Three farm boys were looking for a wife, when a girl moved in next door....

She had hair like sunshine, a smile like a new morning, and was beautiful and perfect in every way - except for one flaw. She had one leg substantially shorter than the other, and she walked kind of tilted over because of it. The first boy came to call, and asked her to marry him. She said "If you c...

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What do you call a woman with one leg?

Eileen.


Did you hear about her porno?


Come on Eileen.

I went to my retro themed grad party last year...

It was a stereotypical grad party themed around the days of old. Everyone wore old clothes and had classic American food. The music was old too


First was the "Twist", and only a few people were dancing on the floor

The next song was "Jump" and the majority of the people were jumpin...

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Ike calls his wife from the police station. He says he was arrested during 80’s night at the local bar.

“What happened?”, inquired his wife.

“You see...”, Ike replies, “...they were playing 80’s music that night, and drunk me had the bright idea of doing something related to the song that was playing at that moment.”

“...Would you mind elaborating?”

“Ok then,” sighed Ike, “One tim...

I went to a wedding and they played "The Twist" so I did the Twist, then they played "Macerena" so I did the Macerena then they played "Come On Eileen"

So I was told to leave.

When I was in college I agreed to go out dancing at a club with some pals for my friend Eileen's birthday...

I don't really like to dance, so they had to twist my arm a bit, but when I got there I started to have a lot of fun.

They played "The Twist" and I did the twist!

They played "The Hustle" and I did the hustle!

Then they played "Come On Eileen"...

I got kicked out of a bar last night...

It was a goofy place, they had a “classic music” dance contest. I was the clear winner. They played “The Hustle” so I did The Hustle. They played “The Twist” so I did the twist.

But then they played “Come On Eileen”

I went to a party today

The DJ played Macarena. So I did the Macarena.

Then he played YMCA. So I did the Y M C A

Then he played Come On Eileen. So I was asked to leave.

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My wife suggested for sex we do something from a song...

Her friend Eileen wasnt to happy about it.

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When the DJ at a club played "Jump," we all jumped.

When he played "Come On Eileen," we all ended up with a court date for sexual assault.

I went to a dance.

First they played 'Jump', so I jumped.

Then they played 'The Twist', so I twisted.

Then they played 'Come On Eileen', so I got kicked out.

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I went to a disco last night.

I went to a disco last night. They played The Twist, I did the Twist. They played Jump, I jumped. They played Come on Eileen...I got kicked out for that one.

EDIT: Added the beginning of the joke in here because somehow the name is Donald Trump now. What the fuck happened?!?!?

"I don't understand." The man said...

"They played 'Do the Hustle'. I did the Hustle...

They played 'Paint It Black'. I did that too...

They played 'Come On Eileen'. Now I'm here with you."

"I see," said the lawyer.

I was at the club, dancing the other night

While on the dance floor, the DJ started playing the Twist, so I did the twist!

After that was done, he played the Bump, so I did the bump.

And after that one, the Macarena, same story.

Then 'Come on Eileen' came on... That's when I got kicked out

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Books Never Written

Hey guys, don't know if you're familiar with these kind of jokes, but they were my favorite growing up, so I thought I'd post a bunch of the here. They're pretty corny, but I hope you enjoy!

*Take A Breather* by Justin Hale

*How to Become Famous* by Anonymous

*Living Long* by Di...

What do you call a man lost in the ocean?

Bob!

The woman hanging out her laundry: Peg

The man painting a picture: Art

The man stealing cash: Rob

The lady playing tennis: Annette

The lady with one leg: Eileen

The asian lady with one leg: Ireen

The man driving a truck: Laurie

The lady p...

Family party

Went to a family party over the weekend, there was good food, plenty of alcohol and lots of dancing.

When they played the twist, I twisted. When they played shout, I shouted.
When they played Come on Eileen, well that's when the fight broke out...

I had a terrible night out at the club

I'm not much of a clubber, but I was starting to get the hang of it. They played "Jump Around" and I jumped around, they played "Put Your Hands Up" and I did, everything seemed to be going well. Then they played "Come On Eileen" and I got thrown out...

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs hanging on your wall?

Art.

That same guy in your pool? Bob

Same guy in your hot tub? Stew

Sitting under your car that's missing a wheel? Jack

Same guy on your porch? Matt

Same guy getting hit with a baseball bat? Homer

Same guy lying in a pile of leaves? Russel

What do you...

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I've got a few books you guys might like to read

~100 Yards to the Outhouse, the True Story of Willy Maket by Betty Dont

~One Legged Woman
by Eileen Offtin

~The Yellow River
by I.P. Freely

~Stripper Bliss
by Ivana Taketoff

~Lines in the Sand
by Dick Dragon

A bunch of groan-worthy one-liners

- Three guys walk into a bar. The fourth one ducks.

- Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other, "You man the guns, I'll drive!"

- Two parrots are sitting on a perch. One says to the other, "Something's fishy about this."

- Two muffins are sitting in the oven. One says, "Oh ...

I went out to a nightclub

They played the Twist, so I did the Twist.

They played the Cha-Cha Slide, so I did the Cha-Cha Slide.

They played Come On Eileen.

I'm banned from that nightclub, but I got a sweet restraining order.

My friends told me I needed to loosen up....

so we went to a club and had a few drinks, after the 5th one I was ready dance.

So I went to the dance floor and then "The Twist" began to play, and I did The Twist.

Then "The Hustle" began to play, and I did The Hustle

Then "Come on Eileen" played and I got banned from the club...

A man and wife went to a new dance club...

The first song was "The Twist," so they did the twist.

The second song was "The Monster Mash," so they did the monster mash.

The third song was "Come on, Eileen." They were thrown out.

What is worse then sweat on Olivia Newton John?

Come on Eileen

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