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A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.

the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.


That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house a...

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide."

The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."

The pharmacists eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw...

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An elderly gentleman went to the local drug store and asked the pharmacist to fill his prescription for Viagra..

"How many do you want?" asked the pharmacist.

The man replied, "Just a few, maybe half a dozen. I cut each one into four pieces."
Upon hearing that, the pharmacist said, "That's too small a dose. That won't get you through intercourse."

The old fellow said, "Oh, I'm past ninety ye...

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I went into the drug store and asked the pharmacist if he had Viagra. He said, "Yes".

So I asked, "Can you get it over the counter?"


-

He replied, "If I take two."

A man went into a drug store and asked to talk to a male pharmacist.

The woman he was talking to said that she was the pharmacist and that she and her sister owned the store, so there were no males employed there. She then asked if she could help the gentleman.


He said that it was something that he would be much more comfortable discussing with a male ...

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This message is URGENT; it came from a PHARMACIST!

If you or anyone you know are taking the Viagra pill, make sure it says:

"Made in USA"!

We do not want the Russians meddling in our erections.

2 Smoking Grandmas & 1 Condom

Jane & Arlene are outside the nursing home, having a smoke. A storm blows in and starts sprinkling. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end and puts it over her cigarette and continues smoking.

​

Arlene: What the hell is that?

Jane: It's a condom. This way my ci...

A pharmacist walks into his sho

The pharmacist finds a man leaning against the wall.

“What’s wrong with him?” He asks his assistant.

“He came in for some cough syrup,” explains the assistant. “But I couldn’t find any, so I sold him a bottle of laxatives instead.”

“What!” The pharmacist says, horrified. “You c...

The Pharmacist and a Thermometer

Upon arriving home a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully, she explained, "It's the druggist.. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone. I had to call multiple times before he would even answer the phone."
Immediately, the husband drove downtown to confront the drug...

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A man goes to the pharmacist and asks for Viagra

"Hey so I would like some Viagra, my wife's waiting at home"

"Alright sir, would you like a plastic bag with that?"

"Come on man, she's not THAT ugly"

A teenage boy and a teenage girl are in a relationship, and it was going rather smoothly. . .

. . . The girl asked eventually told the boy that if he would come over for dinner, meet her parents, and make a good impression, that she would reward him by making whoopee with him.

He was pretty excited for the first time, so, being a responsible young man, he immediately went down to his...

When I first bought condoms, there was a beautiful pharmacist at the counter.

She saw me looking a little nervous and she knew this was my first time. After asking if I knew how to use one, she offered to show me.

She took one out, put it on her thumb, and told me to make sure it was on nice and tight.

I was still pretty confused.

She looked around the st...

A woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells size extra large condoms.

He replies, "Yes we do. Would you like to buy some?" She responds, "No sir, but do you mind if I wait around here until someone does?"

A blonde walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for some bottom deodorant.

The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that they don't sell anything called bottom deodorant, and never have.

Unfazed, the blonde assures him that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more.

"I'm sorry," says the pharma...

What do you call a black guy who sells drugs?

A pharmacist, you racist ass.

The Chinese pharmacist

A man sends his wife to pick up his erectile dysfunction medication.

She gets back and they get undressed and get down to business.

The wife stops and says “our new pharmacist is a very nice Chinese man but talks too much politics but don’t worry, I made sure your pills aren’t made i...

A beautiful blonde woman approaches a pharmacist and asks, "Do you have extra large condoms?"

The pharmacist replies, "Yes, isle 11."

The blonde goes to the isle. But about 30 minutes later she is still looking at the condoms. The pharmacist calls over to her, "Do you need some help?"

The woman replies, "No, I'm just waiting for somebody to buy some."

My dream job is being a pharmacist

Not only does it pay well, but you can get a lot of percs

A man in the pharmacy slowly read each box of condoms. the pharmacist asked Sir may I help you find something ? The man said yes I'm looking for condoms with pesticide. The pharmacist said don't you mean spermicide? The man said no sir with pesticide ! the pharmacist asked Why ? The man replied

My wife has a bug up her ass. And tonight I'm going in after it!

The Pharmacist

The pharmacist walks into the store to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall.

He asks the clerk "What's with that guy over there by the wall?"

The clerk responds: "Well, he came in here this morning to get
something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him ...

My pharmacist recently lost his arm.

Now I call him my "phacist".

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A lady walked Into a pharmacy and spoke with the pharmacist

She asks the pharmacist if he has viagra. "I sure do" he responds. "Does it actually work?". "Of course it does." He responds. "Can you get it over the counter?" She asks.

"I can if I take two".

I bought a pack of condoms and the pharmacist asked if I'd like a bag for that.

I said, "no I'm good, she's actually quite pretty"

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The Pharmacist

A young man had been dating a girl for some time, and they finally decide that its time for them to have sex. They decide that he's going to meet her parents, have dinner with the family, and then they will leave and find a nice quiet place to do the deed.

The young man goes to the pharmacy t...

The difference between a pharmacist and a priest...

Is how they give a child a daily dose of D.

I went to buy some condoms today, and I said to the pharmacist, 'Excuse me, I need some condoms.'

He said, 'Just a minute.'

And I said, 'Yep, that's my brand.'

A man walks into a pharmacy, buys a condom, then walks out of the store laughing hysterically. The pharmacist thinks this is weird, but, hey, there's no law preventing weird people from buying condoms. Maybe it's a good thing.

The next day, the man comes back to the store, purchases another condom, and once again he leaves the store laughing wildly. This piques the interest of the pharmacist. What's so funny about buying a rubber, anyway?

So he tells his clerk, "If this guy ever comes back, I want you to follow him...

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A 17-year old dude goes to the pharmacy

A 17-year old dude goes to the pharmacy.

"Hello mister, i'll be at my new girlfriends house for dinner today... you know.. become acquainted with her parents and so on. After the dinner though, i'm probably gonna have some sexy time my girlfriend. You know the deal.
So is there something y...

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My husband is a pharmacist and he told me there is a Viagra nasal spray.

Apparently it's for dickheads.

I was shocked when the registered pharmacist was arrested for prostitution.

She also knew me very well since I have been a customer for years!

But I NEVER knew she was a pharmacist!

Did you hear about the pharmacist who got hit with a bottle of omega 3?

They are okay, the injuries were superfishoil.

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A woman goes into a pharmacy

She says to the pharmacist, "I'd like a poison that will kill my husband but make it look like he died of natural causes."
The pharmacist says, "Ma'am, not only can I not do that for you, I'm going to call the police and report you."
The woman takes out something out of her pocket and hand...

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms.....

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms.
The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.
"Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're hav...

A lady asks her pharmacist, "do you have cotton balls?" "Yes..."

She interrupted, before he could continue. "Oh, I bet it's really quiet when you f*ck!!"

Mrs. Smith walks into a pharmacy and asks to buy poison

'Dear lady, why would you want to buy poison?' asks the pharmacist.

'To kill my husband!'

'I can't sell you poison so you can kill someone!'

As an answer to that, Mrs. Smith puts a picture on the counter where one can clearly see a man and a woman in bed. The man in question is ...

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A man goes to the pharmacists and asks for 3 1/2 Viagra pills

A man goes to the pharmacist and asks for 3 1/2 Viagra pills.

The pharmacist is confused and asks “why 3 1/2?”

The man responds. "Well, Monday I am going to see my mistress and I need two. I need one for Wednesday with my wife. And on Friday, I am going to the sauna and it just needs ...

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A man walks into a pharmacy to buy condoms...

The pharmacist looks at him and asked him if his wife had stopped taking her birth control pills.
"No, these are for my daughter", the man answered

"Oh, is your daughter sexually active?" Asked the pharmacist.

"No, she just lays there, just like her mom"

What did the angry pharmacist say as he handed over some strepsils?

"For cough"

The Pharmacist and the boyfriend

Peter goes into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist "Hello, could you give me condom? I'm going to my girlfriend's place for dinner and I think I may be in with a chance!"

The pharmacist gives him the condom and as Peter was going out he returns and says,"Give me another condom because my ...

A stingy old man and pharmacist know each other

Since a long time. The old man would always buy the cheapest, smallest, generic versions of medicines, would always ask for samples.

One day the old man walks up to the pharmacy....

Old man: i need a new toothbrush because one bristle broke today.

Pharmacist: the pharmacist kn...

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A woman walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for arsenic.

The pharmacist then asks what she needs it for, to which she replies: "I want to use it to poison my husband. The pharmacist says "Ma'am, I can not give you arsenic for that reason." The woman then pulls a photograph from her purse and hands it to him. It was a picture of two people having sex; the ...

I recently attended a funeral

And the procession was going up a steep hill on Main Street. Well all of a sudden the door of the hearst flew open and the coffin fell out. Since the road was so steep it flew back down Main street and into a pharmacy where it crashed into the counter. The lids popped open and the deceased says to t...

I went on a date with a girl who was clearly out of my league.

But she'd heard that I was going to see a movie she wanted to see, and we made a date of it.

On the way over I thought I might get lucky so I went to the drug store and bought a box of condoms.

When I stopped at her house, her family invited me to dinner. I asked if I could say the b...

I asked a pharmacist "do you stock multicoloured tampons?"

"Not since Brexit, they were made for brighter periods."

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A guy walks into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist

A guy walks into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist, "Listen, I have three girls coming over tonight. I've never had three girls at once, and I need something to keep me horny and potent."

The pharmacist reaches under the counter, unlocks the bottom drawer, and takes out a small cardboard ...

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A very old woman, walking slowly and trembling, goes up to the pharmacist...

... and asks, "Exc-c-cuuse m-me...d-d-d-o you s-sell v-v-vibrating dildos?"

The pharmacist is very amused and says, "Sure do m'am! Looking for any one specific?"

"Y-y-yes... d-d-do you s-s-ell th-the F-f-forceF-f-fucker2000?"

The pharmacist can barely contain his laughter.
...

A Pharmacist goes out for lunch

A pharmacist goes out for lunch and leaves his assistant to tend the customers. An hour passes and he returns and sees a man sitting awkwardly. He asks his assistant about the man and his assistant told him the man came in with a bad cough and that he had given him a powerful laxative. The pharmacis...

Bobby buys condoms

Bobby walks into a drug store to buy condoms but couldn't find them. He tells the pharmacist "I'm going to need a dozen condoms?". The pharmacist replies "Sure thing. Big night tonight?" With a chuckle and a smile the Bobby said "Oh yeah, I'm going to take my girlfriends virginity tonight. She's a b...

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I walked into the pharmacist's office and asked for condoms for my 12 year old son.

The pharmacist asked "is your son sexually active?" I replied with "no he just lays there and cries."

My pharmacist thinks I'm a pedophile.

He keeps putting labels on my pills telling me to keep away from children.

At the pharmacist

A guy goes to a pharmacist and asks for a dozen condoms.
The druggist asked " Would you like a paper bag?"
The guy shakes his head and says "Nah, she ain't that ugly."

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Sex is a beautiful thing

This young teenage couple is madly in love and have been dating for some time now. They haven't had sex yet and one day the couple was out on a picnic and the girls tell the boy she wants him to finally meet her parents at dinner tomorrow and after they can make love for the first time.

The ...

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This little boy asks the pharmacist...

..."Do you have any talcum powder?" The pharmacist replies, "Certainly, just walk this way." The little boy says, "If I could walk that way, I wouldn't need talcum powder."

A man walks into a pharmacy

A man walks in to a pharmacy &, after several minutes, walks up to the woman behind the counter.
She asked, "How can I help you?"
The man replied, "I need to speak to a male pharmacist."
The woman responded with, "I'm sorry. My sister & I run this pharmacy. There are no males emplo...

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So the guy asks the pharmacist for a "little help"...

"Ya gotta help me, doc!" cried the man. "I'm not as young as I used to be, and I've got two hot women coming over tonight!"
The pharmy says "I've got just the thing! A little Spanish Fly! Be sure to only use *one drop* per day like the instructions say!"
The man goes home, and deci...

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A man asks the pharmacist for birth control for his 11-year old daughter.

Shocked the pharmacist asks, "11-years old! Is she even sexually active?"

The dad shakes his head saying, "No, she just lays there like her mother."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

First Impressions

A young teenage couple have been dating for a little while, so the girl says to the boy that she wants him to meet her parents. He is a little skeptical at this, but she tells him that if he can make a good impression with them that she will reward him with sex.

Extremely excited at the pros...

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So a deaf mute guy wants to buy a condom

A deaf mute walks into pharmacy to buy condoms. He has difficulty communicating with pharmacist and cannot see condoms on the shelf. Frustrated, the deaf mute finally unzips his pants, places his dick on the counter and puts down a five dollar bill next to it. The pharmacist unzips his pants, does t...

I asked my Pharmacist for advice on telling a rash joke..

he told me to make it topical.

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Boy buying his first box of condoms...

A teenaged boy walks into the pharmacy to buy his first box of condoms. He doesn't really know what he's looking for though so he decides to ask the pharmacist his opinion.

"What can I do for ya son?" The pharmacist asks.

"Well, I'm meeting my girlfriend's parents at dinner tonight, an...

A woman goes to a pharmacy and asks if they have 12 inch size condoms.

"How many do you want", pharmacist replies.

"None, just take my phone number and give it to anyone who comes to buy it".

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Over the counter

A guy walks into a pharmacy and says to the Pharmacist " I've heard a lot about that Viagra stuff does it really work" the pharmacist says "yea it works great" the guy asks "do you think I can get it over the counter" the pharmacist says "Well If you took enough I suppose you could". knee slap

A, B, C

“I would like vitamins for my son,” a mother said.

“Vitamin  A, B or C?”, the pharmacist asked.

“It doesn’t matter”, the mother replied.

“He can’t read yet.”

Something for that cough

The pharmacist needed a short break from the register so he left his son in charge: “just put on the coat and act like you know what you are doing. Ring up the sales as listed. What ever you do, DO NOT give anyone advice. I’ll be back soon”

After a few minutes, a man approached the “pharmac...

2 old ladies..

2 old women were outside smoking Camel cigarettes. It begins to rain, the first old lady pulls out a condom with the tip cut off and slips it over her cigarette. The second old lady says "what the hell is that for?", the first old lady says "so my cigarette doesn't get wet".

Later on the seco...

Two women are smoking cigarettes outside...

...when all of a sudden, it starts to rain. One woman reaches into her pocketbook and pulls out a small square item. She tears it open and unfurls a condom, only to place it over her cigarette, which keeps it dry.

The other woman looks on in awe. “What is that thing? It’s genius! Normally I ...

Smokin’ Old Ladies

Two ladies in their 80s, best friends Ethel and Delores, are smoking while enjoying each other’s company.

“Delores,” Ethel starts, “how do smoke regularly but your lips never chap or crack?”

“Well, I use these,” Delores responds as she pulls out a condom. She then cuts the tip of the c...

Camel

An old man finds a condom in his grandson’s apartment and asks what it is.

“It’s a condom,” replies the grandson, sheepishly.

“What do you use it for?” asks Grandpa.

The grandson is embarrassed, so he says, “I use it to keep my cigarettes dry when I smoke in the rain.”

Gr...

Mr. Johnson's wife of 50 years suggested they take a cruise

Mr. Johnson's wife of 50 years suggested they take a cruise: "We could go somewhere for a week, and make wild love like we did when we were young." He thought it over and agreed.

He went to the pharmacy and bought a bottle of seasick pills and a tube of lubricant. Upon returning home, his wif...

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A lady goes to the pharmacy to buy poison.

Lady: I want to buy your most lethal poison so I can kill my husband.

Pharmacist: C'mon lady. You know damn well I can't do that. That's illegal.

The lady start crying and says: "But he needs to pay! This bastard cheated on me. Look I caught him in the act!"

She pulls out a pict...

[Long] First time buying condoms

When I was 16 years old, I bought my first pack of condoms. I was very nervous as I walked up to the pharmacists. She asked if it was my first time buying condoms. I told her it was.

"Do you know how it works or should I show you?" she asked

"I would like a demonstration", I replied....

A lady is concerned her new puppy dog is deaf

The dog doesn’t seem to hear her trying to call it at all, so she decides to take the puppy to see the vet. The vet says “well sometimes these schnauzers grow to much hair in their ears and can’t hear very well”. The vet checks the puppy’s ears, and sure enough they are overgrown with hair. The vet ...

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A little old woman went to the drugstore and pleaded, "My husband isn't performing as he should, do you have anything that can help?"

The pharmacist smiled and said, "Yes, of course! Viagra!"

Puzzled, she asked, "Is it any good?"

"It's marvelous! I take it myself!" he exclaimed.

"Sounds brilliant, can you get it over the counter?" she inquired.

Sheepishly, he responded, "Well, only if I take four!"

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As of the 25th of January, viagra is going to be sold by its chemical name.

Ask your pharmacist for mycoxaflopin.

Sooo embarrassed...

I told my GF I went to the pharmacist about my ED today...she just laughed and said "I'll go halfsies"

...I still don't think she got my point!!

A gem of a story from my grandfather.

My grandmother needed athlete’s foot cream so they went to a pharmacy to find some. The pharmacist didn’t speak a word of English and after about 5 minutes of trying to explain what my grandmother needed my grandfather gave up and walked out. 2 minutes later my grandmother walked out with the anti f...

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A blonde goes to her chemist..

A blonde goes to her chemist. She's quite embarrassed, so goes to quite a length to get the chemist by themselves. She whispers to the pharmacist, 'I need some more anal deodorant.'

The pharmacist, quite confused, says, 'I'm sorry ma'am, what was that?'

"I need some anal deodorant!" lo...

Senior citizen

I went to my nearby Pharmacy, straight to the back, where the Pharmacists' high counter is located.

I took out my little brown bottle, along with a teaspoon, and set them up on the counter.

The Pharmacist came over, smiled, and asked if he could help me.

I said, "Yes! Could you ...