondes". Furious, the blonde storms back to her home, where she threw on a black wig. She then goes back to the same store and asks the same manager, "How much is this TV?"

Once again, the manager ...

What fuels electronics but drains a relationship?

Battery

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I asked a black man on the street if he could come fix my speaker set up, since he must be good at fixing electronics.

He told me I used the wrong stereo type.

A woman with blonde hair walks into an electronics store...

And gestures over a store employee.

"I want to buy this TV." She said.

The store employee replies to her, "I am sorry, ma'am. But we don't sell TV's to blondes. Store policy."

The woman is visibly upset, but formulates a plan. She goes home and she dyes her hair the most ...

I just got in an argument with my grandpa about who's generation relies on electronics more

So, I pulled the plug on him. Guess I won that argument

An old lady goes up to the help counter at her local electronics store clutching a jar of marmalade.

"I found this in my pantry," she says, "and I'm wondering if it will work. You see? I've strained out all the peel."

"Ma'am, I have no idea what you're talking about," says the geek working the desk.

"The last time I was here," she replies, "you told me that when my printer says LOAD...

A paladin and a warrior go into a mage's electronics store to buy computers.

The paladin asks for a Dell computer. The mage directs him to aisle five. The warrior asks for a Hewlett-Packard. The mage says "I'm all out of HP." The mage dies.

I walked past an electronics store once...

I saw a TV for sale in the window. The sticker said, "TV for sale, volume stuck on full, $1"

I thought to myself, "Wow. I can't turn that down."

My local electronics retailer is having a fire sale.

The Samsung Galaxy Note 7 is the hottest item.

Electronics shop

A blonde walks into a shop and spots a TV. She goes up to the cashier and says "excuse me Sir, can I buy that TV?"

He shakes his head and says "no blondes allowed".

Furious, she goes home, dyes her hair, and walks in the next day. "Can I buy that TV?"

The cashier shakes his head...

i asked my wife to send me a naughty picture on snapchat...

so she sent one of our kids playing in my electronics drawer

So a blonde walks into a electronics store

She says "can I buy this TV"
The clerk says no, "we dont sell to blonds's"
So she buys a redhead wig and goes back into the store
she says "can I buy this TV"
the clerk says "we dont sell to blonde's"
So she buys a brunette wig and goes into the store
She says, "can I buy this TV"<...

A man owns an elections store

One day, another electronics store opens up beside him with a massive sign proclaiming "Best deals"

In the afternoon of the same day another electronics store opens up on the other side with a ginormous sign claiming "lowest prices"

The man is worried until he has a brilliant idea. The...

A blonde goes shopping..

A blonde walked into an electronics store and said to the salesmen: "I want that tv." The salesperson shook his head and said, "No, we don't sell to blondes." So the blonde left and came back with her hair dyed brown and said: "I'll take that tv." Again the salesman said: "No, we don't sell to blond...

A blonde walks into an electronics store...

and says to an employee,
"Excuse me sir, I'd like to purchase that TV." while pointing.
The employee says "We don't sell to blondes."
The blonde leaves as wonders what she can do about this. The next day, the same lady goes to the store with her hair dyed black and says,
"Excuse me sir,...

A blind woman goes out shopping...

A blind old woman goes out shopping, and instead of walking into the local electronics store, she ends up walking into the pet store.

She says to the manager at the desk: "Hello there. I was wondering, do you sell infrared grillers?"

The manager says back: "I'm afraid we don't have tho...

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You can't have that TV until....

Long ago, a teenage kid went into an electronics store in New York. He really liked this TV and he wanted to buy it. Since his dad was very rich, he knew he could purchase it no matter what. So heads up to the store owner and asks him, "How much for that TV?" The store owner says, "That TV is not fo...

So there was this alien who came down to earth

An alien came down to earth and wanted to know how to act. He first stopped by a recording studio, where he heard someone singing “me me ME me me me...”
The alien then repeated, sing slightly off-key “me me ME me me me...”
The next place he went to was a fast food place, where he heard the cas...

A group of scientists.

A group of scientists implant electronics on ants to try and control them. They start with a small batch of 5 ants. Each ant has a codename - they're called D1, D2, D3, D4 and D5.

Each ant is assigned a task and data is collected about its behaviour. Scientists observe that D1, D2, D3 and D4 ...

Three men are on an expedition to the Amazons

They get captured by local savages, tied and brought to the head of the tribe.

'White men are destroying our land' he says, showing a pile of garbage, with electronics, pots, forks, newspapers.
'You're gonna swallow your trash, and then i'm gonna let you leave, but if you fail, we'll skin ...

Wet phone solution.

Person 1: If you drop your phone into some water, fill a bag with rice and put the phone in the bag and sit it on the kitchen bench overnight.
During the night, the rice will attract asians who will fix your broken electronics.

Person 2: Dude, that's not how it works. They would eat the ri...

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Calling in sick...

A young man had just got a job at an electrical store and was to start work on Monday. Unfortunately, he called in sick for the day. The boss was a little annoyed but decided that shit happens and let it go.

The guy came in Tuesday and sold a stack of electronics, and continued on for the res...

In my early 20s, I was a scumbag - no car, no house, no job. I lived at with my girlfriend's apartment, and sometimes I'd even borrow her car when I went out to cheat on her.

I say "borrow", but I didn't exactly ask her for permission. She worked as a bank teller, so I'd simply wait till she fell asleep -- Then I'd sneak into the night.

When I returned, I'd adjust the seat, radio, and mirrors back how they were before. The less questions, I figured, the better, ...

Arts>Science

Just realised arts students can now pay for their college fees... if they specialise in electronics as well.

Cruise Control

*Author's note: I just came up with this while working my tech-related job, and I'm posting from my phone. I apologize if the joke just isn't as funny as I think it is, or if there are any formatting mistakes.*

A cruise ship is swept up in a violent tropical storm, throwing it off-course. The...

A burglar breaks into a house...

He starts searching the house for valuables and comes across some jewelery, which he begins to stuff into his bag. Just then a menacing voice echoes through the house moaning "Jesus is watching you". The burglar looks around, sees no one and decides his imagination is just playing tricks on him. As ...

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Donald Trump is on a plane with leaders from all over the world

They are all bragging about how well their countries are doing. The Japanese president grabs a bag of electronics, throws them off the plane claiming "we have so much electronics I can afford to throw a bag of it out the plane"

The Korean president grabs a bag of rice, throws them off the ...

Burglar breaks into a house

He starts grabbing all the expensive electronics and sending them out the window.

As he's carrying away the stereo system he hears a soft voice call out, "Jesus is watching you..."

Looking around he can't see anyone, so he decides to ignore it.

Later, while carrying the tv, he h...

Three engineers

There are three engineers heading to their college reunion in a car; an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer and a Microsoft engineer. The car breaks down along the way for seemingly no reason.

The electrical engineer suggests testing the electronics of the car and attempt to find out if...

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