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The Little Firefighter

A firefighter was working on the engine outside the Station, when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.

The girl was wearing a firefighter's helmet.

The wagon was being pulled by her ...

What do you call 2 Mexican firefighters?

Jose and Hose-B

The firefighters in Greece are making the fire worse.

You aren't supposed to use water on Greece fires.

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What is a firefighter with no testicles?

A cop.

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"Did you hear about that firefighter who got in trouble for trying to put out burning buildings with semen?"

"Yeah, he came under fire."

How do you know if a firefighter is at your party?

They will tell you.

The pastor and the the quicksand

A pastor falls into quicksand, after 10 minutes the firefighters arrive.

pastor: "I don't need your help! God will save me."

the firefighters leave, after one hour they come back.

pastor: "I already told you, i don't need your help, god will get me out of here and save me!"
<...

No one understands the importance of milliseconds, more than a volunteer firefighter.

It's the amount of time they have between meeting you, and telling you they are a volunteer firefighter.

What did the Mexican firefighter call his twin sons?

Hose A and Hose B

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What do you call a firefighter not on the first floor of the fire station during an emergency?

A part time stripper

One day a kid meets a firefighter who was getting out of his shift

The kid tells the firefighter “I want to be a firefighter when I grow up too!”
The firefighter responds with “ oh really kid?”
The kid responds with “yea follow me mister I’ll show you!”
So the kid and the firefighter go to the kids house and the firefighter sees a helmet, vest, wagon, and ...

My friend got jailed for 6 months for pulling 4 people out of a burning building.

Turns out they were firefighters.

A priest, a doctor and an engineer were waiting for a particularly slow group of golfers one morning

The engineer was pretty angry:
"What about them? We have to wait here for 15 minutes!"
The doctor agrees:
"I don't know, but I've never seen such an inability!"
The pastor said:
"Hey, here comes the groundsman. Let's talk to him! Hey, George, what about this one?
The group in fr...

If a firefighter's business can go up in smoke, and a plumber's business can go down the drain...

...can a hooker get laid off?

What did the pyromaniacs say when their kid told them he wanted to be a firefighter?

*gasp* YOU'RE NOT ARSON ANYMORE

I am like a firefighter

I find them hot and leave them wet

The people you meet as a firefighter are really weird sometimes.

I met this woman today who kept demanding I shave her baby.

As a firefighter, I know there is one thing that we always save no matter how bad the fire.

The foundation

A moth and a firefighter walk into a bar...

It was alight.

What do Aussie women firefighter hate people asking them?

If their bush is on fire.

Firefighters go to rescue a woman from an upper floor of a burning apartment building.

The firefighters say look, we have two ways to get you out. We have this new technology that allows us to form a fireproof slide that can take you down the stairs. Or, you can just come out the window with us and go down the way we've always done it.

The lady says, "The former seems interesti...

Dad, what is a firefighter's least favourite letter?

Dad: R, son

What holiday do firefighters refuse to celebrate?

May Day.

A teacher asks her students what they want to be when they grow up.

Richard: I want to be a doctor!
Tommy: I want to be a firefighter!
Elizabeth: I want to be a mother!

The teacher then asks Jamal what he wants to do later.

Jamal: Help people.

Teacher: What kind of help?

Jamal: I want to help Elizabeth become a mother.

A firefighter wasn’t performing well at his job...

He was on the hot seat. Then he got fired.

I want to know if this Spanish joke translates at all

What’s the similarity between a boat, a firefighter and a family?

The boat and the firefighter have hard outer coverings (cascos).

*and the family?*

They’re good, thanks for asking!




(Original Spanish)
¿Que se parece entre un bombero, un barco y una famili...

A teacher asks her primary school students what their father do for a living

"So, Timothy, what does your father do ?"

"My dad is a firefighter !"

"Fantastic ! And you Samantha, what does your father do ?"

" He's an accountant !"

"Wonderful ! And yours, Jimmy ?"

Poor little Jimmy then breaks into tears and wails "my father is dead !"
...

My father always told me you gotta fight fire with fire

Great guy, horrible firefighter.

Why kind of women do Australian Firefighters get?

Hose

A woman goes to the doctor.

A woman goes to the doctor and tells him a story.


She is recently retired, and last week, she went on a trip to a secluded beach resort. She started hiking on a trail, got lost, and slipped and hurt her ankle. She was quite worried, because it was in a secluded spot and she couldn't mo...

A doctor, priest, policeman, dog, Christian, comedian, blind man, Rabbi, firefighter, and Amy Schumer walk into a bar.

The bartender sighs and says, "My life is a joke."

I hate these people that knock on your door and tell you they are going to save you and that if you don't listen to their word you will burn and die...

... Damn Firefighters

A cop, a firefighter, and a bureaucrat are at a elementary school career day...

The cop brags, “I’m the fastest one out of the three. I can respond to a threat in one minute”

The firefighter says, “That’s nothing, I can run into a burning building and rescue someone in 30 seconds”

The bureaucrat responds, “pfff, I can work 9-5 and be home by 2”

A lot of people think that firefighters are overpaid, but recently a pole was taken...

...and they all fell through a hole in the floor.

-Milton Jones

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A firefighter, a Native American, and a soldier are in a plane...

...flying over the US. They aren't up very high and so the windows are open (ignore the unscientific logic of this, it's a joke). They've been in there quite some time, and the firefighter starts getting bored. He pulls out his extra hat and drops it out the window just to see what will happen.
...

Working at home sucks...

....if you’re a firefighter.

A Mexican Firefighter had two kids

He named one Jose and the other Hose B

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Two firefighters are fucking

The chief walks in on two of his firefighters having vigorous sex.

He shouts: Hey what the hell are you two doing?

One of the firefighters: Chief, you don't understand, he suffered some serious smoke inhalation.

Chief: Thats not how you treat smoke inhalation. The first step ...

A bar is burning to the ground, and a team of firefighters rush in to put it out.

A bar is burning to the ground and a team of firefighters rush in to put out the fire. When they get inside they see an Irishman passed out from smoke inhalation. They drag him out of the bar and eventually the Irishman comes to. The firefighter says "you were there, how did this whole thing get...

A town floods and there is a religious man stuck on his ceiling.

On the first day a boat with other civilians passes by and asks if they want to go with them to safety. The man replies with “God will supply me and be my savior”. The next day firefighters come by in a rescue boat and asks the man if he wants help. He again replies “God will supply me and be my sav...

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Two firefighters save a mother cat from a tree.

The owner promises them the kittens once they grow big enough, and the firefighters happily accept. Half a year later, the kittens arrive and they bring great joy.

The next day, the two firefighters receive an emergency call stating that a barn is burning. The men rush there and learn that a ...

Firefighters recovered just the bottom of one shoe after the shoe factory burned down

It was the sole survivor.

The firefighters dog

A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmation dog. The children started discussing what the dog's duties might be.

"They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngs...

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Did you hear about the Japanese firefighter who changed careers to aviation in 1940?

He went from hero to Zero.

My father wanted me to be a firefighter

So he installed a brass pole from my bedroom to the living room. It didn't work. But my sisters both work at the Catwalk

Being attractive is a requirement to become a firefighter...

Because they turn the hoes on.

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Joke I dreamed I made last night

A Navy SEAL, a police officer, and a firefighter go into the local pub. While enjoying their drinks, they manage to get on the topic on who has the most dangerous job.
The Navy SEAL says, “I do. I put my ass on the line killing terrorists for my country.”
The Cop says, “I do. I put my ass on ...

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Two firemen...(NSFW)

Two firemen are butt-fucking in a smoke-filled room. The chief walks in and says, "What the hell is going on here?". One of the firefighters says, "Johnson here was suffering from smoke inhalation, sir!" The chief says, "Smoke inhalation? You treat that with mouth-to-mouth resuscitation!" And the fi...

A doctor, a priest and an engineer go golfing...

After only a few rounds, they get caught behind the worst group of golfers they've ever seen. After growing impatient from waiting for them to finish their holes, they go into the clubhouse to complain.

"Let me explain," says the manager. "You see, those men all used to be firefighters, s...

A Priest, a Doctor, and an Engineer are playing golf.....

An engineer, a priest, and a doctor are trying to enjoying a round of golf. Ahead of them is a group playing so slowly and inexpertly that in frustration the three ask the greenkeeper for an explanation. “That’s a group of blind firefighters,” they are told. “They lost their sight saving our clubhou...

Why is a creative writing workshop the first step when training to become a firefighter?

Prose before Hose

So my coworkers and I were sent to "sensitivity training"

The lady running it said, "you have to use the right words to refer to people, because you don't want to offend them. Instead of 'policeman', say 'police officer'. Instead of 'fireman' say 'firefighter'. Don't say 'chairman', say 'chairperson'."

"Um, excuse me," I said, "I think they prefer t...

Where's the fire.....

A firefighter’s wife suspects the hubby is getting some on the side. Being non confrontational , she plays it close to the chest. One day she goes through the hubby’s car and discovers a packet of unused condoms.

With a knowing smile, she soaks ‘em in jalapeño for an hour before putting the...

I'm getting a little tired of these people coming to my door telling me I need to be "saved" or "I'll burn"...

Stupid firefighters.

Saving people from a burning building

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were caught in a burning building and rushed to the roof to get away from the smoke. Soon, they hear sirens of the fire truck approach and peer over the edge. They see a group of 4 firefighters get out and each grab a hold of a tarp to catch them in.

The b...

Firefighters

One night outside a small town in Southern Ireland, a fire started inside    the  local chemical plant.  In the blink of an eye, it exploded into  massive flames.  The alarm went out to all fire departments for miles  around.   When the fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company presi...

A Firefighter, a Sheriff, and a Paramedic are trying to get into heaven...

St. Peter greets them and tells them regardless of their heroic acts, they'll need to be able to count to ten to get into heaven.

The Sheriff goes first. He hauls out his Colt .45 and counts the shots, "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7... Let me try again!" So he reloads, "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7... Nope, I...

A young boy who was a fan of tractors

There once was a young boi who loved tractors as he worked on his fathers farm. They had a green one, a blue one, a red, nearly every colour if tractor, big and small.

But one day as the boy was working with his father in the field. His father fell from the green tractor and was crushed by th...

A guy walks into a bar.

He goes to the bartender and says: "I want a drink that is hot on the bottom, cold in the middle and hot on the top. I also want it to be three different shades of red."

The bartender looks confused, but he accepted the order and asked: " Excuse me, but are you a firefighter?"

The cu...

A child who loved tractors (sorry if it’s a repost, haven’t seen it yet)

There was a young boy born to a family of farmers, his name was Ryan.

From a very early age he was amazed by all the machinery on his farm, but especially the tractors, his father owned four, each unique to their tasks. The large red one for the tonnes of wheat, the slightly smaller green one...

[OC] A Man's House is on Fire

A Man's house is on fire. He is standing on the front lawn when a firefighter arrives. The man tells the firefighter "My wife and baby are in there!"

The firefighter asks: "If I can't save both, which should I bring back?!"

Man quickly responds "My wife. We can always have more babies"...

Will Smith is lost in the woods...

One day Will Smith was researching a new role for a movie by camping alone in the woods. Eventually he got lost and a search party was formed.

First, a Search and Rescue team made up of local volunteers and firefighters went into the woods to look for him. They searched for hours but came bac...

A place got lit on fire

But the firefighters were too late to reach and put it out. Media arrived as well to which one of the firefighter giving report said, "I've got a good news and a bad news, the bad news is, 41 children died in that fire. But the good news is it was an orphanage, so I have no parents to notify"

A cop and a firefighter die and go to heaven.

God gives them each some wings, with a warning that if they have even one bad thought, they’ll lose their wings.

A little while goes by. The cop and firefighter are checking out heaven together. Then, a smoking hot girl walks by. The firefighter’s wings fall off.

The firefighter bends...

What did the firefighter pimp say when he walked into the club?

Where my hose at?

The Bulgarian Train Conductor

Most kids want to become a firefighter or astronaut when they’re older. This man, however, really wanted to become a train conductor. Unfortunately, he gets the job and he loves it. But one particular day, he’s enjoying his job a little too much. He’s driving too fast and accidentally derails the tr...

A large apartment building is on fire, and people are trapped...

The first firefighters on scene notice that a couple is in a window 10 stories up, frantically waving their arms. They have a baby, and the smoke and fire is getting thick. The firefighters know that their ladder can't reach that high, and desperately try to come up with a plan.

A bystander,...

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What Does Your Father Do?

It was 3rd grade show and tell in Ms.Johnson's class and she was going around asking all of the children what their fathers do for a living. Ms.Johnson walks up to the first kid and asks "What does your dad do for a living, Johnny?" to which he responds "He's a firefighter." "Very good, Johnny. What...

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer go golfing

They get stuck behind a group of golfers who seemed to be moving slower than usual.
One of the country club members explains to them that this is a group of blind men who lost their eyesight as firefighters. The country club allows them to use the course once a year free of charge.
The priest...

What do you want to be when you grow up...

A teacher in front of her three students asks them about what they want to be once they grow up. She walks up to the first boy.

Teacher: so, John what do you want to be when you grow up?
John: A firefighter.
Teacher: you will grow up to be a strong brave man .

Teacher: and you Ma...

A math joke

A mathematician quits his job at a major university to pursue work as a firefighter. At his local fire station, the firefighters are impressed with the mathematician's resume and ask him a few questions.

"What do you do if you pass a Dumpster, and it's on fire?"

The mathematician respo...

3 women are trapped on the top floor of a burning building.

The bottom floors are on fire, and the only way to escape is to jump out a window. Firefighters hold a blanket out to catch them.

The first woman jumps and the firefighters move to catch her, only for her to hit the concrete below. The second tells them not to move, and they move anyways, cau...

Trump, a charity worker, and a fire fighter are on a plane.

The plane loses power and starts to go down.

The pilot comes out and says, "We only have three parachutes! Someone is going down with the plane!"

Trump grabs a chute and says, "I cant die. I'm the greatest, most intelligent, most beloved person, who knows all the words, and is overall...

A young man with no arms and no legs dreamed of becoming a fireman.

His mother didn't have the heart to discourage him, even though she knew there was no way he could be a firefighter.

To her surprise, when she picked him up after his interview, he excitedly told her that they had taken him on, he was finally a real firefighter! His mother congratulated him,...

A group of Nuns opened a Flower Shop.

The Nuns started selling small bouquets, and after some success moved on to larger arrangements. Their business grew enough that they were eventually the only place in a ten kilometer radius to sell flowers; and gathered a monopoly on the market.
One day, a couple of Friars opened another green...

Engineering teacher gave us this one.

So a priest, a doctor, and an engineer are playing a round of golf but they are stuck behind an incredibly slow foursome. They keep waiting and finally the groundskeeper drives by and they ask him whats going on with the group ahead.

He explains that the group ahead is made up of four fir...

A candy's factory is on fire

A research team of a candy factory have just lately developed a new type of candy that should change the candy market as we know today forever.

One day, the factory is burning up. While the local firefighters arrive to the site, the CEO of the factory shouts "the brave men that will bring me ...

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