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Einstein gets on a plane.

He knows it's a long flight, so he turns to the man next to him and says,

"Its a long flight, why dont we play a game? I'll ask you a question, and if you cant answer it, you give me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I cant answer it, I give you $100."

The man agrees, so Einstein ...

Einstein, Newton and Pascal play hide and seek together

Einstein, Newton and Pascal play hide and seek together.

It's Einstein's turn to count, and he closes his eyes. After counting to 10, Pascal runs away and hides.

Newton, on the other hand, very calmly draws a square on the ground, 1 meter on each side, in front of the place that Einste...

An easy question to Albert Einstein!

One day, Einstein has to speak at an important science conference.
On the way there, he tells his driver that looks a bit like him:

"I'm sick of all these conferences. I always say the same things over and over!"

The driver agrees: "You're right. As your driver, I attended ...

TIL Albert Einstein was a real person.

I had always thought he was only a theoretical physicist.

Einstein, Newton and Pascal decide to play hide and seek.

Einstein is it, closes his eyes, counts to 10 then opens them.

Pascal is no where to be seen. Newton is sitting right in front of Einstein, with a piece of chalk in his hand. He’s sitting in a square drawn on the ground, a meter to a side.

Einstein says “Newton, you’re terrible, I’ve f...

Albert Einstein walks into a bar

He sits down and the bartender asks what he wants. He says "2 beers, one for me and one for the stool next to me".

The bartender pours 2 beers and asks, "are you waiting for someone?"

Albert says "No, but there is a chance that quantum fluctuations could align themselves ...

Just How Smart Was Einstein?

This is a TRUE STORY but hopefully you will find some humor in it.

Back in the early 70s, when I was a college student, I took care of the yard of a lonely widower, named Arthur, who occasionally asked me to join him for a game of chess. He resided in Paradise Valley, AZ. During WWII, Arth...

Albert Einstein challenged Mr. Bean

Einstein said to Mr. Bean: "I'll ask you a question.​If you can't answer correctly, you'll give me one dollar. Then you ask me a question. If I can't answer correctly, I'll give you 1000 dollars.

Einstein: asks a question.

Mr. Bean after a little while: gives Einstein one dollar.

We all know Albert Einstein was a genius..

But his brother Frank was a monster.

Einstein developed a theory about space...

And, boy, it was about time, too!

After 5 long years of studying, a student comes rushing into Einstein's office shouting...

"Sir, Sir, I finally understand your theory of Special Relativity!"

Einstein rolls his eyes, "It's about time"

Einstein dies and goes to heaven

Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter tells him,

"You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths that some people will go to

sneak into Heaven. Can you prove who you really are?"

Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, "Could I have a ...

One day, Einstein, Newton and Pascal decided to play Hide & Seek...

Einstein volunteered to be "it".

As Einstein closed his eyes and counted to 100, Pascal ran away and hid, but Newton stood right in front of Einstein and drew a one meter by one meter square on the ground around him.

When Einstein opened his eyes, he immediately saw Newton and said "I ...

Funny Albert Einstein Joke (not mine)

An old, funny joke - I think I saw it on reddit a while ago, but haven't seen it in a while - so here it is:

When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker's circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet ...

My Nan recently claimed that she once gave a handjob to Albert Einstein...

What a stroke of genius.

Einstein married his cousin elsa.

even his marriage was relative.

A bar walks into Albert Einstein.

Oops, wrong frame of reference.

what did Einstein say when he attended the Alabama orgie?

"It's all relatives"

Einstein spent 10 years studying gravity.

It must have weighed heavily on him.

Einstein, Tesla, Newton, and Pascal are all playing Hide 'N Seek

It is Einstein's turn to be it. So he covers his eyes and slowly counts to 20.

Tesla climbs up a tree, Pascal jumps behind a bush, and Newton stands right where he is and draws a 1m x 1m square around him.

"...eighteen, nineteen, twenty! Ready or not, here I come!" exclaims Einstein....

Why did Einstein only own grandfather clocks

Because time is relative

Did you know that Albert Einstein had a younger brother...

Yeah yeah he's called Frank and people say he's a real monster! It's really easy to make him laugh though, everyone has him in stitches

What do Einstein's equations and his love life have in common?

They both involve relatives.

Einstein, Newton, and Pascal play hide and seek.

Einstein starts counting to ten.
Pascal runs to a nearby bush and hides.
Newton stands right behind Einstein, takes out a chalk, and draws a perfect one meter by one meter square on the ground around himself.

As Einstein reaches 10, he says,
"Ready or not, I'm coming to you! Or...

Einstein asks his wife what she needed from him. She replied, “Just two things, space and time.”

Einstein: “Ok, what’s the 2nd thing?”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did Einstein stop seeing his mistress?

She fell in love and he didn't anticipate entanglement

Einstein: I finally finished my theory about space.

Mrs. Einstein: It’s about time.

Einstein: Wow! How did you know that?

Few people knew about Albert Einstein’s older brother Frank

He was a total monster.

Einstein, Newton, and Pascal are hanging out one afternoon.

Einstein is bored, so he suggests, "Let's play hide-and-seek. I'll be it!"

The others agree, so Einstein begins counting. "One... Two... Three..."

Pascal runs off right away to find a place to hide.

But Newton merely takes out a piece of chalk and draws a 1 meter x 1 meter squar...

einstein love this joke

Mars: Come over

NASA: You're 33.9 million miles away

Mars: I'm wet

NASA: I'm coming over

Einstein: Dad, my paper on the Theory of Relativity finally got published!!

Einstein’s Dad: Damn son, it’s about time!

Was Einstein's theory good?


Albert Einstein, Erwin Schroedinger, and Richard Feynman walk into a bar.

Richard Feynman says: “It seems we are inside a joke”.

Albert Einstein says: “We are only inside a joke relative to the Reddit users, Dr. Feynman”.

Scrhoedinger says: “If someone’s gonna look through that window I’m outta here!”

Einstein and his wife are going through a tough time in their marriage.

Einstein: Tell me what you need, I'm here to help.

Wife: I just need two things right now, some space and time.

Einstein: Ok, so what's the second thing?

Albert Einstein gets pulled over…

Officer: Do you know why I’m pulling you over?
Einstein: To my knowledge I’ve broken no laws.
Officer: You’re speeding beyond what we can tolerate.
Einstein: But officer, speed is relative!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know that Einstein married his Cousin

Did you know that Einstein married his Cousin,
Elsa Lowenthal, after his first marriage failed in 1919.?

At the time he stated that he was attracted to Elsa "because she was so well endowed".

He postulated that if you are attracted to women with large mammary glands, the attraction...

Einstein is on a train leaving New York.

He leans over to another passenger and asks, "excuse me, do you know if Boston stops at this train?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why was Einstein horrified by PornHub?

Everything was relatives.

Why Einstein loved his parents and grandparents?

They were all relatives.

Einstein was pleasuring himself when he came up with the theory of relativity.

Stroke of genius.

Albert Einstein gets tricked

A man and Albert Einstein are sitting next to each other on a plane. Einstein keeps turning to the man and talking about how smart he is. Saying stuff like “oh people say in the smartest man alive”, or “I’m just so incredibly smart.” The man just ignores all of this and just reads his book. Finally ...

Einstein's second wife was his cousin ...

... so I guess sometimes love is relative.

Albert Einstein created many concepts for modern physics.

His brother, Frank, however, created a monster.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Einstein vs an Indian

Disclaimer: **No Offence!**

Einstein & an Indian are sitting next to each other on a long flight...

Einstein says: "Let's play a game...I will ask you a question, if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5 and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500..."


They say you can’t get a decent job without education.

But look at Albert Einstein – he was a drop-out and still ended up being the first man on the moon!

When Einstein Speaks

He equals emcee square.

Not to brag, but I consider myself as a mix between Rambo and Einstein...

...I have Rambo's intelligence and Einstein's muscles.

Mr. Bean and Einstein are playing a game

"Shall we play a game?" Einstein asked.

Mr. Bean nodded.

"Here are the rules: I will ask you a question, and if you can't answer it, you give me a dollar. Then you ask me a question and if I can't answer it, I will give you $1000," said Einstein.

"Ok," said Mr. Bean.


Einstein famously said that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

But doing the same thing over and over again and actually getting a different result - that's called Computer Programming.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sitting on a cloud in Heaven, Einstein tries to explain Hitler relativity theory. When finished, Einstein asks Hitler "Did you get me?"

"No," replies Hitler, "you died of old age."

Albert Einstein was running 20 minutes late as a guest speaker at a science conference.

He finally arrived apologizing profusely.

Einstein: "I am so terribly sorry you all had to wait. Anyway, here's my presentation."

Host: "It's about time."

Einstein: "And space!"

Albert Einstein once famously said...

"Every great quote will eventually be misattributed to Albert Einstein"

What was Albert Einsteins DJ name?

MC Squared

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Einstein's Catholic Friend (OC)

Einstein's Catholic friend was constantly pestering Einstein to attend church services with him.

"Albert, why can't you come this Sunday? You wouldn't want to miss mass."

Finally, Einstein agrees to attend service with his friend.

After the service, his friend asked what Einstei...

It's Albert Einstein, not mine

Few things are Infinite,
The Universe, Human stupidity and the amount of times you have to tell your Mother you can't pause an online Game.

Einstein, Hawking, Heisenberg and Schrödinger formed a band.

It's called "The Inconvenient Truths."

They play music with that old Al Gore Rhythm.

I'm smarter than Einstein, Hawking, Da Vinci and Aristotle combined...

cuz ther al ded

A bar walks into Albert Einstein.

See, all motion ees relative, ja?

Weinstein didn’t kill himself

Sorry just practicing

Einstein and the Arabic guy

Einstein and an Arabic guy were on a long long train ride so Einstein said:

"Let's play a game, I ask you a question and if you don't know the answer you give me $5"

And the Arabic guy responded, "If I ask you a question and you don't know the answer you give me $100"

They agree...

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