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Why is it so difficult for a T-Rex to masturbate?

Because they're extinct.

What did the farmer say to the corn that was being difficult?

Go shuck yourself.


What did the mom say to her child walking through the cornfield?

Watch out for stalkers.


Sorry for all the corny jokes.

It's not difficult to be a taxi driver if you're dyslexic.

It's easy as CAB

My friend went on a vacation to Finland over the summer but he found communicating with the locals to be difficult

He had trouble finnishing his sentences

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My friend said it's really difficult to make jerky...

but it seems pretty cut and dry to me.

It's difficult to tell people what my wife does for a living...

She sells seashells by the seashore.

Arranging a funeral for my boss is turning out to be more difficult than I thought.

He keeps asking what we are doing.

Apparently doing your homework while watching stand-up comedy is quite difficult

You'd have to read in between the lines

They say making hay is difficult...

I don't know, it seems rather cut and dried...

My GPS is difficult to use whenever I try to look up specific coordinates.

It has a bad latitude.

Using every letter in the alphabet in just one sentence makes things difficult, but to be fair...

quiz wax

I had to traverse some recreational grassland and my friend asked if it was difficult.

I said it was a walk in the park.

Organic chemistry is difficult

Those who study it have alkynes of trouble

My father has had a very difficult week

Someone stole his favorite playing cards and I don't know if he'll ever be able to deal with the loss.

At first it was difficult to remember how to throw a boomerang.

Then it started to come back to me.

What's green and difficult to see through?

What's green and difficult to see through?

>!Kermit the fog!<


What's green and runs?

>!Kermit the jog!<


What's green and written once a week?

>!Kermit the blog!<


What's green and made of wood?

>!Kermit the log!<
...

When you are dead you dont know you are dead. It is only difficult for the others.

It is the same when you are stupid.

I had a difficult, emotional talk with my 9-year-old son this morning. There was a lot of crying and "nobody wants me on their team" and "I haven't got any friends".

Anyway, he was very nice about it and gave me some good tips for being more sociable.

English is difficult

It can be understood though through tough thorough thought

My Doctor just advised me to quit drinking. This is going to be really difficult and a big adjustment...

I’ve been with this Doctor for 35 years.

Why is it difficult for alcoholics to become lawyers?

It’s hard for them to pass the bar.

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Me: I'm having a difficult time getting over my mother.

Therapist: I've got a trampoline.

Man : 'It is really difficult to raise a family.'

Man : 'It is really difficult to raise a family.'

Necromancer: 'Not if they are buried close together.'

Man: 'What ? ... '

Necromancer: 'What ? ... '

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It already wasn't easy to accept that my father is gay. But it was even more difficult when I eventually discovered that...

...my other father is too.

Why was the PTA meeting homicide difficult to solve?

Because it wasn't apparent who did it.

Why is it difficult to borrow money from a leprechaun?

Because he’s always a little short.

My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.

If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

Why didn't the Romans find algebra very difficult?

Because X was always 10

A renowned philosopher was held in high regard by his driver, who listened in awe as his boss lectured and answered difficult questions about the nature of things and the meaning of life.

Then, one day, the driver approached the philosopher and asked if he was willing to switch roles for just one evening. The philosopher agreed, and, for a while, the driver handled himself remarkably well.

However, when the time came for questions, someone at the back of the room asked him, "I...

it's difficult to date when you have OCD.

Every time my girlfriend gets turned on, I turn her off again.I

(Jimmy Carr)

“The thing about quotes from the Internet is that it is difficult to define their authenticity.”

-Abraham Lincoln, 1933

As a punishment I was once made to answer a difficult question while riding up and down the elevator.

....
It was wrong on so many levels.
....

A confused young man was in a difficult situation. He couldn't decide whether to marry Kathryn or Edith. Even though he tried as hard as he could, he was unable to make up his mind. Not willing to give up either, he strung them along for far too long.

This indecision continued until both young women got tired of the situation and left him for good.


Moral of the story: You can't have your Kate and Edith too.

“Dad, Is the Fibonacci sequence difficult to understand?”

“Nope. Easy as 1,1,2,3...”

A Sea Captain is complaining about how difficult his life is without a leg and an arm

He says to his crew mates, " When ye missin' two major parts of ye, thar ain't many things ye can do. "

The lookout hollers from the crow's nest " I 'ave it worse Captain! "

" Oh!? " The Sea Captain exclaims " 'n which two parts of ye be missin'? "

To which the lookout replies "...

Buying cigarettes has become quite difficult lately.

My dad is trying to get some for over two years now.

It was extremely difficult to switch off my mother in law’s life support system.

I had to fight the doctor, my wife, and her siblings to finally do it.

“I know this is difficult for you ma’am, but we need to know exactly how you were tortured by the accused. You said that after the hot poker came the pliers pulling out your toenails, but each time you start to tell us the final torture, you break down. Now take a deep breath, & tell the court...”

“Well”, she sobbed, “before he let me go [sob] he made me... he made me........ watch ‘Holmes and Watson’ twice in one sitting”

I heard it was difficult to do a self circumcision...

But I managed to pull it off.

Which animals are most difficult to impress?

Goats
Because they find everything "Mehhhhhhhhh".

I don't understand why guys think it's so difficult to take off a girl's bra.

I can do it with both hands behind my back!

No nut November was pretty difficult but

I beat it

No one here needs to read a rant. It's just been difficult these past few hours. I don't know how to proceed.

Alexa. Play Rick Roll.

I find abortion to be a difficult topic.

On one hand, i am for killing babies. But on the other hand, i don't want to give woman any more rights.

What is the most difficult part of the vegetable to eat?

The wheelchair

Why is the most difficult phrase to pronounce if you have a lisp?

"I love you"

Source: my father has a lisp

What is the most difficult part about being a paedophile?

Being able to fit in.

My girlfriend asked me the other day how difficult I thought it would be to raise a kid.

Apparently “it can’t be worse than living with you for 18 years” wasn’t the correct answer.

I don't know why people say cancer is so difficult.

I'm already on stage 4

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If you ever think sex in a car is difficult,

Imagine how clowns feel.

What's the most difficult thing about cooking vegetables?

Getting them out of the wheel chair.

I love steak puns, but it's difficult to find any decent ones.

They're a rare medium well done.

[Long] Trying to find a date had been really difficult for me recently

I’d been having some mental health issues lately and so my doctor prescribed me with some pills to help treat them. Unfortunately they had the unavoidable side affect of making me hallucinate.

My daily routine didn’t change that much, but it did have a huge affect on my dating game. Every da...

It’s difficult to find a good jaw removal doctor.

You can never rely on word of mouth.

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Why is so difficult to have sex in outer space?

No atmosphere

It was really difficult to come to terms with the death of my ex.

But eventually the assassin and I agreed on a fee.

Why is it difficult to become a locomotive engineer?

Because it requires lots of training.

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The one thing I find difficult about being an atheist

is that I have no one to talk to during an orgasm.

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The most difficult actors to work with are children and animals

Especially in pornography

Whenever I get into my friend’s car, I find him difficult to understand.

He starts speaking in a Hyundai Accent.

Converting pimps to socialism is proving difficult

Maybe I shouldn't have told them they have nothing to lose but their chains

It was very difficult to switch off my wife's life support system.

You try fighting off 2 nurses, a doctor and my sons.

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A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult surgery.

A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial spongebath.

“Nurse”, he mumbles, from behind the mask. “Are my testicles black?”

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, “I don’t know, Sir. I’m only here to wash your upper body and feet.”

He struggles to ask again, “Nurse, a...

One day a student was taking a very difficult essay exam.

At the end of the test, the prof asked all the students to put their pencils down and immediately hand in their tests. The young man kept writing furiously, although he was warned that if he did not stop immediately he would be disqualified. He ignored the warning, finished the test 10
minutes l...

It's not difficult to tell alligators and crocodiles apart

One will see you later whereas the other will see you in a while.

Why is it so difficult to wake up certain NBA players in the morning?

They think they're already up.

Why is it so difficult to move mail?

Because it’s stationary.

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A boss is confronted with the difficult decision of downsizing one of his employees.

He spends all week reviewing employee files and records and finally narrows it down to two candidates, Jack Wilson or Betty Sims.

Friday comes around and he still hasn't made the decision. They're both equally qualified in every way, and neither has any real black marks on their record. Final...

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I feel people underestimate how difficult it can be for a guy working in porn.

It's one of the hardest jobs you can get.

There are 2 truly difficult problems in Computer Science

0: Naming things
1: Cache invalidation
2: Off by one errors

I've been told I have a difficult time staying on task,

But really I just think

Learning Russian is difficult

You really have to Putin the effort and can’t be Stalin everyday

Why is teaching calculus so difficult in the South?

They hate integration

What's the most difficult thing for a woman with a colostomy?

Finding shoes to match her bag.

It's not difficult to be an insomniac

**I became one overnight.**

After Mrs. Jacobs found out her husband was sterile, the couple decided to hire a proxy father...

After Mrs. Jacobs found out her husband was sterile, the couple decided to hire a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Jacobs kissed his wife and said 'I'm off to work, Lydia. The guy should be here soon.'

Wouldn't you know it, a door-to-door baby...

Why are redneck murders so difficult to solve?

There are no dental records and all the DNA matches.

Why is success in the shaving industry so difficult?

Razor thin margins.

The most difficult, complex, confusing, controversial, enraging, emotional, and thought provoking question of the 21st century....

Are you male or female?

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Why was Donald Trumps birth so difficult?

He wouldn't stop grabbing the pussy.

Little Jonny is having a difficult time with the math lesson so...

The teacher, Miss Cooper decides to use a situation that little Jonny can relate to. She knows little Jonny likes to hunt birds so she asks little Jonny "if there are if 5 birds on a wooden fence and you shoot one how many are left"? Little Jonny replies "none" once you shoot one the other birds fly...

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It’s difficult to clean a litter box in the dark...

You can’t see shit.

Some people think it's difficult to live with Erectile Dysfunction

But really, it's not that hard.

I've recently found this incredibly difficult mobile game, that involves matching things. I wish I could turn down the difficulty setting.

Whatever this "Tinder" thing is, it's kicking my ass.

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Why is it difficult to break up with a Japanese girlfriend?

Because you have to drop the bomb twice for her to get the message.

It's very difficult to gather mushrooms in Chernobyl

they scramble in all directions when you walk up to them.

Ebola causes headaches, feelings of nausea and is very difficult to get rid of.

Is it a virus or a free U2 album?

It's difficult being a dyslexic agnostic

I'm never quite sure whether or not there's a dog

Why is it more difficult for men to pee when they have an erection?

I don't know. Its just harder i guess.

Why is it difficult to find Sin and Tan?

Just Cos.

Kanye West hospitalised in Los Angeles. At this difficult time, our thoughts and prayers go out to...

...all the hospital staff.

My wife told me that cooking was getting very very difficult due to her 8 months pregnancy

So I added telescope handles on all of the kitchen utensils. I love my wife.

Why are automatic vehicles difficult to drive?

Because they don't come with a manual

Riding a horse can be difficult. You could always choose to ride a mule instead...

but that would be half-assed.

It's difficult to get anything specific out of a bedding expert...

...since they're always making blanket statements

Why is it difficult to make fun of the Large Hadron Collider?

Because it's hard to discern.

Why is it so difficult to explain puns to kleptomaniacs?

Because they take everything literally !

One day, Einstein has to speak at an important science conference.

On the way there, he tells his driver that looks a bit like him:


"I'm sick of all these conferences. I always say the same things over and over!"

The driver agrees: "You're right. As your driver, I attended all of them, and even though I don't know anything about science, I coul...

What do you call a difficult problem in chemistry?

A chemystery.

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