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Oo Jokes

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The difference between Oo and oO

Two young guys appear in court after being arrested for smoking dope.

The judge says, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance instead of jail time.

I want you to go out this weekend and try to convince others of the evils of drug use.
I'll see you bac...

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[NSFW] What do you call a haunted pair of breasts?

BoOoOoOoOobs

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Two Monkeys were in the process of getting into a bath, and one said to the other "ooo aa oo eee ooo ee oo"

And the other one said "put some fucking cold in then!"

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Girls use chemicals to remove polish and, no one bats an eye

Hitler uses chemicals to remove Polish, and everyone loses their mind

Edit: NSFW was requested

Edit: yes, this is a repost. Sharing the laughs.

What goes oo oo oo.

A cow with no lips.

Honey, I just bought these special olympic style condoms!

Husband- "Honey, I just bought these special olympic style condoms!"

Wife- "Olympic style condoms, what makes them so speical?"

Husband- "They come in 3 colors, Gold, Silver and Bronze."

Wife- "Oo, sweet. What color are you gonna wear tonight?"

Husband- "Gold ofc!"
...

I stared intensely as my neighbour removed the red dress, then the bra, then the silk underwear.

"Oo yeah," I whispered to myself, as I looked through my telescope, "you keep emptying that washing machine, baby."

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An Australian Army Recruit sends home a letter...

Dear Ma & Pa,

I am well. Hope youse are too. Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil that the Army is better than workin’ on the farm - tell them to get in quick smart before the jobs are all gone! I wuz a bit slow in settling down at first, because ya don’t hafta get outta bed until 6 am. But...

A joke with no porpoise.

So there’s these two whales right? And they’re swimming in the ocean. So one whale looks at the other and says….

“OOoOoooOoooooOoooooOooooOoOooOoOoOooooooooOOOOOOOoooOoOoOoOoO *whale noises* oOoooOOo
OoooOOoOooOooOooooOooOoooooooOoOoOoOoooooOoooOOOOOooooo”

Then the other whale says…...

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The word "Boobs" is a three dimensional diagram

The "B" shows how they look from above, the "oo" how they look from the front and the "b" how they look from the side.

I think my neighbour is stalking me. I caught her Googling my name. At least I think she was...

The focus on my telescope is a little shaky.

An Irishman, a Scotsman and a Welshman...

...are robbing the manor house.

One of them trips the alarm and before you know it the cops arrive with sirens blaring and lights flashing.

The three unlucky gents are in the kitchen, and looking around the Scotsman spies three empty sacks in the corner..." right lads....in the sacks...

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A wife promised her husband she'd be home by midnight when she went out drinking with her friends...

"I'll be home by midnight, I promise." She said.

The hours passed as the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3 a.m. and a bit loaded, she headed home. Just as she walked into the door the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and 'cuckooed' 3 times. Quickly realizing that her hus...

Why do ghosts say booOoOoo?

Because they are disappointed in you...

There is a haunted strip club in my town

I asked my wife if I could go see some BoOoOo-bies

I saw a guy this morning injecting himself with brake fluid. Stunned, I asked him if he had lost his mind?!

He looked at me and said - It’s ok. I can stop anytime

How do ghosts feed their newborns?

With their bOoOoOobs

What do you call an incontinent rapper?

Poo Stainz!

What does 6.9 mean?

Just another good thing ruined by a period.

Two whales walk into a bar

The first one goes to the barman and says:
"oooooOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooOoOooOOoOoooooOOOOOOOoOOooooOoOoOOoOooOoOOoOOooooooooOOOOOOOoOOOoOOo"

The second one turns to the first and says, "shut up Frank, you're drunk."

Why do you never hear a Pterodactyl go to the bathroom?

Because the "p" is silent...

Cell division eli5:

1. o

2. 0

3. 8

4. oo

What’s a rooster’s favorite dating app?

Chicken Tinder

What do ghost cowboys wear?

BoOoOts

How do you milk a ghost?

Squeeze their BoOoOoOoOoOoOobs!

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A boy from the country attended the prestigious university in the city.

With his degree, he got prizes in mathematics and metaphysics. The lad's father came up to the college to see his son graduate.

"Weel, Dr. Thompson" asked the old farmer to a professor, "And what may these mathematics be for which my son has getten a prize?"

"Mathematics is to do with ...

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Three boys go into a haunted house. One brought a knife, one brought a gun, and one brought nothing but a few cough drops.

They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobweb...

What do ghosts drink at Halloween parties?

BoOoOoZe!

Knock Knock

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Europe.
Europe who?
No, You're a poo!

How do clocks sneeze?

Watch-oo!

Why does a Chicken Coup only have two doors?

If it had four doors it would be a Chicken Sedan

Under Kennedy, America went to the moon...

Under Trump, America can't even get to Canada.



Much love from Toronto, stay safe!

A Swedish man was walking through London

A Swedish man was walking through London when he stopped a pedestrian.

"I'm sorry to bother you, sir, but I was wondering if you could answer a question about your language?"

"Why not?" The Englishman responded. "Go ahead."

"You see," the Swedish man said, "I'm a bit confused ab...

Was walking in front of my 4 year old daughter today who got me with this doozy today.

Daughter: Kock Kock!

Me: Who’s There?

Daughter: Impatient Cow!

Me: impatient Cow Who?

Daughter: MoOoooOoOOVE IT!

Me: **Proud moment**

Why do they eat snail in France?

Because they don’t have fast food.

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This is the sickest train joke I know. Be warned.

Bruce was meant to meet his friend in a bar at midday.
12:30pm, 1pm, then 1:30pm rolls around. Just as Bruce was about to give up, his friend finally strolls in with dishevelled hair and a smug grin, "Sorry I'm late mate, you won't believe what happened to me just then..."
"What?"
"Well, I...

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Two anthropologists are walking through a forest

They come across a tribe dancing in a circle chanting,

”BUMBA!, BUMBA!”

As they are taking notes they are suddenly captured.

They wake up hours later in front of the tribe and its chief.

The chief walks up to the first anthropologists and says,

”You have two option...

What did Oedipus say whenever he tasted something savoury?

Oo mommy

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A man walks into a pharmacy

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles.

The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.

He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.

She directs him down the correct aisle.

A few minutes later, he brings a huge ...

My wife an I were sat watching a documentary about plastic surgery earlier..

"Oo, I'd love a bit of that." She said, dreamily. "It'd be great to step out with a different shaped nose."
So I've swapped the doormat for a rake.

An 80yr old couple go to the doctors for a routine check up.

The doctor comes back with the results and says "Physically you are both fit as fiddles for your age. However mentally you are both beginning to lose it a bit. My suggestion for now is write things down when you think of them, that way you can keep on top of your to-do's".

So they go home, re...

A man with three daughters

Was sitting on his couch one day when his oldest daughter comes up to him and asks, dad why did you rose? He replies, well when you were born me and your mother took you to the park and a rose petal fell on you forehead, so we decided to name you rose. She accepts this and goes on her way. A little ...

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A vampire walks into a bar

This vampire walks into a bar. Says ooOOOooOOOooo boogity boogity. Bar tender says "Alright, well what'll you have?" Vampire sits down and says can I get a big glass of hot water?" Bartender goes, gets a giant cup of boiling water and says "Here. I thought you guys needed blood or something like tha...

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Yokel Logic

Two country types are sitting outside a university, when a man comes out. One of them stands up, and goes over to talk to this man.

He says ''Ello there, son. You look loike one of them clever university toipes. What is it that you're studyin' then?'

The man, slightly stunned, says, '...

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