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Psycho Jokes

I divorced my wife because she went psycho and burned the house down.

But don't worry. Arson is doing fine.

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Psycho Dog

What do you call a dog that hears voices?

A shitzu-phrenic

My Communist girlfriend is a real psycho....

How in the world did I miss all the red flags?

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My therapist told me I'm a psycho sexual maniac.

How did she get the ball gag off?

What’s a psycho called on the moon?

>!A lunatic! !<

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A psycho cannibal is trying to eat your wife . What would u say ?

Keep my wife out of your fuckin mouth

Some American psycho killed a woman with an axe, but his church pals paid $100.000 and he got released

Indeed, it was a Christian bail

Caffeine is like my psycho girlfriend.

As long as we're together everything is great, but if I ignore it for one day, it tries to kill me.

Sometimes I read text and think, what a psycho.

Then I press send.

How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis?

Raise my hand.

I’ve been dating this girl whose psycho ex-boyfriend is a plumber.

First thing this morning, there was a tap on my door.

How did the maniac find his way out of the woods?

He followed the psycho path.

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A man goes to the library and asks for the book "Psycho the Rapist"..

The librarian slaps him and says it's "Psychotherapist"!

After 7 years of marriage I figured this out that....

... it's all "psychological".

There is one psycho and there's one logical.

What Do You Call A Schizophrenic Nun?

Psycho-sis

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I was talking a walk this afternoon when, out of nowhere, the pavement started viciously attacking me.

Fucking psycho path

I finally watched that movie about the Psycho clown that destroyed the lives of innocent children.

Halfway into it I realised it was just a string of old McDonald's Ads.

What path do Hannibal Lecter, Norman Bates, and Freddy Krueger take walks on?

Psycho Path.

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Three men arrive in heaven at the same time. (NSFW)

Saint peter tells the three men that heaven is pretty crowded and they’re enforcing a new policy. Whichever of them has the most interesting death story will be allowed into heaven and the others will be sent to hell to prevent overcrowding.

Saint peter asks the first man how he died.
...

Have a daughter named after my mother in law

Passive-Agressive Psycho turns 5 next week

I asked the plumber to install a garbage disposal on the bathtub drain...

He looked at me like - I - was the psycho.

How do crazy people get across the woods?

They use the psycho-paths

I've been married 20 years.

I still keep my wife's picture in my wallet. Whenever I face difficulties in life, I take out her picture. And it comforts me knowing if I can put up with this psycho, I can survive anything.

If mental asylums invested in walking trails for their patients,

They could really get away with calling them psycho paths.

Yo' mama's so crazy...

whenever she runs , she takes a psycho-path

So Pavlov goes to dinner

He’s with a nice gal, and they’re getting to know each other very well. She reaches over and kisses his cheek, right as the dinner bell rings. He stands up fast as hell and nearly knocks the poor woman over.
“What the hell is your problem psycho!?”
“I forgot to feed my dogs!”

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Bros, friends, amigos... If she gives you this for her address, just go ahead and move on. Toss that cocktail napkin away. Move on. THere's other fish in the sea. (feel free to add to the list)

• Drinkand Dr.

• Vicious Circle

• West 943,185th Street

• Psycho Path

• Peoples Ct.

• Nofriggin Way

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My ex called me today, begging me to look at an MRI she had recently

She said it would prove she had been acting crazy due to brain damage. Having been lied to so many times before I scoffed. Told her I wasn't having any of her psycho schematic bullshit

What do you call walking trails behind a mental facility?

Psycho-paths

Where Did The Crazy Distance Runner Go To Run?

The Psycho-Path.

What do you call a road that doesn't care about anyone?

A psycho-path.

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Beauty, self image and the ability to transform.

Martha was ugly like a shaven baboon,

So she wrapped herself up in a curtain cocoon.

After a week she finally emerged,

She smelled like shit what a psycho.

>Credits to Bo Burnham

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When a girl says: 'If you can't handle me at my worst...

When a girl says: 'If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best'.
What she really means is: 'I'm a fucking psycho'.

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A man stops 2 friends and I leaving a bar...

A man stopped 2 of my friends and I as we left a bar one night.

He ran up to us eagerly but quickly pulled a knife out and began threatening us.

He said “If you’re dick sizes don’t add up to 21 inches exactly, I’m going to kill you all right here”

Me, being the leader that I a...

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St. Peter is at the pearly gates and decides no one is getting in unless he hears how they died...

So the first guy steps up and St. peter asks "Alright, how did you die?"

The guy says "Well, I've had a hunch for a while now that my wife has been cheating on me. So I decide I'm going to come home from work early and catch her in the act. I get to our apartment building and I'm so fired up ...

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A top defense lawyer dies and is taken to hell where he meets Satan

Satan promptly recognizes him and takes him around for a tour. "Hell isn't so bad once you get to hang out with people like yourself". The lawyer gets hopeful "So then there must be a lot of lawyers here? Can you take me to their section of hell?". Satan tells him their section is in the deepest par...

25 years married, and not a single argument

Recently in Bangalore a couple celebrated their 25th marriage anniversary...

They had become famous in the city for not having a single conflict in their 25 years of married life. Media gathered at the occasion to find out the secret of their happy going marriage.

NDTV corespondent wa...

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The first Wednesday of every month God and St. Peter meet to discuss the operations and logistics of Heaven...

...and, as usual, everything is great and fine; but they both notice that Heaven is starting to get a tad overcrowded. So, they both agree that from now on, not only do you have to be a good person when you die, you must also have had a bad day the day you died.

The next day, St. Peter takes...

A man walks into a bar, at night

He walks in and is seated next to the most beautiful woman he's ever seen in his life. All he can think about is how he has to marry her. He strikes a conversation with her and they hit it off. They leave the bar and as they're walking out she gives him her number, her name was Lela.

They had...

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