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Eileen Jokes

Come On Eileen!

(But only if you’ve gotten proper consent from Eileen first!)

I used to date a girl who was missing a shin.





Her name was Eileen. She had a brother who was missing both shins. His name was Neil.

My ex-girlfriend's name is Eileen.

whenever I hear the song "come on Eileen" I can't help but think "I already did"

They played the Macarena, I did the Macarena. They played the Twist, I did the twist. They played Come On Eileen…

…I got kicked out for that one…

I attended prom…

The DJ played the Cha-Cha Slide, and I did the Cha-Cha Slide.

The DJ played the Macarena, and I did the Macarena.

The DJ played Come on Eileen, and now I’m not allowed within 1,000 feet of school property.

What do you call the woman with one leg shorter than the other?

Eileen.

I went to a wedding and they played "The Twist" so I did the Twist, then they played "Macerena" so I did the Macerena then they played "Come On Eileen"

And was asked to leave.

Punchline: ...Come on Eileen...

... Come on Eileen is the punchline. What is the freaking joke. I walked into a room years ago just as someone was saying the punchline and everyone laughed. I've never been able to hear the joke itself... Help

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went to a disco last night.

I went to a disco last night. They played The Twist, I did the Twist. They played Jump, I jumped. They played Come on Eileen...I got kicked out for that one.

EDIT: Added the beginning of the joke in here because somehow the name is Donald Trump now. What the fuck happened?!?!?

You guys ever have this happen to you?

You guys ever have this happen to you?

I was out at the bar the other night. They had a good band laying down all sorts of songs.

When they played the Twist, I did the twist.

When they played Jump, I jumped.

But when they played Come On, Eileen, I got kicked outta the pla...

Have you heard the Asian cover to “Come on Eileen”?

It’s called “Come on Irene”

I went to a dance.

First they played 'Jump', so I jumped.

Then they played 'The Twist', so I twisted.

Then they played 'Come On Eileen', so I got kicked out.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife suggested for sex we do something from a song...

Her friend Eileen wasnt to happy about it.

Have you met my one legged friend?

Her name is Eileen….she works at that breakfast place that just sells pancakes.

Here’s 2 jokes: What do you call a woman with 1 arm and 1 leg?

Eileen


What do you call a man with no shins?



Neil

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW John had married Eileen, as she was a rules girl, she'd kept herself pure until her wedding night.

As Eileen took off her wedding dress, John undid his shoe laces. Eileen noticed for the first time John's size 10 shoes were padded with foam he pulled his feet out of the shoes and they looked like baby feet. She said "My, haven't you got tiny feet?" John looked embarrassed, he said "I had toe-sill...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lady walks up to her neighbour’s door uninvited…

And she decides to celebrate what a fantastic year she has had!

So Eileen tells Gladys “Oh it’s been such a wonderful year. My youngest just got into law school!”

And so Gladys says “That’s nice!”

And so Eileen continues “and work has been great! I was promoted back in March act...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Books Never Written

Hey guys, don't know if you're familiar with these kind of jokes, but they were my favorite growing up, so I thought I'd post a bunch of the here. They're pretty corny, but I hope you enjoy!

*Take A Breather* by Justin Hale

*How to Become Famous* by Anonymous

*Living Long* by Di...

I was at a retro night down at the club

The DJ played "The Twist", so I did the twist. Then he played "The Macarena", and I did the Macarena. When he played "Come on Eileen", that's when the police arrested me.

When I was in college I agreed to go out dancing at a club with some pals for my friend Eileen's birthday...

I don't really like to dance, so they had to twist my arm a bit, but when I got there I started to have a lot of fun.

They played "The Twist" and I did the twist!

They played "The Hustle" and I did the hustle!

Then they played "Come On Eileen"...

My friends told me I needed to loosen up....

so we went to a club and had a few drinks, after the 5th one I was ready dance.

So I went to the dance floor and then "The Twist" began to play, and I did The Twist.

Then "The Hustle" began to play, and I did The Hustle

Then "Come on Eileen" played and I got banned from the club...

I went to a wedding dance once

When the DJ played "Twist", I did the twist. When he played "Jump", of course I jumped. When he played "Come on Eileen", well, I ended up getting arrested.

Does anyone have any suggestions for a name for a one-legged girl?

My wife is really against calling her Eileen.

What do you call a one legged waitress?

Eileen

Where does she work?


IHOP

So I went to a club on friday night...

So I went to the club near my road and the DJ started playing Jump Around so I started jumping around. Next the DJ played the Twist, so natuarally, I did the twist. Then the DJ played come on Eileene, I got kicked out.

I used to date a girl with one leg who worked at a brewery.

Her name was Eileen and she was in charge of the hops.

My wife and I are into role play. Today she said I could pick any song as a role play theme...

I hope her friend Eileen is as excited as I am.

I had a terrible night out at the club

I'm not much of a clubber, but I was starting to get the hang of it. They played "Jump Around" and I jumped around, they played "Put Your Hands Up" and I did, everything seemed to be going well. Then they played "Come On Eileen" and I got thrown out...

"I don't understand." The man said...

"They played 'Do the Hustle'. I did the Hustle...

They played 'Paint It Black'. I did that too...

They played 'Come On Eileen'. Now I'm here with you."

"I see," said the lawyer.

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs hanging on your wall?

Art.

That same guy in your pool? Bob

Same guy in your hot tub? Stew

Sitting under your car that's missing a wheel? Jack

Same guy on your porch? Matt

Same guy getting hit with a baseball bat? Homer

Same guy lying in a pile of leaves? Russel

What do you...

I went to my retro themed grad party last year...

It was a stereotypical grad party themed around the days of old. Everyone wore old clothes and had classic American food. The music was old too


First was the "Twist", and only a few people were dancing on the floor

The next song was "Jump" and the majority of the people were jumpin...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Good names

Barry McCockinner
Ben Dover
Eileen Dover
Dr. Hugh G. Rection

Give me other ones

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ike calls his wife from the police station. He says he was arrested during 80’s night at the local bar.

“What happened?”, inquired his wife.

“You see...”, Ike replies, “...they were playing 80’s music that night, and drunk me had the bright idea of doing something related to the song that was playing at that moment.”

“...Would you mind elaborating?”

“Ok then,” sighed Ike, “One tim...

I love dances at weddings ...

Especially since I'm not a great dancer. Most of the songs tell you what to do. Like when they play "Do The Twist," you twist. They play "Jump Around", you jump around ... There was, however, that unfortunate night I got kicked out when the DJ played "Come On Eileen."

Family party

Went to a family party over the weekend, there was good food, plenty of alcohol and lots of dancing.

When they played the twist, I twisted. When they played shout, I shouted.
When they played Come on Eileen, well that's when the fight broke out...

What's worse than Grease on Olivia Newton-John?

Come On Eileen

A bunch of groan-worthy one-liners

- Three guys walk into a bar. The fourth one ducks.

- Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other, "You man the guns, I'll drive!"

- Two parrots are sitting on a perch. One says to the other, "Something's fishy about this."

- Two muffins are sitting in the oven. One says, "Oh ...

Three farm boys were looking for a wife, when a girl moved in next door....

She had hair like sunshine, a smile like a new morning, and was beautiful and perfect in every way - except for one flaw. She had one leg substantially shorter than the other, and she walked kind of tilted over because of it. The first boy came to call, and asked her to marry him. She said "If you c...

A man and wife went to a new dance club...

The first song was "The Twist," so they did the twist.

The second song was "The Monster Mash," so they did the monster mash.

The third song was "Come on, Eileen." They were thrown out.

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