This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks into a bar

With a parrot welded to one of his shoulders and a leprechaun sitting on the other.


He says to the bartender I'll have a larger for me, an orange juice for the parrot and he winces as he asks the leprechaun "what do you want?"

The leprechaun says "I want a pint of fuckin whishkey...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

I've told this story to many naive greens before me, so self-absorbed in their own notions of human conflict and the meaning of war. Whenever I finish the tale they're always pale as Lyndon B's corrupt lyin' ass. I can't blame 'em. This story kept me up throughout my whole deployment in those damn j...

A russian village has a tradition...

...where each year they they hold a very unusal contest, that consists of 4 challenges: First, the contestants must down a bottle of vodka, then they must swim across an icy lake, third they must shake hands with a chained up wild bear on the other side, and finally they have to run to the closest v...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Three Challenges

**TL;DR:** Jokes don't have TL;DRs.

A man named Andrew walks into a bar, makes his way to the stool and asks the bartender for some Whiskey, on the rocks.

As the bartender serves Andrew his order, his eyes fall on a relatively large jar of money filled with $100 bills. He gets curious...

An Englishman, Irishman & Scotsman...

An English, Scottish & Irish soldier are caught fighting as mercenaries in a foreign land.


As prisoners of war, the General sentences each to 12 months of solitary confinement, but to show he is fair, he will give them each a years supply of a luxury item of their choosing.

...

A blonde cop stops a blonde motorist...

A blonde cop stops blonde motorist and asks for her driving license.

The Motorist scuffles around in her purse and can't find it. She says to the cop, "I must have left it at home officer."

The cop says, "Well, do you have any kind of identification?" The motorist scuffles around in ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks into a bar...

notices a very large jar on the counter, and sees that it's filled to the brim with $10 bills.

He guesses there must be thousands of dollars in it.

He approaches the bartender and asks, "What's up with the jar?"

"Well, you pay $10 and if you pass three tests, you get all the mon...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A fight breaks out at a Newfie wedding...

Chairs are flying and women are crying. The police show up and arrest all the men involved in the scuffle.

They all are brought to the court house and all you hear is chatter. "Order in my court", screams the judge. "Can someone come up and please explain what happened?".

Jimmy speaks...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 guys were at their final test to become FBI agents.

The instructor said " ok guys during this job we have a lot of information that can't be leaked. So to prove you will do anything to keep this information confidential we have each of your wives in a separate room. I want you to take this gun and kill your wife."

The first guy takes the gun g...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man wants to kill his wife

So he makes some discreet enquiries, and learns of a hitman who goes only by the name of Arthur. He contacts him, and they agree on a price of £1, which is paid up front. The man tells Arthur that his wife shops at Tesco on Saturday mornings.
That Saturday, Arthur goes to the Tesco, sees his mar...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The CIA, Mi6, and KGB all meet for a competition [LONG]

Dropped off on a deserted island each team is tasked with the same mission. Go into the jungle and catch a rabbit. Fastest time wins.

The CIA team goes first, within 5 minutes they come out with a rabbit squirming around in hand. As the the other teams seem mildly impressed.

Next,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three women are near completing their CIA Academy training...

A white girl, a black girl, and a native American girl. The three must each pass a final test. Each is told that their husband is a foreign secret agent, and that they must kill their respective spouses to prove their loyalty. The white woman first is handed a pistol and enters the room wher...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man moves out to the middle of nowhere.

He has no neighbors in sight for atleast 5 miles. About a week later he gets a knock on the door.

He answers the door and the man says, “Howdy, I’m your neighbor about 5 miles south, I just wanted to welcome to the neighborhood and invite you to my party tomorrow.”

He says “Well thank ...

A cowboy walks into a saloon…

and orders himself a drink at the bar counter. Turning to the fellow sitting next to him, he slowly utters, “Combat. Battle. Warfare. Skirmish. Brawl. Scuffle.”

The other man slams his glass down on the counter, gets up out of his seat, turns to face the cowboy, and says, “Hey, them’s fightin...

An Englishman, a Scotsman and a Welshman...

An Englishman, a Scotsman and a Welshman meet by chance in a tavern. After a brief but vicious scuffle, they all agree to put their differences aside and work together...to beat up the Irishman tending the bar.

She knelt before me..

Enquiring about a recent loud fight between the couple, Jacks neighbour asks him how did the scuffle end?

"How did you think it would?....She had to kneel before me" says Jack.

Suprised and growing a little proud of him, his friend asks "Really? She knelt before you?"

Looking a...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.