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Electric Jokes

I caught my son chewing on electrical cords.

So I had to ground him.
He's doing better currently.
And conducting himself properly ...

If Dodge made an electric car...

Would it be called a Dodge Chargeable

A train conductor kills 2 people and is sentenced to the electric chair...

A train conductor ends up killing two people while on the job. He is found guilty and sentenced to the electric chair. When the day comes, he is asked what he would want for his last meal, and he requests a banana. After finishing his meal, he is strapped to the chair and electrocuted. However, by s...

How many BuzzFeed workers does it take to turn on an electric chair?

Thirteen. But number nine will shock you.

If electricity always follows the path of least resistance...

Then why doesn’t lightning only hit France?

A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store.

They gave me another one free of charge.

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Little Johnny is playing with his electric train set in the living room…

…and his mom is in the kitchen when she hears him say, “The train has arrived at the station. All you mother-fuckers getting off, get off and all you mother-fuckers getting on, get on.”

She immediately scolds him for the language and puts him in time-out for 30 minutes. He comes back afterwar...

Court decision: "I hereby find you guilty of clickbait, and sentence you to death by electric chair......

....what happens next will shock you."

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An electrical engineer is wrongly accused of a crime.

His name is Myto and he swears he did not kill anybody. However, all the evidence points to him. Of course, he gets 25 years in prison.

When he gets to prison, he meets his bunkmate, Big Joel. Now, contrary to what you may think, Big Joel was not a rapist. In fact, he was the nicest man Myto...

A murderer is to be executed by electric chair and the priests asks if he has any last request.

The man asks for the priest to hold his hand. Needless to say, the priest was shocked.

Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time…

I was shocked

I was gonna tell a joke about Electricity,

But I forgot Watt it was.

How do you tell the difference between an electrician and an electrical engineer?

Ask them to pronounce the word, "unionized".

Honda is coming out with the 1st electric vehicle with wireless charging

It’s called the Honda Accordless

I can't afford to pay for electricity anymore...

these are some dark times.

A murderer was secured to the electric chair, about to be executed.

The chaplain approached him and asked, "Do you have any last requests?"

"Yes," replied the murderer. "Would you hold my hand?"

What will Tesla name their electric lawnmower?

E-Lawn

I caught my friend harassing some electricity...

I told him it was an abuse of power.

In a fit of rage, a friend of mine ran over a pedestrian with his electric car.

He will be charged with battery.

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I remember when my dad once gave me money to pay the electricity bill.

Instead, I bought a lottery ticket for a brand new car. When I got home, I explained to my dad what I did and he beat the crap out of me.

But the next day, when my dad woke up and opened the house door, parked outside my house was a brand new car. We all cried; especially me, because the car...

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True Story: This genuinely happened last night. I work as a Doorman/Bouncer. I own a pair of electrically heated socks. A customer came out for a cigarette as I was plugging the battery packs in and switching them on...

Lady: "What are you doing?"
Me: "I'm just turning my socks on."
Lady: "Ooooo, that's *very* considerate of you!"
Me: "What d'you mean?"
Lady: "Well, most guys I know wouldn't bother with that... they'd just cum in them!"

A mechanical engineer, electrical engineer, chemical engineer, and computer engineer

One day, a mechanical engineer, electrical engineer, chemical engineer, and computer engineer were driving down the street in the same car when it broke down.

The mechanical engineer said, I think a rod broke.

The chemical engineer said, The way it sputtered at the end, I think it's ...

Two electric car owners were seen today fighting over a charging port.

The police have said it was a charged environment and they will amp up patrols around area. A lot of witnesses were shocked and some saw someone socket to the other.

What did little Johnny's mother do when she caught him zapping the other children with static electricity?

She grounded him.

I asked an electrician to fix the electricity in my house...

He Re-fused.

Did you hear apple is making an electric car?

Only problem is you have to buy an adapter to charge it at the station everyone else uses

A Blonde, a Brunette, and A Red Head are sentenced to death.

They are lined up in the yard to be killed. The main guard went up to the Brunette. “You have a choice on how you would like to die: by electric chair, firing squad, or hanging. Which will it be?”

The Brunette replied, “I’ll take the electric chair.”

She was led away by two other guar...

Brazilian Hell

A man dies and goes to hell...

There, he finds that there is a different hell for each country.

He goes to the German hell and asks,

"What do they do there?"

He is told: "First, they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another...

there was a man in prison who could shoot electricity from his fingers and stuff.

he was charged with battery.

What did Texans use for heat before the advent of firewood?

Electricity

An electric confession!

A woman is on trial for beating her abusive husband to death with his guitar collection.


The judge asks her "First offender?"


She replies "No, first a Gibson, then a Fender."

Two men and a blonde woman are in death row.

Two men and a blonde woman are in death row. They’ve had their last meals and prepare for what’s coming up. The warden calls one of the men and asks: “How would you like to go? Firing squad, electric chair, or hanging?”

The man thinks hard, and finally decides on the electric chair. After he ...

The Electric Bus

It’s a new day in the world of public school transportation as the fleet has been switched over to electric powered buses. Everything has been working out wonderfully except for ongoing issues with bus 118.

Not every day, but at least once a week, bus 118 would be out on it’s run when there ...

Electrical Hum - True story

Was working on a Generator switchgear with the factory representative who was from Ireland and we had the generators running and the electrical panel open with all the thick bare copper busbars visible. As most may know anything with a ton of electricity flowing through it makes this humming sound. ...

What’s the difference between elon musk and a lemur?

Elon Musk made an electric car

Lemurs Madagascar

I built an electric fence around my property yesterday…

My neighbor is dead against it…

My local Chinese restaurant has been hit with a £10k electricity bill.

They said they can't turn off all the lights but they do dim sum.

What did the electrical engineer say when he got shocked? .

That hertz.

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On Christmas afternoon, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room.

She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."

The mother went nuts and told her son, "W...

What does a person with diarrhea and an electric car owner have in common?

They both hope will make it home

What do you call a female electric guitarist?

Roxane Rolls

Some important news for electric car users. I learned today that, if you break down in an electric car, you can still use the AA.

But if you break down in a small electric car, you have to use the AAA.

Three engineers are arguing what type of engineer God is

The first says, "God is a mechanical engineer. Look at how we manipulate our arms, legs, lungs, and how blood flows through our bodies. God is a mechanical engineer."

The second says, "No. God is an electrical engineer. Our nervous system, heart, brain. Everything is run by electrical impulse...

What's the difference between me and electricity?

Electricity goes out once in a while.

Why did the electrical engineer become a clown?

He couldn't get enough of the circuits!

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When I was a boy, my dad gave me money to go downtown and pay the electric bill

But instead, I bought raffle tickets for a chance to win a new truck.

I told my dad when I got home and he beat my ass.

The next morning, however, there was a brand new truck in the driveway.

We all held each other and cried, especially me because it was the truck from the el...

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A man is obsessed with trains.

A man is obsessed with trains, so he finally steals one and immediately crashes it, killing several people...

At the trial, the man is found guilty of multiple murders and is sentenced to death.


Before he is executed, he is offered a last meal, and asks for a single banana, which...

What do you call a German electric car?

A Voltswagen

There was a man in Bulgaria who drove a train for a living...

There was a man in Bulgaria who drove a train for a living.

He loved his job, driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child.

He loved to make the train go as fast as possible.

Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash.

He mad...

Did you hear? Rob Schneider is starting his own DIY electrical wiring protection company?

It's called **You Conduit!**

My wife keeps discharging all our electrical devices

I think it constitutes grounds for divorce

Have you heard of the electric monk?

He's enlightening.

An alligator asked an electric eel, “hey, can I touch you?”

Electric eel: Yes, but I’d have to charge you.

An electrician comes home late....

Wife: "Wire you insulate?"

Electrician: "Watts it to you? I'm ohm, aren't I."

What did Britons use to light their homes before candles?

Electricity.

I'm so much in debt, I can't afford to pay my electric bill...

These are the darkest days of my life...

What do you call an electrical outlet that deals drugs?

A plug.

Electric cars

**Do you need a current licence to drive an electric car?**

You’re an electrical measurement, Harry

I’m a watt

Three engineers were riding in a car, went down a hill, and crashed.

The mechanical engineer said, "It must be the brakes. Let me check 'em out." The electrical engineer said, "I think it was something in the electrical system. Let me check it out." The software engineer said, "Let's push it back up the hill and run it again."

One time my uncle challenged me that I cant do a simple electrical wiring.

He got shocked after I completed the work.

Just How Smart Was Einstein?

This is a TRUE STORY but hopefully you will find some humor in it.

Back in the early 70s, when I was a college student, I took care of the yard of a lonely widower, named Arthur, who occasionally asked me to join him for a game of chess. He resided in Paradise Valley, AZ. During WWII, Arth...

You think gad and electric bills are expensive... have you seen chimneys?

They're through the roof!

A little boy asks his mother, "Mom, is it possible to eat electricity?"

The mother says: 'What? Where did you hear that?

The boy replied: "Yesterday I heard Dad say to you, 'Turn off the light and put it in your mouth.'

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An engineer, physicist, and a statistician in a hotel room...

So an engineer, a physicist, and a statistician are all sleeping in a hotel room when suddenly an outlet catches fire. The engineer wakes up first and says to himself "this is an electrical fire, water won't work!" And runs to grab a fire extinguisher. The physicist wakes up next and thinks to himse...

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Q: What do electric trains and women's breasts have in common?

A: They were originally intended for C*hildren*,

but it's M*en* who play with them the most.

Why does Elon Musk make his employees have a net electric charge?

He doesn't want them to be unionized.

Two electric windmills are standing in a field.

One turns to the other and asks "What kind of music do you like?" The second one replies "I'm a huge metal fan".

Three engineers are riding in a car.

One is a mechanical engineer, one is an electrical engineer, and one is a computer engineer.

The car breaks down and coasts to the side of the road.

"Hang on," says the mechanical engineer. "The problem is probably the engine, let me have a look at it and I'll have us on the road agai...

I told my boss that three companies were after me and I need a raise....

My boss asked “what companies? “

Gas, water and electricity

In college, my roommates and I were so broke, we couldn’t afford to pay the electricity bill.

Those were the darkest days of our lives.

What do you call the child of an electrical engineer who refuses to potty train?

A pull-up resister.

Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on his computer.

They had been going at it for days, and God was tired of hearing all of the bickering.

Finally God said, "Cool it. I am going to set up a test that will run two hours and I will judge who does the better job."

So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away. They moused. Th...

What plant give you the most electricity?

The currant bush!

I walked into the a electric car dealership,

I asked them how much they charge.

Before Elon Musk got into electric cars...

... he was plain old Lon Musk

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A vacuum cleaner salesman came to my door, poured a bag of dog shit on my carpet and said, "Sir, if this vacuum can't clean it completely, I'll eat whatever's left."

I said, "I hope you're hungry 'cause they cut off the electricity this morning."

OP. Got kicked off an electrical job today.

Lady wanted me to check the light fixture in her bedroom. I set up my ladder under the fixture and removed the cover, then asked if she could turn on the switch at the door. Being out in hallway, she said, “Give me a sec.” I smiled and told her I’d give her all the ‘secs’ she wanted.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So I found out I was sexually attracted to electrical currents

Yeah, shocking

Today I was learning about electrical safety.

I was shocked.

Blonde Wife

One winter morning during breakfast a husband and wife in Northern Minnesota were listening to the radio.

They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through."
...

Have you heard about Ford's new electric coffee car?

It's the Mach-E Auto.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I headbutted my neighbour’s electric panel.

I now face charges.

How can you tell when you've met an extroverted electrical engineer?

They look at YOUR shoes when they talk to you.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tim has been dating his girlfriend for months, but he was never able to get her to orgasm...

He tried everything. Different positions, speeds, different lubes, even different music playing in the background. Nothing worked. Finally, she complains that she's just too hot during sex, and being all sweaty kills the mood.

So not having an electric fan to cool them down, Tim invites his ...

Governments worldwide are pushing electric cars.

It's just going to cause a re volt.

Don't trust anyone that drives an electric vehicle

They're shiftless.

US electrical outlets are a lot like politics.

They both have inherit design flaws that can be dangerous in the hands of idiots.

Pikachu is type electric, Charmander is type fire

Snorlax is type 2 diabetic

I'll show myself to the door.

Electricity is a great thing...

Without it , we'd be watching television by candlelight

An electrical current joins the air force

He was too afraid to fly over enemy ohmland because he was worried he'd be grounded.

What do electric eels like to swim in?

Fresh Watter

At one time, Lucas Electrics manufactured a vacuum cleaner.

It was the only product in their entire history that didn't suck.

Why was there an electric bulb in the cooking pot?

Because it was my first time of making light soup.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Husband goes to a police station, says ‘My wife is missing!’

Husband goes to a police station...
“My wife is missing! She went out yesterday and has not come home...”

Sergeant at Police Station:
“What is her height?”

Husband:
“Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall

Sergeant:
“Weight?”

Husband:
“Don't know. N...

My friend was explaining electricity

And I was like watt?

[First Date] Her: I’m usually attracted to men with power.

Me: That’s great, I always pay my electric bill on time.

How did the protestors win electrical conductance?

How did the protestors win electrical conductance?


They one by resistance.

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