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A proctologist gets pulled over for speeding.

One day, this car flies over the bridge. The cop at the end of the bridge uses his radar gun and sure enough, the car is speeding. He pulls him over.

Cop: Why the rush, sir?

Man: I was just called to the hospital. I'm a proctologist.

Cop: I've never heard of a proctologist befor...

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While making a delivery to the proctologist’s office....

I was waiting for the doctor to sign for his package. When he finally came out of the back, he reached for his coat pocket for a pen, but instead pulled out a rectal thermometer. He just stared at it for a moment with a puzzled look on his face and said:

“Well....I guess some asshole has my ...

So an astronaut, a pimp and a proctologist all walk into a bar....

"I drive a Saturn", says the astronaut.

"I drive a cheap escort", says the pimp

The proctologist says "I've got you all beat. I drive a brown probe"

A proctologist fed up with his job decided to pursue his lifelong dream of becoming a diesel mechanic.

He decides to enroll in a course at the local community college to learn the basics. He’s a talented student. Before he knows it, he’s acing all of the paper exams and quizzes.

At the final evaluation, the proctologist is asked to apply what he learned by completely disassembling, rebuilding,...

A former proctologist was getting tired of his job and the relentless teasing of his friends...

...so he decided to explore the field of auto mechanics.

He went to an auto trade school to get certified and generally excelled at everything. After a lengthy time, the day of his final certification test finally arrived. The former proctologist conducted the hands-on practical and then ea...

A proctologist gets sick of his medical career and decides it's time for a change. He does a bit of research and settles on trying his hand at being a mechanic. He attends mechanic school diligently and pays attention in the hopes of being the best mechanic in town.

After taking his final exam, he notices a mistake with the grade on the test and asks the teacher.

"Sir, you have me 150% out of a possible 100% on the practical exam. This must be a mistake!"

The teacher replies, "It's no mistake. 50% of the grade is for perfect disassembly of the en...

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A guy walks into a proctologist’s office with a piece of lettuce poking out of his ass.

The doc says “What do we have here?”
The guy replies “That’s just the tip of the iceberg.”

A proctologist pulls a thermometer out from his coat pocket...

Great, now some A**hole has my pen!

My Proctologist has a back injury...

But he came to work to give me my exam anyway. Great guy. He sounds like he's in pain. I said, "Take it easy doc, you don't want to hurt yourself." He said, "I'm fine, just let me put my hands on your shoulders."

What do you call a Jamaican proctologist?

A Pokemon

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A man had a bowel problem one day and goes to see his proctologist.

"What seems to be the problem?", asked the doctor

"Well, ever since the Packers got that bad ref call during yesterday's game, my gut has been acting up"

"Bad ref call?" Replied the doctor, while preparing his instruments. "I was watching that game too, but it didn't look bad at all!"<...

What's the difference between a chiropractor and a proctologist?

You go to one if you need your finger cracked and the other if you need your crack fingered.

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Every once in a while you run into a truly eccentric proctologist

You know... one crazy ass doctor

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A guy walks into a proctologist’s office...

The doctor asks, “what seems to be the problem?”

“Well,” the man says, “I have a piece of lettuce sticking out of my asshole.”

The doctor, with a puzzled expression on his face, says “ok, well pull down your pants and let’s have a look.” The man obliges and sure enough there is a piec...

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Did you hear the one about the proctologist who went to write a prescription but realized he was holding an anal thermometer?

Yeah, some asshole stole his pen.

Why did the proctologist go to the furniture store?

For a stool sample.

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What does a proctologist and an astronomer have in common?

When they look at Uranus, it is always on it's side.

You know what they say when you have a proctologist for a friend...

With a friend like that, you don't need an enema.

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What do proctors and proctologists have in common?

They deal with a bunch of assholes and have seen a lot of shit.

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Did you hear about the gangsta proctologist?

Apparently he busted a capillary in someone's ass.

The Proctologist

So a man walks into his proctologists office because he felt that something was wrong.
The doctor walks in, explains the test, and gloves up. After a couple seconds of pressure, the man asks if there's anything wrong. The doctor replies,"Well, the good news is that it's only the head. The bad new...

A proctologist walks into a bar...

...and says, "Is this stool taken?"

My best friend is a proctologist

.
.
.
.
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With friends like him, who needs enemas

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President Trump, lying face-down on a table, is being examined by a proctologist.

In the midst of the exam, the proctologist urgently calls in his nurse.

"My God!", the proctologist says. "Take a look at this! I don't think I've ever seen an asshole like this!"

The nurse's jaw drops. "Doctor, I think you should immediately clarify that you're referring to the presid...

I had a great session with my proctologist this morning.

Two thumbs up.

Earlier today, I saw a bumper sticker that said "I'm a veterinarian, therefore I can drive like an animal."

Suddenly I realized how many proctologists are on the road.

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I met a proctologist the other day

It was a really shitty experience.

My friend is so lucky, his gf doesn't mind him checking as many asses as he wants!

By the way, he is a proctologist.

[At proctologist’s office] Me: *unzipping pants nervously*

Doctor: You’re understandably nervous, but please zip my pants back up.

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I was referred to this proctologist. I thought he was a nice guy.

But he just turned out to be another asshole doctor.

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A fly walks into a proctologist’s office

And across the desk of that proctologist the fly goes into the issues that cause him pain.

“Well, where to begin... uhhhh let’s start with my credit, I took a dive of a FICO score from 670 to 450 in the last 6 months, my boss is cracking down on these new reports that corporate wants done da...

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Proctologist walks into a bank

A proctologist walked into a bank. Preparing to sign a deposit slip, he pulled a rectal thermometer out of his shirt pocket and tried to write with it. Realizing his mistake, he looked at the thermometer with annoyance and said, "Well that's great, just great! Some asshole's got my pen!"

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Aliens may in fact be pro bono proctologists from another planet

Uranus , possibly

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Why did the proctologist Covid-denier take up ventriloquism?

He got tired of talking out of his own ass.

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My proctologist tried to ease the awkwardness after the unexpected orgasm by telling me it's perfectly natural,

I just wish he'd have aimed away from me.

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A Proctologist goes to a bank

to make a withdrawal. The teller observes the man whip out a probe and try to write with it . The teller laughs hysterically, "Sir, you can't write with that!".
The Proctologist looks at the probe, and replies "Well shit, I guess some asshole's got my pen!"

A proctologist has a busy day

"I'm up to my elbows in prostate exams"

How do you call a theme park of prehistoric proctologists?

-Your ass's sick Park.

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I need to find a new proctologist.

He makes me feel like I’m just another asshole.

What do you call it when a proctologist has to give his sister an exam?

Analysis

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A Proctologist is giving an exam...

A Proctologist is giving an exam, and as he is nearing the end of the patient's visit, he goes to write a prescription. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out, to his surprise, a rectal thermometer.
He looks at it and, exclaims, "Damn it! Some asshole has my pen!"

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What do a proctologist and a prostitute who's only clients are homeless people have in common?

They both spend their time at work feeling up bums.

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The Psychiatrist & The Proctologist

Best friends graduated from medical school at the same time and decided that, in spite of two different specialties, they would open a practice together to share office space and personnel. Dr. Smith was the psychiatrist and Dr. Jones was the proctologist. They put up a sign reading: "Dr. Smith and ...

Did you hear about the proctologist & psychiatrist who opened a practice together?

They called it "Odds & Ends"

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A man has a crush on his proctologist,..

.. and makes an appointment to see the doctor. The somewhat dismayed doctor, who is wary of the patient's unwanted advances, reluctantly asks the patient to disrobe and lay on the table. The doctor, to his amazement, looks up his ass, and finds one, no TWO, no THREE red roses up in his rectum. As he...

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Why would proctologists make good astronauts?

Because they know their way around Uranus.

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My proctologist doesn't like it when I refer to him as a "Butt Doctor."

He says it's just ASSinine.

A proctologist ate at a fine restaurant.

When the check came, he pulled out a rectal thermometer and, annoyed, said "Dammit, some dirty bum's got my pen!"

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A Proctologist is walking down the hall...

...when he's stopped by a passing nurse "Doctor, why do you have a rectal thermometer tucked over your ear ?" She asked "Damnit" he said grabbing the thermometer "some asshole has my pen !"

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How do you know your proctologist is gay?

When you feel both of his hands on your shoulders during the exam.

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I went into my proctologist’s office for my first rectal exam.

His new nurse, Evelyn, took me to an examining room
And told me to get undressed and have a seat
Until the doctor could see me .
She said that he would only be a few minutes.

After putting on the gown that she gave me
I sat down
While waiting I observed
That ther...

A proctologist quits his job...

A proctologist named Bill decides he is tired of practicing medicine and quits his job to pursue his dream of being a car mechanic. He enrolls in a trade school and after some time the final exam is given. The test solely consists of disassembling and reassembling a car engine. The teacher tells the...

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Why didn't the proctologist show up for work?

He had two cars, but he rectum both.

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A very depressed man goes to the proctologist

“Ya know doc, life seems harsh and cruel. I feel all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. I don’t know what to do.”

The doctor says, “Son, I don’t really know what to tell you, but I have a suggestion for some simple treatment... The great clown Pagliacci...

What's the difference between psychologists and proctologists?

Phsychologists analyze

Proctologists analize

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You know a proctologist is being honest

When they call you an arsehole.

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A proctologist decided to take the day off and play Call of Duty, there were lots of newbies in the server.

He rectum

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A man is being examined by a proctologist...

The doctor asks the nurse for a light.

She hands him a beer:

"No, nurse. I wanted a butt light.

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Blind man goes to the proctologist

He's about to get his prostate exam, and askes the Doctor:

- Dr., can I hold your dick while you perform the exam?

- Excuse me? Are you serious?

- Yes, I just want to make sure you're using your finger.

Where did the proctologist go to college?

Pro State University

I'll see myself out.

A carpenter goes to the proctologist.

Upon learning what his patient does for a living, he says, "What a coincedence. I'm in need of a new office chair.

Can you make me one?"

The carpenter replies that he can.

The doctor says, "There's only one thing, I want to be able to try it out before I buy it. Can you giv...

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I went to see my proctologist...

I went to see my proctologist for a thorough check-up.

After he looked me over, I said to him, "You know, I probably have one of the best digestive systems in the world. It's *so* good, that I ate TEN POUNDS of glitter the other day just for fun. What do you think?"

“Weird flecks. But...

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When I browse Reddit, I feel like a proctologist...

I see way too many assholes.

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I fired my proctologist today

He was a crap doctor

A man walks into the proctologist office for his appointment

The doctor asks him to take off his pants.

So he takes off his pants and he asks”where do I put my pants?”

The doctor replies “just set them on the table by mine.”

Proctologist

A guy goes in to his proctologist for a colonoscopy. The doctor has the camera up there, watching the video on the screen. The doctor says, "At this point in the process, it's normal to experience an erection."

The guys says, "But, doctor, I don't have an erection."

The doctor says, "I...

Castro's proctologist had a nickname

They called him 'The In Fidel'.

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Why did the proctologist have his cars towed to the auto repair shop?

He rectum.

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The American Medical Association has weighed in on Trump's Coronavirus strategy

The Allergists were in favor of scratching it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves. The Gastroenterologist had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.    Meanwhile, Obstetricians felt certain everyone was laboring unde...

Life is tiring being a child proctologist

You're always feeling a little behind

Went to the proctologist ...

ended up with a ;

Why can't proctologists get out of debt?

They're always in arrears.

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A man walks into an optometrist's office carrying a violin case

"I'd like to see the optometrist, please," he says to the receptionist.

"I can certainly help you with that," says the receptionist. "What's the reason for your visit?"

Proudly, the man places the violin case on the desk, and opens it. Inside - unbent, unbroken, and filling the case fr...

What did the Jedi Knight say to the proctologist?

"These aren't the 'roids you're looking for."

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My proctologist has PTSD

He has seen some shit

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I once thought about becoming a proctologist...

but I can't imagine spending my entire workday dealing with assholes.

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I accidentally butt dialed my proctologist once...

I told him it was an accident... he said I was full of shit

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What did the proctologist do to his traumatized male patient?

He rectum.

What do you call a semi-professional proctologist?

Someone doing a half-assed job.

New Reality Show: America's Next Top Proctologist.

You only advance to the next round if you get two thumbs up.

A man goes to his proctologist for an exam...

The doctor tells him to drop his drawers and let him know when he feels his thumb. After a few seconds, the doctor asks the man if he can feel it and the man replies no. A few seconds later, the doctor asks again. This time the man says yes he can feel the doctors thumb. At this point, the doctor l...

What did the proctologist say to the pirate?

Show me your booty.

Bored Proctologist

A Proctologist who got tired of his profession decided to follow his lifelong dream and become a mechanic. After 2 years of school, he took a final exam where he passed with 150 percent. Confused, the Ex Proctologist asked how that was possible. The teacher replied that he received 50 points for cor...

My Proctologist does horoscopes which, I guess,

makes him an Asstrologist.

i was reading a story about a proctologist...

It hit pretty deep.

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So a proctologist

is examining a patient. He pulls an anal thermometer out of his coat to make some notes. Looks at it and says "Damnit some asshole has my pen!"

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What did the proctologist do to those poor people's butts?

He rectum.

I visited a proctologist the other day...

It was a real bummer.

Did you hear about that proctologist who became an English teacher?

Did you hear about the proctologist who became and English teacher? He specializes in teaching analogies.

Born so ugly

The proctologist stuck his finger in my mouth

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One day, a proctologist goes to the bank to cash a check...

He pulls the check out of his pocket, but still needs to sign the back. He reaches into his lab coat pocket to get his favorite pen and instead pulls out a rectal thermometer. The proctologist looks at the bank teller and says, "Damn it, some asshole has my pen!"

I have the best proctologist.

He's able to massage my shoulders and check my prostate at the same time.

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