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Analog Jokes

How did the analog computer come out to their parents?

"Mom, Dad, I'm non-binary."

I'm as bad at analogies as a bald man in a tree

that's it

A good analogy is like a box of chocolates-

you never know when you’re going to get a mixed metaphor.

Analogies Are like bagels on a trampoline:

They don't always work.

Analogies are like ham sandwiches.

I am currently making one.

Electronic Arts should release physical analog day planners.

DLC for Months.
.
Literally.

Why do Poker players only use analog clocks?

It helps them practice reading hands

The best time on an analog clock is 6:30.

Hands down.

A bad analogy is like a ...

bad analogy

A joke is like a frog...

When you dissect it, it dies.
Get it? Just like a frog dies when you dissect it, so does a joke when you explain it.
Basically, the frog is used as an analogy, to help people understand that jokes shouldn't be explained, because the joke will die, or more specifically, become unfunny. So, just...

Don't try using analogies to argue with others.

It's like trying to teach a pigeon chess.

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A great sun/boob analogy

Boobs are like the sun. They keep you warm and make you happy, but stare directly at it and you are in trouble.

Jedi Knights love analogies.

"Metaphors be with you!"

Teacher: Ok class, can anyone tell me what 'analogy' is?

Student: Analogy is something that makes you sneeze.

Reforming FIFA analogy-1

Reforming FIFA by Sep Blatter is like reforming Tax for wealthy people by Donald Trump

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My wife was trying to describe what it's like shopping for a bra.

As an analogy she suggested, "It'd be like trying to find something to hold your dick that looks nice *and* feels good."

...

I looked her straight in the eye and said, "I did."

My analogies are like the world’s best crafted poems

Terrible

Explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog.

You understand it better, but it dies in the process.

See what I did there was use the frog as an analogy to show that exposing the inner workings of a joke would essentially deprive it of its life in that it's not funny anymore. I'm drawing a parallel (and so is E. B. White) to how you basic...

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When I told my therapist about being unhappy, he said, "When it comes to happiness, a good analogy is a 3D-printer."

"Oh," I said, "You mean that I should make my own happiness?"

"No," he said. "I meant, most people don't have it, and many don't even know what it is."

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I was talking to my girl the other day, and I told her I came up with a poetic analogy for our relationship.

“You’re like my phone case,” I told her.

“Aww, what does that mean?”

“I paid $20 just to fuck you up.”

Making an analogy that references itself is like good word play.

You don't do it anytime you want. You have to have a good reason to go metaphor.

You know what they say: Finding the right analogy is has hard as

hmm...

I asked my proctologist if it's okay for me to use euphemisms...

He said analogies would be better.

Given that the “logy” ending usually means the study of something such as in “paleontology”...

Do you think that the first analogy was discovered by a proctologist?

What did the male digital signal ask a female digital signal?

Do you do ANALog?

Why is proctology called proctology?

Because analogy was already taken.

Theres an old African Saying "A Lion leading an Army of Sheep can defeat An Army of Lions led by A Sheep".

And like i get the message and its a nice analogy and all but if A Sheep somehow manage to become leader of an Army of Lions, then my moneys on the Sheep

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A boy asks his father what politics is

His father, wanting the son think critically, told him "let's make an analogy, i am the backbone family and i am the one that makes money. Therefore i am the business class. Your mother run the economy, so she is the government. The maid is the working class. We serve your interest, so you, my boy, ...

Why did the poet sneeze?

Because he had analogy.

My hayfever makes me sneeze like my dairy intolerance makes me fart.

I hate my analogies.

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What was the pornstar doing in school?

Analogy

Psychiatrist office: “My sister treats me like Lucy treats Linus.”

The psychiatrist thinks for a moment and says, “Sounds like you have analogy to Peanuts.”

Every time I come up with a new metaphor it makes me sneeze.

It really sets off my analogies.

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Why is R the kinkiest letter?

It turns an analogy into an anal orgy

What do you call a record of everything that goes in and out of your ass?

An ANALog.

Health Education

Appropriate analogy: “The curve is flattening so we can start lifting restrictions now” = “The parachute has slowed our rate of descent, so we can take it off now”.

There are two critical factors in the spread of Coronavirus. 1. How dense is the population. 2. How dense is the population.
...

Did you hear about that proctologist who became an English teacher?

Did you hear about the proctologist who became and English teacher? He specializes in teaching analogies.

STILL THE KING

I think the best analogy for where we are right now is that America is Elvis Presley -- the most beautiful, talented, rebellious nation in the history of Earth. And now, you're in your Vegas years. You've squeezed yourself into a white jumpsuit, you're wheezing your way through 'Love Me Tender' and ...

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Some good tips for your English class.

1. Avoid alliteration. Always.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)
4. Employ the vernacular.
5. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
6. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
7. It...

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This actually happened to me.

A few years ago I was working in a call center that promoted the use of "Pizzazz Greetings." Such examples ranged from "Thank you for calling XYZ! My name is Kandy with a K! What can I do to make your day as awesome as mine!?" To "Thank you for flying with XYZ, my name is Josh and I'll be your capt...

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