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NSFW. A man went to the ice cream shop and ordered a chocolate cone...

“I’m sorry, Sir, we’re out of chocolate.”

“Oh, that’s too bad. I’ll have a chocolate cone with sprinkles then.”

“I’m sorry, Sir, but like I told you, we’re out of chocolate.”

“How about a chocolate/vanilla twist, then?”

“Let me ask you something. How do you spell the ‘va...

Whenever my Muslim roommate goes to pray, I sit next to him with some apple pie and ice cream.

Then both of us are in A La mode.

What ice cream can Ernie never refuse?

Sherbet.


*jazz hands*

What did Ernie say when Bert asked if he wanted ice cream?

Sherbert!

An ice cream, a creme brulee, and a slice of cheesecake joined the army, but they abandoned their fellow soldiers on their first deployment

They are wanted for dessertion

I have a lactose intolerant friend who sells ice cream for a living.

He can’t take it, but he can dish it out.

What’s the difference between vanilla and French vanilla ice cream?

Cowardice.

What is a hunter's favorite ice cream flavor?

Moose tracks

If Ice Cream Required a Prescription

Each scoop would cost $300 negotiated down to a mere $50.

It would only be available at the pharmacy across town.

You would have to buy 200 pounds at a shot and store it on your own.

There would only be one flavor, black licorice.

It'll take 20 years for a generic ice...

What’s the motto of an ice cream shop in paradise?

Heaven ice day

What do you get when you put M and Ms on vanilla ice cream?

Ice ice Shady

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An elderly lady walks into an ice cream parlor.

She says to the man behind the counter, "what flavors of ice cream do you have?"

"They're listed on the sign. We have chocolate and vanilla," he answers.

"I'll have a scoop of the strawberry," she says.

"We don't have strawberry," answers the man.

"Well, then, I'll have s...

I met an anarchist ice cream maker

Some men just want to watch the world churn.

Why did the ice cream van break down?

There was a rocky road!

The local Ice Cream man was found dead on the floor of his van, covered in nuts, sprinkles and sauce.

The police think he topped himself.

Where does Goku keep his ice cream?

In the Freiza.

The ice cream truck is going down the street

And a lady runs after it but it doesn't see her and keeps going. She keeps following until the driver sees her in his mirror. He stops and shes out of breath

Truck driver: “hey, sorry about that, I didn't see you, what can I get you? “

Out of breath she says “I just wanted to tell you....

Hey Jeff, got any ice cream in the freezer?

Jeffrey Dahmer: Nah man, only Ben and Jerry

What's that Italian dessert called where you pour espresso coffee over ice cream?

Everyone I ask can't remember either.

What do I do when I learn that the ice cream man is a serial killer?

Ice-scream

The ice cream

A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "N...

Our local ice cream van was found ....

When the police checked it over they found the vendor inside on the floor. He was covered in raspberry syrup, chocolate sauce, “ hundreds and thousands”, chocolate flakes and pink sprinkles. Their current theory is that he had topped himself.

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A little boy goes to the ice cream parlor

He says: i only have money for one ice cream ball, but can i have two?

The seller says: no

But the boy said: please, please i cant decide

So the seller asked the boy: wich ones would you like

The boy said happily: two balls of chocolate please

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A Grandpa and his Grandson go for ice cream.

The grandpa takes him to a special ice cream store and says:


"Here, this is a pussy flavored ice cream cone."


The grandson takes a couple licks.


"Grandpa, this tastes like shit."


"Son, you're taking too big a licks."

Why did the waitress say when Rick Astley asked to fast track his order of apple pie and vanilla ice cream?

I"m never gonna run around and dessert you.

Have you ever seen something so attractive and so hot that it makes you melt like ice cream when you see try to get close to it?

I haven't. I think I'm seeing stars.

I've just lost my job as an ice cream tester.

I couldn't do sundaes

What flavor ice cream do Jedi like best?

Obi-Wan Spumoni

Just went to the store and bought milk, cereal, juice and ice cream.

Cashier: “You must be single, right?”

Me: “Yes! How did you know?”

Cashier: “Because you’re ugly.”

How do ice cream trucks claim their routes?

An all out fight with another ice cream truck.

This is what's known as a cold war.

Got an ice cream for my girlfriend

Best trade i ever made.

A penguin sent his car to the mechanic before going to the ice cream shop...

He ordered vanilla ice cream and gobbles it down before going back to the mechanic.

Mechanic: It looks like you blew a seal.

Penguin: Ah no that’s just ice cream.

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Give me some chocolate ice cream, please!

she said to the clerk.

"I'm sorry, ma'am, we're out of chocolate".

"Ok, then, give me some chocolate ice cream".

"I told you, we don't have any!"

"Well, I'll settle for chocolate ice cream".

The exasperated clerk says
"Can you spell 'straw' as in st...

Why did the little boy drop his ice cream cone?

He got hit by a bus.

There's an upcoming show featuring the woman from Tiger King and Batman's sidekick, going around and reviewing ice cream parlors

Carole Baskin And Robin's

An old man walked into an ice cream parlor

and pulled himself gently, painfully, up onto a stool…

After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.

The waitress asked kindly, ‘Crushed nuts?’

‘No,’ he replied, ‘Arthritis.’

If an ice cream shop had 69 flavours. It would be called a ...

... nice cream shop.

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Onion-Flavored Ice Cream

One day this kid walks into an ice cream parlor and asks the guy behind the counter "Do you have onion-flavored ice cream?"

The guy says, "No, we don't have onion-flavored ice cream."
So the kid says, "Ok" and leaves.

The next day, the kid comes back in and asks the same question...

I love Valentines Day. The bottle of wine. The Heart-Shaped Ice Cream Cake...

Taking them home and eating them alone while crying and watching youtube videos.

Good times.

The ice cream parlor asks for my order

Parlor: "Hello Sir, can I take your order?"

Me: "Yes, I'd like a male hot fudge sundae please."

Parlor: "I'm sorry Sir, a male hot fudge sundae?"

Me: "Yes, with nuts".

What do you call a furry that was blended into ice cream?

A McFurry.

Joe and Bob are sitting outside a cafe enjoying a couple cigars when a young boy walks out of the ice cream parlour right next door.

Joe says "see that kid over there, dumbest kid I ever met, watch this...." and he calls the kid over.

Joe puts 50 cents in one of his hands, and a dollar bill in the other and holds them both out to the boy. Joe says "which do you want, 50 cents, or a dollar?" The boy quickly snatches up the ...

A young boy walks into an ice-cream parlor and asks for 12 scoops of ice cream.

In disbelief the cashier asked him to repeat his order.

“I want 12 scoops of ice cream sir”

Not passing this huge order up the cashier went to work making sure the scoops were evenly balanced and could not tip over.

But before handing it over to him he asked the boy a question<...

Did you hear about Ben & Jerry’s new limited edition Ice Cream flavor?

Peach Mint.

The local ice cream shop has introduced a new mixed fruit flavour of ice cream dedicated to the president of the United States

They call it the Im-peached orange.

They say it is good, perhaps the greatest in the history of mixed fruit ice creams.

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So a guy walks into an ice cream shop.

The owner walks up and asks the man what he would like.

“I’ll take a chocolate ice cream in a cone please.”

“Sorry, we’re actually out of chocolate. We only have vanilla and strawberry available,” replies the owner.

“Hmmm, well in that case I’ll take a scoop of chocolate in a cu...

Ice Cream Suicide

Last week a body was discovered in the back of an ice cream van in my neighbourhood. It was the the driver, and he was covered in hundreds and thousands, suger stars and chocolate flakes. Seems he must have topped himself.

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Did you hear about the private who could shit ice cream?

He deserted his post.

How did the ice cream man sell all of his melting product on a hot summer day?

He had a liquidation sale.

I was offered a job at the local ice cream shop

But I turned it down.

I don't like working on sundaes.

Why couldn’t the colourblind man sell ice cream?

His cones don’t work

A bear walks into an ice cream shop

Ice cream man: What can i get for ya?

Bear: Hi, i'd like a scoop of the chocolate...

ICM:

Bear:

ICM:

Bear: Chip.

ICM: Alright! One scoop of chocolate chip coming right up! By the way, what's with the pause?

Bear: \*waving paws in the air\* I'm a be...

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A blonde goes to an ice cream parlor

A blonde goes into an ice cream parlor. She walks up to the man at the counter and says, "I'd like some chocolate ice cream, please."

"I'm sorry, madam," says the man, "but I'm afraid we're out of chocolate."

"Oh," says the blonde. "In that case I'll have some chocolate."

So the...

What is it called when you get high and then eat ice cream?

Getting cold-stoned.

I thought of this while I was in the shower, so I ran downstairs and told my wife. We both laughed and she gave me a high five, and here we are.

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A woman walks into an ice cream shop

And orders a chocolate ice cream. The young man assisting her kindly informs her they are a unique ice cream shop and only sell two flavors, Vanilla and Strawberry.

She replies rudely, “Well this is news to me so I’ll obviously need more time to decide.”

She’s staring at the menu with...

Why is necrophilia and ice cream similar?

It doesn't matter if it's soft or hard. All that matters is that it remains cold.

The ice cream scooper got chocolate ice cream in my vanilla ice cream.

That’s a twist.

As a mom was bribing her child with an ice cream cone to behave, she sighs,

“Why can’t you be good-for-nothing like your dad?”

Today I realised that eating ice cream isn't filling the emptiness I feel inside.

But I'm no quitter.

I asked my girlfriend if she'd like a day of eating ice cream and hanging with her girl friends.

She said "Yes!". I said "Good, because I'm breaking up with you."

Edit: Front page! Hi mom.

Thanks for the gold you amazing stranger, you.

[A cinema ticket office attendant told me this] Q. How does Reese eat ice cream?

A. Witherspoon

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Kowalski goes into the ice cream parlor and orders a chocolate ice cream..

”I’m sorry, sir,” says the clerk, ”but we are out of chocolate.”

”Oh,” says Kowalski, ”in that case I will take some chocolate.”

”No, no, sir,” says the clerk, ”you don’t understand. We have run out of chocolate.”

”Oh,” says Kowalski, ”then, just give me some chocolate.”
...

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What kind of ice cream would Phil Lesh eat if he were gay?

Been in Jerry’s.

The Genie offered me one wish. I asked for a McDonald's ice cream. When he told me the machine was broken and he couldn't do the impossible I got to pick another wish. I asked him for an original joke on reddit. He agreed to grant my wish but had one last question...

Would you like that in a cone or a cup?

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A man walks into an ice cream shop...

... and tells the clerk "I want a gallon of Vanilla ice cream, a gallon of Strawberry ice cream, and a gallon of Chocolate ice cream." The clerk replies, "I'm sorry sir, we don't have any Chocolate." "Ok then" the man continues "I want a quart of Vanilla ice cream, a quart of Strawberry ice cream, a...

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So a guy walks into an ice cream shop..

He asks the clerk 'hello sir may I have a quart of vanilla?'

The clerk politely responds 'Im sorry we're fresh out of vanilla'

The man clearly disappointed says 'ah shucks alright I guess I'll just take a pint of vanilla'

The clerk slightly agitated states 'Sir we are complet...

The ice cream van thieves

Two bank thieves decided to plan their final job, a huge bank near the Sahara desert.

Their trick was to leave the crime scene in a ice - cream truck, this way the police never suspected them. This final heist however was to prove their last.

They arrived in an battered old minivan an...

An Ice cream parlour was broken into near me

Apparently they made off with Hundreds and thousands

Where does one learn to make ice cream?

Sundae school!

Back in the day, if you had a quarter at a gas station you could come out with a canister of ice cream, or a few candy bars.

Now they have cameras.

Which ice cream do weasels prefer?

Popsicles.

Now you may say, "Hi, dad!"

There was this physicist who came to the ice cream bar every day

to buy two ice creams: one for himself and another that he offers to the empty spot next to him.

Eventually, the ice cream salesman asks him: "Why do you keep doing that?"

P: "Well... quantum mechanics teach us that it's theoratically possible for a girl to spontaneously burst into exi...

Why were the pirates happy when they washed up on shore and saw cakes, pies, and ice cream?

It was a desserted island.

What do you call a WWE wrestler who works at an ice cream shop?

Cold Stone Steve Austin

How do you make the ice cream more expensive?

Just put it in the fridge longer. It will turn into a Cold Stone.

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While waiting in line at an ice cream shop an elderly woman orders a plain chocolate cone.

The man behind the counter said “we’re out of chocolate today but there are other flavors with chocolate in them, what would you like?”

She again attempts to order plain chocolate. The man repeats “Ma’am we’re out of chocolate today but there are other flavors with chocolate in them, what wou...

The Ice Cream Truck

On a hot sunny day, the ice cream truck was driving slowly until the driver saw a woman chasing frantically down the sidewalk, screaming "Hey, Wait!"

He stops, parks and opens the window, with a smile.

"What'll it be lady?"

She tries to catch her breath, but she manages to tell ...

Someone broke into our shop and stole all 31 flavors of ice cream

It was a Baskin-Robbery

My favorite ice cream flavor is Death By Chocolate...

Because it satisfies two cravings at once

Where do people go in Skyrim to buy ice cream?

To their local Dovah Queen

A penguin, some ice cream, and a mechanic.

A penguin is driving in the desert on a remote highway, when his car suddenly begins making funny noises, and smoke begins pouring out of the engine.

He pulls into a gas station that also happens to have a mechanic. He asks the mechanic about his car being fixed.

“I’ll take a look at ...

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I’d like to eat that full of ice cream - NSFW

A lady goes into a shoe store to buy some new shoes. The salesman helping her after she picks out a pair she likes, kneels down in front of her chair to put them on her feet.
He looks up and and notices she isn’t wearing any panties under her skirt. He says to her “ma’am that’s the most beautifu...

What do you call a dispute between ice cream about their kids?

A custardy battle

Saw an ice cream truck with a sticker that said “Stop for children”

Yeah me too, but at least I don’t put it on the side of my van!

A quantum physicist and his friend go out for ice cream.

"What's your favourite flavour?" asks the friend.

"Charm," replies the physicist.

His friend looks at him.

"Why is it that whenever I ask you a question," begins the friend, "your answer is always strange?"

"Well it's strange *now*," the physicist protests, "shouldn't hav...

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On the tub of ice cream I bought it said "50% less fat"

It's a fucking con, guys.



I just ate the whole tub and I'm actually heavier.

Guy walks into an ice cream shop

And says give me some chocolate, some marshmallows, and some almonds. The elderly gentleman working the counter says “Careful son, you’re heading down a rocky road.”

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A guy and his friend buy ice cream.

The guy says "I don't want to be racist, but this ice tastes great!"

The friend replies "That is not racist."

"That's what I said. Fucking Romanians, they never listen."

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I'd like to buy some ice cream please...

Ice Cream Man: Sure, what kind would you like?



Kid: Um...chocolate



Ice Cream Man: Oh, sorry kid. We're out of chocolate. I still have plenty of strawberry and vanilla though.



Kid: Um...okay...I'll have...chocolate please



Ice Cream Man: Uh, ...

Did you hear about the serial killer that got killed in a standoff with the police in an ice cream shop?

He got what he dessert.

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