How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They’ll just beat the room for being black

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A pregnant woman walking across the street is caught in a firefight between cops and some bank robbers

She's hit three times in the abdomen and immediately rushed to the ER. They perform an emergency cesarian section and remove seemingly three healthy children - 2 girls and a boy. Further examination shows no sign of any shrapnel. The doctors monitor closely the new family but nothing seems amiss. Li...

Which electronic component do cops hate?

Resistors.

I filed a police report about my missing bag yesterday and a few hours later, the cops called to say that they found it.

It was a brief case.

cops are like a box of chocolates...

they'll kill your dog.

A blonde, brunette, and red-head are all on the run from the cops..

They find an abandoned potato factory and each hide inside an empty sack. The cops enter the building and finally get to the sacks. A cop kicks the first sack and the brunette starts meowing like a cat. The captain says, "Leave it! We don't need some cat clawing at us". They kick the second sack, an...

Sally was trying to sell sea shells by the sea shore, but the cops put her in jail.

She was charged with possession of conchtraband.

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Two cops, a man and a woman were heading out for a day's work, walking the beat with a police dog at their side...

A few blocks away from the station, the woman suddenly stops. "Dammit! I was in such a hurry to get ready, I forgot my panties back at the station. We have to go back."

"No we don't," the male cop says. "Old Ralphy here is specially trained at evidence retrieval. Just let him sniff your crotc...

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Two young guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court before the judge.

The judge said, “You seem like nice young men, and I’d rather like to give you a second chance than jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and get them to give up drugs forever. I’ll see you back in court Monday.”

On monday, the two guys were...

A sketchy looking guy came into my shop and bought six smoke machines. So I called the cops.

He must be part of some extreme mist group.

when the cops raided the warehouse, the crack dealers were fast asleep while production was going on

this was a case of a rested development.

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The cops told me they’d arrest me if I masturbated to any porn star that wasn’t Scottish, but I did it anyway

I got off Scot-free

Why do cops love an icy winter morning?

So they can do donuts in the parking lot.

A lawyer is arrested by the cops

He says: "I refuse to say anything without a lawyer present."

Cop: "You are a lawyer."

Lawyer: "Exactly, so where is my present?"

When cops arrest a clinically insane person...

...are they busting a nut?

Called the cops on the barber shop today

Heard they were grooming children.

Two cops get to this guy's house to have a talk

Knock knock

Cop: Police here. Is anyone home?

Guy (yet inside the house): Yes. Why?

Cop: We just want to have a talk.

Guy: How many of you are there?

Cop: There's 2 of us!

Guy: Great, so you can talk with each other! Bye.

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A guy in my town is hiding from the cops after he was caught having sex with a laundry machine.

Nut screws washer and bolts.

The cops in my town are looking for a racist attacker, so I called them up.

Apparently it wasn’t a job interview.

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A cop was patrolling his regular route

when he started to get pretty thirsty. Naturally deciding to stop at his usual convenient store. As he's pulling into the parking lot he sees a woman pumping gas into her car while smoking a cigarette. She was older and maybe a little unstable. The cop dismounts his cruiser and approaches the woman ...

Cops raided my home and found some marijuana shrubs in my greenhouse. They asked me how it got there

I told them they were clearly planted there

A couple roommates squabble over the only phone charger in the house. One punches the other square in the face. The cops show up.

He is charged with battery.

Cops and Speeders

TW: blonde joke

A blonde was driving on the highway and a motorcycle officer pulled her over for speeding.

The officer approached the drivers door and when her helmet came off, turns it was a blonde female cop. She asked the driver for her license. The driver frantically searched ...

A Korean boy, who is the head chef of a local soup restaurant, is arrested for accusingly spitting in every bowl of soup that’s made and poisoning all of the customers. The other chefs knew about it and didn’t say anything at first, but eventually couldn’t hide it any longer and told the cops.

He is punished to serious, hard work for a month, but he is always upbeat no matter what. So one day the cops decide to see if any one of them can make the boy unhappy. One decides to put the boy’s shoes in a block of cement. The boy doesn’t care, and he just does his work with no shoes. Another dec...

The cops are questioning me about illegally downloading the entirety of Wikipedia.

I said, “I can explain everything.”

The cocaine that I bought is so white..

..That the cops just let it go with a warning.

Why do riot cops like to leave early when they go to work?

So they can beat the crowds.

What are corrupt cops

Just bunch of undercover criminals!

The cops picked up a couple of spices for robbing a bank. Oregano says he won’t talk,

But only Thyme will tell.






Credit to u/hawt_pawket for helping me.

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Have you heard about the documentary on an average cops view of a black man in america

Pokemon: Gotta Catch em all

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