Ta Jokes - 100 Hilarious Ta Jokes

Ole and Sven are elderly friends who die in a snowmobiling accident, drunker than skunks And go to Hell.

The Devil observes that they are really enjoying themselves.

He says to them

‘Doesn’t the heat and smoke bother you?’

Ole replies, ‘Vell, ya know, ve’re from nordern Minnesooota, da land of snow an ice, an ve’re yust happy fer a chance ta varm up a little bit, ya know.’

T...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two irishmen, lost at sea...

Two irishmen are floating on a boat, lost at sea. They ran out of food a couple of days ago, and ran out of water just today, so naturally they're pretty desperate.

Out on the water, one of them spies a genie's lamp, and they both frantically paddle towards it.

One of them pull out the...

how many Indians does it take to fix a lightbulb?

Two. One to do the task and other to explain how lightbulbs were actually invented in ancient India.

A man lays sprawled across three entire seats at a posh theatre. Before the show has even started, an usher walks by and notices the man.

“Sir, you're only allowed one seat, can you please sit up?"

The man groans, but stays where he is. The usher becoming impatient with the man says "Sir, if you don't get up, I will need to get my manager involved"

Again the man just groans, which infuriates the usher as he marches off t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was TAing an electrostatics lab.

The experiment was to see what happens when you rub wool on a bunch of rods of different materials and then bring the rods near scraps of paper. One student’s lab report had this observation on what happens when you try to electrostatically charge up a metal rod and bring it near paper: “paper remai...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman gets off a roller coaster at an amusement park. Feeling dizzy from the ride, she immediately falls to the ground, unconscious.

She wakes up to find a man rubbing her breasts. "What are you doing?" she asks.

"I was just reviving you," replies the man. "When I saw you unconscious on the ground, I lightly slapped you, but nothing happened. I rubbed your wrists, but nothing happened. I even gave you mouth to mouth, but s...

A panda walks into a bar.

The bartender asks, "Would you like anything to drink?"

The panda replies, "No thanks, I'm only here to eat."

"So what would you like to eat?"

"I'll just take the fries."

The bartender serves the panda, who enjoys the meal. He asks, "Now, will your payment be cash or card...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Italian Honeymoon

After returning from his honeymoon in Florida with his new bride, Virginia; Luigi stopped by his old
barbershop in Jersey to say hello to his friends.

Giovanni said, "Hey Luigi, how wasa da trip?"

Luigi said, "Everyting wasa perfecto except for da train ride down." ...

A dog and a cat were having an argument on who is the favorite of humans

The dog says, “Humans like us more. They even named a tooth (canine) after us. Naming such an important body part after us shows that they like us more.”

The cat smiles and says, “You’re not really going to win this one you know.”

Pirate Captain: Mistar Smith, do ya know how ta write two in Roman Numbers?

Mr. Smith: II captain.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny is in grade two class when the teacher says, "Okay boys and girls, today we are going to learn a new word."

She writes the word on the chalkboard and asks, "Who knows how to say our new word?"
Little Johnny, who is sitting in the back, puts his hand up and yells, "Oh, I know, I know, pick me, pick me!"
The teacher knows Little Johnny is a troublemaker, and he will probably say something silly, s...

What does a firing squad eat for lunch?

Rata-ta-ta-touille.

A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the "Chicken Surprise".

The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot.

Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.

"Good grief, did you see that?" she asks her husband. ...

A redhead goes to buy a bull

A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their bull. The women need to buy another, but only have $500. The redhead tells the blonde, "I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram." She goes to the market and finds one ...

My 9-year old told this one today. What does Snoop Dogg say after performing a magic trick?

Ta da da da da

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day, an excited young boy is visiting the docks when he meets an ACTUAL pirate!

This pirate is the real deal: parrot on the shoulder, peg leg, eyepatch, hook hand, sword on the hip. You could not imagine a more stereotypical looking pirate.

The boy runs up to him, squealing with delight. “Oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh! You’re a real pirate!”

“Aye, laddie,” the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mac and Dave are out hunting in the woods when Dave trips over something.

He looks back and picks up a lamp, buried in the undergrowth. As he gives it a quick rub, a genie pops out.

"WHO DISTURBS MY ENDLESS SLEEP!?" Booms the genie, "MY FURIOUS WRATH YOU NOW SHALL REAP!"

Mac helps Dave to his feet and pulls him away from the angered genie.

"Ta Mac",...

What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?

"I'm in it for the longhall."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 men are captured on an island of cannibals

One of the menasks “what do you plan on doing to us”

The cannibal Chief says “we have a tradition, we’re gonna kill you, eat you, then use your skin for our canoes. But myself and the elders have decided to give you some grace; you can do yourselves in, and you can choose how”

Man #1 s...

What does a divorce and a tornado in Tennessee have in common?

They both mean someone's fixin ta lose a trailer

Joke I read on Facebook a few years ago.

A man came into a shop with a
'Salesman Wanted' sign in a window.

He went up to the owner and said, "I- I-I w-w-waannn-t the j-joooob-b."

"I don't know if this job would suit you because of your speaking impediment,"

said the owner.

"I h-h-havvve a w-wi-wiiiife and s-s...

Every hotel room was taken.

By the time John pulled into the little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere." he pleaded. "Or just a bed--I don't care where."

"Well, I do have a double room with one occupant," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you t...

Two blondes decide to start a farm.

One goes off to secure some land, and the other goes to buy some animals. Blonde #2 is bad at keeping on to money, so she purposely only takes a hundred dollars with her. Eventually she gets to a place where they're selling bulls for 99 dollars. Naturally, she buys one. But the thing is, her phone i...

Two sisters inherit a ranch...

Two sisters, a blonde and brunette just inherited a ranch. They thought that the ranch looked a little empty so they wanted to buy a bull, and together they had $500 to spend. The brunette found an ad in the paper that had a healthy bull for sale for $499, and together they decide to buy him. The br...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There were three POWs together in a British prison in the Second World War, a German, a Japanese, and an Italian.

The British began by torturing the German. After long hours of silence infected by bloodcurdling screams, he talked, and was sent back to the prison, ashamed. He told the others what he had done and urged them to be stronger than he was.

They next began torturing the Japanese man. Through all...

My friend is a Magician & a Chef.

The food is TA! DA! for.

For Star Trek fans: What did Scotty tell Kirk when The Enterprise flew over western England?

"Thar be Wales here!"

A bunch of functions are drinking in bar...

When someone yells "A differential is coming!" All the functions panic and try to hide, except e^x . One of the functions asked "e^x , why aren't you hiding from the differential?" To which it responded "I'm e^x , a differential can't do anything to me!" At that point, the differential walked in and...

It's my cake day! Here's my favorite blonde joke.

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble.

In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.

The brunette tells her s...

A man goes to the circus, looking for a job [Long Joke]

A man goes to the circus looking for a job, he approaches the ticket seller to find the ring master.

"What do you want?" Said the ticket seller.

"I have the greatest act ever, that I know is perfect for the circus, and is bound to impress the ring master"

The ticket seller thoug...

Tacos are imaginary -- a mathematical proof

tan = sin / cos (definition of tangent)

ta = i / co (cancel n and s)

taco = i (multiply both sides by co)

A Scotsman on his deathbed

A Scotsman was close to death, and asked that his sons be brought to him before it was too late.

The oldest son went in to see him and the father said:
“Son, I’m aboot to die, and I’d like ta gi ye a little somethin’ ta remember me by”

“Well, da, ye know I’ve always wanted a tartan ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman…..

An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman took their wives to play a round of golf…
The Englishman’s wife stepped up to the tee first and as she bent over to place her ball, a sudden gust of wind blew up her skirt, revealing she wasn't wearing any panties.

“Good God, my sweet pet! What e...

Ole and Lena were married for 40 years

When they first got married Ole said, "I am putting a box under da bed. You must promise never ta look in it." In all their 40 years of marriage Lena never looked. However, on the afternoon of their 40th anniversary curiosity got the best of her and she lifted the lid and peeked inside. In the box w...

Two magicians walk into a bakery

The first palms 3 donuts. He then snidely challenges the other magician to perform a trick of equal benefit. The second magician then calls the baker and asks for 3 donuts if he'd like to see a magic trick. The baker does his part and provides the donuts. The magician then eats the donuts and exclai...

What common item from a hardware store can be used to fasten a duck to a fence?

Duct ta......nope, a nail gun.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hillbilly Bouy...

A hillbilly comes back from a meeting with Donald Trump. He tells his friends, “I gots ta talk to tha President! He said evathang ud chainge whun da penis potato boat comes!

His friends look confused and one asks, “What da heck ya mean Jasper, what’s a penis potato boat?

Jasper shoot...

Mrs Donnelly: Mick? You took me husband Donnie on da trip to Guinness brewery, and heres you are alone. Where's me Donnie?

Mick: Its terrible news, miss. Donnie were leanin over one of those great big vats of stout, fell in and drowned.

Mrs Donnelly (starting to tear up): Oh lord in heaven... Mick! At least tell me he died quick.

Mick: I can't miss. He got out to pee three times.

Happy Saint...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Husband comes home to his wife, with a duck tucked under his arm.

He says "This is the pig I've been fucking." The wife says "That's not a pig, that's a duck" The husband says "I wasn't talkin' ta you."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What a strange bar (long)

A salesman had to make a cold call in a city he had never visited. He checked into a hotel the night before his presentation. Bored, he decided to take a walk and find a bar nearby. He found a nice little bar about a block away, sat down at a table and ordered a drink. He noticed 4 walnuts sitti...

I partied with lithium tantalum fluoride

it was LiTaF

What do you call pasta that you share with everyone?

Communist manipesto

[nsfw] What did the amorous potato chip say to the battery?

If you're ever ready, I'm free ta lay.
(Everyready/Frito-Lay).

I have lived with this joke shrapnel for years and I thought I would share.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Never trust a banker...

A guy walks into a bank and walks up to the teller, who happens to be an attractive young woman. The customer says, "Hey toots, great tits, I wanna open a fucking checking account. "

The teller is of course *instantly* offended. "Sir, that is insulting and sexist and I will *not* put up with ...

Since it my cake day i tell one of my favorite joke

There was this substitute teacher how had just finished teaching the lesson and was busy getting everyone working and was down to just one student not working and he ask the student why he wasn't working, the student said tell me a joke and i will. And than the teacher waving his hands at the stude...

Two sisters, a blonde and a brunette, owned a cattle ranch,

Unfortunately, their bull died. They needed to purchase a new one, but they only had $500. The brunette said she'd go to the nearest town to see if she could buy a bull for less than $500. She told her sister that if she could find one, she'd send a telegram to tell her to come in the truck to pick ...

What do you call it when a computer does something daily

A da-ta day routine

An American tourist in Paris is standing near the Eiffel tower, scratching his head.

He says to his wife, “I don’t get it. This is the third time in our lives that we’ve visited Paris and they still haven’t found any oil here.”

What was the last thing the Australian suicide bomber was overheard saying?

Tadie’s tha die ta die.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Russian and Irish wrestler.....

A Russian and an Irish wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic gold medal.
Before the match, the Irish wrestler's trainer came to him and said, "Now, don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian. He's never lost a match because of this 'pretzel' hold he has. It ties you up in ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A joke my Uncle tells. Makes me laugh every time..

Somewhere deep down south a man dials 9-1-1..

Operator: “Emergency services. Is there a problem?”

Man: “Hi, uhh ya. I jus’ came home and I foun’ my wife lyin’ dead on tha floor.”

Operator: “I am so sorry to hear that sir. How would you like us to assist you?”

Man: “Yea, u...

A man had a cattle ranch that he ran with his two daughters.

One day their only bull went crazy, broke through the fence and killed the man. The bull was injured and was attacking everything and everyone in sight. The daughters had to put him down. They needed a new bull, but they only had $1000 in cash. So one daughter decided to go to town and see if she co...

A blonde, a brunette, and a red head are running from the cops...

when the ladies duck into the proverbial farmhouse off the main road to hide.

They see three huge wooden barrels, and each climb into one to hide.

Moments later the cops bust down the door and begin their search.

They see the first barrel (with the brunette hiding inside) and...

Did you hear about the large breasted magician?

Ta-tas!

I was really feeling down about my future prospects, but then I installed a new version of Office!

It really improved my Outlook.

Ta da!

Pat and Mike work at the Guinness Brewery, and one day there's an accident. Pat calls Mike's wife, Mary, and says: "Sure, and I hate to be tellin ya this, but there's been an accident down at the Guinness."

"Saints Preserve us," says she, "is Mike alright?"

Pat responds, "I'd like to tell ya that, but it'd be a lie!"

"Ya don't mean that me Mike's been hurt?" says Mary.

"Sure, an it's worse than that," says Pat, "he's fallen inta the beer vat and drowned!"

"Oh, well" says Mar...

Paddy's and Murphy's Pigs

Paddy and Murphy went out one day and each bought a pig.

When they got home, Paddy turned to Murphy and said, "Murphy, how we gonna tell who owns which pig?"

Murphy says, "Well Paddy, I'll cut one a ta' ears off my pig, and ten we can tell 'em apart."

"Ah, tat'd be grand," says ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dwarf Buys a Racehorse

A Dwarf with a hairlip finds a racehorse for sale so he goes to see it.
He tells the man selling the horse that he will have to be lifted up to see what he needs to see, the man agrees.
the Dwarf says " furst i need ta see de eawrs"
the man lifts him up and the Dwarf says "vewy nice v...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When did the Japanese start eating eggs?

A long ta ma go

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An American moves to the Scottish Highlands...

An American moves to the Scottish Highlands. After 3 months he gets a knock on his door from one of the local residents.
"So I heard ya just moved here, an' I wanted to tell ya I was throwin' a party. Do ya want to come?"
"Sure," the American replies, "A party would be awesome!"
"But ...

Where did Michael Jackson like to vacation at?

Ta-Hee-Hee

Two Irishmen on Holiday

Two Irish farmhands, Mick and Paddy, got a holiday so they decided to go to Dublin. Lacking a vehicle they had no choice but to walk so down the road they went. Well, wouldn't ya know, after only a short while, Paddy stepped in a hole and sprained his ankle.

"Its too bad," says Mick. "Never m...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"12 Days Of Christmas - Bayou Style"

Day 1 Dear Boudreaux, Thanks for de bird in de Pear tree. I fix it
las' night with dirty rice. I doan tink de pear tree will grow
in the swamp, so I swap it for a Satsuma.

Day 2 Dear Boudreaux, You letter say you sent two turtle doves, but
all I got was two scrawny pigeon...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Underwear

Three couples were golfing, a Swedish couple, an Irish couple, and a Scottish couple.

The Swede`s wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear.

'Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any skivv...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Appolcolypse

A zombie apocalypse had enveloped the earth. 99.9% of the world’s population had been annihilated and Carl, lone survivor, was venturing the land looking for somewhere to take shelter.

One day, he came across a prison. The place was full of people armed with swords, spears, axes and all kin...

A huge thank you to my neighbour, who lent me her large sheet of plastic covering.

Ta Pauline!

A kilted Scotsman

A kilted Scotsman was walking down a country path after finishing off a large amount of whisky at a local pub. He felt quite sleepy and decided to nap against a tree.

As he slept, two female tourists heard his loud snoring. When they found him, one said, "I've always wondered what a Scotsman ...

What is it called when a programmer takes a nap?

A CS-ta

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[Long] I met a pirate...

At least, I think he was a pirate. I never asked, but he had an eye patch over one eye, a wooden leg, a hook where his hand should be, and a parrot on his shoulder. So I was pretty sure he was a pirate. Also, we were on the boardwalk by the beach, so I figured that's as likely a place as any for a p...

That's some strong detergent

A little boy goes into the only grocery store in his small rural town. He asks the clerk for a box of laundry soap. The old man at the counter asked what kind to which the little boy replied "It don't matter, I'm just usin' it ta give my dog a bath anyway." The clerk warned him "That stuff is pretty...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

McGregor-the-Bar-Builder

*A WELL-KNOWN old timer speaking to a young man in a bar in Scotland*

"Laddy, Yer see this baer here? How smooth and finely carved it is
I built dis baer wid me bare hands,
But nooooo, they dun't coll me McGregor-the-bar-builder."

*the young man is uninterested*

*even l...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man's car died in the middle of a desert.

Some days later, he was desperate to find some water or shelter, as he was some time away to die of thirst. While he was still exploring, he found something which he has never seen before: A genie lamp!

It was pretty dirty and covered with sand, so he wiped it. As soon as he did so, TA-DA!! A...

The farmer and his wife needed a new bull...

There was a man who lived on a farm with his wife in the middle of nowhere. All they owned was a truck, a few cows, and an old bull. They didn't have much, but they were happy.

One day, the farmer woke up and found that the bull had died. He went to his wife and said, "I take our money into ...

What do you call a nap in computer science class?

A CS-ta

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Good old Newfies. Newfoundland, Canada declares war on the U.S.A.

President Trump was in the Oval Office when his telephone rang.
"Hallo, President Trump, " a heavily accented voice said. "This is Archie, up ‘ere at the Harp Seal Pub in Badger's Cove, Newfoundland, Canada, eh? I am callin' to tells ya dat we are officially declaring war on ya!"

"Well Arc...

A redneck was brought into an Alabama police station...

He was led into a questioning room and handcuffed to the table. After several minutes of sitting in silence the police chief walks in and sits opposite from the redneck.

Chief: "They tell me you ran over 13 people with your car. Care to tell me what happened?"

Redneck: "Whel ya see, ay...

A Jewish and an Italian boy were growing up on the same street in the Bronx and became fast friends. Mainly because they shared the same birthday.

On their 12th birthdays, the Jewish boy receives a Rolex watch. The Italian boy receives a chrome 45 cal pistol.

Comparing what each got for their birthdays, they decide to trade. The Italian boy comes home to show his father what a good trade he's made. The Italian father slaps the boy upsid...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It took us ages to get this joke... Want to have a go?

So the theme for my [House Warming Party](http://i.imgur.com/TaE9k.jpg) was "Puns" and everyone came dressed as a pun. I sewed boxes of smarties to my pants (hardy har har). [This guy](http://imgur.com/a/yWeqt#0) arguably had the hardest one to guess. Those are sprigs of thyme. They're in white ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm a Leprechaun!

A man was at a club and after several drinks, of course he had to go to the bathroom. When he started relieving himself in the trough, he noticed a dwarf a few feet down the trough. He glanced down and saw that the dwarf was hung like a horse.

“Damn! How does a little guy like you have such a...

Ole came home from a long business trip to find his son riding a new 21 speed mountain bike.

"Vere did you get da money for da bike? Dat musta cost $500," he asked.

"It was easy, Dad," little Lars replied. "I earned it hiking."

"Come on Lars," Ole said. "Tell me da truth."

"Dat is da truth Dad!" Lars replied.

"Every night you ver gone, Sven, would come over to se...

After robbing a bank, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead

duck into an alley where they hide in potato sacks. The cops first go to the sack with the brunette in it and kick it. The brunette says, "Meow." They go to the sack with the redhead and kick it. She says, "Woof, woof." Last, they kick the sack with the blonde, and she says, "Po-ta-to."

Ole the Norwegian Insurance Salesman

Ole, the smoothest Norske in the Minnesota National Guard and a natural born salesman, got called up to active duty. Ole's first assignment was in a military induction center. Because he was a good talker, they assigned him the duty of advising new recruits about government benefits, especially the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two old farmers were talking in a restaurant.

One says to the other "We hadda send my son's wife back ta her fambly"
The other says "How come?"
The first farmer replied " found out she was a virgin, and if she ain't good enough fur her own fambly she damsure ain't good enough for mine"

A man, his wife, and his son are having dinner....

when their son refuses to eat the broccoli on his plate. His mother attempts to convince him to eat it, but to no avail.
The father suddenly says, "Don't worry, I've got this."
He stares at the child and says,
"!iloccorb ruoy taE"
His son then proceeds to casually eat his vegetables....

What's Bruce Lee's favorite drink?

WA-TA!

I think me life is like the Truman Show.

I was tryin' ta figure out what type a genre show it be.

I thought, "It might be a drama," but me life isn't sad enough.

I thought, "It might be an action tale," but alas, 'tis too boring.

"Then, perhaps, it be a comedy," I thought, but me life isn't funny, so I cast that ...

A group of 6 Irish professors and researchers walk into a bar one night...

They have a good old-time drinking, discussing theory, students and their mistakes, current research ideas, and anything and everything in between.

One researcher, who appears to be the leader of this group, orders a round of drinks for everyone and introduces himself to the barkeep as Arthu...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was this old Irish couple...

The husband is sitting at home, watching tv. The wife comes in the door from her doctor's appointment. Husband looks up and asks, "How did the doc go?"

She says "It went foin, but ah got embarrassed before it ended."

He says, " Whatcha get embarrassed fer?"

She says ...

Being a teacher is great, I only work a half day

12 hours/day.

Thank you, don't forget to tip your TA, I'll be here all week (M-F except Federal Holiday) folks!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A joke best told with an accent

I've found that this joke is best told with a Cockney or Australian accent.

So Jim an' Marty are sitting in Marty's livin' room, when Marty exclaims, "Oy, it's feckin' cold round ere. Jim, could you be pal, run upstairs, and fetch me slippers". Jim's says, "yeh, ol' right." and walks upstairs...

Two old farmers were talking about the 'good-ole-days'..

The old farmer from Texas says, "When I had my ranch, I could get up in the morning, get in my old Chevy truck, and drive all day and still be on my property."

The old farmer from Kentucky said, "Yeah, I had a truck like that once too... you shoulda gota Ford...hell, they'll get ya all th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Irishman was telling a Scott about his trouble sleeping.

The Scott asks if he’s tried counting sheep. The Irishman says that stuff doesn’t work, it’s for wee babes in mums aarms. The Scott says, “Ney laddie, werks ever time. But ‘ye got ta meek it reel lifey like in yer heed. See ever lil’ detail, ever lil’ soond dontcha do any meer wandrin bye.”
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ole, while not a brilliant scholar, was a gifted portrait artist. His fame grew and soon people from all over the country were coming to Minnesota to have portraits done.

One day, a stretch limo pulled up to his house.

Inside was a beautiful woman, who asked Ole if he would paint her in the nude. This was the first time anyone had made this request of Ole.

The woman said money was no object. She was willing to pay $50,000.

Not wanting to get in...

Friends are like potatoes.

When you eat them, they die.

According to North Korean press, Kim Jong Il has entered a sleeping contest.

Ta-da!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Irish man goes to the doctor...

An Irish man goes to the Doctor...

"Dactor, it's me ahrse. I'd loik ya ta teyhk a look, if ya woot".

So the doctor gets him to drop his pants and takes a look.

"Incredible" he says, "there is a £20 note lodged up here."

Tentatively he eases the twenty out of the man's bot...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

On the night the titanic hit the iceberg...

there is a magic show. And the magician calls up a volunteer from the audience and asks him for his watch. He takes the watch, puts it in a bag and smashes it to pieces,

At that moment a Parrot in the audience calls out "It's in 'is pocket, it's in 'is pocket".

The magician looks at ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Businessman in Japan

There was a businessman from a big company that went to Japan to close an important deal.
He didn't speak any Japanese, but he knew the Japanese President company would speak English so he didn't learn any.

After arriving to Tokyo he decided to do some city-sighting and enjoying some good ...

The realistic magician

A magician is winding down to the end of a performance, and in preparation for his final trick, he asks for a volunteer from the audience. A man comes up, and the magician says, "Okay, now I'm going to lay my head down on this block, and when I say 'abra-cadabra', I want you to smack the side of my ...

My favorite Newfie joke

I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

There was a Nova Scotian, a Prince Edward Islander and a Newfie who were running from the cops. So they go down this side street and see three potato sacks and decide to hide in them. The police come along and think there's something suspicious so...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.