He went to the doctor

Doctor every time I drink tea my eyes hurt and I really like tea , the doctor order him a cup of tea , after the guy drink it and start complaining of pain
The doctor said I think removing the spoon would really help with the pain .

Birds of no Feathers....

A man from Los Angeles took a job in San Francisco, leaving his 70 yr old, widowed mother of 6 mos to fend for herself. As her birthday was approaching, he went around asking his co-workers for ideas to get his mom a bday gift.

None of their ideas appealed to him, until someone suggested a p...

The next generation

Obi-Wan Kenobi, while hiding on the deserts of Tatooine, happened to meet a charming lady in Mos Eisley. One thing let to another, and soon they were expecting a baby.

As the baby boy was born, the midwife asked Obi-Wan what would be the name of his son.

"Obi-Two Kenobi, naturally"

What do you call an insect with a high fat diet?

A mosKeto!

Star Wars names are just regular words if you put a random space somewhere:

Mos Quito

Que Sadilla

Scu Bagear

Syn Tax

Rev Erse

Mala Mute

Trypto Phan

Cano Nical

Impo Tent

Slee Papnea

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Life is like a shit sandwich......

the more bread you have, the less shit you have to eat.

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Who the fuck is Mo

And why do people keep saying he lested me

I am married to a Korean wife and she told me I get to name our son's English name

We live in Korea and gave our son my wife's last name 모 (pronounced 'mo').

I got to choose his English name so I said we should call him Lester.

So when I go around and introduce my child I could say

"This is our child 모 Lester"

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Jesus and Moses go Fishing

Jesus and Moses are sitting by a riverbank, fishing, and shooting the shit about the good ol' days.

Moses says, "I had a few great days, but I have to say, that day I parted the Red Sea was the best of them. Man, that was spectacular! You should have seen the look on everyone's faces." ...

Inaudible audiobook premium, only from me 9.99$/mo

Variety of inaudible audio books available from me in all known languages

What do you call the milk capital of the world

Mos-cow

What is the difference between Tatooine and Hoth?

On Tatooine you can find Mos Eisley.
On Hoth you’ll find ice mostly.

I pointed to the night sky and said, "Look, it's a mo!"

"A mo?" asked my friend. "What's a mo?"

I said, "A half-moon."

What do you call an intelligent sloth?

Slo-mo sapiens

Urgent message to all older men...

There has been a terrible spate of robberies by a gang of young women. Their MO is to pull you over on the road and hitch a ride. They always wear skimpy bikinis, then start to rub themselves on you while you're driving in order to distract you. One of them then sneakily steals your wallet. I have a...

what did the necrophiliac get at the funeral?

moUrning wood





W H E E E E E Z E ! ! !

Falling to the ground, my wife cried out, "Help me honey! I think I've really hurt my knee!" I ran towards her and shouted…

"Are Eenie, Meenie and Mo ok!?"

Mo' Engineer vs Zen master

**One**

Engineer: My heart is filled with depression

Zen master: Young man, your depression is trivial like a single line on a paper, there are still a lot of space you can fill the paper with.

The engineer drew a Peano curve.

**Two**

Engineer: Master, they say I a...

I'm giving up alcohol for a month.

Wait, that came out wrong. I'm giving up. Alcohol for a month.

If you take a ho to a hotel then what do you take to a motel?

Its obvious. Some mo ho's.

A friend of mine, a mother of 4 refused to get her children vaccinated.

Edit : Mother of three..

Edit2 : Mother of two...

Edit3 : Mother of one.....

Edit4 : Mo.. Wait..

My parents were both artists

I call them MoMA and Dada

Jesus and Moses......

Were up in Heaven fishing in a lake and drinking a couple of beers. About an hour in, Jesus looks at Moses and asks him, “Hey Mo, you think you still got it?” Moses asks, “separating the water??? Man it’s been a looooong time but I’ll give it a shot.” Moses proceeds to stand up in the boat and in a ...

Being an aspiring musician is like getting a contract with Verizon.

10 gigs for $80 a month

A little boy is walking home from his friend's house,

When he sees something in the middle of the road. He bends over and picks up a picture of a smiling pretty girl holding up two fingers. He thinks, "Wow! What a cool picture! I'm going to show Mo-." The boy is hit by a truck and instantly dies. A man gets out of the truck in a panic and 911 already p...

I hate early funerals.

I'm just not a mo(u)rning person.

Was walking in front of my 4 year old daughter today who got me with this doozy today.

Daughter: Kock Kock!

Me: Who’s There?

Daughter: Impatient Cow!

Me: impatient Cow Who?

Daughter: MoOoooOoOOVE IT!

Me: **Proud moment**

Once upon a time, there was a happy family with 3 kids: Snowflake, Sandgrain, and Brick

One day, Snowflake went up to his mother and asked:

“Mommy! Why is my name Snowflake?”

“Well you see, when you were born, a little snowflake landed on your head. So we decided to name you after it.” She replied.

A couple days later, Sandgrain went up to his mother and asked:
...

A father has forbade his daughters from dating until they are 18.

On their 18th birthdays they of course all have dates. The father says "Your dates can pick you up, that way I can give 'em the once over". "Ok daddy" the 3 daughter's replied in unison. Later that night the first gentleman arrives, rings the doorbell, and the father answers the door with a shotg...

My friend's mother just had quadruplets

I asked him "What did she name them?"

My friend told me "Eenie, Meenie, Miney and Fred"

I asked "Fred? What about Mo?"

My friend responded "She don't want no Mo"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So a DEA officer walks into a farm..

A DEA officer stopped at our farm yesterday “I need to inspect your farm for illegal growing drugs.”

I said “Okay , but don’t go in that field over there…..”,

The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, ” Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me!” Reaching into his ...

What do you call a Muslim that eats pork?

Mo' Ham Head

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In light of people getting slapped by the pope.

There was this poor old guy named Donald who hears that the pope is going on tour and will be parading through his town. Donald was very excited that he might get a chance to meet the pope and shake his hand. So he decided to make a plan. He thought that the pope would want to meet the richest man i...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] A business man was robbed in Las Vegas on his way to the airport

After he had checked out of the hotel late at night, 2 muggers have robbed his purse, mo and notebook, leaving him behind with his luggage.

He had hours left to get to the airport, and he was lucky that his ticket was at the side compartment of his luggage. He walked up to the street to the ...

Three Southern Belles are sipping a lemonade on the porch swing one hot summer day.

The first one says "Ah heard tell of a boah kissin' anothuh boah. They call them 'ho-mo-seck-shules'."

They all giggle and fan themselves.

The second one says "Wail, AH heard of a gurl kissin' anothuh gurl. They call them 'lez-bee-ans'."

They all turn slightly red and sip their ...

A joke I heard in a Chinese film - Ip Man 3

Ah Mo was walking toward the table with the other men from work when one of them said

"If your wife controls you, go sit at that other table over there."

So, all of the men but Ah Mo moved to the other table.

The other men, upon seeing that Ah Mo didn't join them, started compl...

Susie Lee Done Fell In Love

Susie Lee done fell in love;
She planned to marry Joe.
She was so happy ’bout it all
She told her Pappy so.

Pappy told her, “Susie gal,
You’ll have to find another.
I’d just as soon yo’ Ma don’t know,
But Joe is yo’ half brother.”

So Su...

One boy sayd to his friend

"My mos is having a new baby!"
His friend reply:
"Whats wrong with the other one?"

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A mercurial rocker hands out backstage passes...

A mercurial rocker of a popular band was known to give out many backstage passes. Now this happens all the time in the music industry; however this rocker always handed out the same pass to many women, and never changed it. The pass was for Tulsa OK, and he'd give out the large TULSA backstage pas...

Were do Russians get their milk from?

MosCow

Jesus and Moses

Jesus and Moses are in Heaven, fishing from a rowboat. As they were
fishing, they began to reminisce the miracles they performed when they
were on Earth. Just to see if they could still had the knack, they
each decided to do one of their miracles.

So, Moses stood up and extended ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man finds a genie...

G: Im here to grant you one wish! What will you wish for?
M: Easy. I wish for mo...
G: You can’t wish for more wishes.
M: Fuck. ....hmmm .... I know what I want.
G: Your wish is my command.
M: I want to have sex with you!
G: Ok please dont you want to think again?
M: No. I want ...

A university student writes a letter to her parents, hoping that it can convince them to give her money.

Dear Mom and Dad, College i$ going well. $o far, my cla$$e$ have not been too $tre$$ful and I've been learning a lot. My profe$$or$ are for the mo$t part very nice, with the exception of my economic$ profe$$or. I've al$o been making so many new friend$ and have been joining $o many new club$. I ju$t...

Why does a pirate prefer to drink in a bar that serves rum, instead of gin?

Because it has mo'lasses.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman 9 months pregnant with triplets is standing in a bank.

She is waiting in line when a masked gunman storms in and fires blindly hitting the woman three times in the stomach. She survives the bank robbery but goes into labor. She has two girls and a boy. Miraculously she survives and so do the triplets. Causing no issues the doctors decided that surgery o...

A joke from one of the Ip Man movies

A man named Mo is out dining with his friends. He says, "We're all henpecked (*whipped*). Don't believe me? If your wife is the boss, go sit over there."

All the men, heads low, moved to the other table. Only Mo stayed.

"Wow, Mo, you're the man!" said his friends.

Mo replies, "W...

A flea walks down the beach...

..he see's another flea laying in the sand; frozen and shivering.
"Oh buddy," he said. "What happened?"

"Ww-wWell I wW-Wwas riding in somMMe guy's mustache, and he r-r-rode a moMotorcycle all the way to the beach. I'm frFReezing!."

The other flea took pity on him and gave him some ...

What do you get if you mix.....

Mexicans with Samoans?

Some mo Mexicans!

Three men are waiting at the gates to heaven

When they are told they will receive a better car, the more loyal they were to their wives.

The first man approaches St. Peter and St. Peter says "you sir were very loyal to your wife you get a Lamborghini" the man thanks St. Peter, gets in his car and drives through the gates.

The sec...

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