UPJOKE
soundrecordingvideosoundtrackacousticplaybacktelevisionaudio frequencydiscdiskaudibleaudiotapeaudio recordingnoisecassette

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Masturbation makes you deaf

Click the L button bellow to hear why. It's just a 30 seconds audio.



\[L - button\]

My audio editor keeps shutting down unexpectedly while I'm working.

The Audacity.

My friend is an audio engineer.

I hear he's technically very sound.

Why should you always trust an audio engineer?

Because they give sound advice.

New 911 audio recordings of Chris Browns assault on Rihanna has been released to the public for the first time.

It’s called Chris Browns greatest hits.

I love Netflix's audio logo

It's the best part of most of their original content.

Sasquatch bigfoot audio recordings

....scientists said its unreal.

How to audio files say hi to one another?

They just .wav

An audio technician becomes a comedian

An audio technician is on stage at an open mic night in a comedy club.

He seems to be absolutely crushing the audience with witty and outrageous jokes.

At the end of his time he gets to do a mic drop.

That was the last night he ever did comedy.

The feedback ruined it.

What do you call an average audio system?

Stereotypical

I have a Polish friend who is an audio engineer

and a Czech one too. Czech one too.

I honestly get a little creeped out by hearing Spatial Audio all around me.

I guess it's just the Atmos fear.

You know what Waluigi's favorite audio format is?

Wahv.

What did the video say to audio?

You are missing the big picture.

( This is an original)

Why do audio engineers only count to 2?

Because you lift on 3.

I have to say, I prefer audio books to written books

I don't know why. I guess they just really speak to me.

Just made the most audio copies to ever fit on one vinyl disc.

It was a record record record!

Eh, the audio book was good.

But it wasn't really a page turner.

There are hundreds of features on a brand-new BMW; heated seats, bluetooth audio, laser-headlights, etc... Which among them goes completely ignored?

The turn signals.

My YouTube video with no audio just got taken down.

John Cage gave me a copyright strike.

I asked my friend what kind of car audio system he preferred and he said it didn't matter because they were all the same...

...apparently he has a problem with stereotypes.

What is a caveman's favourite audio compression algorithm?

OGG

I asked my girlfriend for an audio book, but she got me an encyclopedia instead.

That speaks volumes.

What's a Star Wars fan's least favorite type of audio file?

A .midichlorian

I’m trying to remember that movie where the golden retriever becomes an audio technician...

Was it... Ear Bud?

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What do you get when you combine shitty, old commercials with audio files?

Aflac

I'm opening a store that only sells vaults for storing valuable items and high fidelity audio equipment

It's called Safe and Sound.

What do you call an anti-aircraft gun that shoots high-quality digital audio files?

A .flac gun

How did Kim Jong-Il begin his audio autobiography?

"Dear Reader"

Amazon needs a new app

An audio book app with sign language. We’ll call it *inAudible*.

What did the Mexican say when he left the recording studio?

Audios.

The new book about Helen Keller is absolutely incredible!

The audio book is absolutely unintelligible though.

I hate most stereotypes

But the LG LK72B XBOOM Audio System is my favourite

I recently found an audio bible narrated by James Earl Jones

Overall it was good, though the book of Luke seemed a bit forced

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A man records his wedding night…

A man decides to audio record his wedding night and one year later on their anniversary, play it back to re-live the wonderful sounds his wife was making that night. So he played it back and she was saying “ah ah…that’s happiness”. He was moved to tears.

He decided to share this special mome...

What did the Spanish musician say after they left the sound booth?

Audios

NASA Scientists were eagerly waiting for the rover to send back the first sounds from Mars.

A program decades in the making, a feat of engineering never before accomplished. Not only did they include high resolution cameras for the landing, but incredibly robust microphones to capture the first sounds from an alien planet.

The team of people were huddled around a lab station for hou...

Blonde dies on a bus listening to music..

The audio was telling her to breath but she hit pause on accident.

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SUMMER CAMP FOR Husbands. Evening classes for men. Starting this month.

*Summer camp*

Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty of the content, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants each.

*Topic 1.*
How to fill ice-cube trays and why to fill water bottles before putting them back in the fridge.
Step by step with slide pre...

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For a school video project, I was partnered with the class bitch

Wanting it to be finished as soon as possible, I told her that I would do most of the project as long as she would stay out of my way. I then realized that my computer was undergoing repairs so I asked her if she had any audio editing software. And let me tell you,


This bitch had the Auda...

Someone broke into my car but they only stole the sound system.

It was grand theft audio.

How did the MP3 file say goodbye to the WAV file?

Audios.

A grad student is working with his lab partner on a science project for his robot acoustics research

When the student says to his lab partner, “There seems to be something missing from our robot that is keeping the voice audio from converting into an electrical signal”.

The lab partner, in an effort to help his friend, heads down the street to the computer shop to see if he can figure out w...

Irish bank robbery

Once inside the bank shortly after midnight, their efforts at disabling the security system got underway immediately. The robbers, who expected to find one or two large safes filled with cash & valuables, were surprised to see hundreds of smaller safes throughout the bank.

The robbers c...

COVID Vaccine Efficacy

Researchers from the Universidad Autónoma de Guadalajara in Mexico discovered that a single dose of the corona virus vaccine was capable of alleviating life-threatening and reducing transmission rates by 87%.

An audio excerpt from the conversations of the two researchers, C. Guillermo and H. ...

Inaudible audiobook premium, only from me 9.99$/mo

Variety of inaudible audio books available from me in all known languages

I'm at a Mexican electronics store and the clerk asked me what kind of cables I was looking for.

I told him, "Audios."

He left and hasn't come back since.

What do audiophiles like listening to?

Audio files.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why was the ground white after Custer's Last Stand?

The Indian's just kept coming and coming....

(I am sure this joke is old as shit, but I credit it to Stephen King's, The Stand. Listening to the audio book today and it made me crack up while driving.)

Free Kittens

A pretty little girl named Suzy was standing on the sidewalk in front of her home. Next to her was a basket of furry animals; in her hand was a sign that read: FREE KITTENS. Suddenly a line of big black cars pulled up beside her. Out of the lead car stepped a tall grinning man. "Hi there little girl...

How do you milk a sheep and make a profit?

Remove the audio jack

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