Why is it so difficult to remodel x-rated theaters?

All the walls are load-bearing.

I am trying to organize a professional Hide and Seek tournament, but it is turning out to be really difficult.

Good players are hard to find.

Why is it difficult to cure blind people?

Because they can't see a doctor.

Constipation is a difficult word to say.

I have a hard time getting it out.

It’s pretty difficult to make jokes about death sentences.

The execution must be flawless.

Being a vegetarian in Germany is so difficult.

It’s the wurst.

Why is it difficult to follow no nut November ?

Well, it gets increasingly 'hard' as the days pass by.

So I’ve just been watching the rugby World Cup, must be really difficult to be a referee in Russia

Whenever they say the put in isn’t straight, they get arrested

With some many streaming services it's difficult to pick between Disney+ and Hulu Plus

Personally, I prefer LGBTQ+

It is difficult to tell who gives some couples the most happiness.

The minister who marries
them or the judge who divorces them.

It's difficult to say what my wife does.

She sells sea shells by the sea shore.

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It must be really difficult for an OCD person to have sex

Every time their partner gets turned on, they turn them back off again.

What did the farmer say to the corn that was being difficult?

Go shuck yourself.


What did the mom say to her child walking through the cornfield?

Watch out for stalkers.


Sorry for all the corny jokes.

During this difficult morning for Congressman O’Rourke and everyone involved with his campaign, I wanted to give some words of encouragement

Beto luck next time

I put a padlock on the refrigerator and superglued the key to the bottom of my big toe making it difficult to access the food.

I’m on the Key Toe Diet!

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My friend said it's really difficult to make jerky...

but it seems pretty cut and dry to me.

It's not difficult to be a taxi driver if you're dyslexic.

It's easy as CAB

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Why is it so difficult for a T-Rex to masturbate?

Because they're extinct.

Its gotta be difficult to speak with Braces on?

{{ noT really }}

My friend went on a vacation to Finland over the summer but he found communicating with the locals to be difficult

He had trouble finnishing his sentences

My father has had a very difficult week

Someone stole his favorite playing cards and I don't know if he'll ever be able to deal with the loss.

Why was the PTA meeting homicide difficult to solve?

Because it wasn't apparent who did it.

I had a difficult, emotional talk with my 9-year-old son this morning. There was a lot of crying and "nobody wants me on their team" and "I haven't got any friends".

Anyway, he was very nice about it and gave me some good tips for being more sociable.

At first it was difficult to remember how to throw a boomerang.

Then it started to come back to me.

Arranging a funeral for my boss is turning out to be more difficult than I thought.

He keeps asking what we are doing.

Using every letter in the alphabet in just one sentence makes things difficult, but to be fair...

quiz wax

They say making hay is difficult...

I don't know, it seems rather cut and dried...

What's green and difficult to see through?

What's green and difficult to see through?

>!Kermit the fog!<


What's green and runs?

>!Kermit the jog!<


What's green and written once a week?

>!Kermit the blog!<


What's green and made of wood?

>!Kermit the log!<
...

Organic chemistry is difficult

Those who study it have alkynes of trouble

Apparently doing your homework while watching stand-up comedy is quite difficult

You'd have to read in between the lines

It's difficult to tell people what my wife does for a living...

She sells seashells by the seashore.

English is difficult

It can be understood though through tough thorough thought

My GPS is difficult to use whenever I try to look up specific coordinates.

It has a bad latitude.

One day, Einstein has to speak at an important science conference.

On the way there, he tells his driver that looks a bit like him:
 
"I'm sick of all these conferences. I always say the same things over and over!"

The driver agrees: "You're right. As your driver, I attended all of them, and even though I don't know anything about science, I could give...

My Doctor just advised me to quit drinking. This is going to be really difficult and a big adjustment...

I’ve been with this Doctor for 35 years.

When you are dead you dont know you are dead. It is only difficult for the others.

It is the same when you are stupid.

Why is it difficult for alcoholics to become lawyers?

It’s hard for them to pass the bar.

Man : 'It is really difficult to raise a family.'

Man : 'It is really difficult to raise a family.'

Necromancer: 'Not if they are buried close together.'

Man: 'What ? ... '

Necromancer: 'What ? ... '

It's easy to deter ladies from eating tide pods

It's much more difficult to deter gents.

Why didn't the Romans find algebra very difficult?

Because X was always 10

After Mrs. Jacobs found out her husband was sterile, the couple decided to hire a proxy father...

After Mrs. Jacobs found out her husband was sterile, the couple decided to hire a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Jacobs kissed his wife and said 'I'm off to work, Lydia. The guy should be here soon.'

Wouldn't you know it, a door-to-door baby...

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It already wasn't easy to accept that my father is gay. But it was even more difficult when I eventually discovered that...

...my other father is too.

I had to traverse some recreational grassland and my friend asked if it was difficult.

I said it was a walk in the park.

“The thing about quotes from the Internet is that it is difficult to define their authenticity.”

-Abraham Lincoln, 1933

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Me: I'm having a difficult time getting over my mother.

Therapist: I've got a trampoline.

A Sea Captain is complaining about how difficult his life is without a leg and an arm

He says to his crew mates, " When ye missin' two major parts of ye, thar ain't many things ye can do. "

The lookout hollers from the crow's nest " I 'ave it worse Captain! "

" Oh!? " The Sea Captain exclaims " 'n which two parts of ye be missin'? "

To which the lookout replies "...

A renowned philosopher was held in high regard by his driver, who listened in awe as his boss lectured and answered difficult questions about the nature of things and the meaning of life.

Then, one day, the driver approached the philosopher and asked if he was willing to switch roles for just one evening. The philosopher agreed, and, for a while, the driver handled himself remarkably well.

However, when the time came for questions, someone at the back of the room asked him, "I...

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An anthropologist visited a local translator in Zimbabwe.

"I'd like to set up a meeting with the nearby Xhosa tribe," he said. "But I haven't had any luck finding them. Can you help me send a message?"

The translator smiled. "Ah yes, they are difficult to find. This particular tribe has very little interest in Westerners. But there is a way to arran...

A confused young man was in a difficult situation. He couldn't decide whether to marry Kathryn or Edith. Even though he tried as hard as he could, he was unable to make up his mind. Not willing to give up either, he strung them along for far too long.

This indecision continued until both young women got tired of the situation and left him for good.


Moral of the story: You can't have your Kate and Edith too.

My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.

If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

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Just Realized , Vaseline is the best lubricant for having sex ,

Just apply some on the door knob. Makes it very difficult for her to escape.

As a punishment I was once made to answer a difficult question while riding up and down the elevator.

....
It was wrong on so many levels.
....

Buying cigarettes has become quite difficult lately.

My dad is trying to get some for over two years now.

After a long and difficult surgery, all that was left of the patient was his skeleton.

All in all, the doctors made a bone fide attempt to save him.

Why is it difficult to borrow money from a leprechaun?

Because he’s always a little short.

I don't understand why guys think it's so difficult to take off a girl's bra.

I can do it with both hands behind my back!

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A priest, a rabbi, and a nun are having breakfast together.

A priest, a rabbi, and a nun are having breakfast together.

They start talking to each other about their jobs and someone raises the question of how they prepare their new trainees for the worst part of the job.

The rabbi says, “celibacy is the worst part of the job, so all new r...

“Dad, Is the Fibonacci sequence difficult to understand?”

“Nope. Easy as 1,1,2,3...”

A Catholic Priest and a Rabbi were chatting one day

A Catholic Priest and a Rabbi were chatting one day when the conversation turned to a discussion of job descriptions and promotion.

"What do you have to look forward to in way of a promotion in your job?" asked the Rabbi.

"Well, I'm next in line for the Monsignor's job." replied the Pr...

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Today's National Coming Out Day, so I sat down with my parents

After a lot of difficult, I finally worked up the courage to tell them they're gay.

Which animals are most difficult to impress?

Goats
Because they find everything "Mehhhhhhhhh".

It was extremely difficult to switch off my mother in law’s life support system.

I had to fight the doctor, my wife, and her siblings to finally do it.

“I know this is difficult for you ma’am, but we need to know exactly how you were tortured by the accused. You said that after the hot poker came the pliers pulling out your toenails, but each time you start to tell us the final torture, you break down. Now take a deep breath, & tell the court...”

“Well”, she sobbed, “before he let me go [sob] he made me... he made me........ watch ‘Holmes and Watson’ twice in one sitting”

I find abortion to be a difficult topic.

On one hand, i am for killing babies. But on the other hand, i don't want to give woman any more rights.

I heard it was difficult to do a self circumcision...

But I managed to pull it off.

A Chinese journalist is interviewing a riot officer about the protests occurring in his city.

Journalist: Do you find it difficult to follow orders that may harm the people protesting?

Riot Officer: I do, some of these people are my friends and neighbors. When given such a choice, the only thing I can really do is listen to my heart.

Journalist: And what does your heart say?...

Why is the most difficult phrase to pronounce if you have a lisp?

"I love you"

Source: my father has a lisp

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I was playing Hangman with a friend...

...and he threw at me what he said was a truly challenging word - a proper noun no less! Said it was someone who was all over the news a lot as of late. All I had to go on were an i and a couple e's. Not a lot of *ease* that *I* could really glean from that! Now, I was sipping some tea at the time, ...

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A man gets a new job.

On his first day, the boss gives him the basic description of his duties, and he says, "No problem, boss. I know just what to do."

And sure enough, he does. The boss is amazed to see that he intuitively knows every process, where everything goes, how everything works, what everyone does.
<...

When you don't have a lot of work experience, but you have a lot of ex-girlfriends

"Progressive problem solving skills in an increasingly difficult work environment, with ever increasing productivity goals, only for the company to downsize and lay you off because 'it wasn't you, it was me' reasons."

What is the most difficult part about being a paedophile?

Being able to fit in.

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The Tomato Garden

An elderly man lived alone. He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, since the ground was hard. His only son, Michael, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Michael,
I am feeling p...

Why did the vegan cross the road?

Just to be difficult, as always.

I don't know why people say cancer is so difficult.

I'm already on stage 4

The teacher noticed that a girl was falling asleep in Sunday school

She knew the girl wasn't paying attention so she asked her, "Who created the world and everything in it?" The boy sitting behind her poked her with his pencil, hard. She screamed, "Oh, God!" and she got that question right. The teacher could swear she wasn't paying attention so she decided to ask th...

My girlfriend asked me the other day how difficult I thought it would be to raise a kid.

Apparently “it can’t be worse than living with you for 18 years” wasn’t the correct answer.

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If you ever think sex in a car is difficult,

Imagine how clowns feel.

An international conference was held to decide what the most annoying musical instrument was.

After intense debate, a shortlist of instruments was created, consisting of the bagpipes, didgeridoo, and vuvuzela, but before a vote was held it was decided that the exact origin of each instrument had to be accounted accounted for beyond any doubt.

The didgeridoo's origin was easily proven,...

No one here needs to read a rant. It's just been difficult these past few hours. I don't know how to proceed.

Alexa. Play Rick Roll.

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A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult surgery.

A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial spongebath.

“Nurse”, he mumbles, from behind the mask. “Are my testicles black?”

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, “I don’t know, Sir. I’m only here to wash your upper body and feet.”

He struggles to ask again, “Nurse, a...

As a fat guy, I tend to avoid wearing skinny jeans.

I find it difficult to pull it off.

It's not difficult to tell alligators and crocodiles apart

One will see you later whereas the other will see you in a while.

I love steak puns, but it's difficult to find any decent ones.

They're a rare medium well done.

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The most difficult actors to work with are children and animals

Especially in pornography

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Why is so difficult to have sex in outer space?

No atmosphere

I once tried to teach cooking at a homeless shelter,

But it was difficult to get the attention of the entire state of California.

A Bar Opened Opposite a Church.....

The Church Prayed Daily against the bar business.

Days later the bar was struck by lightning & caught fire which destroyed it.

Bar Owner Sued the Church Authorities for the cause of its destruction, as it was an action because of their Prayer.

The Church Denied all Responsib...

It was very difficult to switch off my wife's life support system.

You try fighting off 2 nurses, a doctor and my sons.

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The one thing I find difficult about being an atheist

is that I have no one to talk to during an orgasm.

[Long] Trying to find a date had been really difficult for me recently

I’d been having some mental health issues lately and so my doctor prescribed me with some pills to help treat them. Unfortunately they had the unavoidable side affect of making me hallucinate.

My daily routine didn’t change that much, but it did have a huge affect on my dating game. Every da...

Muhammad Ali has two boys.

Both of them head strong and talented like their father, vigorously passionate about their sport. But neither of them took a liking to boxing. They actually had an uncanny knack for driving, or rather, the opposite of driving. They could put a car into perfect position flawlessly every time, even in...

A man joins an atheist club at his school and at the first meeting says "Hello, I'm Christian" and the leader of the club kicks him out.

It's difficult being an atheist named Christian.

What's the most difficult thing about cooking vegetables?

Getting them out of the wheel chair.

Whenever I get into my friend’s car, I find him difficult to understand.

He starts speaking in a Hyundai Accent.

It was really difficult to come to terms with the death of my ex.

But eventually the assassin and I agreed on a fee.

It’s difficult to find a good jaw removal doctor.

You can never rely on word of mouth.

I like to play chess with old people in the park.

Although I will admit that it is difficult to round up 32 of them and get them to play in costume.

Why is it difficult to become a locomotive engineer?

Because it requires lots of training.

There are 2 truly difficult problems in Computer Science

0: Naming things
1: Cache invalidation
2: Off by one errors

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3 women are out on the town for a girl's night.

After 3 hours at the local bar, they are all completely hammered and finding a cab was difficult, so they all decided to walk home. After about 20 minutes they had to piss but no place was open as it was past 3AM however they found a cemetery that was discreet for them all to urinate. The First woma...

Converting pimps to socialism is proving difficult

Maybe I shouldn't have told them they have nothing to lose but their chains

One day a student was taking a very difficult essay exam.

At the end of the test, the prof asked all the students to put their pencils down and immediately hand in their tests. The young man kept writing furiously, although he was warned that if he did not stop immediately he would be disqualified. He ignored the warning, finished the test 10
minutes l...

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A boss is confronted with the difficult decision of downsizing one of his employees.

He spends all week reviewing employee files and records and finally narrows it down to two candidates, Jack Wilson or Betty Sims.

Friday comes around and he still hasn't made the decision. They're both equally qualified in every way, and neither has any real black marks on their record. Final...

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According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington recently was faced with a unique problem...

A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the ne...

Why is it so difficult to wake up certain NBA players in the morning?

They think they're already up.

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A business man goes to Japan

A man has to go to Japan to have a business meeting for his work. When he gets to Japan he is exhausted from traveling and wants to have a little bit of fun, so on his way to his hotel he picks up a sex worker. They get into it and at one point she starts screaming "Gama su, gama su!" To which the m...

Being told I was going deaf...

was very difficult to hear.

A young woman was rummaging through her grandmother’s belongings, and she came across a mysterious lamp.

A young woman was rummaging through her grandmother’s belongings, and she came across a mysterious lamp. Upon rubbing the lamp, Rick Astley appeared before her and said, “I will give you three wishes.”

She thought for a moment and said, “For my first wish I would like to end world hunger.” ...

Why is it so difficult to move mail?

Because it’s stationary.

It's not difficult to be an insomniac

**I became one overnight.**

When you are telling a story to identical twins, make sure you tell them the complete version.

It’s very difficult to tell them a part.

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I feel people underestimate how difficult it can be for a guy working in porn.

It's one of the hardest jobs you can get.

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Rough life

A cucumber, a pickle and a penis are in a heated debate over who's life is more difficult.

The cucumber says "man, I've got it rough...when I get big, fat and juicy, they rip me off the vine, slice me up, put me in a salad and eat me!"

The pickle laughs and says "that's nothing. When I...

Helium walks into a bar.

Or, rather than walks, floats; for helium, at room temperature, is a gas, and thus has no legs with which to walk, and, due to its lighter-than-air nature, does not sink to the ground. The bartender himself is confused, for not only is helium invisible to the naked eye in the absence of another obje...

Story with a moral

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out t...

When life gives you lemons

Freeze them and throw them as hard as you can at the people making your life difficult

Why is teaching calculus so difficult in the South?

They hate integration

Learning Russian is difficult

You really have to Putin the effort and can’t be Stalin everyday

Why are redneck murders so difficult to solve?

There are no dental records and all the DNA matches.

What's the most difficult thing for a woman with a colostomy?

Finding shoes to match her bag.

Life without a girlfriend is difficult

It just keeps getting harder.

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