A snake goes in to see the optometrist because his eyesight is failing.

“It’s actually affecting my life. I can’t hunt anymore because I can’t see.”



The doctor fits the snake for glasses and the snake immediately notices an improvement in his eyesight. A week later, the doctor calls the snake to check how the glasses are holding up.



“They’r...

Had to drive my girlfriend to the optometrist because she was having issues with her vision

Turns out she was seeing other people

I needed to go to the optometrist the other day, guess who I bumped into?

Everyone

How many optometrists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

1 or 2?

1? or 2?

It's half a year left before all the optometrists go out of business!

Because everyone will have 2020 vision!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went to the optometrists office and the doctor said "my god sir you have to stop masturbating"

I said: Why doc am I going blind?"

He said: no, but you're upsetting my other patients!

What did the wife tell the optometrist?

Stop, you’re making a spectacle.

Did u know 70% of Chinese optometrists have cataracts

The other 30 drive Rincolns

[Long] An old man with a broken glasses went to see an Optometrist

He bring a newspaper with him and said that he can't read.

So the optometrist checked his eyes and give him a generic reading glasses.

"Can you read now?" Asked the optometrist.

"Nope. I can't read." Said the old man promptly.

Confused the optometrist go look for differ...

Optometrists always live long lives

It's because they dilate

What did the optometrist say when he walked into another doctor's prostate exam

How many fingers is he holding up?

You ever been to an optimistic optometrist?

They’ll tell you that your glasses are half full.

My optometrist told me I have bad vision

I don't see the problem

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A joke I made up that's funny only when you look back at it.

This guy shows up to his optometrist and says "I have a weird problem",



The Optometrists replies, "What seems to be the trouble?"



The guys says, "Everything's blurry. My vision is horrible!"



"That's pretty common", the Optometrist replies. "We can certai...

Why did the cell phone go see an optometrist?

It needed contacts.

What’s an optometrist’s favourite terrorist group?

Iris

What’d the Australian optometrist say to his 20/20 patient?

“Good eye might”

I love my optometrist

He’s a true visionary.

I'm so glad I stumbled across that optometrist's webpage...

...it was a site for sore eyes.

What does the evil optometrist say?

"you'll see. You'll all see! Muahahahaha!"

I was at the optometrist's office yesterday. I asked if we could pause the test because I really needed to go to the bathroom.

He asked, "Number one or number two?".

A patient goes to a new optometrist.

“What seems to be the problem?”

“Well something is wrong with my left eye. It doesn’t seem right.”

“Well that’s because it’s your left. Any other questions?”

(From Grandpa RIP) A Chinaman walks into an optometrist’s office. The optometrist says, “Well it seems like you have a cataract.”

The chinaman says “Nooooo, I drive a Rincoln Continental”

A doctor, a priest and an engineer go golfing...

After only a few rounds, they get caught behind the worst group of golfers they've ever seen. After growing impatient from waiting for them to finish their holes, they go into the clubhouse to complain.

"Let me explain," says the manager. "You see, those men all used to be firefighters, s...

I think my optometrist is in love with me.

Every time I leave his office he hands me a bottle of contact solution and says "Eye care for you"

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An Asian man walks into an optometrist's office

AFter testing the mans vision the doctor says to him
"Sir i belive you have a cataract"
"Nonsense" the man says "I drive a Rincoln"

What do you call a Muslim optometrist who has no regards for his patients?

Asif Eyecare

An Opthalmologist, an Optometrist, and an Optician walk into a bar...

nobody on reddit could see the difference

As my mother got older, her vision got worse so her optometrist prescribed her progressive lenses...

Now she can't see race.

An optometrist asks a woman out on a date

I have a couple of ideas:

1: Dinner
2: Movies

1 or 2? 1.. 2..? 1..... or 2?

A chinaman goes to see his optometrist

A chinaman goes to see his optometrist and the doctor says, "Well sir, I think I see you're problem, you seem to have a cataract." The patient replies, "No, you're wrong, I drive a Rincoln Continentu."

Why don't optometrists do drugs?

They're always contact high.

Why did the man decide to go to the optometrist before trying ecstasy since he wasn't planning on going to the beach?

Eye before E except after Sea.

"Doctor, doctor, I keep seeing green spots." "Have you seen an optometrist?"

"No, just green spots."

Did you hear about the Optometrist who helps police solve crimes?

He's a Private I

My optometrist likes to make eye puns

they keep getting cornea and cornea

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A man walks into his optometrist's office...

The optometrist says to him, "Sorry Steve, but you have to stop masturbating."

Steve says, "I knew it. I'm going blind aren't I? I overdid it."

The optometrist says, "You're not going blind, Steve, you're just freaking out everyone in the waiting room."

I broke up with my girlfriend, who is an Optometrist

She meant well, but she was just too annoying in bed. She was always saying, "So, do you like it better like this.... or like this?"

An optometrist was preparing an arranged marriage...

An optometrist was preparing an arranged marriage for his 18 year old daughter and needed to find a suitable husband. His daughter was extremely beautiful and has had many men across the world ask for her hand in marriage and her father began seeing which of these men would suit her. After searching...

The optometrist told me I had Gary Larson disease

I'm farsided

I used to work as an optometrist

It was a real eye-opening experience

How does an optometrist make love?

Better like this ... or better like this?

What do you call an Eskimo optometrist?

...An optical Aleutian.





I actually made this one up.
But if someone else said it first, I wouldn't be surprised.

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My friend's boyfriend is an optometrist and a sadomasochist.

She says he's a real sight for sore eyes even though he can be a pain in the ass.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did Hitler visit the optometrist so much?

cause he could nazi

A Polish man goes to the eye doctor...

A Polish man goes to the eye doctor. The bottom line of the eye chart has the letters:

C Z Y N Q S T A S Z

The Optometrist asks „Can you read this?”

„Read it?”, the Pole replies, „I know the guy!”

I went to the Optometrists to buy some glasses the other day, you'll never guess who I ran into...

Everyone.

What do you call a Transformer that's also an optometrist?

Oculus Prime.

Did you hear about the optometrist who fell into a lens grinder?

He made a spectacle of himself...

I should have gone to see the optometrist

I can't anymore

I went to the optometrist the other day and he told me I was colourblind...

It came right out of the purple

Engineering

A doctor, a priest, and an engineer are out golfing one day. To their dismay, they are stuck behind a very very slow threesome of men who cannot hit the ball in the right direction no matter what they do. The doctor flags over the course owner and asks him why these guys are so terrible, and if it w...

A man goes to his optometrist...

He complains, "Doc, I can't see things far away. What can you do to help?" The optometrist says "Follow me." and heads outside.

He points to the sun and asks the man, "Can you tell me what you see there?" The man replies, "That's the sun, of course!"

The optometrist then says, "How mu...

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At The Eye Doctor's

A woman went to her optometrist for an exam. The doctor turned the exam chart on the wall and asked her to read it. she replied that she couldn’t see anything. He increased the size to 6″ and asked her to try again. Still nothing.

So he enlarged it again to a foot. Still cant see it. out of f...

Why should optometrists never tell jokes?

Because they're too cornea.

An old Chinese lady goes to see the eye doctor...

The optometrist gives her the regular eye exam then proceeds to do a few more tests because of her advanced age. After peering through one of his instruments into her eyes, he says "Well ma'am, I'm sorry to tell you this, but you've got cataracts." To which the Chinese woman replied, "No cataracts, ...

Asian eye problems

So a Chinese man is having trouble with one of his eyes and goes to see the optometrist. When the testing is over, the optometrist tells the man, "I'm sorry, you have a cataract" in which the Chinese man replies "No I dont! I have a rinkoln continental!"

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