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Anna complained to her friend Julia how she sometimes found it difficult to initiate sex with her husband.

"I know a simple trick,” Julia said.
“Whenever I want to have sex with Peter, I gently put my hand on his dick and say:
*Your dick is very cold, do you want me to warm it up for you?*
And that's it! Works every time!”
Anna was impressed, and said she would try it when her husband...

Today, while constipated, I decided to solve a difficult math problem.

I was able to work it out with my pencil.

As a stand-up comic with a lisp, it can be difficult to convey sarcasm online

/th

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I find it difficult too make eye contact with women because I'm very shy

I also can't stop staring at their tits

Why are murders so difficult to solve in Alabama?

All the DNA matches and there are no dental records

I was forced into a difficult situation and I needed a scape goat.

It turns out that keeping an emotional support goat on the fire escape is not such a good idea.

My wife - its difficult to say what she does for a living.

She sells seashells on the seashore.

Things that are difficult

Sometimes its hard to swallow your pride.

Unless you are a cannibal lion.

Where do you go to study the most difficult ice cream recipes?

Sundae school...

What is more difficult than getting an assault rifle in the U.S.?

Getting a water bottle in a Georgia voting line

"Is the Fibonacci sequence difficult to understand?"

"No. It's as easy as 1,1,2,3..."

Trying to read multiple versions of The Bible at the same time is really difficult.

You have to do a lot of...cross referencing.

How difficult is it to get undeserved upvotes on reddit jokes?

Piece of cake

My friends and I had a competition to see what the most difficult to put on accessory was.

The end result was a tie.

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4 Men at a bar discuss the most difficult sport to play. The first man, wide as a dishwasher and having huge muscles all over, says

“I’m a football player, it’s the hardest sport in the world to play! You’ve gotta be in top physical condition and have excellent situational awareness.”

The second man, an older gentleman wearing a collared shirt, says “Sorry champ, but the actual hardest sport to play is golf. Every swing o...

Why is it difficult for orphans to play baseball?

Because it's hard to find home

I didn’t realise how difficult it was being an electrician until I tried it myself

I was shocked

My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children

If anybody else does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

Difficult questions

A son asks his dad "Daddy, what is string theory?"

The dad replied "Why are you asking me such difficult questions, come on ask me something easier"

The son then asks "Um ok so why does mommy get mad sometimes?"

"String theory is a theoretical framework in which the point-like p...

It's difficult to explain the carcinogenic siding on my house.

But I can try asbestos I can.

If professionals make difficult tasks look easy, what do you call someone who makes easy tasks look difficult?

A coworker

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The Smiths had no children and decided to use a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr.Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon."

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning madam. You don't know me but I've come to...."
"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in.

"Really..?" the photographer asked. "Well, good....

A 16-year old girl enters a church in tears. “Please father, help me”

“What is it my child?”

“Father, I need your help. I’m pregnant.”

The priest sighed. “I understand my child. You have sinned but you are not the first, nor the last. Our Lord is all-forgiving and I’m here to help you through this. But first I need to understand how it happened.”

...

Since COVID, dating has been difficult

and the pickup lines have only gotten longer

I’m 3’6”, which makes certain daily tasks extremely difficult. Recently, I spent a good 10 minutes in my local supermarket wondering how to get the pasta down from the top shelf.

Then suddenly the penne dropped.

One day, Einstein has to speak at an important conference.

On the way there, he tells his driver that looks a bit like him:

"I'm sick of all these conferences. I always say the same things!"

The driver agrees: "You're right. As your driver, I‘be attended all of them, and even though I don't know anything about science, I could give the speech ...

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No one wanted to join me on the difficult mountain trail.

They all said it was a hard pass.

What makes communist jokes so difficult?

You have to make sure that everyone gets them.

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Why Does A Penis Have Such A Difficult Life?

His closest friends are nuts, his backdoor neighbor is an asshole, and he has to regularly take a beating.

Having a trans parent is really difficult for kids.

It feels like they are never there.

I’m tired of hearing men talk about how women make their lives more difficult. Just think about where men would be without women...

Still in the Garden of Eden.

Why is it so difficult to remodel x-rated theaters?

All the walls are load-bearing.

These long quarantines have been so difficult for many marriages.

Luckily for me I have an amazing wife. Just last night I woke up to her firmly pressing a pillow against my face to protect me from Covid-19.

It was a difficult conversation telling my son to call me dad instead of mom now

But I wanted to be transparent.

Morris had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high tech corporation

The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and presented him with three envelopes number 1, 2 and 3. "Open these if you run up against a problem you don't think you can solve," the departing CEO said.

Things went along pretty smoothly, but six months later, sales took a downturn and...

Been trying to organize a local hide and seek competition, but it's been quite difficult.

Good players are just hard to find.

Professor Martins at the University was giving a lecture on "Logic and Legality" to his first year students.

This day one of his students was perturbed because he had just received his results and was shocked that his professor had failed him.

After sitting through the lecture for an hour, the student raised his hand. "Professor, do you really understand anything about the subject?"

The profe...

Some losses may be your gain

An unemployed man applies for a job as a toilet cleaner at a large computer company and takes an appointment for an interview with the company's manager.

During the interview, the manager told the unemployed person: You have been accepted for the job.

But we need your email to send you...

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A man with diarrhoea took a bus

And eventually it quickly turned pretty difficult to hold it in. The bus stopped at the station and the man tried to run to relieve himself but since the bus was all filled up with people, he couldn't leave the bus.

It was at this moment, the brilliant idea occurred to him. He opened the win...

The whole story

It was evident from the start that Joe Bob was kind but wasn’t very bright. His bumbling and stumbling often irritated people greatly, and so, they became impatient with him. Joe Bob’s mother worried endlessly for her son until one day she went to seek the advice of a wise old woman that lived in a ...

I was struggling to pick up a bottle of water in Morrisons the other day, so I turned to the woman working there and said "Why is this bottle so difficult to lift?"

She responded "That's because it's an Evian"

Edit 1: Thanks for the awards kind stranger!!!!!

Edit 2: I've never got this many awards! I wish I could give you all one back!!!

A Catholic Priest and a Rabbi were chatting one day when the conversation turned to a discussion of job descriptions and promotion

"What do you have to look forward to in way of a promotion in your job?" asked the Rabbi.

"Well, I'm next in line for the Monsignor's job." replied the Priest.

"Yes, and then what?" asked the Rabbi.

"Well, next I can become Bishop." said the Priest.

"Yes, and then?" asked...

How difficult would it be to drive a computer from Toronto to New York?

It would be a hard drive.

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My Au Pair from Finland has been finding school very difficult of late.

So much anticipation and excitement around my school as it's the first Dux Scholar we've ever had.

Anticipation runs high as we'd all like to see his academic capabilities in our 'not-so-great' school.



Every subject imaginable; Physics, Geography, English, Chemistry etc, we are...

Jeff Bezos worked long, difficult hours for little pay to fulfill his lifelong dream...

...of making other people work long, difficult hours for little pay.

You know it’s really difficult to find a proper steak pun

It really is a Rare Medium Well done

Is difficult to distinguish between cirrus, stratus, and cumulus clouds...

...especially since most of the time they are in de-skies.

“I had been told that the training procedure with cats was difficult. It’s not.”

Mine had me trained in two days.

Sometimes it's difficult to get out of a habit.

At least that's what the nun in my bed said.

2020 has been difficult down here in Alabama.

2019 was tough too though. I lost a dad and uncle. I sure do miss him..

Addition, subtraction and multiplication might be difficult for Americans.

But goddamn are they good at dividing.

Three musicians are killed in an automobile accident. They arrive together at the pearly gates, where they are greeted by Saint Peter.

"Hello," says Saint Peter. "I suppose you'd like to get into Heaven!"

"Yes, we would," says the first musician, a band director.

"Well, there's just a little test you have to take. Nothing too difficult. Related to your earthly profession," says Saint Peter.

"OK," says the band ...

Fixing a door myself proved to be rather difficult.

I could never quite get the handle on it.

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Why is it so difficult for a T-Rex to masturbate?

Because they're extinct.

Organic chemistry is difficult.

Those who study it have alkynes of troubles.

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It’s difficult to have sex with my crooked penis.

But my girlfriend bends over backwards to accommodate me.

People say swallowing eggs, flour and water all at once is a difficult task, but I beg to differ.

It's a piece of cake.

Why didn't the Romans find algebra very difficult?

Because X was always 10

A deer enters a bar...

A deer enters a bar and sits by the bartender. "Whatever's on tap, and keep them coming. I lost a patient today."

The bartender brings over a drink and says, "That's really rough. But I've never met a deer that's a medical practitioner. How did that happen?"

The deer replied, "Well I c...

It's not that difficult to eat a clock...

...But it's time consuming.

In a concert hall, the concertmaster walks onto the stage to announce the performance

"Piano Concerto no. 1, by Frederic Chopin", - he says, followed by the musician sitting down at the piano.

The pianist starts playing, and is close to a virtuoso. The performance is flawless, the audience applauds in awe, when a large figured man in a really expensive suit emerges from the f...

Growing ups always been difficult

it’s always been a walk to school or bring your lunch kinda life

What's the toughest cult to join..

Difficult.

A 55 year old lady suddenly started learning to swim instead of her usual routine of going to a temple !!!!

Everyone was curious and asked her: "why the change in your interest to swimming now a days?"

The lady, with a look of helplessness replied: "Whenever my son and daughter-in-law quarrel with each other my Daughter-in-law always asks my son : - "If your mom and I fall into water, whom will y...

Why was the PTA meeting homicide difficult to solve?

Because it wasn't apparent who did it.

How to stay in class

A college student walks into a bar and orders a beer. "What a day. Our calculus instructor has to be one of the most difficult professors on the campus," the student says. "If she wasn't so drop-dead gorgeous I would have dropped the class already." "So I guess you could says she's easy on the ...

A man rushed to his friend after reading the newspaper

The man said to his friend, with his face drained of color, and said;

“This news might be difficult for you to hear” said the man

His friend thought to himself, nervous about what it could be.

“What is it?” The friend said

The man murmured to himself, barely above the whi...

It's difficult, but Trump is still focused on keeping campaign promises during this pandemic.

Just a few more cases and Mexico will pay for that wall

"Mansplain" is a terrible word to use

because it has more letters than explain and is therefore more difficult for women to understand.

Why was it difficult to write on papyrus?

Because it was reed only.

Any blind redditors, what's the most difficult thing about being blind?

Serious answers only.

It was very difficult and challenging for me to date a blind girl.

It took me days to speak in her husband's voice perfectly.

I had a difficult time with my subjects one sem

so I decided to drop my communist class because of lousy Marx.

In New York, it's difficult to go out on the water with your board...

But since everyone is wearing a face covering, it's extremely easy to waterboard.

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Why is being a homeless homosexual difficult?

The person doesn't have a closet to come out of

A man walks into a bar

Limbo can be difficult

The cold January Month is making life difficult for the couple

The German wife says "I so desperately wish for April"

The Husband though thoughtful of their economic toils consoles her and says he'll try everything he can.

The husband comes home gaily one day and proclaims "Here's your Pril"

My classmates and I were discussing how difficult the last physics exam was.

"The highest grade was like a 65."
"Dude, I made a 15 on it."
"I did all I could, and I still made a 0."
I scoffed at them,"I got a -4."
"How TF is that even possible?"
I sighed,"Spelt my name wrong."

My GF always helps me with difficult tasks

She's my right hand

I was reading a book on anti gravity last night.

I found it quite difficult to put down.

English is a difficult language.

It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.

What do you call a group of 3 finned whales that never gives up and are difficult to knock over??

A tri-pod

First kiss is always difficult for guys.

You need to be firm but at the same time you need to be gentle. You need to be manly but you don't wanna wake her up.

When I was a kid I didn't know how difficult it was to conceal an erection sometimes.

I had to learn the hard way.

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Our marriage guidance counselor offers a 24 hour SMS advice service

It's difficult to decipher some of his typos and auto-corrects, but his recommendation for a suck-sex-full relationship was spot on!

Lately I’ve been dating a blind girl, and I find that it is incredibly rewarding. I do find some things quite difficult though

I still struggle to get her husbands voice right

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A mob dragged a man into a police station for running over 11 people, while shouting "Monster!" "Murderer!" "Killer! ".

The policeman dispersed the crowd and began to interrogate the suspect.

The policeman : Tell me what happened.

The suspect : Sir I was driving home within the speed limit when my brakes failed. I had no choice but to either crash the car into a group of 10 people or to swerve into th...

What did the farmer say to the corn that was being difficult?

Go shuck yourself.


What did the mom say to her child walking through the cornfield?

Watch out for stalkers.


Sorry for all the corny jokes.

Being a vegetarian in Germany is so difficult.

It’s the wurst.

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The husband is going on a business trip.

Immediately before leaving, he says to his wife: "Honey! I am leaving for a long time and I understand that it will be difficult for you without a man. Therefore I constructed a robot. His name is Bob. As soon as you want a man, say: " Bob! "and he will do his job."

Just after the husband cl...

I was prescribed a pain killer from my dentist but I found it difficult to get the lid off...

It was called Tryopenin

Why is it difficult to tell jokes to a kleptomaniac?

They take things literally.

Why is it difficult to follow no nut November ?

Well, it gets increasingly 'hard' as the days pass by.

With some many streaming services it's difficult to pick between Disney+ and Hulu Plus

Personally, I prefer LGBTQ+

What’s even more difficult than getting your pregnant wife into a MINI Cooper?

Getting your wife pregnant in a MINI Cooper

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According to a news report...

a certain private school in Washington recently was faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little li...

I don't understand why guys think it's so difficult to take off a girl's bra.

I can do it with both hands behind my back!

Why is it difficult for people with foot fetishes to make friends?

Cause they always seem to get off on the wrong foot.

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The Anticlimactic Lager (oj)

(*I just made up this joke, it takes a bit of patience but let me know if it's worth it. Either way, keep smiling!*)

Michael was a rich, eccentric and naive beer enthusiast. He journeyed around the world in search of rare lagers.

Once, on a trip to India, he came across a small bar. Be...

Before difficult descisions I like to consult both my head and my heart.

Although my head tells me to make rational and educated descisions, my heart tells me that I need to exercise more.

Why do most of the people find it difficult to complete PhD?

Because they get a third degree treatment.

I don't understand why 9/11 is such a difficult topic.

It's 0.8181, don't people have calculators?

Using every letter in the alphabet in just one sentence makes things difficult, but to be fair...

quiz wax

Three wise kings debated gifts for an upcoming baby shower.

"I've got it!" the first proclaimed. "Myrrh! I'll get some from our stores! The mother could make all manner of perfumes and medicine!"

"Fantastic idea!" the second agreed, and he gasped, "Frankincense! I have a bit left over from a recent voyage! I'll bring some along!"

They turned ...

Why is it difficult to cure blind people?

Because they can't see a doctor.

Three nuns die and go to Heaven...

At the Pearly Gates, St. Peter tells them that they must each answer a biblical question to get in, but he reassures them that they're quite easy.

"Who was the first woman?" He says to the first nun.

"Eve." The gates swing open and she walks in.

"Where did Eve live?" He says to ...

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A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult surgery.

A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial spongebath.

“Nurse”, he mumbles, from behind the mask. “Are my testicles black?”

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, “I don’t know, Sir. I’m only here to wash your upper body and feet.”

He struggles to ask again, “Nurse, a...

Its gotta be difficult to speak with Braces on?

{{ noT really }}

Constipation is a difficult word to say.

I have a hard time getting it out.

I passed my Algebra test today but failed my Biology exam.

The aftermath was really difficult.

To all those going through something difficult in 2020

Just go around it!!

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A well-dressed man, complete with top hat and monocle, walks into a bar.

The bartender, who has seen it all, pours the dapper gentleman two fingers of their top-shelf 25-year-old scotch. Just as the man begins nursing the peaty, smoky booze, a rabbi, a priest, and a minister all walk into the bar, arguing about how to prove the existence of their respective Gods.

...

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A Science-Minded Deviant

There's this scientist that loves dolphins. He loves dolphins so much, he wants to figure out a way to make them live forever. For years he slaves away in his basement laboratory, and he believes that he has found a compound that when given to dolphins, will make them live forever. The only probl...

I used to love every inch of my wife, but it's been difficult of late.

I still love her, I'm just measuring in feet now.

They say making hay is difficult...

I don't know, it seems rather cut and dried...

My Doctor just advised me to quit drinking. This is going to be really difficult and a big adjustment...

I’ve been with this Doctor for 35 years.

There are 2 truly difficult problems in Computer Science

0: Naming things
1: Cache invalidation
2: Off by one errors

It's not difficult to tell alligators and crocodiles apart

One will see you later whereas the other will see you in a while.

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My friend said it's really difficult to make jerky...

but it seems pretty cut and dry to me.

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It must be really difficult for an OCD person to have sex

Every time their partner gets turned on, they turn them back off again.

It was very difficult to switch off my wife's life support system.

You try fighting off 2 nurses, a doctor and my sons.

It is difficult to tell who gives some couples the most happiness.

The minister who marries
them or the judge who divorces them.

A confused young man was in a difficult situation. He couldn't decide whether to marry Kathryn or Edith. Even though he tried as hard as he could, he was unable to make up his mind. Not willing to give up either, he strung them along for far too long.

This indecision continued until both young women got tired of the situation and left him for good.


Moral of the story: You can't have your Kate and Edith too.

I find abortion to be a difficult topic.

On one hand, i am for killing babies. But on the other hand, i don't want to give woman any more rights.

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