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Ei Jokes

One day, Einstein has to speak at an important science conference.

On the way there, he tells his driver that looks a bit like him:
"I'm sick of all these conferences. I always say the same things over and over!"

The driver agrees: "You're right. As your driver, I attended all of them, and even though I don't know anything about science, I could give t...

What do you call a Mexican bodybuilder who’s run out of protein?

No whey Jose.

During English class the teacher asks Little Johnny "have you ever heard of the word contagious before?"

"Of course miss" Johnny replies "my father actually said it when we were talking yesterday".

"Can you repeat it for the class and tell us how he used it in a sentence?"

"Yes, miss. We were watching the neighbour take his garbage out when his bin tipped over spilling rubbish all over ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A penis has a sad life.

His hair is a mess; his family is nuts; his next-door neighbor is an arsehole; his best friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him habitually..

The German exchange rate

You heard that one about the German eggs-change rate?

Apparently it's an ei for an ei!

A boy has a question about God

Sorry if this has been posted before. I just heard it and I’ve never seen it on here before.

There was a boy that had a question about God. He goes to his local priest to see if he has an answer. The boy presents the question and the priest is completely at a loss of words. The question is s...

My wife and I are into role play. Today she said I could pick any song as a role play theme...

I hope her friend Eileen is as excited as I am.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Old McDonald had Tourette’s

Ei aye ei aye

Cunt

I dated a guy with crossed eyes once

We broke up cause we didnt see eye to eye and i was worried he was seeing someone on the side

My advice: You should never date a cross-eyed girl.

I guarantee she'll be seeing someone else.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A High School English Teacher reminds her class of the next day's final exam. She tells the class that there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for a serious injury or illness, or a death in the student's immediate family.

One smart-ass jock in the back of the room asks, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Aw, that's so sad. Guess yo...

A German taught me how to crack eggs today.

It was ei-opening.

A lot of people don't know about Rudolph's wife Olive,

but she is mentioned in the song: "Olive, the other reindeer."

A woman has twins

and gives them up for adoption. One goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal". The other goes to a family in Spain, who name him "Juan". Years later Juan sends a picture of himself to his mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. He...

How do you make cocoa powder?

Throw [Milka](https://www.google.ro/search?q=Milka&biw=1024&bih=635&site=webhp&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=kp1QVejVFuP9ygPnr4GQCw&ved=0CAYQ_AUoAQ#tbm=isch&q=milka+cow&revid=2033489046) from the plane

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Thanks to COVID, from now on, whenever I'm in an elevator, I'll be using my dick to press the buttons.

Protibaake atu bebro tlika ipradee tebu! Eba keeu predeta to pibate pu. Gegu giubu obla etu klate titata? Igi keka gau popu a pletogri. Aoplo draetla kuu blidriu dloidugri ibiple. Plabute pipra ko igupa tloi? Ta poklo gotapabe ipra pei gudlaeobi! Bloi iui tipra bakoki bioi di ige kra? Oapodra tipri ...

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