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Systems Jokes

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I'm sexually attracted to metal boxes with locking systems.

But don't worry. It's safe sex.

When I was young, I thought rich people owned Bose music systems and the rest of us had Sony products.

Turns out those were just stereotypes.

What do you call a dog that provides the bass for speaker systems?

A subwoofer

Why don’t they build nervous systems on robots?

They would rather give the robot a confident system.

I'm making a killing selling home security systems...

All I do is say "Hello" at 3am, sitting on the end of their bed.

My neighbor sells home security systems door to door. He's pretty good at it too.

If nobody's home he just leaves a brochure on the kitchen table.

In Hogwarts Legacy what do you call your character sorted into Ravenclaw while omitting the use of fast travel systems?

Stairy Potter

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3 operating systems walk into a bar

The first says "I'm Windows. The most popular, everyone likes me and I don't mess about. I'll have a pint of lager."

The second says "I'm Mac OS. I'm the favourite of artists and hipsters, and I could never settle for a boring lager like Windows. Give me your hoppiest artisanal IPA!"

T...

Why do astronauts use apple computing systems in space?

Because they can't open windows

I’m pitching a show about magical arts in the legal system

Subpoena the Teenage Witch

Why are computer screen co-ordinate systems always in a good mood?

Because they are down-right positive!

Why are most solar systems bad business partners?

Most are rated one star and even the best only have three.

To deal with the high price of petroleum, public transport systems are looking at alternative fuels, including grasses and herbs.

The program has had some failures, but on the bright side at least the trains run on thyme.

Why do Artificially Intelligent systems fear popcorn?

Kernel panic.

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Uranus is the coldest place in the solar system

So it’s safe to say the sun don’t shine there.

Nervous systems are too reckless

They always do everything on impulse

I got a job installing security systems...

I find it pretty alarming

A friend of mine wrote a book in prison about ratings systems

It was titled "Prose and Cons"

What do you call someone that's really into drainage systems?

A Connoi-sewer

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Playgrounds in the UK have been fitted with advanced paedophile detection systems to help protect children

The company behind the technology has called it NonceSenseâ„¢

I hate Windows Embedded systems so much...

They make me WinCE

What do novice piano players have in common with embedded systems programmers?

They both write in C.

A couple of hours after Trump approved "offensive" cyber strikes against Iran's missile systems, he is heard shouting at his generals

Trump : WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE ARE NOT SENDING THE TROOPS????

General : But..But… sir, this is an attack via cyber space..

Trump : DO YOU THINK I AM THAT STUPID?? WHAT'S THE SPACE FORCE FOR THEN???

Why aren't there metro systems in the countryside?

There are already enough terrains.

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So I did some research...

and Chinese people like listening to music on their phones with earbuds, black people like portable speakers, Mexicans prefer cheaper systems in their home with big speakers and white people like higher end but compact systems...

Sorry, I guess I shouldn't be discussing racial stereo types.

I think a lot of linux package handling systems are not good enough for the task.

But the one with Ubuntu is apt.

Which of our organ systems have the lowest self esteem?

The nervous system

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An man was in the hospital for a series of tests... ... the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset.

Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another and stayed put. He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and paced frantically trying to think of a plan. Knowing his cute young nurse was about to come in the door at any moment, he hastily gathered up ...

What is it with Germans and old operating systems

I keep hearing them say "DOS is good"

Someone once told that there’s little difference between the male and female reproductive systems. But in reality...

There’s a vas deferens.

Save money on home security and alarm systems by flying flags of politically taboo groups on the front

The police will watch your house for free!

Why do men with prostate issues have issues stealing video game systems?

Because they have trouble taking a Wii.

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