Cops Jokes

honoring the longstanding tradition of police turning off their cameras.

They don't, they arrest the bulb for being broke and beat the room for being black.

Still under investigation.







Edit: For those who assume I think any part of this situation is funny... [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black\_comedy](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_comedy). Also who gave me a Wholesome award? That's seriously messed up.

Edit ... read more

...are they busting a nut?

They said that couldn't do anything about crows and to stop calling.

A Russian cop wants to get a breathalyzer like the Western cops have to deal with drunk drivers. He asks his superior for one and his superior says "Sorry comrade. We have no money."

The cop decides to go to a local black market where he buys a condom.

He stops the first driver and sa... read more

They'll kill your dog.

Man gets pulled over by the police.

"Sir have you been drinking?"

"Yes. 7 beers, 5 shots of tequila and about 4 glasses of wine."

"I'm going to ask you to take this breathalizer test."

"What! You don't believe me?"

So I’m an ER RN and we love to joke around. Had two cops in with a patient. I deadpanned “ I heard there’s been ppl stealing tires off (local) cop cars…. The one cop says “I haven’t heard anything about this “.
So… I said “I’ve heard the police are tirelessly investigating it.”
First cop high... read more

I was very concerned as that was not where I’d put it

The cop shines a light in their faces and signals to the driver to roll down his window.

"We're searching for two child molesters," he says.

The driver leans over to the other priest and they whisper between themselves.

Finally, he turns back to the policeman. "Ok. We'll do it... read more

Pullover.

He must be part of some extreme mist group.

Nothing happened though, he was a nobody.

HORNETS

The man says, "I swear, it's not mine! I found it here and tried to flush it down the toilet, but every time I flush the drugs down it magically reappears in my hand!"

"I don't believe you," says the cop. "Show me."

The man tosses the bag of drugs into the toilet, then flushes it. The ... read more

Says the male 911 operator: "That sounds pretty good for you, why do you want the police to come?"

Says the caller: "Because the fat one is winning!"

Cops smashed my phone. Well it's my fault for having it on the dark mode.

Cop: It seems you have been drinking.

Could you say the alphabet starting with the letter "M".

Guy: No problem. "Malphabet."

They're great at popping black heads.

The Nepalese

A pullover.

He must belong to an extreme mist organization.

When he asked me why I was going so fast, I told him, "My wife left me for a police officer last week. I thought you were him trying to bring her back."

They both wanted to be firefighters.

When she's walking down the street, cops driving by scream out, "Hey you two --break it up!"

I’ve seen a lot of crazy criminals, … but this one takes the cake.

They have a chance for arrest afterward



Thank you, I'll see myself out

Cop: Did you know you have a dead cat in your trunk?

Schrodinger: I do now.

The cop says: Have you been drinking tonight

The bee says: I'm just a little buzzed