My teenage daughter can't decide whether she wants to be a hairdresser or a short story writer...

I guess she'll have to flip a coin....

Heads or Tales.

Whats another name for a hairdresser?

A locksmith.

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A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:

"Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"
"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"
"Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, th...

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I told my hairdresser to make me look sexy.

She put down the hair clippers and started drinking.

Hairdresser: Would you like a haircut ?

Boy: No, I’d like them all cut

A hairdresser got put it jail for 9 years because he was drug dealing

All this time, I've been coming to him and never did I know that he was a hairdresser

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I asked the hairdresser to cut my hair like Elvis.

Stupid bastard started dancing around the shop.

I have come to realise how bad hairdressers are to have as friends.

They are always talking about you behind your back.

I told my hairdresser I wanted my hair cut like Tom Cruise...

...so they gave me 2 cushions to sit on.

Hairdresser Arrested

A hairdresser was arrested near the quarry today, she was grooming miners

My hairdresser friend has started breeding dogs.

He calls them shampoodles.

Having a parent who was a hairdresser had some advantages...

Getting my hair dyed at home was a personal highlight.

I walked into the hairdressers and sat down in the chair.

On the wall there was a sign that said: £70 for a haircut.

I gulped.

The woman assessed my hair and said, "Hello, sir. How much would you like off?"

I said, "About £55."

How I lost my job as a hairdresser.

I had just about finished styling a very wealthy lady's hair. I put down the hair dryer, and placed a hand mirror behind her head. "OK, how's that?", I asked.

She sniffed, and said "more volume."

#"OK, HOW'S THAT!?"

Who’s a hairdresser’s favorite musical artist?

Harry Styles

My hairdresser asked me how I wanted my hair cut

Me : Anything that will make me look good

Hairdresser : oh uhm. \**awkward silence*\* I can try

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John Cooper Clarke's hairdresser joke, slightly paraphrased.

A man is at the hairdresser and makes conversation.

The hairdresser asks him "You going anywhere for your holidays?"

The man says, "Me and my wife are going to Rome".

"Why do you want to go to Rome?"

"I love Italian food".

"Well, it's all fish and chip shops in Rom...

Today my hairdresser gave me a bad haircut

But i think it is growing on me

A Jamaican man has stormed into my hairdressers and demanded I give him a new style.

I'm dreading it.

How did the hairdresser win the race?

How did the hairdresser win the race?
He took a shortcut

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Woman was at the hairdresser

Hairdresser was making small talk, “what’s new?” She says.

The woman replies, “ I am about to go on vacation. I’ve been saving for years and next week I leave .”

“Flying or driving?” Asks the hairdresser.

“I’m flying Jet Blue”.

“Jet Blue? They’re awful. The seats are t...

[OC] Why are hairdressers suicidal

They just want to dye.

(My first oc please don’t hurt me)

"Mom, when do the hairdressers open again?"

"I'm dad."

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This woman’s at her hairdresser’s, and she says, “I’m going to Rome on holiday.” He says, “Oh really, what airline are you taking?” She says, “Alitalia.” He says, “Alitalia, are you crazy? That’s terrible, don’t take that.”

He says, “Where are you gonna stay?” She says, “I’m gonna stay at The Hassler.” “The Hassler! What, are you kidding? They’re renovating the Hassler. You’ll hear hammering all night long. You won’t sleep. What are you gonna see?” She says, “I think I’m going to try to go to the Vatican.” “The Vatican...

Have you heard about the hairdresser who passed away?

She dyed.

Don’t know why but this was about this first thing I thought of when I woke up this morning

Did you know Conan was a hairdresser?

He was Conan the Barberarian

A blonde Australian tourist walks into a hairdresser's in England.

"Did you come here to dye?" the hairdresser asks her. After a little pause she replies "No, I already came here yesterday."

One day a blonde went to the hairdresser...

The blonde ordered a trim but insisted that she absolutely could not take off the headphones she was wearing. The hairdresser declined and kicked her out of his barber shop.The blonde kept repeating the same request at different hairdresser’s until one finally agreed. As she was getting her trim the...

Why did the band Sepultura have to go to the hairdressers?

Because you could see their roots, bloody roots.

A new hairdressers for angry gamers opened up in my town.

It's called 'Dye Dye Dye!'

A blonde walks into a hairdressers

She asks the hairdresser for a trim. The hair dresser asks her to take a seat but tells the blonde she needs to remove her headphones.

Blondie insists she can't remove them and the lady will have to do the best job she can.

After a while the hairdresser gets frustrated and says, "sorry...

How can you tell you need a new hairdresser ?

The pile of swept-up ears in the corner.

I told my hairdresser a joke

She dyed laughing

A hairdresser got arrested for dealing drugs and running an escort service.

Unbelievable. Been a customer for years and I never knew he was a hairdresser!

I'm gonna have to find a new hairdresser...

...because I'm *sick* of this one talking behind my back.

A terrible hairdresser was known for cutting customers' scalps with scissors.

One such customer, fed up and covered in wounds, told the hairdresser off.

The hairdresser snapped back, "Hey buddy, show some appreciation! You only paid $5 for this haircut, and I've already used $10 worth of bandages!"

\- From "Philogelos", an ancient Greek joke book dated to around...

My wife had an appointment at the hairdressers this morning

Before she left the house she said to me 'I fancy having a different cut for a change, what sort of cut do you think would make me look attractive?'
Apparently, a power cut wasn't the answer she was looking for
I'm sure my bruises will soon fade

I went to a Jamaican hairdresser once

It was dreadful

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A guy went to the hairdressers...

and sat down in the chair.

The hairdresser, a very attractive woman, places the cloak over him and gets to work. After a few minutes she notices that the cloak is moving up and down around the area of his crotch. Disgusted she whips the cloak off him

"How dare you do that in my salon!"...

A blonde girl...

...wants to know what life is like as a brunette girl, os she goes to the hairdresser and has her hair died brown.

Eager to show the wrld her newly acquired intelligence, she goes on a walk and meets a shepherd.. She walks towards him and says:

‟if i can guess how many sheep you've i...

My hairdresser doesn't cut my hair any longer....

He cuts it shorter instead.

A barber, a hairdresser, and bigfoot walk into a bar...

You know what...I'm gonna shave this joke for another time.

My wife came back home from the hairdresser's. She asked me what I thought of her new look, and she got upset when I made my observation.



'So, you think I look like a bulldog!' she wept.

I laughed to myself.

'No! You need to get your ears tested!' I replied.

'Oh...' she began to smile.

'I said you look like a bald hog,' I added.

I went into the hairdressers and people were getting their heads cut off with giant pruning scissors

It was shear barberism.

It's like my Klingon hairdresser said:

It's a good day to dye.

Did you hear about the time Bob Marley went to the hairdressers?

He was dreading it

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A mother and her young daughter take a trip to the bakery where the daughter selects a delicious cupcake to eat.

On the way home the mother decides to stop and get her hair done at the hairdressers.
The mother takes a seat in the hairdressers chair and daughter plonks herself down next to Mum and starts eating her cupcake.
The hairdresser begins cutting away at Mums hair, looks down to the daughter and s...

A blonde goes to the hairdresser

A blonde goes to the hairdresser wearing headphones. The hairdresser asks her to take her headphones off. No! The blonde replies. But m’ am, your headphones are in the way, please take them off. No! The blonde says again. Because the blonde refuses to take her headphones off, the hairdresser sees bu...

My hairdresser answered life's most important question for me..

Now I know what happens when you dye.

A blonde goes to a hairdresser

A blonde went to a hairdresser to get her hair cut, when she walked in and sat down the hairdresser asked her to take out her earphones

'oh no, I can't do that my mother and father told me to never take them out'

The hairdresser said that she would have to as he could not cut her hair ...

The hairdresser was washing my hair, she said "Do you want any conditioner?"

I said, "Extra volume?" and she said "DO YOU WANT ANY CONDITIONER?!"

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Guess what I got asked at the hairdresser's earlier.

Fucking everything.

Why are hairdressers never late for work?

They know all of the short cuts!

A blonde walked into a hairdresser with headphones on...

...And says to the hairdresser, "Do anything with my hair, but don't take the earphones off".

So the hairdresser started to cut but was finding it pretty difficult, so he thinks "What could happen if I took the headphones off?", and he took them off. The blonde dropped dead straight away.
...

There Once was a tall hairdresser...

There once was a tall hairdresser. He worked in the business for years upon years, having to bend over every day to get a good view of his work. After over 40 years of working in the business, he decides that he will begin to offer free haircuts on one condition.

It’s only for his longest sta...

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I told my hairdresser to just take a little bit off.

It makes me more relaxed when I can see her breasts.

Don't use Cops to protect the Capitol building!

Use barbers and hairdressers, the threat of a shave, shampoo and haircut should have most of them running for the hills!

A lady went into the hairdressers in Ashington (NE England)...

The hairdresser asked her what she'd like done.

"I'd like a perm please."

Somewhat puzzled the hairdresser began "Mary had a little learm..."

Bible characters on Tinder

What would the tinder profiles of Bible characters look like?

Example: Delilah - Philistine and feisty. Strong guys make me weak. I am an aspiring hairdresser

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Bob and bill are looking over the star destroyer blueprints

"Hey bob, do we need any turrets on the bottom half of this Star Destroyer?"

"What d'you mean Bill?"

"The bottom half. It looks like we have about a dozen of these massive building-sized rotating double-barreled turrets on the top half, but pretty much nothing on the bottom half."
<...

People will get really angry if you don't refer to their proper job title.

My son's hairdresser didn't like being called a child groomer.

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Four men got together to play golf one sunny morning.

As they were heading out to the course, one of them was detained by a phone call.

The other three were discussing their children while walking to the first tee.

"My son," said one proudly, "has made quite a name for himself in the home building industry. He began as a carpenter, but n...

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Two Old Ladies

Two old ladies are at the hairdresser. One is happy and one is sad. The happy one asks “what’s wrong honey?”
The sad one replied “it’s my sex life. It’s non-existent. “
Happy lady says “well I’m so happy because my sex life is great!”
Sad lady “really? Why is that?”
Happy one “it’s sim...

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My Grandad told me this one (the guy is a legend)

A girl is sat in the hairdresser's, eating some cake.

She is sat quite close to the barber, so she asks,

"Excuse me sir, would you mind moving away from me a bit, I'm going to get hair on my muffin"

He replies, "Yeah, and your gonna get tits aswell."


NOTE: I have no c...

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Four guys go golfing.

Four guys go golfing. One of them is held up in the country club with some accounts to settle, so he tells the others to start without him and he'll catch up.

The other three guys move on to the first hole and start talking about their kids.

The first man says, “I'm really proud of my ...

There once was a blonde woman who was tired of everyone making fun of her for being a “dumb blonde”.

There once was a blonde woman who was tired of everyone making fun of her for being a “dumb blonde”.

Having enough with the stereotype, she went to the hairdresser and had her hair dyed brunette.

On her way home, she was driving past a field full of sheep.

She got excited and s...

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Women will keep going back to the same man that hurt them

but will never go back to the hairdresser that fucked up their hair style that one time

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My cousin is a super hairy dude,

We used to nickname him Cousin "It" affectionately.

I remember chatting to him in our freshmen year trying to figure out what our dreams and aspirations were. Cousin It was a weird dude, he didn't really fit in most circles! He was always super quiet and didn't stand out much.
He was hell...

A man walks into a Toy shop...

He walks up to a shop assistant and asks what Barbie dolls the store has as he needs a gift for his daughter, the assistant replies "Come with me and I'll show you". The store assistant brings the man to the Barbie aisle and says "we have a hairdresser Barbie for £20, a BMX Barbie for £35, a footba...

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All anti-semites

Young Isaac knocks on his boss's door.
Boss: "come in!, yes Isaac what can i do for you?"
Isaac: "I can't work here anymore! I quit! Everyone who work here is anti-semite!"
Boss: "What? What are you talking about? I guess there might be one or two, but everyone? come on, it's ridiculous!"...

Blonde goes to the salon.

A blonde walked into a salon wearing huge headphones. When it was her turn to get her haircut, the hairdresser requested for her to remove her headphones. The blonde said it was very important for her to keep them on. The hairdresser complied and started cutting her hair. After a while she was havin...

Did you hear about the hairdresser that had cancer?

She dyed

A blonde is roller-skating down the board-walk one day.

A blonde is roller-skating down the board-walk one day. She's just skating along in her lycra pants, smiling at everyone, listening to her Walkman.

She decides that she really needs a haircut. She skates into the first salon she sees and goes up to the hairdresser and says, "I need a haircut....

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4 guys are on the golf course...

One of the guys gets a phone call so he turns around and takes his call. Meanwhile the other 3 guys start talking about how successful their sons are.

The first guy says, "My son is so successful. He started out as a car salesman and he was so good at it he made enough money to open up hi...

A blonde goes to get her haircut.

When she sits down onto the chair, the hairdresser notices that she's wearing headphones. The hairdresser asks her to take them off, but she refused. She said, "If I take these off I'll die." The hairdresser was puzzled, but she cuts her hair anyways. While she's getting her haircut, the blonde fall...

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