This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Never look up to birds for inspiration

cause they’re most likely to shit on you, and your ideas.

I could never be Prime Minister. Imagine the thousands of people below you, looking to you for inspiration.





It's like being a great grandfather in a Muslim family

Did you know that in 1968 Paul McCartney got inspiration for a song after tasting something off in his home’s drinking water. He then had his water tested and went down to the county to get the results. The clerk read his file and looked up at Paul and said….

“Lead it be.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A couple were at a pharmacy when they noticed a real old man buying Viagra

The woman nudged her partner (while pointing at the old man) asking to take care of her even when they get old.

Inspired by the old man, the man goes up to him to thank him for being an inspiration. He then asks him, how did they keep the fire alive for so long?

The old man replied, “...

Helen Keller was truly an inspiration,

She was able to learn how to read and write despite being from Alabama

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Every time I see someone posting lyrics of inspirational songs on social media, I get really pissed off.

But I will survive.

An artist, accountant and engineer have lunch

The conversation turns to their lives, and then their partners and relationships.

The accountant says "Marriage for me. I love my wife, she's my rock, she's always there for me, I'm nothing without her. I owe her everything."

The artist says "I'd never marry. I am lost without my mistr...

My son Luke loves that we chose Star Wars characters as inspiration when naming my kids.

However, his sister Chewbacca and his brother Boba Fett are less amused.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I guess I’ll take inspiration from the Iraqi joke and try to translate this Armenian joke. A kid is in PE class...

The teacher yells “Lift up the right leg.”
The children lift up their right legs.
The teacher yells “Now lift the left leg.”
The kid shouts “What the hell? Do you expect us to stand on our dicks?”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I participated in a joke writing competition on this sub three years ago.

The mods laid out 4 simple rules quite clearly:

1. For the following two days, all posts on this sub would be considered as entries for the competition.

2. The post with the most upvotes would be declared as the winner, i.e., the best joke. The number of upvotes until the end o...

It was time for the Sunday morning service to begin but there was no trace of the main preacher.

A young priest was asked to take his place. Worried out of his mind, he went to the bishop's room. "What shall I do, bishop? They're asking me to give a sermon and I don't have anything prepared!"

"Trust the Lord, good man, trust the Lord." said the Bishop. Having found no solution, the pries...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

hard inspiration

life is a dick sometimes, but when it's got you on the floor locked up giving it to you hard you just gotta grab life by the balls and say "I'm gonna ride this out till the end"

Reddit is an inspiration on how to be eco friendly

Considering that 90% of content is recycled

A man walks into a pet shop and says “I purchased a parrot from this store a week ago and he has not yet spoken.”

The store owner says, “Well, some parrots are slower learners than others. Here’s a book of simple phrases you can teach your parrot.”

The man accepted the book, paid for it, and left.

The next day, the man walked into the store and said, “That bird still won’t talk.”

The store ...

A general visits an army hospital to check on the conditions and inspire the troops.

Its WWIII, trench warfare is living hell, and the men could really use some inspiration. The general starts talking to the wounded soldiers.

He goes up to the first man and says: “What brings you in here son?” The soldier replies: “sir, I got dysentery in the trenches, something awful.” The g...

I hope Terry Fox's cross country treks in the Marathon of Hope was an inspiration to all

not to skip-leg day.

My grandad is a real inspiration to get healthy, he starting running a mile a day when he was 65....

Now he is 70, we have no idea where he is

The other day I tried to be inspirational by saying "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take"

And now I'm banned from AA for life

"Master Ludwig," said Beethoven's manservant one day, "where do you get your inspiration from?"

"Why, from you of course, dear Heinrich!" Beethoven answered.

Heinrich slapped his thigh in delight. "Oh, what a joker you are, master! A genius like you inspired by a dullard like me! That's a good one. Ha-ha-ha-*haaaah*! Ha-ha-ha-*haaaah!*"

Seeking inspiration, a screenwriter goes to the holy place of Golgotha in Jerusalem, believed to be the site of Jesus's crucifixion. Finding a quiet spot, he begins to write. Unfortunately, a group of thieves sneak up behind him, knock him out, and steal his laptop.

Another victim of a cross site scripting attack.

What did the incel say, when he had a sudden bout of inspiration to change his outlook on life and start approaching attractive women, in a confident manner?

Begone,thought!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I found the real life inspiration for the island from Fortnite!

The Virgin Islands

My best friend’s marriage is such an inspiration.

A reminder that there are worse things in life than dying alone.

I've always wondered about the inspiration for the band name Jefferson Airplane

but I think we all know it's a historical reference by now.

Amy Winehouse has become a real inspiration for me

She's going on 6 years sober now.

Im an inspiration

I rebuilt chernobyl with my own 3 hands

My Gramps just passed away. This was his favorite joke to tell.

*Sorry for the meta of this, I'm still reeling a little. I post two or three (or ten--sorry for breaking rules) jokes on this sub every day. A lot of them are simply awful, but they're all original, and my Gramps was a huge inspiration for me becoming a comedy "writer." But this is an old joke, and ...

Inspirational quotes to live by until I got divorced

# Here's the original 7 quotes to live by:

1. Make peace with your past, so it won't disturb your future.
2. What other people think of you is none of your business.
3. The only person in charge of your happiness is you.
4. Don't compare your life to others. Comparison is the thief o...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

2020 Holiday Album

We're getting ahead of the curve and releasing this year's 2020 Holiday Album including such hits as:

1- Baby It's Covid Outside

2- Walking In A Pandemic Wonderland

3- Grandma Got Ran Over By A Protestor

4- Karen, Did You Know

5- Zoom Christmas

6- Frosty The...

A disabled bald eagle gets canceled

I recently signed a publishing deal on my inspirational children’s book about Ebert the one winging eagle who overcomes his disability and learns to fly. It is quite the heartwarming tale but I had to call it off due to all the backlash. People were outraged that he was literally a right wing extrem...

The jester and the king

It's a well known fact that humorists are more intelligent than the run of the mill average joe on the street. It's also a well known fact that it's not always a good idea to flaunt those extra smarts.

One day, the royal court was lounging around in a bored state. Without thinking, the jeste...

How does Lil Wayne get inspiration for his new music?

He listens to his old music.

Donald Trump is an inspiration to all new College graduates.

He is in the final interview rounds of a job he has zero experience for.

Italian Anniversary

At the church's husbands' marriage seminar, the Priest asked Luigi, on his upcoming 50th
wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he managed to
stay married to the same woman all these years.

Luigi replied to the audience "Well, I've-a tried ...

What's a Canadians favorite song?

Y-M-C-EH


Sorry if it's been told before, inspiration by u/photogent

My grandmother is an inspiration! At 84 years old she went to medical school.

She's a cadaver.

My grandfather died last night. They couldn't figure out his blood type in time to give him a transfusion. He was such an inspirational guy to the very end though, I'll never forget his last words to me.

"Be positive"

Tall people don't need to be inspirational

Everyone already looks up to them.

Of all the people in my life that have inspired me to achieve greatness...

I would say the most inspirational was an obese man I saw cliff jump into the sea.

He had a massive impact.

That priest from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom was actually a really inspirational guy.

He touched so many hearts.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

i watch inspiration

Lester is struggling through a bus station with two huge and
obviously heavy suitcases when a stranger walks up to him and
asks "Have you got the time?"

Lester sighs, puts down the suitcases and glances at his wrist.
"It's a quarter to six," he says.

"Hey, that's a pretty ...

Stephen Hawking is an inspiration

He's earned millions in the past 10 years without lifting a finger.

How is a joke like a frog?

If you have to dissect it, it's probably already dead.

See, because a common practice in laboratories, whether inhabited by students or professionals, is to dissect an animal, usually a frog, to understand the internal workings of it's body. Of course, this animal would be in a lot of pain if...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I find it inspirational to watch videos of people who are good at their jobs but it makes my wife furious.

I guess she doesn't want me to be as rich and successful as porn star.

A man is looking for inspiration,...

...and decides to open up his Bible to a random passage. He found the passage in which Judas hung himself. "Well, that's no good," the man said to himself, "I'll try again." He then turned to a passage that read, "Go and do likewise."

Timbuktu

This one I got from Playboys joke page in the late 80s.

Two guys with identical education and experience were applying for the same marking position in a company. The hiring manager could not decide which one to give the job offer to, so he calls them both in for a final interview at the sam...

I was watching the paraolympics and it was so inspirational

My little boy turns around to me and says "daddy, when i grow up, i want to be disabled!"

Do you know what I hate? Inspirational quotes

Because no matter what you read, only you can be the driving force behind your success.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A priest and a shepherd from Australia participate in a TV game.

After answering all the questions, there is a tie. So both are given one final assignment. It is to write a poem in three minutes, using the word "Timbuktu". It is city in Africa.

The priest returns with the fruit of his inspiration:

"I was a father all my life,
I had no children...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.