R Jokes - 114 Hilarious R Jokes

r/Jokes is a great place to learn English

Not just because of the vocabulary and fun, but also because reading the same thing over and over again is crucial in the learning process.

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r/Jokes Has 19 Million subscribers!

It's amazing what 7 jokes can do

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Iris‌‌h daughte‌‌r ha‌‌d no‌‌t bee‌‌n hom‌‌e fo‌‌r ove‌‌r ‌‌5 years‌‌. When she returned, he‌‌r Fathe‌‌r curse‌‌d he‌‌r heavily‌‌.

"Wher‌‌e hav‌‌e y‌‌e bee‌‌n al‌‌l thi‌‌s time‌‌, child‌‌? Wh‌‌y di‌‌d y‌‌e no‌‌t writ‌‌e t‌‌o us‌‌, no‌‌t eve‌‌n ‌‌a line‌‌? Wh‌‌y didn'‌‌t y‌‌e call‌‌? Ca‌‌n y‌‌e no‌‌t understan‌‌d wha‌‌t y‌‌e pu‌‌t ye‌‌r ol‌‌d Mothe‌‌r through?‌‌"
‌‌
Th‌‌e girl‌‌, crying‌‌, replied‌‌, "Dad..‌‌. ‌‌I beca...

George R R Martin, dead after reaching peak popularity

Just like one of his characters.

(If this trash of a post hit the front page, the title could really mess with some GoT fans, I'm just saying)

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I didn't know r/Jokes was so eco friendly

Everything here is recycled.

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Sad News: The founder of /r/jokes has passed away

RIP Larry Tesler, the UI designer that created Cut, Copy and Paste, died age 74

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R.I.P. dad

My dad passed away yesterday (this is true). He was 87 and had a good innings. We've done the bulk of our grieving and all is good. My brother sent me this message this morning:

"I reckon dad has already told Eddie Van Halen to turn the volume down."

___________________

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George R.R. Martin (OC)

I met George R.R. Martin at a book signing a while back. It was very early in the morning and there weren’t that many people around, so I actually had the opportunity to chat with him a bit. I told him I’m a huge fan of his works, and that he’s always been an idol of mine, and that he inspired me to...

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what's the fastest way to get banned from r/conservative?

source?

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Have you seen r/tifu recently.

They’re fucking nuts.

So I went on r/news today..

[removed]

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Why did Earth Day not affect /r/jokes?

Because everything is already 100% recycled.

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R Kelly is really changing the rap game

He takes the art out of rap artist

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If r/Jokes posts were like YouTube videos

Joke title: IS THIS THE WORLD'S FUNNIEST JOKE?

Hello welcome to my joke, this joke is sponsored by BackdooredVPN, get the VPN service for just $29.95 a month. Also sponsored by Microtransaction Legends, download the app for free today.

Before we share the joke we want to remind you tha...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

R Kelly sentenced to another 20 years…

Bet he’s pissed.

Open letter to the mods of /r/jokes

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The year is 2028 and r/jokes is going strong...

A new user gets on to r/jokes and sees the most upvoted joke just says "28"

The second most upvoted joke says "3915"

The third most upvoted joke says "756"

He can't see why they're getting so many upvotes, so he comments "These aren't jokes, they're numbers"

The admin rep...

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I like my r/Jokes how I like my coffee

The same damn thing every day

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George R. R. Martin, Patrick Rothfuss, and Scott Lynch walk into a bar

I'll finish writing the rest of this joke soon.

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My L‌‌esbian n‌‌eighbours E‌‌va a‌‌nd J‌‌ulia a‌‌sked m‌‌e t‌‌o h‌‌elp t‌‌hem c‌‌onceive a‌‌ c‌‌hild r‌‌recently.

They s‌‌aid t‌‌hey w‌‌ouldn't m‌‌ind i‌‌f w‌‌e d‌‌id i‌‌t t‌‌he o‌‌ld f‌‌ashioned w‌‌ay a‌‌s t‌‌hey w‌‌eren't m‌‌an h‌‌aters!

For s‌‌ix m‌‌onths n‌‌ow w‌‌e've b‌‌een t‌‌rying b‌‌ut I‌‌ j‌‌ust d‌‌on't h‌‌ave t‌‌he h‌‌eart t‌‌o t‌‌ell t‌‌hem I‌‌ h‌‌ad a‌‌ v‌‌asectomy l‌‌ast y‌‌ear.

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found on an e-mail from2004 from my uncle who has sinced passed r.i.p. jack!(long,somewhat nsfw)

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now enjoy it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives of...

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I’ve been a follower of r/jokes for a long time so here are some of my favorite ones:

One, uno, eins, un.

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What's the best joke on /r/jokes?

"Reposts will be removed at our discretion."

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Finally unsubscribed from r/nostalgia

The posts there just aren't what they used to be.

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R. Kelly had a chance to be a professional hockey player

But he doesn't like to score after the first period

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A redditor is searching for the funniest joke of all time, so he subscribes to r/jokes.

After a short while, and a few small chuckles, he realises he's reading the same shit over and over again, post after post.

"I'm never going to find a real joke", he thinks.

He sighs and tilts his head in dismay. Looking down he starts to read the thread and it hits him...

Why doesn't George R. R. Martin use Twitter?

He killed all 140 characters.

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When no one answers your r/AskOuija

You do it ___

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife left me, so I posted all the nudes she ever sent me onto r/gonewild.

The mods removed them though as they go against the rules.

They don't allow reposts.

1‌‌974 R‌‌ussians a‌‌ccidentally b‌‌lew u‌‌p t‌‌heir o‌‌wn s‌‌ubmarine, t‌‌hinking i‌‌t w‌‌as a‌‌n e‌‌nemy

Oops, w‌‌rong s‌‌ub.

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They finally did it, Reddit has made impossible for blind people to moderate their sub with the api changes. This is their last statement from r/blind

"H dhei osndhsjbw siso is koqp odjd jsoa JD djs sis ikksbs"

(I am sorry for this horrible joke and I really hope things may work out for you)

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I'm saying goodbye to r/jokes for a little while.

My wife says I'm on Reddit every 20 seconds checking it and she can't stand it anymore! I had to make a choice. So I'm going to be offline for a couple of minutes while I pack her bags.

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Dear posters of r/Jokes, could you try to be a bit more original?

My friends are really tired of hearing the same jokes over and over again.

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How many /r/news mods does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. They like to keep their subscribers in the dark.

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R.I.P. >................ boiling water

*you will be mist.*

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/r/LatvianJokes, you are Subreddit of the Day! Congratulations!

Is only joke. Is actually secret police.

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Why isn't /r/Fencing more popular?

Too many ripostes.

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I tried sorting r/Jokes by new

But all the results were from 13 years ago.

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why does Greta Thunberg like r/jokes so much?

We recycle our material every fucking day.

I browsed /r/jokes yesterday

Well I actually browsed it 5 years ago, but it's basically the same.

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I was banned from r/anarchism

For breaking the subreddit rules...

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[META] r/Jokes keeps me going

I'm sorry if this is not allowed here but I had to share. I have a bunch of health issues, severe anxiety, and depression. I've on multiple occasions felt like giving up. Sometimes, no matter how much support you have it is difficult to keep going. That's where you guys come in. I read your jokes al...

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I wa‌‌s crossin‌‌g th‌‌e stree‌‌t whe‌‌n ‌‌I suddenl‌‌y notice‌‌d m‌‌y e‌‌x gettin‌‌g ru‌‌n ove‌‌r b‌‌y ‌‌a bus‌‌

I though‌‌t t‌‌o myself‌‌, "Wow‌‌! Tha‌‌t coul‌‌d hav‌‌e bee‌‌n me!"

The‌‌n ‌‌I remembere‌‌d ‌‌I don't know how to driv‌‌e ‌‌a bus

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Why was the Jazz movie rated R

Too much sax and violins

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A 3rd grade class goes to the swimming pool... (/r/AskReddit comments section liked it and I was told that you might like it, too)

*It's a joke I know in french. So I tried to translate it and did some improvments since my first comment, too:*

A 3rd grade class goes to the swimming pool.

The lifeguard asks to the class: "Does any one of you already know how to swim?"

Then the little Dimitri, all excited, an...

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I got banned from /r/Jokes for posting, "Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms!"

Mods said I'm a cereal reposter...

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r/Jokes is looking for a new Mod

We are getting little swamped with the queues and our lives, we could really use the help of a qualified individual.

Up-mods and down-mods don't matter in this thread, so don't try to push your app to the top.

Requirements:

* **An Active User** Being a Mod is hard work and will...

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I just got banned from /r/fashion

Apparently they didn't like my threads

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An original joke walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Welcome to /r/Jokes! I don't think I've seen you here before."

Original joke replies, "Don't worry. Within a week or two, I'll be a regular here!"

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r/funny told me to post it here. So, a married couple went to the hospital

A married couple went to the hospital so that the woman could give birth to her child. Upon their arrival the doctor told them that they invented a new machine where they could transfer some of the labor pain to the father. He asked them if they would like to try it and they agreed. So the doctor se...

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Wife of a r/jokes user gave birth to beautiful twins.

He held the first baby and his eyes watered up, his heart filled with joy witnessing this miracle. He was speechless.

Then the nurse handed him the second baby, he gave the baby one hard look and handing the baby back to the nurse he uttered a single word "Repost"

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between /r/jokes and your mothers vagina?

Your mother's vagina gets some new content every once in a while.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do penises and posts in r/jokes have in common?

They're both often mislabeled as "long"

How did the swordsman annoy r/jokes?

He feinted. (Sorry)

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An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German... (x-post from /r/dadjokes)

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are all standing watching an American street performer do some juggling. The juggler notices the four gentleman have a very poor view, so he stands up on a wooden crate and calls out, "Can you all see me now?"

"Yes"

"Oui"

"Sí"<...

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It is very wrong to ask a woman how much she weighs. (xpost from r/showerthoughts)

Weight depends on the gravitational force of the planet you are on. You should ask her how massive she is.

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A Little Known Fact About the Works of J.R.R Tolkien

For his Eleventy-first birthday, instead of fireworks, Bilbo initially asked Gandalf if he could bring the band that plays Dream Police to perform a concert at the party.

This enraged Gandalf however, as Bilbo Baggins took him for some conjurer of Cheap Trick.

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/r/Jokes/ wins Friend of the Planet award!

for 95% recycled content.

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A redditor walks into r/jokes...

The redditor notices the subs new avatar and immediately leaves.

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

R Kelly found guilty of 11 counts of sexual assault

Or 18, if you ask him to do the maths

My teacher always starts her class by reading one of the posts from r/jokes, but today she’s absent.

So instead, a subreddit.

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An r/classicialmusic mod removed this one when I posted it. What's the difference between a bull and a symphony orchestra?

A bull has the horns in front and the asshole in back.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the mods of r/iamatotalpieceofshit cross the road?

To collect money from Joel Michael Singer.

Got my picture taken with R.E.M. the other day....

That's me in the corner.

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A man marches to H.R. to complain that his paycheque is $50 short.

He arrives in the H.R. office and slams his paycheque on the desk.

"This is an outrage!"

The rep apologizes for the error, then begins to investigate the issue on her computer. Suddenly, she's smirking.

"Oh, I see. You're coming here to complain that we underpaid you by $50 thi...

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I saw an R-rated movie with no blood, no nudity and no profanity

It was a little overrated

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Say what you will about r/incels being banned

But at least someone finally got them off.

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Engineer Goes To Hell (repost from r/AskReddit, all credit to armaha)

A professional engineer dies and because of some misfiled paperwork, ends up in hell. Trudging through the sweltering heat, eventually he comes across Satan and says, "You know, with a little work, we can probably cool this place off..."
At first, Satan is enraged and prepares to unleash fury on ...

The new mobile theater inside an R/V sucks.

All they show is trailers.

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What crime do we commit on r/jokes?

Manslaughter

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What sound does a frog on r/aww make?

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What did the r/memer say to his Instagram meme friend when he was showing him old memes?

I’ve reddit

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Remember the Three R's of r/jokes

Repost, reuse, recycle.

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Because it pisses off r/funny

Why would I type the punchline in the title?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is posting to r/jokes like masterbating?

Because 3 times a day just isn't enough

My best friend isn’t on reddit so I sent him an email with my latest post to r/jokes, subject: “Post for that sweet karma”. His response,

Re: post for that sweet karma

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r/atheism is like a pizza cutter

All edge with no point

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If we rated Subreddits on eco friendliness, r/jokes would be the cleanest

Because around 99% of the content is recycled

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I told my friend to subscribe to r/jokes.

He said, “But the jokes are garbage.”

I said, “They aren’t garbage, they’re recycled!”

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Now that r/funny is going dark we now know for sure...

that this is no laughing matter!

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Why won't republicans impeach Trump?

Because they insist on carrying babies to full term.

OP is here, I heard this from a friend at work:

[https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/search?q=Because%20they%20insist%20on%20carrying%20babies%20to%20full%20term.&restrict\_sr=1&type=link](https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/search?q=B...

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Three /r/Jokes mods walk in a bar..............

[removed]

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Why is r/Jokes like history?

Despite knowledge of the past, it still repeats itself.

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Did you hear the Cookie Monster got Covid?

The CDC confirmed it was the om-nom-nom-nom-icron variant.

Edit: Thanks for the gold kind stranger!

Edit 2: Thank you everyone for the awards. Just trying to brighten everyone's day with a little joke. I hope this joke spreads far and wide....like Covid. Stay safe everybody...

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

r/jokes

An average r/jokes user walks into a bar. He waits for someone else to order, then orders the same thing as if he just thought of it himself. After enjoying his drink, he goes around behind the bar and sucks his own dick.

How many r/Jokes members does it take to change a lightbulb?

All of them. Even though It's already changed hundreds of times before.

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What r/Jokes could become.

There was a large group of comedians who met every week to share jokes and swap tips and stories. However, after some time of this, they all knew every one each others' jokes by memory, and seeing each person stand on stage an tell the whole joke over and over, week after week, became quite tedious....

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r/Jokes has the best chefs on the Internet.

They can make copy pasta from last week without it being different at all!

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I got featured on r/woosh!

I still don't know why..

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R. Kelly has caught covid-19

though he would prefer covid-15

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A mod at /r/winemaking dies.

Over at /r/winemaking, the mod died and the admins wanted to replace him with a winetaster. A blind drunkard with a ragged, dirty look came in to apply for the position. Fearing potential community backlash, the admin of the subreddit wondered how to send him away. He gave him a glass to drink.
...

I found r/atheism the other day

Still can't believe it

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Typical vaguely racist bar joke [xpost r/forwardsfromgrandma]

At a world brewing convention in the States, the CEOs of various Brewing organizations retired to the bar at the end of each day's conference.

Bruce, CEO of Fosters, shouted to the Barman: "In 'Strylya, we make the best bladdy beer in the world, so pour me a Bladdy Fosters, mate."
Bob, CEO...

A physicist, a mathematician, and an engineer are all found guilty of treason and sentenced to death by guillotine.

# This comment deleted to protest Reddit's API change (to reduce the value of Reddit's data).

Please see [these](https://web.archive.org/web/20230609092523/https://old.reddit.com/r/apolloapp/comments/144f6xm/apollo_will_close_down_on_june_30th_reddits/) [threads](https://web.archive.org/web/2...

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Son: "Mom, Dad, I'm gay."

Mom: *Stares at Dad*

Dad: *Clenches fist*

Mom: "Don't!"

Dad: *Sweats Profusely*

Mom: "..."

Dad: "HI GAY, I'M DAD"

Last minute anniversary gift (x-post from r/cleanjokes)

A devoted husband has made it a tradition to buy his beautiful wife beautiful flora for their anniversary. Though his plant of choice is not roses nor tulips, but her favorite: anemone

Alas, there was no anemone in stock this year at the local nursery.

"What else can I buy my wife for ...

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I educate my kids using r/jokes

It teaches them that you gain karma by recycling trash.

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Say you're a r/Jokes member without saying you're a r/Jokes member

Ctrl + C

Ctrl + V

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A‌‌n America‌‌n soldier‌‌, servin‌‌g i‌‌n Worl‌‌d Wa‌‌r I‌‌I ha‌‌d jus‌‌t returne‌‌d fro‌‌m severa‌‌l week‌‌s o‌‌f battl‌‌e o‌‌n th‌‌e Germa‌‌n fron‌‌t lines.

Th‌‌e soldie‌‌r ha‌‌d bee‌‌n grante‌‌d res‌‌t an‌‌d relaxatio‌‌n an‌‌d wa‌‌s o‌‌n ‌‌a trai‌‌n tha‌‌t wa‌‌s boun‌‌d fo‌‌r London.

Th‌‌e trai‌‌n wa‌‌s ver‌‌y crowded‌‌, s‌‌o th‌‌e soldie‌‌r walke‌‌d th‌‌e lengt‌‌h o‌‌f th‌‌e trai‌‌n i‌‌n hope‌‌s o‌‌f findin‌‌g a‌‌n empt‌‌y seat.

Th‌‌e on...

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the Redditor subscribe to r/poop and r/jokes? NSFW

For shits and giggles.

A redditor is browsing r/jokes

A redditor is browsing r/jokes and sees a repost. They immediately comment on the joke calling out op for reposting. Later that day they are again browsing r/jokes when the same thing happens. This pattern continues until one day the op replies to the comment and says: “you aren’t here for the jokes...

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Goodbye r/jokes

A Father put his 3year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which ended by saying,
"God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa."

The father asked, 'Why did you say good-bye Grandpa?'

The little girl said, "I don't know dadd...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Every time I browse through r/jokes, I have a sense of Deja Poo.

A feeling that I’ve seen this shit before.

Why did Death come to r/jokes looking for a redditor with the username Oast?

Like everyone here on r/jokes, he came to reap Oast.

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r/house ...

... is in the middle of the street.

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How many fingers does the Dragonborn have? (x-post from r/gaming)

Four fingers and a thu'um.

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I heard R Kelly is appealing his 30 year sentence.

Said he is gonna try to swap it for two 15's

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What did P say to R?

"Dude, tuck that back in!"

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R.I.P Bob

Bob was a bus conductor-cum-driver. He had been going through rough times, with his wife leaving him for his best friend. One day on the job, he saw a young woman, probably in her early 20's signalling for the bus. Bob couldn't hold his rage in anymore and vented his frustration on the pedal, killin...

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Did you hear the bad news about r/eunuchs?

They're losing members every day.

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racecaR

Racecar backwards is racecar, but racecar sideways is how Paul Walker died.

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A guy walks into a bar and says, “O-o-one b-b-beer, p-please.”

The bartender tells him, “I used to have a stutter too. Then one day, my wife gave me head, and from that point on I was cured!” The guy gets really excited and runs out the door without ever getting his beer.

The next day, the guy walks back into the bar and says, “O-o-one b-b-beer, p-plea...

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Thank you everyone! As the newest mod of /r/news, I would like to say

[removed]

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R. Kelly in the news again--tested positive for the COVID-15 virus

...apparently COVID-19 was a little too old for him.

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