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Masturbation makes you deaf

Click the L button bellow to hear why. It's just a 30 seconds audio.



\[L - button\]

New 911 audio recordings of Chris Browns assault on Rihanna has been released to the public for the first time.

It’s called Chris Browns greatest hits.

I asked my friend what kind of car audio system he preferred and he said it didn't matter because they were all the same...

...apparently he has a problem with stereotypes.

Eh, the audio book was good.

But it wasn't really a page turner.

I have a Polish friend who is an audio engineer

and a Czech one too. Czech one too.

I asked my girlfriend for an audio book, but she got me an encyclopedia instead.

That speaks volumes.

If you're having any kind of problem, ask an audio engineer

They always give sound advice

My YouTube video with no audio just got taken down.

John Cage gave me a copyright strike.

What do you call an average audio system?

Stereotypical

Do you remember audio cassettes?

They had side A and B.

It was logical for it successor to be named CD.

How to audio files say hi to one another?

They just .wav

There are hundreds of features on a brand-new BMW; heated seats, bluetooth audio, laser-headlights, etc... Which among them goes completely ignored?

The turn signals.

The new book about Helen Keller is absolutely incredible!

The audio book is absolutely unintelligible though.

An audio technician becomes a comedian

An audio technician is on stage at an open mic night in a comedy club.

He seems to be absolutely crushing the audience with witty and outrageous jokes.

At the end of his time he gets to do a mic drop.

That was the last night he ever did comedy.

The feedback ruined it.

My audio editor keeps shutting down unexpectedly while I'm working.

The Audacity.

NASA Scientists were eagerly waiting for the rover to send back the first sounds from Mars.

A program decades in the making, a feat of engineering never before accomplished. Not only did they include high resolution cameras for the landing, but incredibly robust microphones to capture the first sounds from an alien planet.

The team of people were huddled around a lab station for hou...

I’m trying to remember that movie where the golden retriever becomes an audio technician...

Was it... Ear Bud?

You listen to an audio book that is 8 hours of silence.

At the very end, the narrator says “Oh, aloud?”

Why do audio engineers only count to 2?

Because you lift on 3.

COVID Vaccine Efficacy

Researchers from the Universidad Autónoma de Guadalajara in Mexico discovered that a single dose of the corona virus vaccine was capable of alleviating life-threatening and reducing transmission rates by 87%.

An audio excerpt from the conversations of the two researchers, C. Guillermo and H. ...

I'm opening a store that only sells vaults for storing valuable items and high fidelity audio equipment

It's called Safe and Sound.

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A woman is talking to her husband about how his day at work was.

He told her “Nothing out of the ordinary, I just made sure all the audio jacks were in place during the concerts”

The next day the women is chatting with her friends. One asks her what her husband does for a living. Not quite remembering the details, she replies “jack shit”.

I have to say, I prefer audio books to written books

I don't know why. I guess they just really speak to me.

I tried to make a living mixing audio files to the left and right

...but it didn't really pan out.

I was having issues getting my phone audio to connect to my car stereo

So I changed the name of my device to "Titanic".

Now its syncing.

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What do you get when you combine shitty, old commercials with audio files?

Aflac

What do you call an anti-aircraft gun that shoots high-quality digital audio files?

A .flac gun

What's a Star Wars fan's least favorite type of audio file?

A .midichlorian

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For a school video project, I was partnered with the class bitch

Wanting it to be finished as soon as possible, I told her that I would do most of the project as long as she would stay out of my way. I then realized that my computer was undergoing repairs so I asked her if she had any audio editing software. And let me tell you,


This bitch had the Auda...

What is a caveman's favourite audio compression algorithm?

OGG

What did the Mexican say when he left the recording studio?

Audios.

I hate most stereotypes

But the LG LK72B XBOOM Audio System is my favourite

I recently found an audio bible narrated by James Earl Jones

Overall it was good, though the book of Luke seemed a bit forced

How did Kim Jong-Il begin his audio autobiography?

"Dear Reader"

Blonde dies on a bus listening to music..

The audio was telling her to breath but she hit pause on accident.

What did the Spanish musician say after they left the sound booth?

Audios

Irish bank robbery

Once inside the bank shortly after midnight, their efforts at disabling the security system got underway immediately. The robbers, who expected to find one or two large safes filled with cash & valuables, were surprised to see hundreds of smaller safes throughout the bank.

The robbers c...

What did the Spanish radio host say after broadcast?

Audios

Someone broke into my car but they only stole the sound system.

It was grand theft audio.

I'm at a Mexican electronics store and the clerk asked me what kind of cables I was looking for.

I told him, "Audios."

He left and hasn't come back since.

How did the MP3 file say goodbye to the WAV file?

Audios.

A grad student is working with his lab partner on a science project for his robot acoustics research

When the student says to his lab partner, “There seems to be something missing from our robot that is keeping the voice audio from converting into an electrical signal”.

The lab partner, in an effort to help his friend, heads down the street to the computer shop to see if he can figure out w...

Inaudible audiobook premium, only from me 9.99$/mo

Variety of inaudible audio books available from me in all known languages

Free Kittens

A pretty little girl named Suzy was standing on the sidewalk in front of her home. Next to her was a basket of furry animals; in her hand was a sign that read: FREE KITTENS. Suddenly a line of big black cars pulled up beside her. Out of the lead car stepped a tall grinning man. "Hi there little girl...

What do audiophiles like listening to?

Audio files.

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This guy walks into a Mercedes agency and asks for the top executive model.

Money is not an issue, but the car has to have everything installed. And he means EVERYTHING he is not joking. The company goes and install usb sockets for each passenger, a blue tooth operated coffee machine (with proper grinder, not that bullshit with capsules), a GPS tracking got each wheel and t...

The Nokia 3310 was ahead of its time...

Dust proof, water proof, had a nearly infinite battery life, indestructible, AND no audio jack!

How do you milk a sheep and make a profit?

Remove the audio jack

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