My buddy and I have a picture of the Islamic God on the smart card inside our mobile phones.

We're very SIM Allah.

I've deleted all my German friends from my mobile phone.

It's now Hans-free.

They just invented a mobile computing device that also plays guitar

The "Eric Claptop"

I tried explaining to my son how his mobile works

But it just went over his head

What is the difference between prostitutes and mobile games?

One is pay to win the other is pay to in.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

If you use reddit on mobile you’re gay

Sent from my iPhone

The lady who had crashed her SUV complained to the Police that the man she collided with was on his mobile and drinking beer from a bottle at the time.

The Police said that the gentleman was entitled to do what ever he wanted in his own garden!

I've got a Christian mobile

It's pray as you go

What is the favorite mobile game of an african?

Where’s my water

A wise man told me that the mobile network carrier you choose says a lot about your life

No wonder I use Virgin Mobile.

I just had a blizzard in my hometown.

I didn't feel much of it, It was too mobile.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

So I hear the Chinese like spying on our mobile phones.

At least someone out there will be impressed with the size of my penis.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I was playing PUBG Mobile while my dick was getting sucked..

I came first.

Nintendo is releasing a micro transaction mobile platformer

Pay Per Mario

Recent mobile phone technology has linked up with micro chip brain implant technology so that when your phone rings it can immediately connect without making a ringing sound.

It just won the Nobel peace prize.

Switched to Windows Mobile yesterday

Very Unappy!

I rewrote Hansel & Gretel but changed the oven to a mobile stove.

The title is now Hansel & Griddle.

Why are mobile phones being banned in China?

There are so many wings and so many wongs, you might wing the wong number...

What did Batman say to Robin before they got into the bat mobile?

Get in the bat mobile Robin.

Race for mobile phone.

Person 1 : Hey nice mobile phone. How much you bought it for?

Person 2: I won it in a race.

Person 1: Race? What kind of race? How many people were running?

Person 2: Well, the mobile shop owner, 3 cops and I.

T-Mobile and Sprint have finally agreed to a massive merger deal

I tried to join the celebration, but there was no reception

An older couple had just learned how to send text messages on their mobile phones....

The wife was a romantic type and the husband was more of a no-nonsense guy. One afternoon, the wife went out to meet a friend for coffee.

She decided to send her husband a romantic text message, and she wrote: "If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile....

I drove my car into a river and watched it turn into a mobile phone.

One minute, a Kia.
Next minute, Nokia.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What's the similarity between a mobile phone and a clitoris?

Both turn on with the touch of a finger and every cunt's got one.

John: My friend Charlie has stolen my girlfriend's number from my mobile 2 days ago.

Harry: What happened then?

John: Charlie Has been sending romantic texts to his own sister since last 2 days.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Long/Sexist (On mobile and I can’t find the flair) A priest and a woman are walking up the Gates of Heaven when they’re greeted by St. Peter

St. Peter tells them “Sorry, we’re packed today, we can only allow in whichever one of you supported God the most.

So he looks about both of their informations for each of their lives, and he decides to pick the woman.

Of course, the Priest was astonished. He had spent his entire lif...

The Pope-mobile

Because nothing says "faith in God" more than 4 inches of bullet-proof glass...

I saw on the news that the CEOs of T-mobile and Sprint got married last weekend. Great wedding,

terrible reception.

I went to a restaurant...

It was full; no place to sit... I took out my mobile, placed it to my ear and said loudly- "Bro, come fast, she's here with someone else". Six couples ran away..

What do you call a nun in a wheelchair

Virgin Mobile

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

AT&T and T-Mobile get married

Nobody wanted to be at the wedding and the reception was still shit.

There's a penguin riding his snow mobile through the Antarctic. I

It starts to sputter and he decides to pull into a mechanic to get the snow mobile looked at. The mechanic comes out and after having a quick look over says he will need an hour to fix it. The penguin asks where he can wait nearby and the mechanic tells him that there is an ice cream parlor next doo...

What did the American mobile tower on the coast say about the foreign cruise liner?

I will not sync with this ship.

Three women were sitting in a hot tub

one older lady and two slightly younger - when suddenly there was a beeping sound.

The first younger woman pressed her forearm and the beeping stopped.
The others looked at her questioningly.
"That was my pager" she said. "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."

A few min...

I've recently found this incredibly difficult mobile game, that involves matching things. I wish I could turn down the difficulty setting.

Whatever this "Tinder" thing is, it's kicking my ass.

The world's largest info tech company has merged with a mobile accessories company, but refuses to share a name with them. And they're not even sorry about it.

Nope, they're not Apple-Logitech.

What do mobile phones have but also lack?

Cells

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Son: Dad, why's my sister called Teresa?

Dad: It's an anagram of Easter, and your Mum loves Easter.
Son: Okay, thanks Dad.
Dad: You're welcome Alan.

*bugger mobile for the formatting*

Frog mobile

What do you call an illegally parked frog? Toad.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My back is killing me

A man walks into a doctors office and says "my back is killing me"; the doctor asks him why is that. He says: i just came back from work when i saw my wife laying naked on our bed and there was some guy franticaly putting his shirt on in the middle of the street, so i picked up the fridge and tossed...

Who says men don't remember?

A couple were Christmas shopping. The shopping center was packed , and as the wife walked through one of the malls she was surprised when she looked around to find that her husband was nowhere to be seen. She was quite upset because they had a lot to do and so she became so worried that she called h...

One Halloween long ago, in a small town in the middle of nowhere, a boy went out with his friends...

The boy, of course, did a bit more tricking than treating on that night. As he returned home after a long night of mischievous activities, he was confronted by his father.

"Were you out tipping outhouses? Because our outhouse got tipped over earlier this night," his father said.

"Of co...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An Airman, Sailor, Marine, and an Army Ranger end up on an island full of cannibals. They were captured, blindfolded, and sent to the cannibal chief.

Mobile, so formatting. Here's a few different iterations of the joke.

The chief says, "Well, gentlemen, unfortunately for you, we are going to build canoes out of your skin. However, because you all are warriors, I will grant you the option to choose how you will die."

A

The ...

What did one orphan say to another?

Get in the Batmobile Robin.

I’ve deleted the phone numbers of all the Germans I know from my mobile phone...

Now it’s Hans free...

Did you hear about the new Voat mobile app?

It's called Reddit Was Fun.

Why is religion like mobile gaming?

Free-to-pray, pray-to-win.

An Old One That I Forget Where It Came From

Let me tell you a story about Dave. Dave was a very successful man in the field of Medicine. He had his own office. He had a cute receptionist. He had plenty of patients who loved him and everything was going his way.

But Dave had a secret that he was terrified of. You see, Dave recently ent...

The Golf Club Mobile Phone

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club when a mobile phone on a bench starts to ring. A man picks it up, engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk.
"Hello," He says,
"Honey, it's me," says a woman, "are you at the club?"
"Yes," replies the man,
"Well I'm at ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Man walks into a bar (yes but not one you know.) NSFW

New york man walks into a bar in mobile alabama with a crocodile.

He walks up to the bar with the croc, and orders two drinks.

The barman takes one look at the guy. Then looks at the croc, and says get real I'm not serving that here.

The NY guy says ah don't mind him hes well ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I've not posted to r/advice before & I'm on mobile so please forgive any spelling errors, I'm on a small screen. My neighbour has a large, untrained dog, he is tied up in the yard most days, but has broken the chain several times now and when that happens he chases my cat and shits all over my lawn.

I wouldn't mind so much, but now the dog has started to do it too.

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods

when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes have rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his mobile phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator, in a soothing voice, says: “Just tak...

Interview sales pitch

I was in a job interview today. The interviewing manager handed me his laptop and said, "I want you to try and sell this to me."

So I put the laptop under my arm, walked out of the building, and went home.

Eventually he called my mobile and said, "Bring it back here right now!"

...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

nsfw smells like dick

my friend just told me this outside

two whores have a conversation on the street


Whore 1: i think we will make a lot of money tonight


Whore 2: do you think so?

Whore 1: yeah i smell dick in the air

Whore 2: thats because i just burped


sorry if th...

Day 12 without my phone

(on mobile, sorry for formatting issues)

I lost my phone 12 days ago and don't know where it is, please help.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man is lost in the desert...

A man is lost wandering in the desert. After pushing as hard as he could, his horse has died, and he is near to death himself, when along comes a missionary. The missionary, having come extra prepared in case he should come across a poor weary soul, has brought enough food, water, and an extra horse...

A magician is on a boat.

He performs nightly and there just so happens to be a parrot in the audience. The parrot notices how he does the tricks so he calls out, "Its in his sleeve. Its in his pocket!." One night the ship hits an iceberg and the magician wakes up on a piece of driftwood with the parrot. After two days of s...

Did you hear about when Sting got a new mobile phone?

He sent out an SMS to the world.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

3 guys are in the running for a position as a field agent for the CIA.

(This is long and on mobile, hope you enjoy)

For the final test the supervising agent picks up the first guy from his house and after driving around for a while and arriving at their destination, the first guy looks up and asks what is going on because they were back where they started, in t...

The Pope, the Packers & the Vikings

On a tour of Texas, the Pope took a couple of days off to visit the coast for some sightseeing. He was cruising along the beach in the pope-mobile when he heard a frantic commotion just off shore. A helpless man wearing a Green Bay Packer jersey was struggling frantically to free himself from the ja...

My wife crashed our car this morning.

When the police came she said the guy involved was on his mobile and eating a pie at the time.

The police advised her the guy was entitled to do what he wanted in his own living room.

Our new Space Force is exploring mars

The new Space Force has finally arrived at mars, and an exploration ship has been investigating the snow and ice covered North Pole area.

A field biologist excitedly rushes in to his general, and exclaims, “Sir, incredible news! We have discovered a strange, silicon-based form of life in the...