Einstein Jokes

He knows it's a long flight, so he turns to the man next to him and says,

"Its a long flight, why dont we play a game? I'll ask you a question, and if you cant answer it, you give me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I cant answer it, I give you $100."

The man agrees, so Einstein ... read more

Einstein, Newton and Pascal play hide and seek together.

It's Einstein's turn to count, and he closes his eyes. After counting to 10, Pascal runs away and hides.

Newton, on the other hand, very calmly draws a square on the ground, 1 meter on each side, in front of the place that Einste... read more

One day, Einstein has to speak at an important science conference.
On the way there, he tells his driver that looks a bit like him:


"I'm sick of all these conferences. I always say the same things over and over!"


The driver agrees: "You're right. As your driver, I attended ... read more

I had always thought he was only a theoretical physicist.

Einstein is it, closes his eyes, counts to 10 then opens them.

Pascal is no where to be seen. Newton is sitting right in front of Einstein, with a piece of chalk in his hand. He’s sitting in a square drawn on the ground, a meter to a side.

Einstein says “Newton, you’re terrible, I’ve f... read more

He sits down and the bartender asks what he wants. He says "2 beers, one for me and one for the stool next to me".



The bartender pours 2 beers and asks, "are you waiting for someone?"


Albert says "No, but there is a chance that quantum fluctuations could align themselves ... read more

This is a TRUE STORY but hopefully you will find some humor in it.

Back in the early 70s, when I was a college student, I took care of the yard of a lonely widower, named Arthur, who occasionally asked me to join him for a game of chess. He resided in Paradise Valley, AZ. During WWII, Arth... read more

Einstein said to Mr. Bean: "I'll ask you a question.​If you can't answer correctly, you'll give me one dollar. Then you ask me a question. If I can't answer correctly, I'll give you 1000 dollars.

Einstein: asks a question.

Mr. Bean after a little while: gives Einstein one dollar.
... read more

But his brother Frank was a monster.

And, boy, it was about time, too!

"Sir, Sir, I finally understand your theory of Special Relativity!"

Einstein rolls his eyes, "It's about time"

Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter tells him,

"You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths that some people will go to

sneak into Heaven. Can you prove who you really are?"

Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, "Could I have a ... read more

Einstein volunteered to be "it".

As Einstein closed his eyes and counted to 100, Pascal ran away and hid, but Newton stood right in front of Einstein and drew a one meter by one meter square on the ground around him.

When Einstein opened his eyes, he immediately saw Newton and said "I ... read more

An old, funny joke - I think I saw it on reddit a while ago, but haven't seen it in a while - so here it is:

When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker's circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet ... read more

What a stroke of genius.

even his marriage was relative.

Oops, wrong frame of reference.

"It's all relatives"

It must have weighed heavily on him.

It is Einstein's turn to be it. So he covers his eyes and slowly counts to 20.

Tesla climbs up a tree, Pascal jumps behind a bush, and Newton stands right where he is and draws a 1m x 1m square around him.

"...eighteen, nineteen, twenty! Ready or not, here I come!" exclaims Einstein.... read more

Because time is relative

Yeah yeah he's called Frank and people say he's a real monster! It's really easy to make him laugh though, everyone has him in stitches

They both involve relatives.

Einstein starts counting to ten.
Pascal runs to a nearby bush and hides.
Newton stands right behind Einstein, takes out a chalk, and draws a perfect one meter by one meter square on the ground around himself.

As Einstein reaches 10, he says,
"Ready or not, I'm coming to you! Or... read more

Einstein: “Ok, what’s the 2nd thing?”

Mrs. Einstein: It’s about time.

Einstein: Wow! How did you know that?

He was a total monster.

Einstein is bored, so he suggests, "Let's play hide-and-seek. I'll be it!"

The others agree, so Einstein begins counting. "One... Two... Three..."

Pascal runs off right away to find a place to hide.

But Newton merely takes out a piece of chalk and draws a 1 meter x 1 meter squar... read more

Mars: Come over

NASA: You're 33.9 million miles away

Mars: I'm wet

NASA: I'm coming over

Einstein’s Dad: Damn son, it’s about time!

Relatively

Richard Feynman says: “It seems we are inside a joke”.

Albert Einstein says: “We are only inside a joke relative to the Reddit users, Dr. Feynman”.

Scrhoedinger says: “If someone’s gonna look through that window I’m outta here!”

Einstein: Tell me what you need, I'm here to help.

Wife: I just need two things right now, some space and time.

Einstein: Ok, so what's the second thing?

Officer: Do you know why I’m pulling you over?
Einstein: To my knowledge I’ve broken no laws.
Officer: You’re speeding beyond what we can tolerate.
Einstein: But officer, speed is relative!

He leans over to another passenger and asks, "excuse me, do you know if Boston stops at this train?"

They were all relatives.

Stroke of genius.

A man and Albert Einstein are sitting next to each other on a plane. Einstein keeps turning to the man and talking about how smart he is. Saying stuff like “oh people say in the smartest man alive”, or “I’m just so incredibly smart.” The man just ignores all of this and just reads his book. Finally ... read more

... so I guess sometimes love is relative.

His brother, Frank, however, created a monster.

But look at Albert Einstein – he was a drop-out and still ended up being the first man on the moon!

He equals emcee square.

...I have Rambo's intelligence and Einstein's muscles.

"Shall we play a game?" Einstein asked.

Mr. Bean nodded.

"Here are the rules: I will ask you a question, and if you can't answer it, you give me a dollar. Then you ask me a question and if I can't answer it, I will give you $1000," said Einstein.

"Ok," said Mr. Bean.

"A... read more

But doing the same thing over and over again and actually getting a different result - that's called Computer Programming.

He finally arrived apologizing profusely.

Einstein: "I am so terribly sorry you all had to wait. Anyway, here's my presentation."

Host: "It's about time."

Einstein: "And space!"

"Every great quote will eventually be misattributed to Albert Einstein"

MC Squared

Few things are Infinite,
The Universe, Human stupidity and the amount of times you have to tell your Mother you can't pause an online Game.

It's called "The Inconvenient Truths."

They play music with that old Al Gore Rhythm.

cuz ther al ded

See, all motion ees relative, ja?

Sorry just practicing

Einstein and an Arabic guy were on a long long train ride so Einstein said:

"Let's play a game, I ask you a question and if you don't know the answer you give me $5"

And the Arabic guy responded, "If I ask you a question and you don't know the answer you give me $100"

They agree... read more