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Cops Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many cops does it take to push a black man down the stairs?

None, reports say he fell

The show COPS has been dropped from broadcast

honoring the longstanding tradition of police turning off their cameras.

When cops arrest a clinically insane person...

...are they busting a nut?

How many cops does it take to change a light bulb?

They don't, they arrest the bulb for being broke and beat the room for being black.

How many Texas cops does it take to save children from an active shooter?

Still under investigation.







Edit: For those who assume I think any part of this situation is funny... [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black\_comedy](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_comedy). Also who gave me a Wholesome award? That's seriously messed up.

Edit ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over?

Me: Because of the-

Car driving by: HONK

Me: Because if the-

2nd car driving by: HONK

Me:

Cop:

Me: Because of the-

3rd car driving by:HOOONK

Me: Because of the “Honk if you think cops have micropenises’’ bumper sticker?

I called the cops about a murder on my front lawn and they just hung up.

They said that couldn't do anything about crows and to stop calling.

A Russian cop wants to get a breathalyzer.

A Russian cop wants to get a breathalyzer like the Western cops have to deal with drunk drivers. He asks his superior for one and his superior says "Sorry comrade. We have no money."

The cop decides to go to a local black market where he buys a condom.

He stops the first driver and sa...

Cops are like a box of chocolates

They'll kill your dog.

Don’t lie to the cops

Man gets pulled over by the police.

"Sir have you been drinking?"

"Yes. 7 beers, 5 shots of tequila and about 4 glasses of wine."

"I'm going to ask you to take this breathalizer test."

"What! You don't believe me?"

The cops just called and told me they found my husbands body in the water

I was very concerned as that was not where I’d put it

Cop joke.

So I’m an ER RN and we love to joke around. Had two cops in with a patient. I deadpanned “ I heard there’s been ppl stealing tires off (local) cop cars…. The one cop says “I haven’t heard anything about this “.
So… I said “I’ve heard the police are tirelessly investigating it.”
First cop high...

Two priests are driving down a road when they are pulled over by the cops.

The cop shines a light in their faces and signals to the driver to roll down his window.

"We're searching for two child molesters," he says.

The driver leans over to the other priest and they whisper between themselves.

Finally, he turns back to the policeman. "Ok. We'll do it...

What is cops' favourite piece of clothing?

Pullover.

I saw a sketchy looking guy walking on the street with six smoke machines. So I called the cops.

He must be part of some extreme mist group.

I found a decapitated head on the street so I called the cops

Nothing happened though, he was a nobody.

What do bee cops use to reign in prostitution in the hive?

HORNETS

A man with drugs was caught by the cops in the bathroom

The man says, "I swear, it's not mine! I found it here and tried to flush it down the toilet, but every time I flush the drugs down it magically reappears in my hand!"

"I don't believe you," says the cop. "Show me."

The man tosses the bag of drugs into the toilet, then flushes it. The ...

A guy calls 911 and says: "Please, send the cops quickly, there are two women fighting over me"

Says the male 911 operator: "That sounds pretty good for you, why do you want the police to come?"

Says the caller: "Because the fat one is winning!"

Cops smashed my phone.

Cops smashed my phone. Well it's my fault for having it on the dark mode.

Guy gets pulled over by the cops.

Cop: It seems you have been drinking.

Could you say the alphabet starting with the letter "M".

Guy: No problem. "Malphabet."

Why do cops have really clear skin?

They're great at popping black heads.

What do you call the cops in Nepal?

The Nepalese

What kind of sweater do cops wear?

A pullover.

A Muslim guy just walked into my store and bought a bunch of fog machines. So I called the cops.

He must belong to an extreme mist organization.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This is an old Finnish story

A few young guys were bored on a Saturday night and decided to go drive a roundabout. It was in the middle of the night, no other cars, so they decided to drive the roundabout in reverse. Suddenly, a car came from behind and rear-ended them.

The cops were called and both cars were waiting. Wh...

Cops gave me a ticket for doing 120 in a 55....

When he asked me why I was going so fast, I told him, "My wife left me for a police officer last week. I thought you were him trying to bring her back."

What do cops and firefighters have in common?

They both wanted to be firefighters.

Yo Momma is so fat...

When she's walking down the street, cops driving by scream out, "Hey you two --break it up!"

The cops in my town are looking for a suspect who they are calling “the birthday party thief”.

I’ve seen a lot of crazy criminals, … but this one takes the cake.

Schrodinger gets pulled over by the cops and they do a search of his car.

Cop: Did you know you have a dead cat in your trunk?

Schrodinger: I do now.

A bee gets pulled over by the cops

The cop says: Have you been drinking tonight

The bee says: I'm just a little buzzed

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How did the cops catch the bra thief?

They set a booby trap.

Why don't cops get tired of beating people?

They have a chance for arrest afterward



Thank you, I'll see myself out

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Osama Bin Laden, Josef Stalin and Hitler are robbing a bank, who do the cops shoot first?

A black guy

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