How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis?

Raise my hand.

I divorced my wife because she went psycho and burned the house down.

But don't worry. Arson is doing fine.

I’ve been dating this girl whose psycho ex-boyfriend is a plumber.

First thing this morning, there was a tap on my door.

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Have you heard of those psychos wanting to shift all cheese production to butter production?

Some men just want to watch the world churn.

I finally watched that movie about the Psycho clown that destroyed the lives of innocent children.

Halfway into it I realised it was just a string of old McDonald's Ads.

Caffeine is like my psycho girlfriend.

As long as we're together everything is great, but if I ignore it for one day, it tries to kill me.

How does a crazy person find their way out of the woods?

They take the psycho path.

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A man goes to the library and asks for the book "Psycho the Rapist"..

The librarian slaps him and says it's "Psychotherapist"!

Yo' mama's so crazy...

whenever she runs , she takes a psycho-path

My relationship with my ex was very psychological

She's a psycho and I am logical.

What do you call walking trails behind a mental facility?


We have a beautiful little girl who we named after my mom;

in fact, Passive Aggressive Psycho turns five tomorrow.

Wrong wording

I was out chilling with my friend when he told me he had to go to the bathroom. Some time later I heard him screaming and I heard someone else as well. I rushed in and panicked when I saw my friend sliced open and I saw a psycho with a knife stabbing at one of his kidneys. I yelled in panic: “Hey, c...

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I was talking a walk this afternoon when, out of nowhere, the pavement started viciously attacking me.

Fucking psycho path

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My girlfriend always gets annoyed in the shower

she'll be standing there under the water and I copy the famous scene from psycho.
Secretly, without her knowing, I'll fuck my dead mom.

-Jimmy Carr TBFQOE2019

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Three men arrive in heaven at the same time. (NSFW)

Saint peter tells the three men that heaven is pretty crowded and they’re enforcing a new policy. Whichever of them has the most interesting death story will be allowed into heaven and the others will be sent to hell to prevent overcrowding.

Saint peter asks the first man how he died.

How do crazy people get across the woods?

They use the psycho-paths

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My ex called me today, begging me to look at an MRI she had recently

She said it would prove she had been acting crazy due to brain damage. Having been lied to so many times before I scoffed. Told her I wasn't having any of her psycho schematic bullshit

Been married for 20 years

Been married for 20 years, but I still carry my wife's picture in my wallet. Whenever I face difficulties in life, I take out my wallet and stare at her picture. And It comforts me knowing that... If I survived being married to this psycho, I can survive anything.

A man walks into a bar, at night

He walks in and is seated next to the most beautiful woman he's ever seen in his life. All he can think about is how he has to marry her. He strikes a conversation with her and they hit it off. They leave the bar and as they're walking out she gives him her number, her name was Lela.

They had...

25 years married, and not a single argument

Recently in Bangalore a couple celebrated their 25th marriage anniversary...

They had become famous in the city for not having a single conflict in their 25 years of married life. Media gathered at the occasion to find out the secret of their happy going marriage.

NDTV corespondent wa...

Three men were at the gates of Heaven, the guardian claims Heaven is pretty full now and he can only let people with the worst deaths in.. [Long]

So he looks at the first man and asks "How did you die?" The first man responds, "Well I had a suspicion that my wife was cheating on me and so I came home early one day to the 6th floor of the complex and saw her naked in bed! So I yelled 'WHERE IS HE?' and saw some hands on the open window rail. I...

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Beauty, self image and the ability to transform.

Martha was ugly like a shaven baboon,

So she wrapped herself up in a curtain cocoon.

After a week she finally emerged,

She smelled like shit what a psycho.

>Credits to Bo Burnham

Where Did The Crazy Distance Runner Go To Run?

The Psycho-Path.

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Bros, friends, amigos... If she gives you this for her address, just go ahead and move on. Toss that cocktail napkin away. Move on. THere's other fish in the sea. (feel free to add to the list)

• Drinkand Dr.

• Vicious Circle

• West 943,185th Street

• Psycho Path

• Peoples Ct.

• Nofriggin Way

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When a girl says: 'If you can't handle me at my worst...

When a girl says: 'If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best'.
What she really means is: 'I'm a fucking psycho'.

What do you call a road that doesn't care about anyone?

A psycho-path.

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St. Peter is at the pearly gates and decides no one is getting in unless he hears how they died...

So the first guy steps up and St. peter asks "Alright, how did you die?"

The guy says "Well, I've had a hunch for a while now that my wife has been cheating on me. So I decide I'm going to come home from work early and catch her in the act. I get to our apartment building and I'm so fired up ...

How does Norman Bates get to the Bates Motel?

He takes the psycho path! (I'll see myself out...)

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The first Wednesday of every month God and St. Peter meet to discuss the operations and logistics of Heaven...

...and, as usual, everything is great and fine; but they both notice that Heaven is starting to get a tad overcrowded. So, they both agree that from now on, not only do you have to be a good person when you die, you must also have had a bad day the day you died.

The next day, St. Peter takes...

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