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Difficult Jokes

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Anna complained to her friend Julia how she sometimes found it difficult to initiate sex with her husband.

"I know a simple trick,” Julia said.
“Whenever I want to have sex with Peter, I gently put my hand on his dick and say:
*Your dick is very cold, do you want me to warm it up for you?*
And that's it! Works every time!”
Anna was impressed, and said she would try it when her husband...

Why didn't the Romans find algebra very difficult?

Because X was always 10
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Why is chess so difficult for British people?

Cause they just lost the queen.
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I have a difficult confession to make: I sometimes masturbate in the shower.

It feels good to come clean...

Why is it so difficult to remodel x-rated theaters?

All the walls are load-bearing.
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Why are murders so difficult to solve in Alabama?

All the DNA matches and there are no dental records
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Organic chemistry is difficult.

Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
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An elderly man living alone in Manchester wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, since the ground was hard.

His only son, Paul, who used to help him, was in prison (strange ways) . The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Paul,

I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be di...

Before going on a safari, my wife asked me, “Is it difficult to spot cheetahs?”

Me: No. I think they usually come that way.
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English is a difficult language.

It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.
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What is the most difficult animal to hunt in Africa?

The Polar bear.
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My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children

If anybody else does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
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Why is morning difficult in Athens?

Because dawn is tough on Greece
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I just finished writing my book on penguins. It was very difficult and tiresome, but I managed to finish it.

I probably should have taken some advice from friends and family which would have made this process much easier and write it on paper.
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Why is it so difficult to hold a conversation with an asexual?

They're not interested in fucking anything!

Why was the PTA meeting homicide difficult to solve?

Because it wasn't apparent who did it.
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It is always difficult for me to attend funerals

I suffer from a condition called mourning wood.
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It's not difficult to tell crocodiles and alligators apart.

One will see you in a while whereas the other will see you later.
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"Is the Fibonacci sequence difficult to understand?"

"No. It's as easy as 1,1,2,3..."
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Why is it so difficult to differentiate a decimal and whole number for you

Because you never get the point.
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Today, while constipated, I decided to solve a difficult math problem.

I was able to work it out with my pencil.
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Why do men find it so difficult to solve puzzles after taking Viagra?

Because they just keep getting harder and harder.

If professionals make difficult tasks look easy, what do you call someone who makes easy tasks look difficult?

A coworker
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Things that are difficult

Sometimes its hard to swallow your pride.

Unless you are a cannibal lion.
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There are 2 truly difficult problems in Computer Science

0: Naming things
1: Cache invalidation
2: Off by one errors
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Students training to be police officers were given the following difficult examination question.

**A student training to be police officer was given the following difficult examination question:**

>"You're on street patrol when an explosion occurs on a nearby road. You investigate and discover an overturned van besides a large crater. Both occupants of the van are injured, and smell ...

What do you call it when data goes on a difficult car journey?

A hard drive
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People say starting your own business is difficult,

but I met a lady starting her own clothing company whose signature piece was produced in a completely automated factory. She made it seamstress free.
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"It's really difficult, my partner is constantly in and out of prison."

"Babe, that's a terrible way to tell people I'm a Corrections Officer."
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Difficult questions

A son asks his dad "Daddy, what is string theory?"

The dad replied "Why are you asking me such difficult questions, come on ask me something easier"

The son then asks "Um ok so why does mommy get mad sometimes?"

"String theory is a theoretical framework in which the point-like p...
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How difficult is it to get undeserved upvotes on reddit jokes?

Piece of cake
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It's difficult to say what my wife does...

She sells sea shells on the sea shore
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It was a difficult conversation telling my son to call me dad instead of mom now

But I wanted to be transparent.
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A difficult therapy

"Doctor, I tell you, the therapy you gave me for my insomnia was too hard"

"What? I just recommended warm milk, honey and a hot bath before going to sleep. What's so hard about that?!"

"Well, milk and honey was easy, but the hot bath... I was never able to drink it all... "
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What makes communist jokes so difficult?

You have to make sure that everyone gets them.
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A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult surgery.

A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial spongebath.

“Nurse”, he mumbles, from behind the mask. “Are my testicles black?”

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, “I don’t know, Sir. I’m only here to wash your upper body and feet.”

He struggles to ask again, “Nurse, a...

Jesus, Moses and an old man are playing golf. They approach the most difficult water hole on the course.

Moses steps up and puts his drive straight into the hazard. He calmly walks to the edge of the pond and raises his club. The waters part, Moses walks down to his ball, and chips it onto the green.

Jesus, up next, also sends his drive into the drink. He calmly walks out over the water, loc...
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It was very difficult to switch off my wife's life support system.

You try fighting off 2 nurses, a doctor and my sons.
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Some people say that getting karma on Reddit is difficult.

But in reality it’s just a piece of cake.
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I'm trying to organize a hide and seek tournament but it's really difficult... Good players are hard to find."

but it's really difficult... Good players are hard to find
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Why is fishing with Skrillex so difficult?

He keeps dropping the bass.

These long quarantines have been so difficult for many marriages.

Luckily for me I have an amazing wife. Just last night I woke up to her firmly pressing a pillow against my face to protect me from Covid-19.
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Moving to Louisiana after living in California has been quite difficult

New Orleans is fine, but it's NOLA
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Bach, the great composer, was having a difficult time writing new music.

With 20 kids in the house, it was hard for him to find quiet time to work.

So he decided to find a quiet place outdoors, and found a small shed in the woods. Unfortunately, it was so far from his home, that by the time he got there and started writing, it was time to go back home for lunch. ...
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I don't understand why guys think it's so difficult to take off a girl's bra.

I can do it with both hands behind my back!
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Where does an Egyptian crocodile spend most of his time after a difficult divorce?

In De Nile
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Since COVID, dating has been difficult

and the pickup lines have only gotten longer
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Difficult essay exam

One day a student was taking a very difficult essay exam. At the end of the test, the prof asked all the students to put their pencils down and immediately hand in their tests. The young man kept writing furioulsy, although he was warned that if he did not stop immediately he would be disqualified. ...
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Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

Breasts don't have eyes.

It's not that difficult to eat a clock...

...But it's time consuming.
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Having a trans parent is really difficult for kids.

It feels like they are never there.
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I find abortion to be a difficult topic.

On one hand, i am for killing babies. But on the other hand, i don't want to give woman any more rights.
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Why is it difficult for orphans to play baseball?

Because it's hard to find home
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I find it difficult too make eye contact with women because I'm very shy

I also can't stop staring at their tits

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Why Does A Penis Have Such A Difficult Life?

His closest friends are nuts, his backdoor neighbor is an asshole, and he has to regularly take a beating.

Where do you go to study the most difficult ice cream recipes?

Sundae school...
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It's difficult to make meaningful relationships when you have a big dick

I'm just struggling to fit in

It's difficult to explain the carcinogenic siding on my house.

But I can try asbestos I can.
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Ebola causes headaches, feelings of nausea and is very difficult to get rid of.

Is it a virus or a free U2 album?
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One day, Einstein has to speak at an important science conference.

On the way there, he tells his driver that looks a bit like him:
"I'm sick of all these conferences. I always say the same things over and over!"

The driver agrees: "You're right. As your driver, I attended all of them, and even though I don't know anything about science, I could give t...
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Why is being a homeless homosexual difficult?

The person doesn't have a closet to come out of

2020 has been difficult down here in Alabama.

2019 was tough too though. I lost a dad and uncle. I sure do miss him..
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I was forced into a difficult situation and I needed a scape goat.

It turns out that keeping an emotional support goat on the fire escape is not such a good idea.
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I didn’t realise how difficult it was being an electrician until I tried it myself

I was shocked
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First kiss is always difficult for guys.

You need to be firm but at the same time you need to be gentle. You need to be manly but you don't wanna wake her up.
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Why was it difficult to write on papyrus?

Because it was reed only.
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I am irrationally scared of places like shopping centres, particularly if they are confusing and difficult to navigate.

I have a complex complex complex.
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Fixing a door myself proved to be rather difficult.

I could never quite get the handle on it.
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They say making hay is difficult...

I don't know, it seems rather cut and dried...
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No one wanted to join me on the difficult mountain trail.

They all said it was a hard pass.

My GF always helps me with difficult tasks

She's my right hand
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Being a vegetarian in Germany is so difficult.

It’s the wurst.
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Why is teaching calculus so difficult in the South?

They hate integration
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Constipation is a difficult word to say.

I have a hard time getting it out.
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Is difficult to distinguish between cirrus, stratus, and cumulus clouds...

...especially since most of the time they are in de-skies.
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Some people think it's difficult to live with Erectile Dysfunction

But really, it's not that hard.
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Any blind redditors, what's the most difficult thing about being blind?

Serious answers only.
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It’s difficult to have sex with my crooked penis.

But my girlfriend bends over backwards to accommodate me.

A man tells his friend that his wife is one of twins. 'It must be difficult telling them apart' says the friend.

'Oh, it is' says the man 'Especially now her brother's shaved his beard off'
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Buying cigarettes has become quite difficult lately.

My dad is trying to get some for over two years now.
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Why is it difficult to cure blind people?

Because they can't see a doctor.
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My friend said it's really difficult to make jerky...

but it seems pretty cut and dry to me.

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It's difficult living with a hand for a penis...

But my condoms fit like a glove.

Old school video games are very difficult and unforgiving

Like their ads say: "You won't last five minutes playing this"
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Why is it difficult to follow no nut November ?

Well, it gets increasingly 'hard' as the days pass by.
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You know it’s really difficult to find a proper steak pun

It really is a Rare Medium Well done
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What did the farmer say to the corn that was being difficult?

Go shuck yourself.


What did the mom say to her child walking through the cornfield?

Watch out for stalkers.


Sorry for all the corny jokes.
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Jeff Bezos worked long, difficult hours for little pay to fulfill his lifelong dream...

...of making other people work long, difficult hours for little pay.
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The cold January Month is making life difficult for the couple

The German wife says "I so desperately wish for April"

The Husband though thoughtful of their economic toils consoles her and says he'll try everything he can.

The husband comes home gaily one day and proclaims "Here's your Pril"
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Why is it difficult to tell jokes to a kleptomaniac?

They take things literally.
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What is the most difficult part about being a paedophile?

Being able to fit in.

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Why was Donald Trumps birth so difficult?

He wouldn't stop grabbing the pussy.

My father has had a very difficult week

Someone stole his favorite playing cards and I don't know if he'll ever be able to deal with the loss.
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Trying to read multiple versions of The Bible at the same time is really difficult.

You have to do a lot of...cross referencing.
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To all those going through something difficult in 2020

Just go around it!!
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How difficult would it be to drive a computer from Toronto to New York?

It would be a hard drive.
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Hold it firmly in your hand, put it in your mouth, lick it, straighten it, and put it in the hole

Man, threading a needle is difficult work.
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Why are automatic vehicles difficult to drive?

Because they don't come with a manual
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I don't know why people say cancer is so difficult.

I'm already on stage 4
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Me: I'm having a difficult time getting over my mother.

Therapist: I've got a trampoline.

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My Au Pair from Finland has been finding school very difficult of late.

So much anticipation and excitement around my school as it's the first Dux Scholar we've ever had.

Anticipation runs high as we'd all like to see his academic capabilities in our 'not-so-great' school.



Every subject imaginable; Physics, Geography, English, Chemistry etc, we are...

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The one thing I find difficult about being an atheist

is that I have no one to talk to during an orgasm.

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The Dean of Women at an exclusive all girls’ school was lecturing her students on sexual morality.

“We live today in very difficult times for young people. In moments of temptation,” she said. “Ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?”

A young woman rose in the back of the room and said, “Excuse me, but how do you make it last an hour?”

My friends and I had a competition to see what the most difficult to put on accessory was.

The end result was a tie.
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it's difficult to date when you have OCD.

Every time my girlfriend gets turned on, I turn her off again.I

(Jimmy Carr)
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Converting pimps to socialism is proving difficult

Maybe I shouldn't have told them they have nothing to lose but their chains
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My classmates and I were discussing how difficult the last physics exam was.

"The highest grade was like a 65."
"Dude, I made a 15 on it."
"I did all I could, and I still made a 0."
I scoffed at them,"I got a -4."
"How TF is that even possible?"
I sighed,"Spelt my name wrong."
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It's difficult, but Trump is still focused on keeping campaign promises during this pandemic.

Just a few more cases and Mexico will pay for that wall
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It's difficult being a dyslexic agnostic

I'm never quite sure whether or not there's a dog
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It was very difficult and challenging for me to date a blind girl.

It took me days to speak in her husband's voice perfectly.
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Why is it difficult for people with foot fetishes to make friends?

Cause they always seem to get off on the wrong foot.
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Building in Antarctica is difficult!

No matter what I tried I couldn't get my house to stay together. I tried concrete, brick and mortar, even duct tape! I finally found something that worked though, it was quite simple, igloo'd it together.
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In New York, it's difficult to go out on the water with your board...

But since everyone is wearing a face covering, it's extremely easy to waterboard.
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If you ever think sex in a car is difficult,

Imagine how clowns feel.

It's not difficult to be an insomniac

**I became one overnight.**
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With some many streaming services it's difficult to pick between Disney+ and Hulu Plus

Personally, I prefer LGBTQ+
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Why is it difficult to borrow money from a leprechaun?

Because he’s always a little short.
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