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Neurosurgeon Jokes

a patient walks in to see meet his neurosurgeon

The patient says "so you're the brains of the operation?" The neurosurgeon replies "no, you are."

I was going to sue my neurosurgeon.

But he changed my mind.

A plumber attended to a leaking faucet at the neurosurgeon’s house.

After a two-minute job, he demanded $150. The neurosurgeon exclaimed, “I don’t even charge that amount and I am a brain surgeon.” The plumber replied, “I agree. You are right! I too, didn’t either, when I was a surgeon. That’s why I switched to plumbing.

I had to break up with my neurosurgeon girlfriend

She was messing with my head

The neurosurgeon thinks he runs his practice very intelligently...

...but his patients are the real brains of the operation.

A doctor's toilet gets clogged up

He calls a plumber. Plumber shows up, unclogs the toilet and gives the doctor bill for $200.

Doctor: $200? For 15 minutes worth of work? That's $800 an hour! I'm a top neurosurgeon in this city, 15 years of medical school, 3 years of residence, and even I don't make $800 an hour!

Plum...

What's the difference between a neurosurgeon and God?

God doesn't think he's a neurosurgeon.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a black neurosurgeon?

A Doctor you fucking racist.

Why was the scarecrow a successful neurosurgeon?

He was out-standing in his field.

One Cuban woman complains to another:

He was such a liar! He said he was a waiter at a resort...turns out he’s nothing more than a neurosurgeon.

A prestigious neurosurgeon calls a plumber to tend to his leaky faucet.

The problem requires an easy fix and the entire job takes less than two minutes. Before leaving, the plumber says, “That will be $200.”
The surgeon was astonished. He says, “I will be candid with you. I am a neurosurgeon and even I don't charge $100 a minute.”
The plumber says, “Yeah, I know. ...

How do you starve a neurosurgeon?

Hide his paycheck with his kids.

An Actual Event that Happened Before and After My Brain Surgery

I was looking one day before my brain surgery at a picture with all the hospital presidents in the picture.

Cue a few days and after surgery. My neurosurgeon arrived in my patient room and asked me a question to see if my brain was functioning correctly. The question was, “Who was the presid...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An American, Englishman, & Australian were arguing which of their versions of football were the toughest.

An American, and Englishman, and an Australian were discussing which of their particular brands of football were the toughest.

The American said, "We've got this quarterback Peyton Manning who's just won his second Super Bowl ring. Well, one day Manning was sacked so hard, his front split op...

[Politics] Why can't Ben Carson help fix America's problems?

He's a neurosurgeon, not a proctologist.

Bartender and His Customers

A neurosurgeon, two Cubans, a fascist, a socialist, and a prisoner all walk into a bar together.

The bartender asks, "What's new?"

They all reply, "I'm running for president."

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