Tangle Jokes - 64 Hilarious Tangle Jokes

Do you know what happens when your designer jeans get tangled in the dryer?

Guess knot

What do you call it when a snake gets tangled up?

A reptile disfunction

What do you call a tangled rope on International Space Station?

Astroknot

Still my favorite joke I ever made up. :)

A monocle walks into a bar. After a few drinks he starts to feel pretty good (and a little uncoordinated). He reaches for a cigarette, but the bartender stops him. "Sorry, buddy, but due to city ordinances we don't allow smoking in here. You'll have to step outside to smoke."

So the monocle h...

Did you guys hear about the elf who got tangled up in sleigh bells on his way back to Santa's workshop?

They said he jingled all the way.

If you hear, "Oh, what a tangled web we weave"

There's usually a looming problem.

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(nsfw) A couple experimenting in the bedroom got into a bit of a tangle...

... it was complicated ass fuck

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I will swallow a tangled up rope right now if you dare me

I shit you knot

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During the War, some German PoWs were working in a field in England when one of them called out to the guard.

By the bank of a nearby river a small boy was screaming for help. His dog had jumped in the river and couldn't get out. The German yelled "I go help, *ja*?". The guard gave him the okay and the German ran and jumped in the river.

In a few moments he had freed the dog from the weed it was tang...

Earbud tangles are so bad...

Even the smartest people currently alive are having trouble untangling earbuds...

Like Stephen Hawking

I was really looking forward to Disney's portrayal of Rapunzel when Tangled first came out...

...but her hair was such a let down.

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Entrance to Heaven

Three men die on Christmas Eve and go to heaven, where they’re met by Saint Peter. “In order to get in,” he tells them, “you must each produce something representative of the holidays.”

The first man digs into his pockets and pulls out a match and lights it. “This represents a candle of hope....

A furious lady marches into the eye clinic's reception area and shouts at the receptionist, "Who stole my wig during my eye surgery yesterday?"

The doctor immediately rushes out to pacify her. "I assure you, no one on my team would do such a thing. What makes you think it was stolen?"

The woman replies, "Well, before the procedure, my wig was perfect, but when I woke up, it was a tangled mess, and made me look ugly and cheap."
<...

Why is your pig missing a leg?

Why is your pig missing a leg?

-Well, one day I was working at the barn when i accidentally dropped my gas lamp and everything caught on fire, the whole barn was surrounded by the flames and there was no way out. I was pretty sure I was going to die, but suddenly, my pig came running through ...

What do you call it when two Nissan Cubes get into an accident?

A wreck-tangle.

What would you call the Bermuda Triangle if it had four edges?

The Bermuda wreck tangle

A string walks into a bar.

The bartender says, "We don't serve strings in here."

So the string goes outside, tangles itself up, mashes itself up a bit, and walks back into the bar. The bartender says, "Aren't you the string that was just in here?"

"No. I'm a frayed knot."

A group of cows is called a herd; what do you call a group of snakes?

A tangle.

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One day an old man is sitting in his porch when a young boy walks by holding some chicken wire

He tells out “What’re you gonna do with that?” The boy replies “Ima catch me some chicken” The man thinks to himself “That can’t be right”. Well about 2 hours later though, the boy comes back with a bunch of chickens tangled in the wire. The next day the man is on his porch and he sees the boy with ...

Make a sentence with Defence, Defeat and Detail...

Little Johnny was back from his summer break where he'd toured the Italian countryside.

The language teacher wanting to spur grey matter in the classroom asked the children to make a sentence with defence, defeat and detail.

After a few minutes of silence Little Johnny raised his hand...

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In the evening of 24 December 1944...

...a team of Allied commandos were taking advantage of the German revelry, sneaking behind enemy lines to kill or capture the kommandant of the nearby Nazi base, Klaus von Braun.

From their position in the shadows, they watched the kommandant as he passed from soldier to soldier, thanking...

I tied two Disney DVDs with strings and placed it inside the freezer.

It's Tangled and Frozen.

A blonde is walking past a pasture

Being curious about various farm animals and seeing a farmer nearby she asks him "How come those cows don't have horns? I thought cows have horns." Farmer, happy to explain the situation to polite woman nods and says "You see miss, we often remove horns from cows. That way they don't get into accide...

The ranchers

Two ranchers are out working on some fence. They happen upon a calf that is entangled in the wire. The older, more experienced rancher, Bill, looks at the younger one, pulls his pants down and begins to have his way with the calf. When he’s done, he looks at his protege, Ralph, and says, “your turn....

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Halloween at a Hospital.

An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset.

Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another and stayed put.

He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea an...

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A retiree is sitting on his porch one afternoon, when little Johnny walks by...

...pulling his little red wagon, loaded with a whole bunch of wire, behind him.

"Hey Johnny, " calls the retiree. "Whatcha got in the wagon?"

"Chicken wire, " says little Johnny.

"Whatcha gonna do with that, Johnny?" asks the retiree.

"I'm gonna catch me some chickens!" s...

My 7 year old daughter just told me this

What do you watch when you’re brushing my hair?

Tangled

Why couldn't the quadrilateral comb out her daughters hair?

Because it was a wrecked tangle

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John was walking by the old man's house with some duck tape

"Whattaya doin' with that duck tape?" The old man asked.

"Gonna catch me some ducks!" John replied.

The old man was skeptical, but 20 minutes later, John walked by with 5 ducks attached to the tape.

The next day, John walked past the house with some chicken wire.

"Whattay...

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A man's bathroom was broken and he really wanted to

A man's bathroom was broken and he really wanted to do a number 2. The best alternative he could think of was to do it on a bedsheet, grab the bedsheet and get rid of everything by throwing it out the window. It fell on a drunk man who was sleeping under his window. He woke up startled and he starte...

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Fishing trip

Two guys vacationing in Florida decide they want to go fishing. So they go into town and enlist the help of a local redneck who says he knows the perfect spot.

The guys grab their gear and head out on the hike. Along the path they come across a sheep tangled up in a barbed wire fence.
...

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A man and his girlfriend are driving down the road.

A man and his girlfriend are driving down the road. The woman decides to tease him and begins to remove her clothes. The man becomes distracted and loses control of the car, eventually hitting a tree. The car becomes a tangled wreck, and the only thing that is thrown from the car are the girlfriend ...

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A husband suspects his wife is having an affair.

But he fails to gather the adequate proof necessary to blame her.
One day after coming home he sees her wife in bed, stark naked.
"So my suspicion was right! Where is that bastard?" he shouts in anger and swiftly rushes to look for him.
He doesn't find anyone but right when he was about to ...

My dad wants me to help him buy a tablet, but I'm not gonna do it.

There's no way I'm getting tangled up with these black-market antiquities dealers.

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So, there was this accordion player who just finished his 4th bar mitzvah of the week. He tossed his accordion in the back of his '92 Geo Metro hatchback and took off for home.

As he drove, he rolled the windows down (with a manual handcrank) because his air conditioning was broken.

He tried to play his favorite cassette tape, Polka Floyd, but the music screetched to a halt as the tape from the cassette got hopelessly tangled in the tape deck.

More than a li...

2 Monocles walk into a bar

The new bartender can tell that they are already well on their way to intoxication but obliges them anyway when they order 2 shots.

As the night goes on they continue to get drunker and drunker and their behaviour becomes obnoxious. From loud arguments to inappropriate comments to women and e...

The unlucky man

There was a very unlucky man , who whenever starts a job, they go bankrupt in a week, whenever he goes to a wedding, they get divorced in a month, whenever he buys a car, it get wrecked in days, ...etc

one day he decided to run away, thinking that even if he brings his bad luck abroad, ...

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A Letter To Jesus

Some workers at the post office are sorting through the mail when they see a letter addressed to Jesus Christ. Baffled, they decide to open the letter, which reads as follows:

"Dear Jesus, I'm writing because I'm in a bind and I don't know where else to turn. I've talked to all of my so-call...

Tommy at the rodeo

A city slicker, named Tommy, was on vacation in Texas. His hosts, being very hospitable, invited him to the local rodeo especially to see the greatest bucking bronco of all time, Blue Steel.

Blue Steel was famed and renowned throughout the West for being the toughest meanest horse there ever...

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Smart Dachshund

An rich old lady decides to go on safari in Africa, along with her little pet dachshund, Frankie.
They set up camp and it isn't long before Frankie begins to explore his new surroundings.
Suddenly he finds himself far from the camp and feels eyes on him. Up in a tree is a large jaguar, ready...

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Three men were patiently waiting in line to get into heaven.

When they finally got to Saint Peter, the angel said to them: "We're only admitting one out of every three souls right now due to overcrowding. Whoever has the most tragic death of you three will be getting in today."

Saint Peter turns to the first man and asks him how he got here.
The man...

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The pirate

A man walks into a pub down by the wharf and sits at the bar next to a man with an eyepatch, a hook on his right hand and a wooden leg. The man exclaims, " Wow you must be a pirate!" How did you lose your leg? The pirate looks over and says, "well lad it was my first day onboard me ship, I haven't q...

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The story of the magic Fairy in the wood!

A guy wonders in the woods, seeking for mushrooms

he picks up one, and by magic a fairy APPEARS!

"Hello, im the magic fairy you've been very nice boy, i will grant you ONE wish" say the fairy

the guy, in shock, shruggs

"hmm..Well..**hehe**.., im a waiter..in a restaurant...

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A man goes to the hospital for a routine operation.

He goes under, and comes to alone in a hospital bed with an IV. Moving around, he notices the white hospital sheets are covered with shit. He literally shit the bed. Completely embarrassed and panicking about what the nurses will say, he takes them off the bed and tosses them out the window onto the...

T'was a wet and rainy Christmas eve...

...when santa landed on our roof.

The slippery condition were quite treacherous,

as a reindeer missed its hoof.

Santa and his reindeers came sliding down.

I would've laffed if it was a clown.

One by one, they got tangled in the lights,

and came crashing down...

3 men arrived at the gates of heaven.

God said he would only allow them in if they had a funny story of how they died.

The first man was a window cleaner, working on the 14th floor of an apartment building. Suddenly, his scaffolding broke, and he fell. Luckily he was able to grab onto the windowsill of a 13th floor apartment. Bef...

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A married couple have just moved to a new neighbourhood. They have a wonderful sex life.

I'm translating this joke from my mother language, I hope you like it.

A married couple have just moved to a new neighbourhood. They have a wonderful sex life. Every night the neighbours hear their moans and screams of lust.

One day the wife heared someone knocking on their door. She o...

I went to a rope store today

looking for some rope. I ask the clerk what the best general use rope is and he brings me aisle after aisle, showing me various types of rope and different knots.
We get to one aisle, and there is nothing there except a single, medium sized box.

I promptly ask the clerk about it and he te...

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Two men start talking at a high school reunion.

“It’s been a long time, what have you been up to?”

“I’m a business man now, I run a very successful company”

“Ah, I can see that by the briefcase and suit”

“What do you do?”

“Oh, arrr, I’m a pirate.”

“Ah, I see that by your peg leg, hook and eye patch. How did you ...

Two newfies are walking down a path...

They see a sheep tangled up in a fence. The one says "man, I wish that was a pretty lady" to which his friend replys "i just wish it was dark"

So, a piece of string walks into a bar...

... And asks for a glass of water, and the bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve string." So, the string, furious with himself, storms out, angry. He starts thrashing around and pulling at himself, until he finds himself all tattered and tangled. He walks back into the bar, again, and asks for a dri...

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A wise old man walks out his door one morning to sip his coffee and take in the dawn of a new day.

As he adjusts his view towards the street he sees a boy pulling a wagon with something in it in the direction of town.

He addresses the boy and asks "young man, what do you have in your wagon this morning?".

The boy replies "it's chicken wire sir."

Man "well what are you going t...

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Little boy walks by a farmer

Little boy goes walking by a farmer carrying some chicken wire.
"whatcha doin with that chickenwire?"
Says the farmer.
"gonna catch me some chickens!"
Says the little boy.
"you can't catch chickens with chickenwire."
Says the farmer.
The little boy just walks on.
At...

There once was a young engineer...

There once was a young engineer, who after having worked for several years, decided that he and his family should have a weekend getaway place. He searched the surrounding country and found a lovely spot with frontage on a small river. He and his family built a cabin and began spending time there ev...

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A man is out of town on a business trip, and he decides to go looking for some action.

He finds and enters a bar, and is pleased to find that there are several good-looking women inside. Not just good-looking, actually, but beautiful, and all dressed to the nines in sexy outfits, made up to look their prettiest. It's what the Army calls a "target-rich environment". The only problem is...

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The old man and the boy

There once was an old man who sat on his porch all day and watched life go by. It was relaxing and interesting for him. One day, he saw a neighbourhood boy walk past with some chicken wire.

He shouted "Why you got all that chicken wire boy?" to which they reply was "Gonna catch me some chick...

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An old man is sitting on his front porch

An old man is sitting on his front porch one morning when he sees little Johnny coming down the street with a roll of tape strung out behind him. Curious, the old man calls out “What ya got there Johnny?” and little Johnny calls back “I got me some duck tape. I’m gonna catch me some ducks.” The old...

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So this old farmer is sitting on his front porch one morning...

...with his cup of coffee and reading his daily newspaper. After a little bit, he notices young little Timmy walking down the road carring a roll of chicken wire. The farmer stands up and shouts

"Boy! Whatchu fixin' to do with that chicken wire???"

Young Timmy stops and shouts back "...

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Grandpa and his grandson go fishing

A grandson and his grandpa go fishing. The boy struggles putting his bait on the hook, so Grandpa takes it from him and does it himself. The boy, frustrated, asks,"Grandpa, why cant I bait my own hook?'' Grandpa replies, "Does your dick reach your asshole?" "No." "Then you can't do it." The boy gets...

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An old man is sitting on his porch....

As a young boy strolls by holding a spool of chicken wire.
''What're ye fixin to do with that chicken wire son?'', he asks.
''I'm gonna catch me some chickens sir!'', the boy proudly states.
Half amused, the old man laughs.''Ye don't use chicken wire to catch chickens boy!?!'' But the young...

Three men are waiting to get into heaven...

And St. Peter stops them at the gate and says, "I'm sorry we're almost at our quota of people we're going to let into heaven today, so only the man who had the worst time getting here is going to get in. "

The first man steps up and says, "That has to be me. I came home from work early and I ...

Farmer John had the prettiest wife in town--we're talking a real dish

--and every many in town wanted her. Sam Spoon wanted her the most, and he had a plan to get her. Every day Farmer John would drive his truck to the base of his pasture to feed his prize cow, Bessie. Farmer John'd throw hay over the fence and ring a big cowbell, and when she heard it, Bessie'd come ...

Three men die on the same day, at the same time, at the same hotel

They are brought to the devil and all three insist that he is an innocent victim.

The first guys says, " I was staying with my wife in room 606. When I got back from work and opened the door, I noticed an unfamiliar set of men's shoes. My wife was out, so this must be a theif. I looked around...

There is a line at the pearly gates and St. Peter says,

"Ladies and Gentlemen, heaven has reached its capacity. We can only take in ten more souls, so we have decided to take the ten that have the most interesting story of their death."

Many souls tell their tales and St. Peter grants nine souls their entry. The very next soul that comes up has on...

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