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Anesthesiologist Jokes

I hate listening to anesthesiologists tell stories.

They always put me to sleep

I'm an anesthesiologist.

I get to pass gas for a living.

After making love, the man excused himself and went into the bathroom.

When he returned, the woman sat up in bed and remarked, "I can tell you are a doctor by the way you washed your hands before and after. "
"Well, that's right, " the fellow said with a self-satisfied grin. "Do you know what kind?"
The woman replied, " I would say an anesthesiologist. "
"How ...

Before my surgery today, the anesthesiologist asked if I'd like to be knocked out with gas or he could just hit me over the head with a canoe paddle. So I guess it was...

...an ether/oar situation.

I used to have a job working for a anesthesiologist

I really hated that job, left me feeling numb

So, apparently Rand Paul was sucker punched...

So Rand Paul, who happens to be an ophthalmologist, apparently got into a fight with his neighbor, an anesthesiologist. Paul claims he was sucker punched, but neither man was badly hurt.

Does make you wonder, though - an ophthalmologist who didn't see it coming and an anesthesiologist who fai...

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A man and a woman meet up for sex

The man, who had really enjoyed himself asks the woman afterwards, "Are you a nurse?" The woman replies "Yes I am. How did you know?" The man answers "because you took care of me so well." The woman then asks him "Are you an anesthesiologist?" He answers proudly, "Yes. How did you know?" The woman r...

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I stopped having sex with my anesthesiologist.

Couldn't feel a fucking thing.

What do anesthesiologists and boxers have in common?

They knock people out for a living

What do you call a rabbit who is an anesthesiologist?

An Ether Bunny

Before the surgery, the anesthesiologist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle...

It was an ether/oar situation.

Never date an anesthesiologist

It’s a real snooze fest.

I used to go out with an Anesthesiologist.

She was a local girl.

I once met an anesthesiologist for a brain surgeon.

They said the pay was great, but the work was mind numbing.

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What's the difference between a urologist and an anesthesiologist?

An urologist plays with somebody else's penis during surgery.

My dad always said

" First rule of theater is always leave them wanting more"

Good actor, bad anesthesiologist.

Why do anesthesiologists have you count backwards from 100 when they put you under?

Because numb is good but number is better.

What fashionable shoes do ninjas wear to the anesthesiologist?

Numb Chucks.

Little Henry’s father

Little Henry was in class and the teacher announced that they were going to try something different to help everyone get to know each other a little better, and to help with their spelling.
She explained, "I want you to stand up and give us the occupation of your father, spell it, and say one thi...

An anesthesiologist asks his colleague, "Man I borrow some chloroform?"

"Knock yourself out."

What kind of doctor was Dr. Huxtable on the Cosby Show?

Anesthesiologist

A hypochondriac goes to his doctor

Hypochondriac: Doctor, I have no idea what’s wrong with me but I’m in pain everywhere on my body. My stomach hurts. My bones and joints hurt. I’m always nauseous. I always have a splitting headache. I’ve come to you for years and you keep telling me there’s nothing wrong but I FEEL like there is som...

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A Doctor Sex Joke

2 Doctors hit it off at a Medical Conference.

After a few drinks they take off to the male Doctors hotel room and engage in sex.

Over breakfast the next day the male Doctor says, “You must be a Surgeon”.
“How did you know that?”
“Well you kept getting up to wash your hands.”
<...

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How many medical professionals does it take to change alight bulb?

One nurse to check the temperature of the bulb. One GP to suspect the bulb is burnt out. One specialist to confirm the diagnosis. A surgeon and an anesthesiologist for this major organ transplant. A team of nurses and PAs to aid in the surgery. And a physical therapist to aid in the socket's recover...

I have a lower back tattoo, and in the delivery room they absolutely refused to give me an epidural...

I have a lower back tattoo, and in the delivery room they absolutely refused to give me an epidural (or any pain meds at all).

I asked if the tattoo was the reason, and the anesthesiologist said “no, it’s because your wife is the one giving birth, not you, sir.”

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How'd You Know?

A young man and woman meet at a bar.

They start to talk and really hit it off, so they decide to go back to her place for the night.

They are just about to get it on when the woman gets up and starts to scrub up in the sink. She carefully washes from the ends of her fingers all the way...

Why do anesthesiologists excel at math?

Cause they are good with numbers.

How I became famous at a hospital during a surgery.

So to give some background information. I was 12 years old at the time and at Emory Hospital in Atlanta, Georgia. The reason why was so I could get a tumor out of my eyeball, which was usually a sign of cancer in people in their 50s-60s, not when they are 12. So when I was in the waiting room for my...

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After having sex

2 doctors are laying in bed after having sex. The guy says "You must be an OBGYN because you can work that pussy." The woman says "You must be an anesthesiologist because I didn't feel a thing."

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At a medical convention, a male doctor and a female doctor start eyeing each other.

The male doctor asks her to dinner and she accepts. As they sit down at the restaurant, she excuses herself to go and wash her hands.

After dinner, one thing leads to another and they end up in her hotel bedroom. Just as things get hot, the female doctor interrupts and says she has to go and ...

No Bedside Manner

I’d never had surgery, and I was nervous. “This is a very simple, noninvasive procedure,” the anesthesiologist reassured me. I felt better, until … “Heck,” he continued, “you have a better chance of dying from the anesthesia than the surgery itself.”

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Two doctors

One night a man and a woman are both at a bar knocking back a few beers. They start talking and come to realize that they're both doctors. After about an hour, the man says to the woman, "Hey. How about if we sleep together tonight. No strings attached. It'll just be one night of fun." The woman doc...

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The American Medical Association has weighed in on Trump's Coronavirus strategy

The Allergists were in favor of scratching it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves. The Gastroenterologist had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.    Meanwhile, Obstetricians felt certain everyone was laboring unde...

Mrs. Patel was reading little Rajinder a bedtime story. He asked, "what will I be when I grow up?" She replied, "you can be anything you want to be."

"Anything?" he asked.

"Yes, you can be anything you want to be. You can be a cardiologist, radiologist, anesthesiologist, neurologist...."

Michael Jordan is wheeled into the hospital for emergency surgery.

He’s brought into the operation room and meets his doctors, but he notices something strange. In the corner, there’s a stage being set up. An anesthesiologist is repeating jokes to herself and wiping her brow. The MRI techs are handling a soundboard in the back. The head surgeon is tuning a guitar b...

In the world of flies, a young fly needed a heart transplant.

After being taken to surgery, the fly anesthesiologist put the young fly to sleep. The fly doctor's assistant cut open the young fly’s chest. He then announced to the fly heart doctor, "Your fly is open."

The heart doctor blushed.

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Two doctors meet at a bar

She takes him back to her place. That morning he is drinking coffee and watching her wash her hands. He says" You must be a surgeon." She replies "What ever gave you that idea?" He said, "I've observed the way you wash your hands you have good eye-hand coordination. And the way you take the time to ...

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A doctor and a nurse hook up for a random "one-time" affair in one of the hospitals many rooms...

...As they are getting ready to "do the deed" the nurse proceeds to scrub-down from fingertips to elbows. The doctor says to her "Hey, you must be an O.R. Nurse right?" To which the nurse replies "well, yes I am, what gave me away?" The doctor says "well, it was easy, you just scrubbed down before ...

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A man is about to have surgery on his penis...

... As the surgeon walks in, he takes a look at the mans penis and yells out, "JESUS CHRIST, MAN!! What the hell happened to you?!?"

Guy on the table says to him, "it's a long story."

"Well we've got some time before the anesthesiologist arrives, so you can lay it on me if you want" ...

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