Shamus Murphy was enjoying a pint at the bar, when he saw someone who looked very familiar

Aye! You look familiar, what is your name?

Me name is Angus Murphy.

You don't say? M'name is Shamus Murphy!

You don' say? Did you grow up in the town of Derry?

I did! Did you go to Saint Anthony's?

I did! Did you have an Aunt named Mildred?

I did! Did your f...

The O'Leary brothers, Shamus and Liam, were known for their drinking.

One day they fancied a pint or two, but didn’t have a lot of money. Between them, they could only come up with $3.

Liam said, “Hang on, I have an idea.” He went next door to the butcher’s shop, and came out with one large sausage.

Shamus said, “Are you crazy? Now we don’t have any mone...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Shamus....

Ya see tha' wall over there lad? I built that wall. I built that wall with mine own two hands. I chiseled every brick, laid every speck of mortar. 

But they don't call me Shamus the wall builder, no. 

Ya see tha' dock down there lad? I built that dock with mine own two hands. I drove e...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Contagious

Little Shamus is in class when the teacher asks to use the word contagious in a sentence. He immediately raises his hand while all the other kids look dumbfounded. Reluctantly the teacher calls on him and he says “my dad and I saw our neighbor painting her house with a tiny little brush, my dad said...

Two Irishmen are looking for work

They see a sign for work that says, "Tree Fellers wanted." Pat turns to Murphy and says, "If only Shamus were here, we'd a got the job!"

An Irish guy goes to the same bar every day

This Irish guy goes to the same bar every day and orders 3 shots of Jameson. So after a while the bar tender asks him why he orders 3 shots of Jameson every day. The man tells him that two of the shots are for his brothers shamus and laddie back in Ireland. And the third was for him.
One day the ...

Katie O'Malley is home making dinner as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.

"Katie, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya."

"Of course you can come in. You're always welcome, Mr. Finnegan but, where is my husband?"

"That's what I'm here to be tellin' ya, Katie. I’m afraid to say it- there was a terrible accident down at the brewery as we were wor...

Two Scotsmen are sitting on a hill.

They are drinking some beer and reminiscing about their youth.

"Macalister, look at our town, I've built a third of those building, so many would be homeless without my work, but do they call me Shamus the builder?"

"No Shamus they don't." Replied his friend.

So they sit on the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

On a trip to Ireland....

I stopped in a small town and decided to have a few pints in a local pub. As I sat down an older Irish man took up the stool next to mine. After a while we began to talk.

"Look out the window there sonny" he said. " You see that house down there at the end of the road? I built that house with...

An Asian woman brings her large Irish boyfriend to meet her traditional parents

Her mother says:

"You bring great Shamus to this family."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Irish wife was having a shower and slipped over on the bathroom floor.

Instead of slipping over forwards, she slipped over and did the splits and suctioned herself to the floor.

She yelled out for her husband, "Paddy! Paddy!"

Paddy came running in.

"Paddy I've suctioned myself to the floor," she said.

"Ohhh nooo!" Paddy said and tried to pul...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.