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A veterinary student is taking an important exam, and it's come to such a point that him passing or not passing depends on the last question.

The question is "How to perform an abortion in a domestic goat?".

Unfortunately, the student doesn't know the answer and fails the exam. Afterwards he goes to a bar to drown his sorrows.

When he comes there, the bartender asks him:

- You seem to have something on your mind. How...

My grandparents think that I depend too much on technology.

They always talk about how much my generation depends on technology, and my grandfather always mentions it whenever I visit them, so then I replied, “no, your generation depends too much on technology.”

Then I unplugged his life support.

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Most of life’s questions can be answered with “Depends”

Specifically for whoever smeared shit inside the capitol

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A man asks his doctor: "Do you think I'll live to be a hundred?"

The doctor asks the man "Well, that depends. Do you drink?"

"Oh, no sir! I abstain from all alcohol. Soda, too. I just drink plenty of fresh water."

"Do you smoke?"

"No, sir! Never smoked in my life, and I stay away from any place with second hand smoke."

"Do you eat a lo...

Pretty lame I guess depends on how many of you get it.

Knock knock

Who's there?

Door mum

Door mum who?

I've come to bargain

What color is a mirror?

It depends who you ask

How many dead baby’s does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends on how good you are at stacking them.

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Ok so this is not a joke for everyone

Once upon a time there was a country that whenever a men grew up ‘til a certain age their dick would be cut, but how would they do it depends on what their job is.

One day the day to cut people’s dick off comes and there is a line of hundreds of men crying.
“What is your job?” “I’m a butc...

An apple a day keeps the doctor away

That, however, depends on how good your aim is

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Why do we have diaper brands named "Huggies, luvs and Depends?

When a baby shits themselves we will still "Hug" and "love" them.


When an old person shits themselves it "depends" who is on the will...

The spread of coronavirus within a country depends on two factors:

1) How dense the country’s population is
2) How dense the country’s population is

How many birds can you fit under a Scotsmans kilt?

Depends how big the perch is.

How many men does it take to paper a wall?

Depends how thinly you slice them!

How many children do you need to paint a wall red?

depends on how hard you throw them

What’s the difference between a chestnut and a walnut?

Depends on the amount of foreplay.

How do you tell the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?

It depends on whether you'll see them later or in a while.

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I hadn't had sex in over two years, so decided to bite the bullet and visit a prostitute..

"Err, how much to let me cum in your mouth?" I asked, nervously.

"Well that depends." She purred, sexily. "How much have you got?"

"About a litre and a half, I reckon."

What does an 80 year old woman taste like?

Depends

You go to a really scary haunted house, what do you wear? Depends....

...No seriously, Depends.

I asked my grandma if she wore adult diapers

She said: "Well, depends."

[religion] Pat Robertson is on his way to buy some Depends.

As he's walking down the street, he sees a small boy sitting on the curb with a box of newborn kittens. He looks in the box of squirming, mewing kittens, and tells the boy "Those are about the cutest kittens I've ever seen!"

The boy smiles and says "Thanks! They're Christian kittens."

...

What noise does a Deer make?

Depends how fast you're going.

JUST DEPENDS

Two old people flirt at a seniors' singles bar. After a few drinks, the old man asks the old woman, "If I took you out for a full night of wining, dining and dancing, what would you wear?"

The old woman replies shyly, "Depends... ."

"Depends on what?" he asks.

"On my bottom -- w...

A bumblebee suddenly wakes up in a cold sweat, realizing he has overslept and is about to miss his connecting flight home after a successful overseas business trip.

He makes a mad rush to the airport, suitcase in one hand, passport and airline ticket in the other. His tie flaps loose in the breeze, his shirt wrinkled and untucked, with his face covered in bushy bumblebee beard stubble.

He recklessly flies into the main entrance, nearly knocking over a fa...

One old man asks another old man, "what kind of underwear do you wear? boxers, briefs?

The other old man says "Depends"

How many kittens does it take to paint a house?

That depends on how much splash damage you get when you launch them at the wall.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do you know, what does "to be good in bed" means?

Well, it depends.

Before the marriage: You have endurance, you know what to do and you can bring the most desirable pleasure.

After the marriage: You don't snore, you don't fart and you don't steal the whole blanket.

Where do you find reindeer ?

It depends where you left them.

How many Swedish people does it take to make a cake?

Depends on how Swede you want it to be

What would Giuliani bring to a trial by combat?

Depends

What's the hardest part about going down on someone's grandma?

Depends

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A wise woman was once asked "What's the difference between hungry and horny?"

She replied "Depends on where I put my carrot".

Source: Sunny Leonne, the goddess.

100% True Story - Funniest Thing That Ever Happened to Me

Not long after my younger son was born I left the Army and, not having a new job to go to and my wife having a great job, I looked after the house and my two boys for some years.

When my older son started school, we would walk home together and discuss what he'd learned and talk about life. ...

Two farmers <a geek joke>

Two farmers were chatting,

One says, “You reckon the profit on your crops this year will be significant?”

“All depends,” said the other.

“On what”

“My pea value”

How many calories does going down on your girl provide?

It depends on which way she wipes.

People say children are expensive...

.... but it really depends on how much ransom you demand

It just all depends on how you look at some things...

Judy Wallman, a professional genealogy researcher in southern California , was doing some personal work on her own family tree. She discovered that Congressman Harry Reid's great-great uncle, Remus Reid, was hanged for horse stealing and train robbery in Montana in 1889. Both Judy and Harry Reid ...

Can radio be an addiction?

Depends on the frequency.

What determines if an old person can stand in line to vote?

Depends.

Everything you need to know about Australia

I REALLY hope these are true


These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for stupid questions!)


\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\...

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I asked the pharmacist for some viagra...

"Can I get it over the counter?" I asked.


"It depends how many you take." He replied.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Im so sorry internet

Whats the differance between being hungry and horny





Depends where the cucumber goes!!!

What it the lifespan of an alcoholic?

It depends on the liver.

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