This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got caught masturbating to an optical illusion

I said "it's not what it looks like"

Recently I've been learning how to draw optical illusions so I can surprise my girlfriend with one on her birthday.

Unfortunately she walked in and caught me practicing the other day.

Her: "What's that!"

Me: "I can explain...it's not what it looks like!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm really loving my new Note 20 Ultra, now with up to 5x optical zoom!

I can finally take a dick pic

My girlfriend is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with optical illusions.

I told her, "Wait! This isn't what you think it is!"

My wife just visited an optical surgeon, so now she doesn’t need to wear glasses.

She called it an eye-opening experience.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The anal optical nerve has been recently discovered.

It connects a person's anus to the back of their eye.

If you don't believe me, pull a hair from your ass and see if it doesn't bring a tear to your eye.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went to the doctor about my negativity and he diagnosed me with Optical Rectalitis, a condition that affects the nerve between my asshole and eyeballs...

It gives me a shitty outlook on life.

Announcing the new Built-in Orderly Organized Knowledge device, otherwise known as the BOOK.

It's a revolutionary breakthrough in technology: no wires, no electric circuits, no batteries, nothing to be connected or switched on. It's so easy to use even a child can operate it. Just lift its cover. Compact and portable, it can be used anywhere -- even sitting in an armchair by the fire -- yet...

My eye Dr. is an Eskimo

I guess you could say I'm seeing an optical Aleutian

Three mice walking

\- The first one was a field mouse

\- The second was a house mouse

\- The third was an optical mouse

I thoight I saw an eye doctor when I was in Alaska

But it turned out to be an Optical Aleutian

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman gives birth to a baby boy with no eyelids.

The parents are, as expected, devastated by Their son’s deformity.
Fortunately, at the hospital is a world-renowned optical surgeon, who gives hope to the distraught couple. He can replace the infant’s eyelids with the skin that will be cut away when the newborn is circumcised, since it is as de...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My eye-doctor told me that poor sight can sometimes be attributed to excessive masturbation.

It was an optical allusion.

A man in a Mercedes-Benz picks a hitchiker up.

After a while, the hitchiker points at the Mercedes emblem and asks "What is that?"

The driver says "It's an optical sight. Every time I put someone in the crosshairs, I run them over. Here, look at this pedestrian". The driver pointed his car at the pedestrian, but turned away in the last mo...

What do you call an Eskimo optometrist?

...An optical Aleutian.





I actually made this one up.
But if someone else said it first, I wouldn't be surprised.

Hallucination

An optical delusion.

The Royal Mail

I went for a job at the Royal Mail sorting office yesterday. After the interview I was given a tour of the depot.
I asked the guy taking the tour "What's that machine?"
"That's the Acme 3000 Auto Sorter System. It can sort 150,000 letters an hour and it's 99.5% accurate. It's controlled by 12 ...

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